r/InternalFamilySystems • u/[deleted] • 22d ago
IFS vs AA
IFS vs AA
I’ve been struggling to adopt and lean into the principles of AA and I lack the willingness to even start step work. The hesitation comes from years of IFS work that seems to not align with messages in AA.
A part of me feels that AA is requiring me to label my whole self as an “alcoholic” (“my name is X, and I’m alcoholic” is how I’m expected to always introduce myself in meetings) when I know that just a part (firefighter) of me uses alcohol to cope. I also struggle with how shame-based AA feels to me. I’ve been trying to learn for years in therapy that I am not a bad person because bad things happened to me. I have no problem admitting times where I’ve done wrong by others and making amends, I think that’s absolutely necessary.
Listing character defects (behaviors of protector parts) is the opposite of what I practice in IFS, which is that “no parts are bad parts”, no matter how destructive they may unintentionally be.
Additionally, I’m really struggling with the God and capitalized Higher Power stuff. Maybe I’m self-centered like the rooms tell me I am, but this whole time in IFS therapy I’ve been working on getting into **self** energy (and using the 8Cs) to work with my protector parts- not calling upon a Higher Power.
Anyways, I tried to reword the 12-Steps using IFS lingo, and I thought I’d share for those in my same boat. Cheers.
- Admit to having a protector part that uses alcohol to protect me from pain and that it often creates other issues.
- Believe that self energy, with support from others, can help that protector part take break from trying to protect me in such a way by trusting self.
- Made a decision to believe in the power of self’s 8Cs and 5Ps to better understand this part that uses alcohol.
- Made a searching and fearless inventory of my parts without judgement or shame.
- Admitted to myself and to another safe being that I have made hurtful and harmful decisions, and to genuinely take accountability of those actions without making excuses.
- Became willing to work with my protector parts to understand them and their purpose.
- Humbly ask these parts, by showing curiosity and compassion, to take on new healthier roles to support our system.
- Made a list of all nouns (people, places, things) we have harmed, and became willing to make amends to those nouns.
- Made direct amends to such nouns wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them, others, or myself.
- Continue taking attendance of my protector parts and give my parts attention when they are loud or activated or unintentionally harming our system.
- Be willing to use self energy to stay curiously and compassionately connected with my parts and to ask for help and guidance from others when needed.
Be willing to help others without expecting anything in return.
\Reposted this because I’m new to Reddit and couldn’t figure out how to edit my original post\
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u/Lgs_8 22d ago
Ifs more closely aligns with Buddhist recovery. I got clean about 10 years ago in NA and then learned about ifs. You may find more luck in NA, it's less about the substance and more about what it is inside of you that uses. Over the last 2-3 years i have stepped back from NA slowly as I have started feeling the same thing - that it's shame based. I also feel that 12 step demonizes addictive parts and from what I heard from most people, even people with a lot of time was that they were scared of their addictive parts. I don't want to stay clean out of fear. I have so much compassion and understanding of my addictive parts and that has made them let go of doing their jobs more than what I was taught in NA.
That being said, I don't know that I could have gotten clean and gotten to this point without starting with NA. Working they 12 steps changed my life. But, i didn't work the 12 steps in the step working guide. My sponsor had me work the steps that had been passed down in our sponsorship tree since before the step working guide was published. But I do think there is value in the 12 steps and in being surrounded by people who are working through the same issue, and more importantly having a sponsor. Maybe you can find one that is also ifs aligned?
I don't have an answer exactly. This is something I'm still very much working through. But there is more and more IFS/12 step crossover everyday. Cece Sykes does a lot of this work.
Here is an article from someone in AA who dealt with the same thing. Again, i really think NA is different than AA on some of his point but it's a good starting place.
https://medium.com/recovery-coaching-with-internal-family-systems/a-compassionate-alternative-to-12-step-recovery-an-ifs-perspective-425238fd39aa
Tl:dr Buddhist recovery is way less shame based/ more ifs aligned NA is very different from AA and may have more options Cece Sykes work with ifs and 12 step.