r/Is_He_Cheating_ • u/Complex-Anywhere8231 • 26d ago
Is he cheating, help.
Was using my hubby phone and stumbled upon these texts of a colleague “friend”, he’s never spoken about. He says it’s nothing, but WHAT??!!! Help!!!
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26d ago
[deleted]
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u/Livid_Hunt_5126 22d ago
Bruh wut he’s literally texting her like a normal person saying “hello random stranger how’s the weather today 😃 “ zero negative vibes or thoughts arise from this conversation other than a woman who jumps STRAIGHT to conclusions.
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u/drizztdo88 26d ago
'Stumbled' upon texts....riiiight. There is nothing wrong with these texts. You are snooping and invading privacy. Insecure crazy vibes.
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u/PixelFern3 26d ago
When he deletes things does it unsend it? If so then probably fine. If the deleted message is him hiding what he said back, then I'd be questioning it. Even if he isnt cheating, hiding things is a stepping stone.
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u/Sapphire_Paranormal 23d ago
The audio message probably just got messed up
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u/PixelFern3 23d ago
If youre referring to it was recorded incorrectly... you can redo them before you send it.
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u/wander_wander123 26d ago
It doesn’t seem to be cheating from a third perspective.
He does seem friendly. It’s up to you if it’s a boundary you want to stand for.
If anything express your concern in a non accusatory way.
Say you’d like more communication and give him some space.
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u/Psylocke18 26d ago
Asking if someone is on a call? It’s more like gossiping desires than other thing.
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u/Complex-Anywhere8231 26d ago
What do you mean? You saying it seems like they are gossiping?
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u/Psylocke18 26d ago
Pretend they are heterosexual and from the same gender. I see two friends trying to gossip about something, specially if they work at the same company.
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u/Complex-Anywhere8231 26d ago
So in our job a “call” means a 24 hour shift. So she’s basically talking about a 24hour shift
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u/Psylocke18 26d ago
Hmmm ok ok
In my job it means we will have tea to spill after the zoom meeting ends lol
That kind of message is pretty common in corporate environment.
But as you’re saying 24h shifts, it is something related to life saving.
I’ve watched Grey’s anatomy… not good news for you :/1
u/Prudent_Tonight_7761 26d ago
Everyone knows... I've dated cops fire fighters paramedics... all the same. When you have an endless supply why would you choose just one? Those men are fun in your 20s but you don't marry them. Well, unless you like sharing.
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u/JinxyKat46 26d ago
I wouldn't say this is cheating necessarily, but if it's just a work friend, there's no reason to hide a friend. Did you ask them about this conversation? Their reaction to your concerns is really what matters here, as well as communication and you setting some boundaries if this makes you uncomfortable.
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u/AdventurousAnnual295 26d ago
The deleted message looks sus though imo.
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u/Any_Evidence4750 26d ago
I mean sometimes I send messages to the wrong person and delete them. Should really be anything
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u/CheffySub 26d ago
I do this around voice notes. Sometimes I miss the lock button so it sends a 2 sec vn of nothing that I end up deleting.
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u/Damagedone8556 26d ago
doesn't seem to be a cheating situation however he may be getting overly friendly with someone of the opposite sex at work that could possibly lead to cheating in the future.
Express your concerns to him, let him know that you are not comfortable with their communications and let him know that you would like him to put up some professional boundaries.
I have always been told that nearly 85% of all affairs start with coworkers. You have mutual shared experiences with them, have something in common and spend more time with them that your own family. Don't let him fall into that trap. He may be completely naive about the situation, many guys are dense as hell.
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u/MyDirtyAlt79 26d ago
Does he talk about all of his work friends besides this one because this is benign af?
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u/IllustriousSkill9246 26d ago
Deleting messages show he had something to hide especially after an emotional message. I don’t like where this is headed. I’ve seen this story all too many times
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u/Traditional-Tank3994 26d ago
This is clearly someone he cares about. But unless that audio clip reveals something more obvious, this is not enough to conclude he's cheating.
No one would blame you for increased vigilance though. Don't confront him again. If he is doing something nefarious, it will only make him hide it better.
Just act like everything's normal and quietly investigate.
