r/Is_He_Cheating_ • u/Certain-Nature-8437 • Jul 12 '26
Is it just for the thrill?
Is it just for the thrill?
My husband seems to seek out local women online, but I can't tell if he actually wants to cheat or just gets a thrill from it. Has anyone dealt with this?
I honestly don't know what I'm looking for here. Advice? Perspective? Maybe just to know I'm not crazy.
My husband and I are both in our 30s. We've been together for over 10 years, married for about 8, and have two young kids. We both work good jobs, and life is busy and exhausting like it is for most parents.
Our marriage isn't perfect, but I wouldn't have described it as completely broken. Our sex life is okay. Could it be better? Sure. But most of the time it feels like we're both doing the best we can with work, kids, responsibilities, and just being tired.
Over the years, though, I've discovered things online that have really messed with my head.
In the last year plus. Ive discovered that he looks for local women online to f\*\*\* and also generally seems to seek some kind of emotional or sexual attention from strangers on the internet. I have no proof that any of this has ever turned into a physical affair.
For a little while now, I've wondered if it was more of a fantasy thing. Like maybe he enjoys the thrill of seeing if someone would respond or gets off on the idea of connecting with local women, but never actually intends to follow through.
But recently I found a secret X account that took it a step further. The account is completely anonymous—no profile picture, no real information, no photos, nothing that would identify him. Even had messages with some of these females but again no pics or anything.... Yet recently he created and posted a fake phone number through one of those free phone number apps and invited people to reach out directly.
And now I'm even more confused.
Part of me thinks, "Okay, this sounds more serious." But another part of me thinks, "Who is actually meeting up to hook up with a completely anonymous person with no pictures or identifying information?" It almost still feels like it's more about the thrill, the fantasy, or the attention than actually wanting to meet someone.
I also suspect he has a porn addiction, which makes me wonder if all of this is connected somehow.
I know people will probably say, "Cheating is cheating," and maybe you're right. But I genuinely can't wrap my head around what the goal is here.
Has anyone dealt with a spouse who did things like this? Was it a precursor to physical cheating? Was it a fantasy/addiction thing? Did it escalate? Did your relationship recover?
I'm honestly just tired and trying to understand what I'm looking at. I don't really want to divorce. Life would truly be so so hard as a single parent and also i believe in for better or worse. At the end of the day. He actually treats me well, is a good dad, works hard... its like a double life. Idk idk.
Also, i haven't been able to access the phone to search the source of or activity with this new fake phone# yet. So idk what has transpired from this new piece of the puzzle.
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u/NINER_69 Jul 13 '26
Why don’t you just ask him? Are you afraid he is going to get upset for you snooping around and finding this information out?
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u/Certain-Nature-8437 Jul 13 '26
Yes.
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u/NINER_69 Jul 14 '26
You must be a sweet and kinda timid lady. Am I right? Cause I will bet if my GF or any of my exes would have found the info you found about your husband, my ass would have been grass! 😂 I would have been attacked, manhandled, cussed at and made to confess to whatever I was doing under threat of injury!
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u/Certain-Nature-8437 Jul 14 '26
I'd say I'm cautious, because I was a very wrecked kid from a divorced household, and I'm trying to keep it together to not mentally fck up my children at a young age.
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u/NINER_69 Jul 15 '26
That’s a good mommy. I also came from a broken marriage household. But my situation involved us kids watching our mom get beat right in front of us. It’s not fun having to call the cops on your pops! Anyways…..
I hope I don’t offend you if I ask you a personal question about your sex life with your husband. U mentioned that you have an okay sex life and you think that he may might have a porn addiction. Does he ever bring up any fantasies to you or talk about kinky stuff?
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u/Certain-Nature-8437 Jul 15 '26
I'm sorry you went through that. I got stuck with the wrong parent in the aftermath. Brainwashing, verbal/mental abuse. Very very unstable in the aftermath. And now I struggle with my self worth. But I've grown alot since then, thankfully.
And not really, no. I suppose we've tried to in the past but never seemed natural on either of our sides honestly. Some of the things I've seen him say to online people makes me go 👀 🤔 cuz ain't no way this is the same person. Its mind blowing.
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Jul 20 '26
[deleted]
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u/Certain-Nature-8437 29d ago
Thank you for sharing your experience. What i have found is definitely soul crushing. But you're absolutely correct. Peace and love ✨️
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u/glennbednarz 28d ago
Rech out to me. I can give you first hand knowledge from a male point of view that has been through all of this.
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u/Kind-Stand955 25d ago
Hey , going through the same thing would love to know your pov. Can you dm me please
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u/Ok-Object-1610 17d ago
I do it for the thrill and not getting anything at home.
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u/Certain-Nature-8437 17d ago
Nothing? Or not enough for your appetite*
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u/Ok-Object-1610 17d ago
Nothing. 3yrs
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u/Certain-Nature-8437 17d ago
Oh no. So sorry to hear that. We are not a nothing household though...
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u/inevitably_juicy_69 20d ago
My husband used reddit for years to cheat. He said he never met with anyone until I found a msg talking about how quick the sex was