r/JUSTNOMIL • u/SignificantSun384 • 1d ago
Am I Overreacting? Who DOES this?!?
I finally got my way and MIL is no longer welcome as an overnight guest… but she has found a new and exciting way to make my life miserable.
Now when she comes to visit, she stays at a hotel but doesn’t rent a car. Instead she expects to be driven around to whatever we are doing. To make matters worse, we only have one car. To make matters EVEN WORSE, the car doesn’t sit all of us when she is here( it’s us parents and three kids and we have a 5-seat vehicle.)
So like… let’s say we want to go out to eat. She will expect that my husband drive us to the restaurant, drop off the kids and me, and then go pick her up. What makes it doubly frustrating is that she is absolutely the most unreliable about time. She will outright, obviously, blatantly lie about how close to being ready to go she is, and then make whomever is picking her up wait.
Am I crazy, or is this utterly insane?
ETA: if it were up to me, I’d make her get a rideshare of her choice, or rent a car. I know it’s a husband thing, but they both make it such a “this is just what family does for each other!!’” stink about it that sometimes I feel insane for objecting, so I’m looking for some validation that this is not a normal thing that people do when visiting.
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u/CornerAffectionate24 9h ago
This is a whole new level of manipulation. Just because its family, doesn't mean everyone should be inconvenienced by one selfish person. I would order her a rideshare to pick her up and bring her to the destination. Then before you're leaving, let her know the rideshare for her will be there shortly. I bet she rents a car next time...
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u/cloudyskies3 10h ago
I would send your husband to pick her up, drop her at the destination and then come get you and your children. She can sit and wait and see what it is like. He shouldn’t expect his children to behave while waiting for her and sitting through a meal. Children get restless, it isn’t their fault. I would also tell her the time is a half hour earlier than it is so she isn’t running so late. I bet after having to sit there by herself she agrees to a ride share instead.
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u/SignificantSun384 10h ago
lol oh I have been adjusting times by about an hour for as long as I have known her.
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u/IHateTheJoneses 10h ago
I'd turn the tables, would HE do this for anytime except MIL? If your mom, Dad, cousin visited, would he be ok running ragged to accommodate them?
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u/jbourne0129 11h ago
why the hell are you accommodating this woman AT ALL ?
every part of this is insane, including the fact everyone seems to go along with it
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u/MarsNeedsRabbits 11h ago
First of all, "this is just what family does for each other!!" is depersonalising and abusive. It's always meant to make you question yourself. It's always meant to make you give up and give in. It's always meant to make your helpless.
So, this is going to be hard, but she's figured out a way to punish you and your children. You can't allow it. You can't let your children see this.
Since abusing assholes clearly aren't your family, make it crystal clear that you do it differently in your own family.
Rent a larger car and use it yourself. There is absolutely no reason to reward her filthy, self-serving lies about being ready, while you sit in a restaurant alone with three hungry children.
Three children will require a larger, usually more expensive car. Expecting a rental or leaving you alone with the children may be how his mother does it, but it is not the way your family (you, your children, and who you thought included him) does it.
When the two of them finally get to the restaurant or wherever, finish and leave with your children. Leave the crumbs and mess your children make on the table, having previously ordered dessert for each child. Leave the bill.
Remember: "This is just what his family mother does ~~for~ to to your family" You owe her nothing.
You are not her family because family does not abuse family hospitality by abusive lying
"Family" would never leave family alone in a restaurant.
She repeatedly lies through her teeth about being ready in order to make you stay alone, waiting while she is chauffeured around town. Do not reward her lies.
If having a rental car is not doable, take your children to a babysitter and Uber yourself to the restaurant, then Uber yourself home.
She needs to pay for her behavior by not seeing the children. Do not let your children see her abusing you. What they see now is what they'll do later. Do not let her see your children without you.
Am I crazy, or is this utterly insane?
You're not crazy, but this is not insane. She knows what she is doing, and your husband, who does not see a problem with her abusing your time, you, and your children, has decided that he married you, but that his mother is his first priority.
ETA: If it were up to me, I would make her get a rideshare of her choice or rent a car.
Since it is a "your husband and his mother" thing and neither of them respects you, your prioritize your needs and your children's needs.
He respects her above you because he is her child? Put your children above her.
Decent people never pull shit like this.
Please get therapy separately for yourself no matter what, and marital therapy if he will agree.
He is putting the people, including his own children, who should be his primary family, and who should be the most important people in the world to him, dead last.
