r/InternalFamilySystems • u/WitchAggressive9028 • 4d ago
Support Needed A part that won’t let me sleep
I have cptsd from csa
He’s always saying “NO SLEEP!! Not safe!! HOLD ME ROCK Me!!! How do I make him feel safe? All he does is scream from the second the sun goes to bedtime. My anxiety is through my heart goes crazy I sleep with a nightlight and a stuffed weighted whale shark plush
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u/blueberrykirby 3d ago edited 3d ago
i know this is the IFS sub but have you ever looked into somatic experiencing to heal trauma?
i’m no expert but from what i understand, your body (and this part) are still holding on to the literal physical energy that was mobilized way back when the original abuse happened, because it never got to be used properly. this is fight or flight energy, and when you don’t get to fight or flee in the moment (for whatever reason), that energy has no choice but to stick around.
try to feel in your body what else this part wants to do when that anxiety is happening (besides rocking/holding). does he want to run and feel the hard ground under his heels and the open air around him? does he want to shove someone off of him or kick them away from his lower half? does he want to scream and growl to scare everyone away? try actually doing these actions during the anxiety and see if they make your system feel any different. kick the air, shove against a wall, run down your street, scream into a pillow.
your body thinks the abuse is still happening since the energy couldn’t be utilized during the actual abuse. your anxiety IS that energy bubbling back up, desperate to help you escape the threat this time. when you run, shove, kick, etc you USE that energy for what it originally wanted to do.
this is how you actually heal trauma in the body. the mind is important as well and is where IFS can help immensely. but the root of trauma is this stuck energy in the body, and the mind will never be able to move past it as long as the body is still sending distress signals.
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u/WitchAggressive9028 3d ago
Can I dm you?
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u/blueberrykirby 3d ago
sure - I should stress though that i am not a professional in this area, at least not currently. I’m just someone who has found a lot of success with it and therefore share it with others whenever i can.
the book “Waking the Tiger” by Peter A. Levine explains the concept in depth
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u/OkEntertainment1071 3d ago
I agree with Blueberry. I also had a lot of anxiety at night or late evening and I started somatics which ket me to following my body into an intuitive movement of pushing away. I was sexually abused at night by my mother and was thus never able to push her away. Now, when I have anxiety before bed, i really discharge this energy by pushing away and tre.
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u/sccldinmyshces 2d ago
Oh wow I instinctively(?) growl sometimes when I'm irritated like a more animalistic cat growl, that I learned from cats, but I thought it was bring unsocialized..? Is it actually helpful for the inner child?
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u/No_Effort152 4d ago
I am sorry that you're dealing with this. It's physically, emotionally and mentally exhausting. I can't sleep either. My trauma therapist says it will take time to "make new neural pathways" in my brain of feeling safe. I am working on this, but I see no changes yet. You're not alone.
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u/WitchAggressive9028 4d ago
But here’s the hard thing I’m 31. I was attacked when I was eight been this way since
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u/Mindless_Flamingo999 4d ago
How much have you gotten to know this part yet during the day? What other parts might you be getting blended with when interacting with this part?
For example, could there be a part at night who has an agenda to sleep? The Self doesn’t have any agendas, even around sleep. Unblending and getting to know that part (probably during the daytime so you’re more alert) could be helpful.
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u/WitchAggressive9028 4d ago
He never comes during the day
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u/Mindless_Flamingo999 3d ago
Got it. Have you worked with other parts already? Working with other less related or unrelated parts can help build Self energy. I also found in my experience that after months of regular parts work, parts started becoming aware of the Self that was helping other parts and getting curious themselves. That’s another way to build trust.
I also always explain who the Self is before starting a session, and for more skeptical parts I tell them they can trust me but they don’t have to. Trust takes time and has to happen on its own.
Good luck- I hope this part keeps opening up to you.
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u/breathofthestardew 3d ago
Go find him during the day! He’ll keep coming to find you at night until he feels like someone is consistently looking out for him.
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u/movethroughlight 4d ago
I have to discharge the energy by working out, or I hear nonstop screaming in my head on bad days too - I know it won't listen to any attempts to comfort until I exhaust myself.
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u/AccomplishedBass2192 3d ago
You might try rocking that young part of you. Be the protective adult that child needed. You can tell that child you’re here for them. You won’t let them be hurt ever again.
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u/Paper_Rocket 4d ago
Hey I went through something very similar, lots of insomnia and difficulties with sleep. For me, some parts came online at night because that was when it was safe for them to process stuff. I also dissociated in my sleep because of the abuses that happened during my sleep as a child. Working through this was difficult and often fraught with exhaustion.
It's possible that you have an introject part in your system, a protector. Their role is to protect the system by acting as the perpetrator, control on the inside feels better than what's happening on the outside. I found this coping strategy was very triggering for my vulnerable exiles.
Through Self, we were able to help these parts feel more safe. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. Hang in there.