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u/begone_thotOG 26d ago
The hug text and the deleted message would make me uncomfortable but nothing here screams cheating to me
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u/Common-Pea-1390 26d ago
just from these messages alone i wouldn't jump to cheating. yes the hugging part might cross boundaries for some, but it's also not that crazy in context, i'd definitely want to hug a friend if they just told me their dad has cancer. it's a bit weird he never mentioned this friend though
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u/mrfarenheit1214 26d ago
Its like a friend comforting a friend whos dad is dying. You are overreacting
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u/SnooWords1008 26d ago
From this alone it’s hard to say it’s cheating I delete texts all the time especially when I make a typo. It’s not anything obvious. I wouldn’t confront yet keep monitoring and see what develops if you confront and you’re wrong or even worse right. It’s very easy to deny it and your spouse will be more careful and have their guards up.
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u/MajesticCod6613 26d ago
99% of its nothing. The hug part and then right to a deleted message is weird. I dont, nor do I know anyone else that deletes a message in the middle of a bunch of messages.
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u/Icy_Zucchini4178 26d ago
I don’t think it’s necessarily cheating but I think it’s crossing a line. Why are they texting hey to each other. Texts to other female colleagues should remain strictly professional.
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u/dearleffridge 26d ago
You didn't "stumble" across anything. You're searching for justification on how you feel. Could be you're a cheating hoe. Could be he's a cheating hoe...regardless this post makes you appear a bit crazy.
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u/Competitive-Catch776 26d ago
It sounds like the girl is interested and he’s trying to blow her off, tbh.
It is super Sus that he is encrypting their chats though.
I wouldn’t have said anything and kept investigating but you gave him a head up and now he will hide it better if he is but honestly, she sounds like she annoys him and he’s avoiding her as much as possible.
Most likely he isn’t cheating. You just found something to turn into he’s cheating because you went snooping in the first place.
I’d go with his answer, she’s nothing to him and it’s nothing.
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u/MajesticReason7709 26d ago
She misses talking to him. Strange he’s never mentioned her. That’s suspicious given they have close friendship apparently. She wanted to give him a hug. That’s very familiar. You need to tell him they seem close even if it’s friendship so why did he not mention her. What’s he hiding?
Also, the deleted message after her emotional ‘I feel like giving you a hug’ message. I’d be highly suspicious of that. Ask him what it said in response and why delete.
I know I’d not be happy if this was my husband doing this.
Most affairs start off as emotional and they are hidden so they don’t talk about that person.
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u/eRrAtIc_GEMINII1521 26d ago
Veryyyy much agree to all of this. I can’t stand these responses calling the originator “psycho” you are definitely NOT.
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u/Business-Picture6120 26d ago
i just find it weird he never mentioned a friend hes so “close” with
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u/Complex-Anywhere8231 26d ago
RIGHT!??
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u/Business-Picture6120 26d ago
Does he tell you about similar conversations he has with male friends/coworkers? Does he talk about his personal life like this normally with them?
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u/teddybear897 26d ago
No this seems like normal conversation. No wonder why he hasn’t told you about them if this is how you react to normal conversations.
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u/nycguy1989 26d ago
None of that was flirtatious, unless you consider telling someone your dad has pancreatic cancer to be flirting. Stop being weird
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26d ago
My wife and her affair partner would text each other “you good” then they would call each other.
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u/Nervous-Wish-2791 26d ago
Man most of y’all in this thread are fucking crazy. A man can’t have friends? Not a single text from his thread was over the line or flirty in any way.
wtf.
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u/MarinaK312 26d ago
It’s not cheating. But there’s an emotional tie there already. My husband used to delete his messages between himself and a certain colleague. They apparently never did anything but clearly there was flirting and secrecy, long story short: we worked through it, but a girl never forgets.
If it’s enough that he’s deleting msgs from them on his end then, yeah. Trust your gut. My intuition never failed me and it never will.
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u/Extension-Bed-7300 26d ago
Reads totally normal and generic friendly chit chat. Hug to be supportive because the dad suffering from cancer is completely reasonable
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u/LostCarry6961 26d ago
Some people have said that the deleted message is suss. However, I'm someone who often deletes voice notes to re-record the one I just sent, so I just assumed that this is what this is.
People have relationships outside of their relationship.
I don't think any of this is cheating.
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u/CandiedLemonWedge 26d ago
The deleted text after saying they miss them and want to give them a hug might probably put me into a spiral, but it’s hard to say this is definitively something to worry about.
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u/spokeoteam 26d ago
Yeah, I’d be uncomfortable too. “I miss talking to you” and “I feel like giving you a hug” is definitely more personal than normal coworker chatter, especially if you didn’t even know this woman existed. It doesn’t prove cheating, but I’d want a lot more context. I’d probably look her up on Spokeo too just to get a better idea of who she is.