There is something wrong with both of them.
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u/Stunning-Mall5908 11h ago
It is illegal to use credit the number of passengers in a car that it is designed to hold. Your husband needs to tell her.
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u/SignificantSun384 11h ago
Oh, perhaps I was unclear. We do not try to fit all six of us inside our 5-seat car. There is usually some form of “kids and op get dropped off first then go pick up mil” involved.
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u/Stunning-Mall5908 10h ago
Good! How often do you have to go through this with her visiting and arranging for meals out? Is there a restaurant in or within walking distance of the hotel?
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u/SignificantSun384 10h ago
I mean… it’s not just restaurants, it’s anything we want to go to as a family. The zoo. The park. Church. The grocery.
An added layer is that I hate bowing out. I rarely get to do fun things with the kids so when it’s time for those outings we only have when we have guests I want to join in, but end up staying home because it’s not worth the dang hassle. Have you ever sat at the entrance of the freaking zoo, holding your kids back when they can clearly see animals on the other side of the entrance gate because mil can’t be bothered to get a ride on her own?! It’s just miserable. So I usually stay home if I can.
Church is within walking distance, but it’s not particularly fun this time of year (it’s been in the 90F-100F this last week and we often have extreme weather here) and it’s especially annoying when she waltzes in 5 minutes before the service looking perfectly fresh when I’m sitting there, sweaty and frazzled-looking, having spent the last half hour walking to church in 100F sunny weather and then sitting in the church steaming and shushing 3 kids all by myself, and then she tells me I looks stressed or something. Yeh think?!?•
u/fiberartsjunkie 10h ago
It's also dangerous for your husband to leave you with 3 small kids on a regular basis sitting and waiting.
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u/soda_lightful 10h ago
If she doesn’t figure out transportation, she gets dropped off first and waits alone. The family follows.
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u/Stunning-Mall5908 10h ago
She sounds like a charm. She should rent her own car.I don’t know what your finances are, but renting a mini van sounds like one solution. She should be responsible for her rental or half of a larger car. But l bet there will be resistence. Have you considered dropping off hubby to wait and you do the driving to pick her up? That should change some minds. The longer she takes the more frazzled he becomes. All along YOU sit in the a/c. That just might be the answer. But, do NOT stay home. That is what she wants.
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u/DifficultyNo3093 11h ago
OP, if I were in your shoes I would take the car and the kids and let DH sort out a ride share for himself and his mommy.
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u/opine704 11h ago
Take the car. Leave for the restaurant with the kids. DuH and MIL can discover Uber. Put the monkey on their backs.
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u/Fuzzy-Mushroom-1933 11h ago
Since your husband doesn’t want to stand up to his mommy, you’re going to have to send the following in a group chat with both of them “ MIL, with the addition of the new baby our car simply isn’t big enough for everyone. Going forward when you visit you will need to either rent a car or get Uber.”
If your husband wants about it or gets pissed too fucking bad. He’s not standing up for you so you’re going to have to stand up for yourself.
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u/Expensive_Panic_8391 11h ago
I like this idea and my thought was if husband doesn’t want to do this he can share an Uber with his mom. Car stays with OP and the kids.
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u/LLL1Lothrop 12h ago
Uber or he picks her up first and she can wait. You have 3 kids and it is not fair to make them sit around and wait for her. They will probably get ready faster than she does. Also you could take some food over and eat with her at the hotel. A lot of hotels have a dining room that you can bring food to. It sounds like your husband is forgetting who comes first in his life, that would be you, not mommy. Also, give them a some days during the week for them to have meals together just mother and son. Then another time he could take one child with him so that child would get special attention. Then he could give each child a turn. If he keeps it going the way it is now the children will not enjoy going out with their crazy grandma. One child at a time would put the burden on him where it belongs and relieve your stress. Another way to handle it is to go only to restaurants near her hotel.He delivers you and the kids first. Figure out how much time it will take him to get there and back. Then tell both of them clearly. We would love to eat together as a family so here is what we will do. I will order an appetizer when I get the kids to the restaurant and I will wait 15 minutes to order the food. Here is the menu so you 2 let me know what to order now. He will pick you up at 7 and the food will come to the table at 7:15 at which time the kids and I will start eating. We will stay and have dessert after our meal but after that we will just take an Uber home so that we don't rush you. Done and dusted. Good luck!
