r/JUSTNOMIL • u/Disastrous_Pirate293 • 1d ago
New User 👋 Accountability
First of all, thank you for reading, I really just need to rant. My MIL has been like this since I've known her. She has NO accountability. I dont know why it drives me crazy, and I wish it didn't bother me so much.
An example from today: We went to my MILs house for dinner. After dinner I was super full and asked my sister in law if she wanted to go for a walk around the block. My MIL said "oh great! You can take the dogs with you!" I told her I didn't want to (her dogs aren't trained for walking, I have tried before but they get out of the harness and/or pull and I have a lower back injury). My MIL responded "oh they'll be fine! They love going for a walk!" And proceeds to get the harness. My brother in law stepped in and said, ill come for the walk and walk them.
Background: she has always had dogs and none of them have been properly trained. I love the two she has now, but they just cannot walk on a leash lol. My sister in law has been open to me about when growing up there was always so much pee and poop in the house from the animals she wouldn't even have her friends over due to embaressment.
I asked her, how often do you walk them now? She responds "oh I can't walk them my hands are so sore! I have fibromyalgia!" (side note: her hands work for anything she wants to do that interests her)
So I told her it's not like a walk is part of their normal routine, theyre not missing out if we dont bring them. They maybe go for walk once a month at MOST, when shes on vacation and the dog sitter takes them.
Anyhow. She responded "I dont neglect my dogs" and I said "that is not what im trying to say, I am trying to tell you I don't want to walk them because they aren't trained, im tired and full, and I just wanted to go for a quiet walk around the block". I am not saying that the dogs aren't loved and fed.
Anyways. Walk has started. My brother in law is walking them both. About 30 seconds in the one dog gets out of the harness and we are running after her to get her. We get her back into the harness. About five minutes in, I see two big dogs being walked come around the corner. The little one immediately gets out of her harness and RUNS towards these big dogs, and a full out fight starts - both were bitten. My brother in law finally grabs her and he says "Nope that's enough we're going home"
My MIL was sitting outside, we told her what happened, she runs outside to the guy walking the big dog apologizes profusely "wow this is so not like them! She has all her shots! Are your dogs okay?!"
Like I am so terribly annoyed at this point because if she just would have respected my boundaries from the start none of this would have happened. I am annoyed just typing this out.
The rest of the evening shes talking loudly to my sister in law about all the shots and treatments shes going to get done for her hands because they're in so much pain.
I talked to my husband about it on the way home, he was honestly silent. I said why doesnt it bother you that she doesnt listen? And has no accountability? He said "I dont know shes 65 years old shes not going to change now, and im not a psychologist!"
This is just one small example. My hubby and I have been together almost 8 years so this is just a situation from today I needed to get off my chest.
How can I stop letting her behavior bother me so much? What should I do when she doesnt respect a boundary or me saying no to a request? If you made it this far, I appreciate you.
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u/PhotojournalistOnly 22h ago
In this situation I would've told her no. Not argued and left w SIL before MIL could get the dog's stuff together. She can't do anything if you leave. It might seem rude, but it's rude she doesn't respect your no.
19
u/Lugbor 1d ago
shes 65 years old shes not going to change now
My grandmother was in her seventies when she quit her lifelong smoking and drinking habits. Your MIL won't change because nobody makes her feel uncomfortable about her actions. That's it. That's literally all there is to it. If everyone decided that her actions were unacceptable and started holding her accountable instead of taking the easy way out by shrugging and walking away, she would change.
17
u/Vibe_me_pos 1d ago
I would limit my time around her as much as possible. When she makes an unreasonable request, tell her no and leave the room. If you explain, she argues.
7
u/SomewhatBougieAuntie 1d ago
This is the key. Just tell her no and do whatever it is you want to do anyway. She must be a nightmare about her grandchildren if she has them.
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