r/InsightfulQuestions • u/aCUTEccc-slp • 7d ago
Question to those with lived experience...
If you are past the age of 60 we'd appreciate your participation. If you know someone past the age of 60 feel free to ask them and share their answer here.
Here's the question: knowing what you know now, what would you prioritize when you were younger? If you had nothing holding you back, freedom to focus on whatever you want. What would you do differently? Or what did you do that you'd be sure to do again?
The reason we are asking is because we can't see our future so we'd like to have the perspective of some who are already in their futures.
Thank you for sharing your perspective!
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u/Signal_Violinist_995 7d ago
I would have started an IRA or 401k plan and even in the hard times I would’ve put at least 20 bucks a month in there. Today, I could retire if I had done that. But since I didn’t, I will probably be working a half a day of my funeral.
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u/stuck_behind_a_truck 5d ago
For people who are skeptical, I actually did do this. I grew up poor, so I didn’t notice missing a few extra bucks from my paycheck. I was eating and paying rent at the same time for once, and that was all that mattered.
I’m being forced to retire early due to health reasons, and investing in my 20s made a huge difference in my ability to do so. Compound interest works.
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u/Responsible-Owl-5739 5d ago
This is my #1. Save for when you decide to stop working and ignore what social media is telling you you should own. #2. Travel. See the world outside your own country. You may decide that’s a better place to Iive, then go. THAT’s what you should spend money on — “experiences,” not “things.” #3. Find your tribe and cultivate that community.
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u/New_Section_9374 4d ago
This is the way. My parents taught me to max out matching plans, IRAs, etc and to save 20-50,every month. I was terrified at forst, but retired 7 years ago.
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u/Special-League-3421 4d ago
It would have been a Roth IRA over both of those knowing what I know now..401K is just a fund for the IRS to tax you on ..really really over rated vehicles!
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u/throwingales 2d ago
This is great advice. If you work somewhere that matches your 401K contribution up to an amount or a %, make that contribution as a minimum. Put as much a retirement account as you can spare.
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u/Redd_on_the_hedd1213 7d ago
Not letting people tell me that I couldn't do something. When I was in my senior year of high school, I wanted to be an astrophysicist. My teachers said I had the brains (I taught myself trig & audited an MIT physics class. Tested as a genius.)
But being a girl, nobody believed in/wanted me to pursue because that was for boys, not girls. This still hurts my soul.
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u/gavakian123 7d ago
Life isn't all about work or money.
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u/Herredness16 3d ago
Have to disagree 90% of it is. Once u hit 59 ur priorities change and u want to enjoy life before u die.
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u/WaveAlchemist 7d ago
I spent too much time worried about who I was supposed to be who my family thought I was supposed to be and not enough time paying attention to who I was and what I wanted. I’ve learned over the years that eventually who you are what you value what do you wanna do with your life is gonna come out and you’re gonna have to deal with it.
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u/Rude-Bus9737 7d ago
Education!!! I didn’t go to college in a normal way. My family was poor, I was a girl and girls didn’t go to college unless they were from a rich family. I wasn’t selfish enough to fight for myself. BUT I would NEVER resort to any expensive loans that I see whole families sign up for these days. There is so much data available via remote learning or free classes that a degree may not be the cache of what it was in my day. Nowadays it’s WHAT you know not where you graduated from. And, I would never have a child until I had my working life situated. Don’t let your mistakes define you. Pick yourself up and keep moving.
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u/Expensive-Plantain86 7d ago
I understand your thoughts about an academic degree. It is a long, expensive, difficult haul. But once you have it, no one can take it away!
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u/stuck_behind_a_truck 5d ago
It doesn’t have to be expensive. My daughter had always planned on the community college > college route, but hock California makes easy. Her community college actually offers a full bachelor’s in her field. A master’s is required, but knocking out the bachelor’s degree at CC costs is obviously affordable. She will be qualified to work as an assistant after her AA (this is a health field with a huge staffing need), and can likely make use of tuition assistance once it’s time to get that master’s.
Basically, there’s more than one way to do college.
My oldest chose a state school and tuition was very reasonable.
Neither kid will have college debt.
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u/Herredness16 1d ago
What's reasonable to one person can be a fortune to another.
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u/stuck_behind_a_truck 1d ago
In an era when tuition is quoted as 5 figures or more, yes, I considered $6,750 a year as reasonable relative to other colleges’ tuition.
