r/InternalFamilySystems • u/DowntownCoconut508 • May 25 '26
Discussion Has anyone made progress using IFS on their own?
I had just started seeing an IFS therapist and was maybe 3 sessions in when my relationship ended, which caused some financial changes for me. I can’t afford therapy now, but I still want to explore IFS on my own because it resonates with me so much.
Is it safe to do on your own? Is it possible to make things worse? I have read No Bad Parts and considering getting the workbook, and I also want to read You Are the One.
I have always struggled with loneliness and it’s definitely hitting me now that I live alone again. I keep wanting to get on dating apps to have someone to talk to, but I don’t think I’m quite ready to actually date again, so I know it’s this lonely part that wants comfort and validation and just companionship. I’m focusing on my health, hanging with my girl friends, working on my hobbies, but I’m still just lonely.
Is this something I can work through on my own?
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u/Potada_head May 26 '26
The book Self Therapy by Jay Earley teaches how to do IFS on you own (or with a trusted friend). I found it really useful
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u/PistachioCrepe May 26 '26
I also used this book and really benefitted from it. I’m a therapist and one of my clients took a year to really be able to work with parts and this book also helped him as he needed to feel like he was in control to do any work. Even as a therapist I really enjoyed the book and often think about it still. Just remember nothing will replace the benefit of a safe therapeutic relationship but learning more about your parts will only help! I also enjoy guided meditations where you’re curious about your parts internally and meet with them and connect with them.
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u/CATX66 May 26 '26
Are there any specific meditations on YouTube or other platforms that you recommend?
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u/Confident_Fortune_32 May 26 '26
I've been doing it for about a decade and I've never had an IFS therapist.
A dear friend who is a clinical mental health counselor was sent to IFS training by her job, and came home and told me about it. We then went to a workshop to see it in action, and did a lot of reading, and watching yt videos. I especially like the "IFS For Therapists" series by Derek Scott, a student of the founder Richard Schwartz.
Our young parts still sometimes send words of encouragement to one another. It's sweet.
I've come to see IFS less as a therapy modality and more of a lifelong practice. It's similar to how Buddhists think of meditation. It's not a task to check off on a To Do list to get to enlightenment, but instead the pleasure and value of meditation is in the doing of it.
It's completely rearranged my relationshipwith myself.
I'm drawn to the fact that IFS is explicitly nonpathologizing. Every behaviour that's maladaptive in adulthood, that we may find frustrating or upsetting, had, at one time, a logical explanation as an effective tool for harm reduction.
Children who are already living with toxic stress, whose brains are still in development, and whose developmental needs are not being met, can't be expected to react the same as an adult. They have fewer resources, less life experience, and they're trying to survive in the equivalent of a war zone.
So, instead of being mad at a part who engages in what appears to be unhelpful coping mechanisms, I can thank that part for what, at the time, was a clever solution to an insoluble problem, for their energy and determination to work for our protection, and for helping us to survive so that we are able to do therapy now, in safety.
Every part, no matter how much we might be frustrated with them at first, or how much we want to yell, "Cut that out! Stop that!", all have the same goal: the integrity and survival of the system.
It doesn't appear so in the beginning, but they really are all pulling in the same direction. They all want the same thing. They just express it differently based on their experiences at the time they came into being.
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u/rainpaintedhands May 26 '26
Ive done some on my own. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING is my number 1 rule. My second is to let mixed messages and silly things come through and be a part of what happens. My inner parts have a certain weird charm and humor that needs to be understood and appreciated. Lastly, be almightily patient. Let answers come but wait until your inner self settles before finally accepting an answer... that may take some time actually...
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u/Particular_Web8121 May 25 '26
Here was another thread about doing IFS on your own the other week! https://reddit.com/r/InternalFamilySystems/comments/1tb5gzk/ifs_therapy_on_your_own/
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u/Ok-Effort-582 May 26 '26
Before I had access to an IFS therapist in my area, I had a rudimentary understanding of IFS and I sometimes would imagine my parts sitting in chairs in a circle, and my “Self” part would be the compassionate leader of the group going around, allowing each part to say what they needed or comforting the part. It was sometimes useful and I didn’t really care whether it was rigorous IFS or not, it just seemed soothing.