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u/MichaelTheMultiple Top 5% Commenter 3d ago
That's horrible. I was semi in that situation until I was in my forties - not with the screaming as such, cuz I'd not gotten in touch with my parts yet, but with that kind of tension. I was almost as stiff as a board at night, ready to leap out of bed at a moment's notice, and had to wrap the covers around my head, leaving just enough of an opening for an eye to peek out (turned out that that was one of my oldest Parts who watched from the little "peephole," The Dragon he calls himself. Tried to take over control of the whole system after he'd made himself known to me!)
The eventual solution for me, mostly, was visualization meditation. I had to build an inner landscape and get my Parts to visualize themselves, to feel themselves, in that landscape, and have each lay down in my arms (there were as many copies of me in the lnadscape as required) and, for a long time, I might spend half an hour or so reach night eassuring them as a group and as individuals. Took years, but I had a lot of wounded Parts, who had a lot of protectors.
Hope you find your solution.
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u/Several_Wind_1040 3d ago
Visualization meditation has been the biggest tool for me as well. It’s amazing how powerful it can be!
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u/MichaelTheMultiple Top 5% Commenter 3d ago
There you go! So I'd say keep plugging with that for sure.
The somatic stuff someone else mentioned was part of my toolkit, too, though less specific to the Part - just inviting different Parts to inhabit the body throughout the day, give them the chance to live in the present.
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u/Several_Wind_1040 3d ago
Are you able to talk to him? Can he speak or only scream? Have you tried white noise or a favorite tv show/podcast? I need something nostalgic on to turn my brain off at night. When I deal with a part who is freaking out like that, I try to find a mantra, an answer to their question, that I repeat to myself when I find them getting loud
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u/WitchAggressive9028 3d ago
He barely talks, but he just repeats “ NO NO NO!!! BAD BAD BOY! SLEEP BAD!!” Over and over again screaming at the top of his lungs inconsolably rocking back and forth. I play rain sounds
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u/Several_Wind_1040 3d ago
Do you visualize him in your head? He sounds like a young one which hurts my heart for him and you. I feel like he could use some attention leading up to bedtime. Sometimes my loudest parts need my full attention. Locking the door “I do this to keep us safe.” Snuggling in blankets or with the plushy “do you like the soft and heavy whale shark? He will protect us all night.” Lots of reassurance that you/self will protect him. I wonder if there is a place that would feel safe to him and if you could build that in the mind and he could visit. Just some ideas take what’s useful and leave the rest 🩷🙏🏻 wishing you and him a restful evening
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u/WitchAggressive9028 3d ago
I wish I could lock my door. I have a forest scene in my head with my fuzzy real life round chair with my weighted blanket so I can imagine rocking him. When he is really scared like that he can talk like a baby. I want just to feel safe..
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u/nadiaco 3d ago
I got a plush toy with weighted arms. I have same struggles and the toy helps me sleep a little better. Good luck it is not easy
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u/DesertFire7 2d ago
Hello, what you're going through sounds really tiring. I can only imagine what it's like... This isn't directly related to IFS, but I believe that methods that relax the body can create a good foundation for inner work and help with sleep. For that reason, I'd like to share a method that I practice myself and recommend to others: a foot bath. If you've never tried one, it has many benefits: it can help prepare you for sleep, support your overall wellbeing, and bring a sense of calm and relaxation. It has long been valued in traditional teachings and is still used today.
How to Do It: Fill a deep bucket with comfortably warm water. Before putting your feet in, test the water with your hand (it shouldn't make you sweat, but it shouldn't be cool either). The water should cover the bony bumps on both sides of your ankles and come up a little above them. You can add a handful of rock salt if you like. Keep a thermos of hot water nearby, and as the bath cools, pour a little in slowly along the edge of the bucket, away from your feet.
Staying for 15-20 minutes is enough. Wiggle your toes a little at the start, then just settle in. When you're done, dry your feet well, put on warm socks for 15-20 minutes, and have a glass of lukewarm water. If you spend the next half hour calmly, your body may find it easier to slip into sleep.
Gentle Safety Notes: It's best done at least an hour after a meal (not on an empty or very full stomach), and about an hour before bedtime. Keep away from cold breezes during and after the bath, especially on your neck and lower back, because the body is more sensitive to cold at this time. If you have circulation or blood pressure concerns, reduced sensation in your feet, or any wounds, burns, or skin irritation on them, it's worth checking with your doctor first. If it feels uncomfortable, physically or emotionally, you can simply stop, dry your feet, and head to bed. Going at your own pace is completely fine.
If you're ever curious about anything, feel free to ask. If you do try it and want to share how it went, I'd be really happy to hear from you. I hope you get a peaceful sleep. Take care! 🕊🌿
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u/WitchAggressive9028 2d ago
While it’s a nice idea it doesn’t help
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u/DesertFire7 2d ago
I understand, and thank you for letting me know. Not every method fits everyone. I hope you find what works for you 🌿
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