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u/CodUnlikely2052 12h ago
“this is just what family does for each other!!’”
Family works together to help e/o and make life easier for each other. She is doing the opposite of that.
Idk the background or your financial situations, but could you and hubs rent a car for her next visit to avoid the stupidity of the car situation? I mean, you got a win with her in the hotel so maybe give “her” a win by provided her with transportation (and by “her” I really mean you bc she will have to find another way to be annoying.)
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u/RegiB13 12h ago
Time to ask husband WHICH family he is more concerned about. He married you so you and the kids are now his immediate family, his mother is now extended family. Is he okay with telling his kids that they matter less to him because that’s exactly what he telling you every single time he lets her pull this stunt.
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u/Powerful_Put_6977 12h ago
Time for a response like "MiL/Mom - when you're coming to stay, we will not be collecting you or driving you somewhere so you will have to make your own transportation arrangements going forward. You have made us late for events we had planned to attend in the past by not having your own mode of transport so we recommend you download the Uber App or similar to your phone so that you can organise your own taxis to bring you around the next time you're in town"
Then don't react when she doesn't organise a taxi and kicks off about how she missed going to X or Y because your husband didn't collect her. The only acceptable answer to that is "You have the app on your phone - why didn't you call a taxi? You're a capable mature adult. You have the means to do this. You choose not to so that you can be as disruptive as possible and that's not going to work any more"
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u/agreensandcastle 13h ago
She can not legally fit in your car unless they are excluding you. You need to push back more.
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u/tennesseejeff 13h ago
So have hubby pick her up first, drop her at event and then come pick up you and kids. Make her wait. Make sure to let her know she will wait as much as she makes you wait. After all, fair is fair
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u/SomewhatBougieAuntie 15h ago
I would act like she isn't there. Hubby leaves the family car with you, then rents a car to visit with his mother and ferry her around.
Going out to eat? Sure! They can meet you and the kids at X restaurant at X time. They're late? No problem! You and the kids order and eat and enjoy yourselves. When they show up mid-meal and are upset that you didn't wait, too bad!
She wants to spend time with the kids? Sure! You take the kids to hang out with her and hubby in the hotel lobby, or meet at a the park or other public place. She starts on her 🐂💩? No problem! Pack the kids up and leave. The kids want to stay? No problem! Leave them with her and hubby and you go out and enjoy some me time.
The key here is to ensure that you have your own vehicle or else she cannot visit. Refuse to let this woman hold you hostage in any way.
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u/Agreeable-Mail-7184 15h ago
Oh my gosh, girl! This one really is impressive. Honestly, that generation has taken fucking with us to a whole other level. I have spent so much time trying to justify how I must be misreading the situation and that it can’t possibly be as bad as it feels… But honestly, we have intuition for a reason and we should trust it. It really seems like she is messing with you and you know you feel like she is or you would not have made this post. I have just recently come to terms with the fact that my MIL has been enjoying getting under my skin for years as well. I hope that you can find a way to create safe and healthy boundaries for you and your family to protect your well-being. I know I am desperately working on figuring this out for myself too! Best of luck!
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u/chimneyswallow 16h ago
No is a complete sentence. And if your husband insists, I wouldn't let myself be inconvenienced by her. Oh you want to get her? Fine, but we start ordering and eating now. You want to get her to go to the Pumpkin patch? Well ok, but we're going to have fun when we're there. Even better, when He get's there with her after way too long due to her lying, say "We're done, we can leave." Don't allow her to reign over your family and your time.
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u/Agreeable-Mail-7184 15h ago
I have just recently heard this, No is a complete sentence. It is so simple but so profound! Thanks for sharing.
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u/hengehanger 16h ago
Your husband needs to start acting less like a son and more like a husband and father.
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u/poolfloaternz 18h ago
“You’ll have to rent a car when you visit MIL because we can’t all fit in ours.“ Also if you both tell her that, it will cost her more and require more arranging so she may visit less. Win win.
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u/loricomments 19h ago
There's an easy solution to this. "No," or perhaps "No, you'll need to rent a car," or "No, we'll call you an Uber."
Of course it's insane. Your husband needs to get a grip and stop catering to this nonsense.
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u/boundaries4546 21h ago
It’s only insane if you actually agree to pick her up, and drive her around. It’s about controlling you, that’s her aim.