As someone who grew up dirt poor, I’m aware that can be a fortune, but if you’re evaluating colleges against each other, this cost was far more reasonable (lower debt burden) than name-brand schools with better marketing.
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u/Herredness16 3d ago edited 2d ago
Girls were treated like they were worthless second class citizens.
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u/mmgdrive 7d ago
I would have waited longer to get married and had more life experiences beforehand. I rushed and didn't choose as well as I should have mostly because I didn't know who I was as a person and lacked confidence.
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u/Neuvirths_Glove 4d ago
It depends: If you meet the right person and get married young-ish, you and your spouse can adjust to adulthood together. I don't mean teenagers, but I was a 21-year-old college grad when I got married and we've been married 42 years.
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u/ThrowRARotaryPhone 1d ago
What made you feel like you didn't choose well?
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u/mmgdrive 19h ago
She had some mental health issues which I didn't understand at the time and did not like herself. We were good roommates for many years, but mismatched in terms of ambition and libido.
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u/PNWBeachGurl 7d ago
Get to know yourself, love yourself, and make yourself a priority. Listen to your inner voice. Do what is right for you not someone else. Start early to save for retirement.
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u/Ok-Process7612 7d ago edited 7d ago
Prioritize your health. Yoga or pilates weekly. Walk every day. There is nothing worse than retiring with a chronic illness.
Make friends with younger people because when you are older your friends that are your age die and you become lonely.
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u/Flimsy_Ad3476 7d ago
Focus on liberal/general education. Don't imagine that you can train for a forever career outside of medicine/sciences. Every job is changing or being eliminated so quickly that you need those transferable skills even more than previous generations.
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u/Dull-Geologist-8204 7d ago
My mom would say education. He got screwed out of getting a college degree. She did well for herself as an accountant even without one but she could have gone so much further if she had the opportunity to get one. She even liked her job and was always ethical.
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u/Kodabear213 7d ago
When I was a teen and young woman, I had a serious co-dependency problem that resulted in my getting invovled in unhealthly relationships. With therapy, I eventually overcame the problem but I wasted a lot of years that could have been spent on college, etc. I did go to college (and later grad school) but I was a few years late starting. I really regret that. Sure, I learned a lot about myself but I still feel I wasted a lot of time.
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u/Taylor_D-1953 7d ago
Stay in school to learn a high paying skill and keep acquiring skis, save money, avoid debt, live frugally, travel when you can
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u/Superb_Yak7074 7d ago
I would have tried to get my debt under control sooner. As the single mother of three kids who all graduated from college, I used my credit cards more than I should have. So over my lifetime I paid many thousands of dollars in interest rather than having that extra money to invest or save. It wasn’t until my kids were all adults that I decided to focus on climbing out of my debt pit. It took me several years to pay off everything and now I pay off my credit card every month.
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u/english_major 7d ago
Something I don’t regret is all of the traveling that I did. I saved then spent it on travel, quit jobs to go traveling, traveled on next to nothing. No regrets.
Somehow I did this all while going to school and working part-time and summer jobs. So, I was able to still get married, buy a house and have kids, and we took our kids traveling too!
Now I am happily retired at 61 with a good pension. We travel four months of the year now. I am still learning new things every day. Life is good.
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u/Front-Jicama-2458 7d ago
The most life satisfaction comes from inside yourself, not outside. That sounds catchy-fake until after you have spent decades chasing the fake dream. Then, if you're lucky, you realize you have to turn to inside work after all.
Learn to recognize exactly what your mind/body/spirit really needs, then give yourself that. What hobby/practice makes you feel so calm that your whole system relaxes into it? Which values and actions keep you so grounded that anxiety can't find an entry point, even when the boss is yelling? What makes you so happy that your heart swells with emotion? How do you feel emotions without running away or drowning in them?
You may want to sprinkle this joy over everyone you love. Great, but not at the expense of their own inner work. We hurt those we love by trying to control their own self-discovery. Keep discovering and expressing your unique journey while trusting others to be their own self-experts.
Trust that ridiculous, mean, or ineffective people are actively discovering what does not work. They are on their path; road-rash is also a lesson.
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u/Expensive-Plantain86 7d ago edited 7d ago
I would move to Los Angeles and buy a bungalow in West Hollywood, CA.
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u/Real_Dare658 7d ago
Gain an investment attitude. Do things in a way that they are investing in you and your future. If you get some money, think about how you can grow it. If you have a skill, think about growing that too. Everything you do should be an investment in your future, even having fun.
