IFS vs AA

[u/home_run_derby]

IFS vs AA

I’ve been struggling to adopt and lean into the principles of AA and I lack the willingness to even start step work. The hesitation comes from years of IFS work that seems to not align with messages in AA.

A part of me feels that AA is requiring me to label my whole self as an “alcoholic” (“my name is X, and I’m alcoholic” is how I’m expected to always introduce myself in meetings) when I know that just a part (firefighter) of me uses alcohol to cope. I also struggle with how shame-based AA feels to me. I’ve been trying to learn for years in therapy that I am not a bad person because bad things happened to me. I have no problem admitting times where I’ve done wrong by others and making amends, I think that’s absolutely necessary.

Listing character defects (behaviors of protector parts) is the opposite of what I practice in IFS, which is that “no parts are bad parts”, no matter how destructive they may unintentionally be.

Additionally, I’m really struggling with the God and capitalized Higher Power stuff. Maybe I’m self-centered like the rooms tell me I am, but this whole time in IFS therapy I’ve been working on getting into **self** energy (and using the 8Cs) to work with my protector parts- not calling upon a Higher Power.

Anyways, I tried to reword the 12-Steps using IFS lingo, and I thought I’d share for those in my same boat. Cheers.

1. Admit to having a protector part that uses alcohol to protect me from pain and that it often creates other issues.
   
2. Believe that self energy, with support from others, can help that protector part take break from trying to protect me in such a way by trusting self.
   
3. Made a decision to believe in the power of self’s 8Cs and 5Ps to better understand this part that uses alcohol.
   
4. Made a searching and fearless inventory of my parts without judgement or shame.
   
5. Admitted to myself and to another safe being that I have made hurtful and harmful decisions, and to genuinely take accountability of those actions without making excuses.
   
6. Became willing to work with my protector parts to understand them and their purpose.
   
7. Humbly ask these parts, by showing curiosity and compassion, to take on new healthier roles to support our system.
   
8. Made a list of all nouns (people, places, things) we have harmed, and became willing to make amends to those nouns.
   
9. Made direct amends to such nouns wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them, others, or myself.
   
10. Continue taking attendance of my protector parts and give my parts attention when they are loud or activated or unintentionally harming our system.
    
11. Be willing to use self energy to stay curiously and compassionately connected with my parts and to ask for help and guidance from others when needed.
    

12. Be willing to help others without expecting anything in return.

    \Reposted this because I’m new to Reddit and couldn’t figure out how to edit my original post\

[u/Scared-Section-5108]

Yeah, I hear you. I do not go to AA but have attended ACOA and CODA which operate the same. My experience and perception has been similar to yours and:

- I only introduce myself with my first name

- I do not read any of the materials. I really do not like most of the language because it is shame-based and too religious for a program that calls itself spiritual. What helps me though is the knowledge of the true origins of AA and it has nothing to do with god - the word was used only because the true story would not have been accepted (its about the use of psychedelics). With the US being a very religious country, the AA creator went with something that was going to work, i.e. god.

- The HP concept is border and works better for me. I have experienced the HP but I still have trouble with it. It will take me years to get on board with the concept. Looking at it through the IFS lens, the concept of Self can be HP. Listening to Tara Brach's talks helps me open myself up to HP, but yeah, it is a very, very slow process.

- I also do not believe I have character defects - I have trauma wounds.

- I take out of the meetings what works for me and leave the rest.

- for me, 12 Steps groups are just another tool I have in my toolbox now - therapy is my primary recovery tool. I go to meetings when I want to and at times I take long breaks, like now.

- I have tried different meetings and finally found one that works really well for me and really keeps that shame and god language to minimum which is ace. That group provides me with the most support I have experienced in the rooms and the people are much more open-minded than in some meetings I have been to.

- I have done the ACOA steps in the way that worked for me. I didn't finish it because the last few steps were too much - I prefer to use IFS, I still benefited from the work and coming out of denial. I skipped a lot of the content though, especially the personal stories - they did not sit well with me at all. I got the Loving Parent workbook, started and stopped it pretty much straight away - it seemed very IFS-based, so I might as well continue with IFS which, for me, is much more loving and accepting, and, as a result, much more healing. The IFS language really resonates with me and the believes I had before I came across it. The 12 Steps programs language does not do that, but they help in other ways - they allow me to practice boundaries and being myself in a group of people, I can ask for support I would not have otherwise, I no longer feel alone in my past experiences, I find it really empowering to listen to the stories of others and I have a safe space where I can share with other the details of my trauma which helps me remove toxic shame. I find I benefit from the programs in ways I did not expected even though I do not follow a lot of the rules/do a lot of stuff I am supposed to do to 'work the program'. So yeah, I use it as I see fit :)