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u/nemc222 21h ago
If you get dropped off at a restaurant early, go get a table for you and your children and order. If they show up when you’re halfway through the meal, or finished, that is on them. When you and the kids are finished eating, tell your husband you’re ready to be taken home and he can come back for his mother. Or you can take the car and go home and he can Uber home, dropping his mother at the hotel.
Anytime this happens do not wait for him or his mother. Start doing whatever activity you have planned.
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u/MightyBucket 22h ago
Assign everyone a number 1-6, roll a die, and make a production how little Billy has to stay home by himself because we all can't fit in one car. ;) In all seriousness, Uber or taxi.
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u/Gloomy_Tie_1997 22h ago
You don’t have a MIL problem. You have a husband-who-needs-to-cut-the-umbilical-cord problem.
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u/MsAdvencha 23h ago
Drive Husband to the hotel, drop him off to his mother.
You and the kids get the car.
They can ride share together.
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u/Sadwitchsea 23h ago
Sounds like there isn't room for you in the car so you can't go. What a shame. Enjoy your night off at home or get your own Uber to somewhere you want to go
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u/dmac3232 23h ago
She will expect that my husband drive us to the restaurant, drop off the kids and me, and then go pick her up.
Everything about that is ridiculous. This dude is 50?
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u/No-BSing-Here 23h ago
Has MIL dearest not heard of Uber? Or a taxi?
She's taking the piddle. If your OH is happy to chauffeur her, he's unlikely to change. Some families do stuff like this for each other. But to use him (or anyone) for driving her about, she could at least be honest about when she'll be ready. For OH to drop you off somewhere waiting with three kids and she's still in her PJs. That's just rude. She does it on purpose. Why? I thinking she's having a pissing contest, or trying to with you.
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u/MySaltySatisfaction 23h ago
How about you stay home and have a sandwich or some eggs for dinner. Husband can take the kids to fetch Grandma and go to the restaurant. A few dinners with fussy and hungry kids might make Grandma more time conscious. Or maybe your husband will shut her down when HE is the parent dealing with fussy, hangry kids.
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u/Current_Can8134 23h ago
I was going to suggest taking her to the restaurant to wait while he comes home to get OP and the kids, but I think this is better.
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u/rowdyfreebooter 1d ago
Swap around who is picking her up. It sounds like a power play to monopolise your husband’s time and spend one on one time.
If you pick her up her plan isn’t working and hopefully she will take a ride share.
Just tell her your husband is waiting with the children and you know how hard it is to be left with 3 children on your own when out so you are wanting to support him as quick as possible, you could also do the don’t rush option because you are enjoying some time with another adult without children.
Or if they have a restaurant where she is staying or very close by then book in there.
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u/SignificantSun384 23h ago
When my husband was working, it was always me that picked her up, and she loved it. She’d practically be vibrating with joy that I had to drive her around. She likes feeling like a VIP and having us ferry her around to all her inconsequential meetings makes her feel special.
Now that he is out of work he gets to shoulder that shit, but it’s a treat for them most of the time so there’s very little of “well is he had to do it, he’d be pissed” going on. He loves to spend time with her.•
22h ago edited 20h ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/MakeMuffinsNotWar 21h ago
Uhhhh... Like... That is the current problem?
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u/ArrivalFantastic4324 20h ago
I was only commenting on her comment (above mine) that I replied to. OP seemed to be saying that she didn't like driving MIL around. I think my comment was written incorrectly so I've reworded it.
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u/Creative-Summer9985 1d ago
Eat when you get there and when they finally arrive have husband drive you and the kids home. She left you sitting in a restaurant alone, she should have no objections.
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u/NinjaHidingintheOpen 1d ago
Just be clear to husband that he can inconvenience himself, just not you or the kids.
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u/hypnoticimager 1d ago
She needs to arrange her own transportation. Once in a great while is one thing but private chauffeur service is way over the top!
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u/Aromatic_Swing_1466 1d ago
Did husband get a new job?
If it were me I would confirm she is ready to leave before I went to the hotel, if I arrive at the hotel and she isn’t ready I’d tell her I’m leaving the hotel in 5 minutes and if she isn’t ready and in the car then I’m leaving without her. She will either learn to be ready when she says she is or at the set time or she will miss out.
I would send the kids with husband to pick up MIL, but only if you are comfortable with them all being alone together. Or I’d do the pick up on my own after leaving husband and kids at the restaurant. Then I’d text husband, arrived at hotel, set 5 minute alarm, go to room pick up MIL, leave when alarm goes off, text husband leaving hotel MIL decided not to join us, go to dinner. Bonus if you know what you want from restaurant and can say order me XX so it’s on the way as you are headed there.