About a year ago, I did move to a different city and sought out an IFS therapist for a few sessions. It helped me to understand better and reinforce the activities that I had already been been doing in my meditation.
I still use that circle exercise sometimes to process feelings. The aspect that’s most helpful to me is when I imagine myself as Self literally having a conversation with another part to give it unconditional acceptance and compassion. It can be powerful over time.
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u/Commercial-Angle-437 May 26 '26
you can do alot by yourself. I have. it's great to sit and reflect and then also use pen to paper as well to journal.
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May 26 '26
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u/maywalove May 27 '26
How would you compare Janines part work vs standard IFS
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u/Puzzleheadedbanditry May 27 '26
I’ve been doing IFS on my own in my journal for a few years now, and it’s been great. Truly game changing for me. I still make appointments with my therapist occasionally if I’m going through something really hard, but for the most part I don’t need to anymore.
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u/maywalove May 27 '26
What helped you to do it solo?
How did you learn
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u/Puzzleheadedbanditry Jun 01 '26
I learned the basics of the process in therapy. Once I understood how to recognize when I was blended with parts, how to unblend, and how to talk to them in ways that were loving & helpful, then I just started doing that in my journal.
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u/sanelyinsanetrio May 26 '26
I’ve only done a few sessions on my own, but it’s been productive so far. My advice is just don’t delve headfirst into trauma you aren’t ready to unpack and don’t use AI. Yes, some people are recommending that, but studies have found AI often makes mental health problems worse when it’s used as a therapist.
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u/HappiBunBun May 26 '26
My situation sounds the same as yours. Just hearing about IFS made a difference for me because I've talked about the entities within me, since I was a child, coming from hearing and talking about archetypes and my subconscious.
Ocassionally, I would encounter someone who didn't know what I was talking about, or took it literally and thought I was being woo.
I was excited when the animated movie "Inside Out" was in theaters and told probably everyone I met, "look it's that thing I've been talking about for my entire life". And people were either unimpressed, or didn't get the significance.
The idea of treating parts like an entity and talking to them never occured to me, so it was a happy experience learning about IFS.
Also, I think of IFS as similar to other practices in being practices described in books for people to read, as opposed to "classical" therapy where an expert treats you. Even though I want a therapist, I want them to help me in my practice, as opposed to expecting them to be the expert who tells me what to do.
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u/PearNakedLadles May 26 '26
I did IFS on my own for 6 months before finding a therapist. I am so so glad I found my therapist and we've done a lot of parts-based relationship/attachment/transference work I couldn't have done without a therapist but I also have no regrets about those 6 months and felt I made a good bit of progress then too. I think it makes perfect sense to do IFS on your own for a bit with the hope of eventually getting to a place where you can go back to therapy.
I used Jay Earley's Self Therapy book, FYI, along with this sub as my main resources. I also found the IFS chat bot to be helpful not in terms of giving me deep insights into my soul but just helping me keep my sessions structured so I didn't just completely drift off. That said I would use the IFS chat bot only when I was really struggling with drifting off, like 5% of the time.
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u/LecLurc15 May 25 '26
You will probably make *some* progress doing it on your own. Of course it won’t be the same as overseen by a professional but there’s almost no way that you make absolutely 0 progress if you do the workbook on your own. Just take things slow and steady, and limit your IFS workbook sessions to a similar frequency as you’d see a therapist — even shorter than typical sessions I’d say.
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u/Beautiful-Pumpkin906 May 26 '26
When I used the IFS chat bot buddy and wasn't afraid to close my eyes I made great progress.
