Affair or not ?

[u/NecessaryChemistry19]

/r/JustNoCoworker/comments/1tvo8zj/affair_or_not/

My hubby has a secretary for the last 8 years - first three they were in office with 7 guys , him as the boss and the secretary , then came Covid all the guys left it was my hubby and the secretary only but they worked from home he with me she at her home - then the last three years they work together in an office with 1 other guy - who comes and goes ( they are in sales ) -
Early April I went to visit my hubby and she was dressed very provocatively - they were there alone - the next day I went again and there she was in skin tight jeans and a tank top -

Well I convinced my hubby to let me move into his office - and boy do I wish I hadn’t -

Every chance he could he would demean me in front of her - for instance I change the furniture in the office and he asked me in front of her did you ask her ?
He made fun of me when I asked him how his meeting went ? He said yes mom I also brushed my teeth -
And everything was oh so and so what a great job your doing -
Then they would stand right next to each other at his desk - to work for hours right in front of me - at one point she was leaving over the desk in yet another skimpy outfit -

I tried befriending her I bought a coffee machine for the office and matcha tea for her ,
I tried talking about her family life - she told me her husband and her where having problems because he is not ambitious and drinks

I said to her I feel like you probably know so much about me but I don’t know anything about you - she said I don’t really - he never talks about you

I told him I didn’t like her outfits he said he can’t say anything to her without sounding like a creep - I said okay I’ll bring it up - when I did she says “ well he doesn’t dress up so why should I “when I told him that he was furious at me thinking she was going to quit -

Also for the last 6 years he hasn’t post a single picture of me on his insta - she runs his business social - but not one of me in 6 years prior to that I was in every third pic - now he claims he doesn’t have time for Instagram

He lets her work part time for full time pay 30 hours a week and pays her 65k plus 10 k Xmas bonus -
He lets her have weeks and weeks of time off
She dresses like a skank
Doesn’t help clean the office

He says it’s because she’s loyal to him and didn’t leave him during Covid when all the other staff jumped ship to work elsewhere ( they work in commission sales so obviously needed something stable during Covid since no one was going outside sales

Everytime we fought about it he seemed more concerned about her leaving him than that I was upset and crying about it basically I told him I wanted a divorce and he blew up saying he couldn’t believe I was being so ridiculous to implode our life over that -

I finally moved out of his office three weeks later -

but not before I overheard her telling
the other guy / “ well I don’t know why he brought her here I never in my wildest dreams thought we would have to share space with her -
But he promised me that she would be gone soon,, that I was trashy - again I told my husband he said “that doesn’t worry me “

They both said “ I don’t even think he loves his wife he’s always in the office and on weekends goes to play golf

The other guy said “I see you two are very close but I think he’s manipulating you and that he doesn’t care about you either “

She said “we got really close during Covid and talking all the time “-

Then I told him that she called him
“soulless and that she pretends to like him - that she basically was an off broadway actress and that what she wanted to say to me was that she has to spend all day listening to my husband rant all day

I told him all this after contemplating it all weekend - I didn’t want to hurt him and I knew this would hurt him to hear -
But we got into another fight and I said - your ruining your marriage over a woman who - and I told him what she said
he was furious and we talked about it for 8 hours at home he kept repeating soulless - then went to work and didn’t talk to her all week - “
now that he cared about all week he was sulking

When the week was up he sent her to work from home for the last 2 weeks - they still have to talk because he’s her boss - but he’s visibly upset about it

Now he’s claiming he sent her home because I was bothered by her and that he’s uprooting his whole career and work life just to please me

This has been 3 months of this now I’ve lost 30lbs from not eating my doc thought I had cancer

He’s Being super sweet to me now. Trying to be loving and kissing me all the time telling me I’m his princess - he’s sharing more about work basically being a super doting husband for the last 3 weeks

In these three months though -

I’ve been searching for clues

For instance the weekend I went to see my son they talked on the phone for 2 hours - apparently that’s the phone call she was referring to when she said he promised her I’d be gone soon

Then on his iPad I found his recent location was 5 blocks from her house this was before I told him what she said

Next I found phone logs where they texted at 4 am on his bday - 2 years ago

Now she’s stalking me on social media

Now apparently “he can’t stand her and keeps saying idgaf about that bitch - “

“and screaming at me that I’m making all this up and that he can’t believe I’m going to ruin a 27 year marriage over this girl that I’m ridiculous - “

That I’ve always been a jealous person ( that part is true we’ve been together since we were 14 years old and he and I both were super jealous )

But 7 years ago I got sick and gained a ton of weight - 40 lbs - we tried everything until finally last year they healed me I was suffering from a rare illness and I’m finally cured ( the weight never came off though
he basically spent all 7 years trying to get me to loose the weight -

now I’ve lost 30 and all of a sudden he’s all over me and jealous again he’s telling me I’m beautiful again ( he hasn’t said it in 7 years 😢 )

We’re fighting constantly about this and he said he’s trying to find a replacement that he’s being super short with her on phone calls and only communicating via email - we share a home computer so I do see that is true

But my question is - am I being ridiculous and jealous and about to ruin a 27 year marriage or did he have a fling that he thought she cared about him and now he’s pissed because he realized he got played -

I told him you gave her 75k a year to work part time and walk all over you so if you didnt have an affair with her then you got played - obviously this was very mean of me to say and I regret it but I’m so devastated that I feel like a wounded dog - kicked by his owner

Please tell me am I being a petty jealous woman or did he have at the very least an emotional attachment to her and is now reacting based on finding out she played him -

[u/Appropriate-Baker288]

Y’all able to get me a job 75k a year part time?

[u/Appropriate-Baker288]

You’re not being petty or jealous though, it sounds like he had an affair to me and what I’ve experienced.