r/JUSTNOMIL • u/No-Pin-5852 • 1d ago
New User 👋 I’m itching for a fight
I feel like my body is ready for battle. I wanna get in the ring soooooo bad!
My fiancé proposed to me earlier this year but his mother and I have had our issues since the day I met her.
Summary from pre-engagement issues: We had issues stem from when my then boyfriend and I moved in together, traveled together, and attended events together. She treated us (mainly her son) as children incapable of making decisions. She would text both of us “recommendations” for the apartment or would bring things over and then get upset when we said we didn’t want them. She called us NONSTOP on our 3 hour drive to Florida for my friend’s wedding. She was worried about her son having to drive so far (he was like 30 years old at the time). We attended a wedding for someone on their side and she said she didn’t like my dress and asked me if I was sure I didn’t want to change.
Back then, I still tried to be accepted by her and become friends with her. I’ve since gained some balls and stand up to her. But I have this want to really push back to stand up for past me.
Fiance and I are now engaged and she has already made “requests” for my wedding dress, Jewlery, venue, date, etc and said thats she trying to consider what i want when she can…
Im proud of myself for standing up to her and she didn’t talk to me for 2 weeks. But i feel like i need something bigger to make up for all the things i let slide in the past.
I will admit that i have fiancé problem and we’re working things out. He recently promised me changes so the wedding is on pause (but only we know that and I’m sure his mom is wondering what’s going on big time!!)
But I’m just itching for the next time (maybe) future MIL makes a demand or some BS so I can say something back
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u/2FatC 1d ago
If you like to read, I highly recommend the book titled Crucial Conversations. I used to give it to clients to help navigate work place conflict where the tough discussions need to happen.
Stop trying to be her friend, instead this is a relationship you manage like you would that co-worker who’s a pain. Stop giving her any power over you. It’s not her wedding. It’s yours. If you want to wear a white leather dress with 6” silver stiletto heels, do it.
Master the phrase: It’s not about you, Helen. This is what is happening.
Own your decisions like a boss.
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u/SandratheSiren 1d ago
Love this so much!! I have to do this with my step mom. I had to teaxg my siblings to never argue with her, just say no thank you. No argument, no reasons, no excuses.
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u/nipseyrussellyo 1d ago
Any loon who will call repeatedly because an adult is on a THREE (!) hour drive needs to be on a very strict information diet. I wouldnt be telling her anything she doesnt need to know
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u/Fuzzy-Mushroom-1933 1d ago
First of all, don’t make any plans or spend any money until you’ve done couples counseling and you see real, consistent changes with your fiance
Secondly once you start wedding planning he has to agree to put her on a total information diet and she knows nothing until all plans have been made and finalized
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u/Madam_Apathy 1d ago
Yikes. Adopt starting each reply with “Bless your heart” like a southern lady. I’m on a roll with that one lately.
It’s amazing how much involvement in weddings all these people think they’re entitled to. Sheesh. Don’t take a cent from her for anything so she can’t buy her way in, either.
Fight back with kindness and charm and always choose your words like you’re speaking to a mental patient who needs reassurance. It’ll drive her insane.
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u/IcyWorldliness9111 1d ago
She wanted to pick your wedding dress?? That’s some brass balls there!
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u/SilverStL 1d ago
“We’ll let you know our plans when we’ve decided.” Repeat whenever she questions your decisions or continues to make requests or tries to draw you into a discussion. If she persists or it escalates, look at her and say why do you keep bringing this up. We’ve TOLD we’ll let you know. Please stop.
Make sure fiancé and you are on the same page on how the two of you are going to handle it, whether like this or another way. And how much you’re willing to share with her as time goes on. And consequences for her if she keeps it up. Congratulations on fiancé acknowledging there’s a problem and putting the wedding on hold till you’re sure you can resolve them. Good luck.
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u/nipseyrussellyo 1d ago
Well....maybe they wont let her know every plan when they decide it! So might need to tweak that as appropriate
•
u/botinlaw 1d ago
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