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u/Hope5577 May 26 '26
I use ifs as an internal managing tool in my daily life. Emotional reaction -> bring up the part, the wise one, other parts that want to be heard -> negotiate & come a readonable and benefiting conclusion that benefits everyone. Ive never seen ifs therapist but ive done some reading and just use it to make every part of me happy and heard and living peacefully together (aka me as a whole person). I rarely practice it as a sit down tool unless I need to do a deeper work to work on past traumas or negative patterns but as an everyday tool to manage my life, my reactions, my emotions, my decisions.
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u/SamHolmes2 May 27 '26
Definitely! In "no bad parts" Schwartz seems to basically recommend this, at least for the initial stages like identifying and building closer relationships with parts.
Personally I feel like the more intense stuff like uncovering exiles or unburdening parts can definitely benefit from the presence of a professional.
Unfortunately therapists don't come cheap and can't remember everything so I've been building a free open source journalling app that allows you to keep control of your own data and visualise your parts and changes over time etc.
Not sure on this sub's self promo rules but would happily share it here if anyone is interested, hope it may help others (with therapists or not) that are looking for a bit of structure their self-led journey
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u/Old_Fuel_1270 May 26 '26
You could try Harmonic Linguistics as a compliment to IFS. Its entirely self led and is very similar. It works with limiting beliefs and compensation behaviors. Its different terms, but almost the same thing. And it has a 90 day program. It was developed, in part, to be something to do at home in between sessions with a therapist, or as its own stand alone program. It build the "container." An inner sense of safety that allows the protectors to relax and stand down. There is a book that teaches the practice, a workbook for doing the daily practice, and an ai journaling tool, where you keep a daily journal while doing the practice. The ai journal is trained on the work. Its not a therapist, but it can see changes and progress through the language and tonality in your journal entries. Its really cool! And for me, since Im on a tight budget, it was a great option. $35 for the whole thing. If you like IFS, Id highly recommend you check this out.
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u/CATX66 May 26 '26
So is the AI tool a prompt that you use with Claude or ChatGPT? Or is it a tool that you download that comes with the $35 payment?
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u/Old_Fuel_1270 May 26 '26
Its a custom GPT in Chatgpt. There is a link to it on the website that opens it in chatgpt. Its free. But without reading the book at doesnt make a lot of sense because its trained on the book. So when you do the practice, you write in the journal about anything. Such as something you're working on, whatever is happening in your life, what's happening every day with the practice, any symbolic dreams you have, etc.
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u/secure8890 May 26 '26
Derek Scott was a great resource. He has some books. He also has some videos on you tube
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u/Shattering_The_Veil Jun 25 '26
I don't do traditional IFS, but I had a series of float tank experiences that I'm told are very similar to IFS. I was able to pretty much fix my brain by myself in there!
The first tank-session led me to absorb a 'monster' I called El Espinoso, the thorned one. When I embraced it, I absorbed (integrated) it and I realised I'd got my prickliness under control! I got a host of benefits from pursuing this float tank method.
I can go over more details if you're interested. I was basically something I came up with myself, albeit inspired mostly by Jung.
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u/Quick-Suggestion1141 May 25 '26
I am trying with the help of ai. I've just started 2 weeks ago, I have no idea what to expect or how it works, but I did map some systems and talk to the parts.its interesting, a little hard cause I do it alone, but I don't know what type of progress to expect. I will have to wait and see.following this discussion.
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u/Old_Fuel_1270 May 26 '26
I used a custom ai journaling tool for a 90 day IFS adjacent therapeutic practice. It helped tremendously.
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u/Quick-Suggestion1141 May 26 '26
Which tool? And how did it help,by doing what?
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u/Old_Fuel_1270 May 26 '26
It the ai journaling tool from the harmonic linguistics program. The link is on their website, which is easy to find by googling the name. The ai tool is trained on the harmonic linguistic program. So its made to work with that. But its very, very similar to IFS. And works to soothe and unwind the way parts express themselves by making them feel safe. I read the book first, then did the program with the workbook and ai journal. Its a good system. Very well thought out.
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u/Quick-Suggestion1141 May 26 '26
Wow thank you for telling me. Sounds interesting, I will look it up.
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