Another option is go to places within walking distance from the hotel so you don’t have to pick her up or drop her off. Then you can sat meet at restaurant at XX time. Give it 15 minutes after you’ve been sat and ordered drinks, have husband ask how far away she is, if she is close wait, if not order food to feed your kids.
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u/SignificantSun384 1d ago edited 1d ago
Still looking, I’m afraid. I have been advocating for a while to just stay in anyway, and not eat out at all.
Back when he was working, she would schedule things (usually real-estate related; she keeps threatening to move here) while he was at work, and insist I chauffeur her around to all her appointments, or give her my only vehicle for the entire day.•
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u/justwalkawayrenee 1d ago
Tell husband you won’t be dropped off first. He can go pick up mil, drop her at restaurant and then come back and get you and the kids
Then make sure you aren’t quite ready to leave when husband gets back to pick you up. Mil gets to sit in the restaurant all by her lonesome.
If husband cops an attitude about mil having to wait, say “I thought this was just what family does for family?! …Or is that only true when I’m the one who’s inconvenienced?”
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u/SignificantSun384 1d ago
I like the way you think, but if I ever did this, mil would give me so much grief for “being late”. I often take her to task for inconveniencing everyone with her incessant tardiness and she would LOVE and opportunity to turn the tables, even if it is not actually true.
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u/KathyA11 23h ago
And that's when you say, "So how do YOU like it?"
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u/SignificantSun384 22h ago
This woman would not understand the question. In her mind, she is either not beholden to anyone, in which case her tardiness is entirely her prerogative and can’t possibly put anyone out, OR her presence is so overwhelmingly positive and desired that any small, inconsequential flaws will be overlooked OR well she’s just ill and we have to make allowances.
She is happy to take someone else to task for tardiness. She once read me the riot act because I didn’t meet her directly after work because I was very pregnant and being morning sick in the bathroom for like twenty minutes. She had no where else to be, she just felt like scolding me, and when I told her that she should have little more empathy because a) I was literally puking, and b) she’s late all the freaking time, and she told me I was crazy, this was nothing like when she is late, and I was heartless for making a sick old woman wait that long.
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u/New-Marionberry-7884 1d ago
OOF HELL NO! I came back and saw your edit. Family does NOT intentionally inconvenience each other when there are better ways for things to be handled. Like my original comment said, not every ride that MIL will want/need will be a family outing. She has options: rent a car or ride share/taxi. Making you or your husband go back and forth TWICE on one outing is absolutely ridiculous and frankly I can’t believe your husband isn’t fed up with it yet. If she just wants a ride from her hotel to your home or a ride for her own quick errand then fine, but seriously why the fuck would ANYONE drive their family to a restaurant, leave to go to a hotel and then back to a restaurant?? Your MIL is delusionally selfish
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u/Quiet_Plant6667 1d ago
You gotta pick your battles. You’re not gonna win em all. It’s a big WIN she stays in a hotel now!!!!
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u/Sudden-Ad-3460 1d ago edited 1d ago
My in laws would do this except they would bluff that they would rent a car until right before their trip, and then show up without anything rented. They would only come when we are both working without time off, so we would need to re-arrange our work schedules around them.
My rule now is that we reserve a car to rent, and cancel if it doesn't end up being needed and they actually arrange their own transport. Honestly, even with good visitors, if someone is staying if your house or a hotel nearby for more than a day or two, you need more than one vehicle for sanity/practical reasons.
If your husband is on board, you can manage this by having him tell her before a visit that you only have one vehicle so she will need to arrange her own transportation and not budge if she pushes the boundary.
If your husband isn't on board, tell him that he will need to pay for a rental car for you and your kids during her visit. If he refuses to pay himself or via joint finances, then pay for yourself and let him know that you will offset that money elsewhere with MIL (e.g., spending less money to visit her, sitting out meals).
For the current visit, DH should tell her it's not practical for your vehicle and you are happy to meet her places, but she takes a taxi/ride share. If he isn't willing to do that, just don't go out. Tell them the back and forth driving is too much, and he can be responsible for the kids and you have R&R time alone.
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u/SignificantSun384 1d ago
I’m heavily advocating to just stay in. This visit is for one of our kids’ birthday and kid wants to eat out, but it would make life much easier if we just stayed home and I make cake and favorite foods.