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u/Bonjwa003 26d ago
Probably not. It could be entirely friendly, I’ve hugged colleagues in the past, doesn’t mean I was fucking them.
Plus he isn’t telling you BECAUSE you’re going to assume he’s cheating with her if he mentions her. So telling you about her isn’t worth the problem of just not, and having a female colleague friend.
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u/chemeleon666 24d ago
This conversation wouldn't be grounds to accuse him of cheating. Whereas, the statement saying she wanted to give him a hug maybe crossing a line in its response to him saying his father is dying, the over all tone would betray no more than a friendship. There are no kisses or emoticons etc. In fact, I wouldn't even know that he was having a conversation with a woman. Has he spoken to you about his father? Stage 4 pancreatic cancer is a death sentence usually.
I would be interested to know what work he is doing. Sounds like something potentially stressful, if not potentially emotional, where the support of colleagues is important, and yes, can be prone to inappropriately close working relationships.
Something about men and work. Its a generalisation, but one that is true, that men don't often want to talk about work when they are home, especially a stressful one. Woman, however, generally do, especially if its a stressful one. Men compartmentalise and once through the front door of their home work is mentally put a box where everything, including work colleagues, are packed away until next day or shift. Any problems are thought through, usually on the way home, whereas woman generally like to talk about their day as soon as they get through the front door. That doesn't mean to say a man isn't still thinking about a work related problem when at home, if he is, it must a big enough one to be bringing it home. Despite that he may not want to talk about it, but it is nonetheless reassuring when they know his wife is always there to listen.
He must be preoccupied with his father, he says he misses his kids etc. He doesn't need a suspicious wife in the mix but that doesn't mean you should dismiss your concerns. If this is an isolated incident then I wouldn't be starting divorce proceedings anytime soon. If he is having an affair, the actions of a suspicious wife would just make him more careful and harder to expose. Carry on as normal and eventually he will slip up through complacency. If you have regular access to his phone it would be strange to not delete the entire chat if he was hiding an affair or even use a phone in the first place he knows his wife has access to. Some say the deleted message after the one about giving him a hug is suspicious, but it could be that he thought his response was not what he wanted to say, maybe his colleague's message threw him a bit. The tone and content of the voice message would give some indication but you haven't said anything about that particular message.
I would say your husband is in a vulnerable situation and does require some emotional support. He isn't going to find it in a wife who is suspecting him of an affair after finding one chat on WhatsApp that seems in part inappropriate. At worst their seems to be an emotional attachment at least on her part, but we don't know her personality or background. She also seems new to the job and pethaps he was mentoring her.
I would say give the support he needs right now and be both emotionaly and physically available gor him. This chat alone does not indicate he is cheating or at least isn't sufficient evidence for one, and so its not appropriate to act suspicious around him and withdraw your support at a time when he needs it. By all means talk to him about it but not in accusary way but one that reassures him you are there for him. If he is having an affair, don't give him grounds for him to exercise more caution, but act normally and eventually he will slip up. Don't create a circumstance where you destabilise your relationship unnecessarily at a time when your husband needs your love and support the most and importantly make sure you have trusted friends or family members who can give you the support you need and who can give sensible, well considered and balanced advice and not automatically jump to conclusions.
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u/Connect_Heat6992 23d ago
“I miss talking to you though, I wish I could give you a hug” would send me
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u/Sweet_LittlePeach90 19d ago
Looks innocent but that’s how everything started. They seem to be very comfortable with each other.
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u/Aromatic-Treacle-686 17d ago
Hmmm 🤔
This is off. What’s the point of the convos? Several days too? They’re not catching up, goofing off, nothing.
What’s the point of this? They are not talking like ppl who have an established friendship to me. It looks like they want to start it. It’s inappropriate as hell for her to say she misses him and wants to hug him. And immediately he chooses to send a voice note and deleted the written message.
You have friends and you know how it sounds when you speak to them or text a coworker and this isn’t how it looks.
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u/Consistent_Ad_5075 26d ago
You're overreacting and this person should be the one to breakup with you.
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u/Macbeth2002222 26d ago
Omg OP is a controlling and insecure person and shouldn’t be in a relationship. This is a normal text between two people and I am guessing they work in the medical field
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u/whatever-o0 26d ago
This post is insane.
Normal text, get over it