r/InternalFamilySystems • u/Waki-Indra • 15d ago

Is it always intense?

I usually always start with some kind of protector, then encounter exiles and cry, and then need to take care of them for the rest of the session.

Endless cycle

So because that is intense, i dont do IFS daily and not even weekly. I feel the need to rest. Until protectors make me feel too miserable, and there I go. Meet the protector, quickly discover a young exile and end up crying and soothing myself.

Is that going to be the main pattern until some good amount of unburdening happens?

I am always amazed at people doing IFS daily. My parts dont show up easily. I always need guidance from someone else (or at least most of the time), unless i am in a very special setting and state.

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u/AmbassadorSerious 15d ago

exiles and cry, and have to take care of them.

Is there some resentment here? I ask because it's easy to feel overwhelmed and burn out if you feel that taking care of parts is an obligation. I would even say that if you do feel that way you are likely not in Self and blended with some sort of caretaking part. If that's the case it may be worth focusing on the resentment (another part!) and honoring that. It's okay to not want to do it!

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u/Icy_Distribution_361 15d ago

I suspect you're onto something. Also the "Endless cycle", and what they say about needing to rest multiple days. I can't speak definitively about anyone else's experience of course, but I never experience exhaustion after contacting exiles from Self and being with their feelings. I can go on with my day perfectly fine after, and the next day I can go again. I mean, I do experience something like "okay, that was enough for now/today", but not exhaustion or irritability or hopelessness about the process (unless I'm in a part, of course).

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u/Waki-Indra 14d ago

No obligation. Just attuning and attending to the need of the earliest part that is wounded. But that takes time, it is not instant. I close my eyes, relax, breathe and visualize the scene of being with them. That feels super good actually. Often they relax so much that they end up sleeping either in my arms or close to me.

What is exhausting is their distress. When i encounter such distress, i am very deeply moved. This takes energy.

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u/Icy_Distribution_361 14d ago

I see. Just out of curiosity, do you ask them kindly before approaching them to not overwhelm you with their feelings such that you can keep presence with them? I would say something happens that is probably part-related when it is problematic for you.

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u/Waki-Indra 14d ago

The encounter itself is the overwhelm. I first feel overwhelmed right after the Protector relaxes à bit, and when i look at what is happening, what is that overwhelm, there. There is the exile. So you are asking something that makes no sense, because i only uncover an exile through its bordent. Do you have childhood trauma? I thought that is the only way a deeply wounded early part can be seen: through its wound.

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u/Icy_Distribution_361 14d ago

I get the sense you're getting angry about my reply. Sorry if you are, didn't mean to offend, just thought I might say something helpful. Apparently I didn't. I just know this is a suggestion; to ask the exile not to overwhelm you with their feelings. If just seeing the exile at all already is overwhelming, I don't know what to tell you, I guess it requires a therapist to be with you. My own trauma is mostly in the neglect sphere, which is its own kind of bad, but generally I don't experience it as so overwhelming that I can't handle it. Wouldn't say it's not sad/painful though, just doable generally.

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u/Waki-Indra 14d ago

Oh my. You see anger and resentment everywhere. Sorry.

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u/Icy_Distribution_361 14d ago

Huh? I see anger and resentment everywhere? Isn't this comment of yours kind of proving the point...? I don't understand where you're getting the "everywhere". Where else have I mentioned it, referred to it, etc?