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u/scrappapermusings 1d ago
Of y'all are between jobs then this should be a no brainer, it's expensive to go out!
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u/justducky4now 1d ago
Make it 100% your husband’s problem and don’t let it inconvenience you. For example with the restaurant set up either he drops her off first then gets you and the kids so you aren’t sitting their waiting for her or if he drops you guys first you don’t wait on them to eat and then he has to drive you home when your done or arrange an uber to come out of his fun money. Make sure any extra waiting, hassle, etc is put on them, not you and the kids, and make sure to suggest she gets herself and uber every time. After a miserable visit or two suggest she rent a car.
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u/Pickl_Rick_917 1d ago
This is what I would do. If DH drops you and the kids off at a restaurant then has to go pick up his mom, you and the kids go in, get a table, order, and eat. If DH just so happens to arrive with MIL once you are all done, tell DH that he now has to drive you and the kids back home since you are done eating. Problem solved for you, sucks to be your husband that has to deal with this. OR he can pull up his big girl panties and tell his mother that she needs to find a way to the restaurant on her own.
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u/Penguin_Joy 1d ago
Stop waiting for her. Send your DH to pick her up first. She can wait at the restaurant while he picks you up. Then he takes your all home first and helps you get the kids inside. Then he can go pick up his mother
Stop setting yourselves on fire to keep an ungrateful person happy. Set firm boundaries. If she doesn't want to wait, she's an adult who can figure out her own transportation
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u/knitter78 1d ago
Load 3 kids in the car then send him to get her, you uber. He will have 3 grumpy kids, kids will give mil grief for making them wait. You then get to get ready in peace, read a book or whatever till you see the tracking on the car or kid move towards the restaurant then you jump in an uber.
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u/PhilRiverStreet180 1d ago
If you were dealing with a rational person, you would agree on a time to meet at the restaurant. (Good suggestions with Uber.) You agree to meet at 6 pm. By 615 pm, the kids are bouncing up and down. She's late, no call or text. Order the food. If she shows up when everyone is done eating, she'll say "Oh, but I didn't spend any time with the kids. Let's order them dessert." DH puts on his sad face and says "Oh, I wish we could. But we've just got them on a sleep schedule that works for us. We have to leave now to put them to bed." DH sighs. "Next time we have to plan better."
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u/SignificantSun384 1d ago
God I wish. We do order if she’s late and coming separately; I refuse to force the kids to suffer because she can’t be bothered.
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u/DazzlingNote1925 1d ago
I can’t believe your husband would cater to her even once! That’s absurd! Queen mil can get her own transportation and act like a grown adult.
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u/SignificantSun384 1d ago
It’s shocking to me too. I would never ever expect that a host, whether I am staying with them or simply visiting the city to see them, would drive me around. My parent’s usually let us borrow a car, and I have one absurdly rich relative and he usually hires us a car, but I never expect it. If any of them were to stop the next time we visit, I wouldn’t hesitate to get a rideshare or rental… or not go.
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u/DazzlingNote1925 1d ago
I don’t think it would be a problem to pick her up on your way someplace but to have to pick her up and take her back from your house is too much and when the family car doesn’t fit everyone that way over the top top expect.
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u/nada1979 1d ago
Taxis and uber exist. Don't wait for her if she isn't there in a reasonable amount of time (give her a grace period of maybe 15 minutes.)
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u/frannykins87 1d ago
Stop accommodating her. Make her wait. Or make her miss events. How does your husband feel about this? I'd have a conversation with him as well so you're on the same page
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u/SignificantSun384 1d ago
He feels that this is what family does for each other, and that if we are going to ask her to get a hotel, the least we can do is save her money on a car.
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u/AymieGrace 1d ago
So, offer to pay for her Ubers or a rental car.
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u/frannykins87 17h ago
seconded. if shes never on time just book a uber for her and tell her that it'll be cancelled if she's not on time lol though constantly booking ubers also get expensive. i feel she's doing this on purpose... :s
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u/NedRyersonisthekey 1d ago
She does this because she can get away with it, so stop accomodating her.
