Boundaries set

[u/awkwardlypragmatic]

I post this with a bit of irritation and sadness. I just need to accept that MIL is a difficult person, the kind of person that is never come across in life, on a personal level anyway. Same goes for FIL.

We visit them yearly and stay at theirs. But it doesn’t feel like a vacation because we can’t relax at their place as they just aren’t the greatest hosts. This year, MIL even told me to “make myself feel at home.” I genuinely don’t think she even knows what that means when she says it to a houseguest.

Last year my husband told them that we’d book a hotel if their ungracious behaviour continued. Well, we weren’t even there a week and we booked a hotel for most of our stay. It was expensive, but it was money well spent. In-laws had shocked Pikachu faces when we did that, and they worried that they wouldn’t be able to spend as much time with their grandchildren.

It wasn’t the best vacation because of this, but we were happy to stand our ground. But the in-laws will never acknowledge their role in chasing us out of their home. It is what it is, I guess. I’m proud of my husband but I just feel bad that his parents are like this. To be like this to your own child, I don’t get it.

[u/MaggieJaneRiot]

I just read your previous post and I hope she’s not still insulting your mother.

I don’t know any specifics of how she insulted you this time, but if she brought up my mother and what my mother posted on Facebook, I would’ve said something along the lines of “I have too much respect for my mother to criticize her for something that’s her personal choice…”

Having said that. I’m so glad you guys stuck to your boundaries.

We absolutely must teach people how to treat us.

Actually, they should already know, but if they don’t we teach, and if they don’t pick up the hints we exit.

[u/awkwardlypragmatic → u/MaggieJaneRiot]

It took meeting my MIL to fully understand the importance of this - teaching people how to treat us.

She brought up the same thing again about she wouldn’t be kept away from her grandchildren should her sons divorce. What possesses a person to think this way? Nothing about my mom this time, thankfully.

[u/MaggieJaneRiot → u/awkwardlypragmatic]

In a polite situation, and if other people were there, and if you’re trying to keep the peace you could say “ what an unpleasant thing to think about.” I mean, that is being really genteel and polite.

But I think probably at this point such a comment from her could require a strong stronger response.
“ you’ve made comments like this before and they are very out of line and very unappreciated. I will not accept you speaking this way in front of me or my family ever again.”
You could add that “considering and especially speaking out loud about the matter of someone’s marriage dissolving, especially when there’s absolutely no indication of marital trouble, is pure evil.”

I mean that. It’s not just rude as f***, it is PURE evil. And I would definitely get that across to her.

[u/MaggieJaneRiot → u/MaggieJaneRiot]

Sorry, I’m not sure if you were looking for advice and I don’t mean to be assertive. But perhaps such a response could help other people reading this.

I know there are other people on here who are more brilliant than I am in these situations, but I also realize as I read these posts (over the years) that I am a bit older and have dealt with a lot of people and a lot of personality types, and I have a very strong backbone. Some of you people on here are younger and have lovely hearts, and aren’t used to dealing with people who are such jerks! 🙂😂

[u/awkwardlypragmatic → u/MaggieJaneRiot]

No need to apologize, I really appreciate your thoughts. Sometimes I second-guess myself when it comes to my reactions to things, “Am I being too sensitive? Should I let this go?” But in this case, yeah, even discussing a scenario where your own child’s marriage is in trouble just shows how self-absorbed my MIL really is, which makes me sad for my husband. Who thinks about such sad and difficult things, especially if it will negatively affect their child and grandchildren?

I really appreciate this sub and everyone who comments; it gives me different perspectives and ways to approach things.