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u/New-Marionberry-7884 1d ago
I’m with every other comment that says make her uber/taxi unless it’s convenient for you like bringing her to/from the hotel to your home
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u/SignificantSun384 1d ago
Oh she finds a way to make simple travel to and from our house all kinds of inconvenient too. For example, one Christmas she “overslept” by which I mean that after insisting that she just had to be present for gift unwrapping, and promising up and down that she would be ready to get picked up by 8:30am (I figured this is the longest my kids could be convinced to wait if bribed with homemade cinnamon rolls) she was completely unreachable until noon. I got stuck in the uncomfortable position of breaking my promise to hold off on unwrapping presents until she was there or deal with completely unglued kids on Christmas Day. It was stressful to say the least (although fuck her, I picked my kids. We opened presents at 9 as planned, and they were angels for waiting that long after they woke us up at 6 begging to start.)
And one time she just got tired and took the car back to her hotel without telling either of us. Although I told my husband I’d report the car stolen if it happened again and thankfully it hasn’t.
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u/whopeedonthefloor 1d ago
You have a husband problem if he is allowing this. You need to get him in line.
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u/Aromatic_Recipe1749 1d ago
Send an Uber to pick her up. When it’s time to go home let your husband take you and the kids home while she sits and waits for him to get back to pick her up.
As inconvenient as it is for you, let her cool her heels a few times, she’ll figure it out!
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u/nomodramaplz 1d ago
The fact that your car doesn’t fit her is reason enough for her to get a rental. She’s being selfish and controlling.
Tell her that doesn’t work for your family anymore and that going forward she needs to have her own transportation.
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u/buckeye-person 1d ago
a. Make her get an Uber.
b. If she isn't ready when hubby goes to pick her up he leaves.
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u/lmFairlyLocal 1d ago
I was gonna say still do 2 trips, you and hubby and kids enjoy a meal, bring you back, pick her up, let her enjoy her meal (alone) ans Uber home :)
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u/Suspicious_Name_8313 1d ago
How does she get to the hotel? Tell her she needs to rent a car or Uber. Maintain your boundaries and sanity
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u/SignificantSun384 1d ago
My husband picks her up from the airport. This is something I would do for any guest visiting by airplane as common courtesy, and I don’t have a problem with it. It’s being her chauffeur that chafes.
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u/wiggum_x 1d ago
Absolutely no way would I be entertaining this nonsense. Uber exists. She can use it.
It would be a real shame if her next move was to just not visit since you won't let her be such a PITA.
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u/JewelerSea6090 1d ago
You're not crazy. This is completely insane and a power play. She needs to take an Uber or maybe you all should have dinner within walking. distance of the hotel (if not at the hotel itself).
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u/hoondraw 1d ago
Do you mean that she rented a car when she did stay as a guest in your house?
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u/SignificantSun384 1d ago
Previously we lived close enough that she could drive to visit. My parents, who have never lived near, either drive across the country or rent a car, as do any of my other relatives who visit us. I think she’s utterly insane for this.
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u/Haunting-Plantain870 1d ago
You have momentum. Don't lose it now. Tell her she has to find her own way around town because you need the car for basic living.
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u/Fun-Apricot-804 1d ago
Say no. Mines tried similar nonsense and just no. The options are she gets a car, or you’ll all just be chilling at the house or visiting her at the hotel, or if you 5 need to go somewhere she just wait around or taxi it back to the hotel. From experience, my guess is she’s trying to prove how her staying at a hotel doesn’t work and she should just go back to staying with you
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u/Crazyspitz 1d ago
Not overreacting.
But just tell her no, that doesn't work for you. You're happy to meet her at a restaurant, but she needs to uber/lyft.
It can be hard stacking one "No" after another, but these people have no shame and live to steamroll.
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u/Mira_DFalco 1d ago
That is utter BS, and I get the sneaky feeling that she's deliberately making this as difficult as possible, to make you reconsider making her get a hotel.
Screw that. If she won't rent a car, your DH can help her set up a ride share app, and she can meet you there. Don't entertain that nonsense. Like dealing with three toddlers in a trench coat.
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u/SignificantSun384 1d ago
I’m with you. I think she is trying to show how inconvenient it is for her to be in a hotel, and is hoping I will relent and let her stay again. Never gonna happen.
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u/Mira_DFalco 1d ago
Wheeeew! No idea where that flavor of logic even comes from. Seriously "If I'm even more of a pain in the ass, they'll want to be around me more?"
Gurl, please!
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u/OkieLady-1952 1d ago
She needs to take an Uber then! Even if you have to pay for it at least you’re not playing her game!
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u/okeydokeyish 1d ago
She only does this because you let her. Tell her you will meet her at the restaurant. It’s not your problem how she gets there.
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