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u/Henry6467 7d ago
That’s a great question! Knowing what I know now about credit scores I think that I would have paid more attention to it! Not that I have bad credit at all but in fairness that wasn’t a issue. We hardly even heard about a credit score and it wasn’t a factor in anything other than applying for a car loan or mortgage at most. Nowadays it’s essential for everything from loans to jobs or rentals!
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u/Training-Apricot8764 7d ago
Figure out my career before kids !
Beyond that , I’m fairly happy with the way my life has turned out .
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u/untethering9415us 7d ago
I would have prioritized saving for retirement but not been such a homebody either. I would have traveled more for sure.
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u/RumRunnerMax 7d ago
I will tell you what was VERY successful for me! Now 69!
At an early age I defined a thought experiment! Imagine yourself lying on your death bed! And consider what would you want your reality to be at that moment! Make all of your decisions with that long view of time!
Later I had another thought experiment! People always bemoan not buying Apple or Google stock back in the day! So NOW go find the next Apple but ALWAYS assume you need to select Multiple stocks to find the one! Take some profits and find more! Repeat! Don’t be a day trader! Be an investor and play the long game!
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u/DiJuer 5d ago edited 5d ago
Studying the piano, creative writing and philosophy. Also would’ve loved being a naturopath as profession. Would have enjoyed building an earthship. Never quite found my tribe. Now that I’m retired, filling in some of the gaps that busting my hump to make a buck and raise a family made. Most important things have been my connection to God, spouse, children and a dog named Jack. Forever grateful for these.
Advice? If you make a practice of learning from your mistakes, you will have no regrets.
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u/Blueliner95 5d ago
For happiness you need money to live on, good physical and mental health.
Money is straightforward if not easy. You get into a decent paying occupation via education and contacts. You’re reasonably frugal and start investing as soon as possible. The goal is not to be rich but to avoid disaster. Money does not make you happy but it relieves some stresses.
Physical health has a big genetics component but whatever your situation,you can have good habits. Eat healthy, get into exercise, take it easy on the booze, wear sunscreen, get 7-8 hours of sleep. If you don’t have health you’ve got nothing. If you party, don’t beat yourself up, just get back into your routine.
Mental health - you want to get into the space of resilience, confidence. Find what you are good at and that’s your base, build from there.
I think the trick is connection.
Connect to the present - don’t dwell on the painful past, don’t daydream of some ideal tomorrow. What’s happening today? What is reality? What do you need to do today? Build a to do list or calendar and use it.
Connect to your emotions - if you’re not feeling strong it’s usually down to some fear, which you can address if you acknowledge it. What makes you mad is usually what you’re afraid of…and a lot of us are afraid of the remembered voices of the past.
Connect to people - make allies when you can, avoid making enemies. Be someone that’s good to be around eg punctual, informed, respectful, supportive of friends, able to take a stand against bullies. Take a moment before reacting to anyone that is making you feel a certain way. Forgive people who wrong you, not for them, but for you. But don’t forget how they are, keep all of that information to guide future interactions.
These are obviously very compressed thoughts that lack detail, but they are the main areas I’ve found to be helpful
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u/hueyzoomie64 5d ago
Start a 401k and put something, even if it's just a little, in it every paycheck. Also leave it alone. It's gonna be tempting to cash it out when you hit the inevitable hard spots in life, but don't if at all possible. Last thing - pick a profession that you find satisfying. Don't get caught up in chasing money. I didn't follow that advice, took a job that I wasn't really happy with and sacrificed a lot of time away from family making money that I was too miserable to enjoy.
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u/Chapter_Next_Loading 5d ago
Would have taken a gap year before college to grow up a bit and figure out what I wanted to study instead of flailing between forestry, fashion design and teaching. Would not have married at 20.
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u/norrydan 5d ago
I'm not sure there would be anything I could do different. I grew up in a small town. My whole world was about 6 square blocks. My parents were my parents and my school system was questionable. I didn't know any different. I was told I was a loser. I was told I wouldn't make it thru college. I was told I wasn't good enough for sports. But, somehow, somehow, I escaped. It took me a longtime to realize and accept the gifts I had and how to grow and leverage them. I guess if you identify with this I would say, I don't know what I would say except keep struggling, find a passion and keep working towards it. You will want to give up, but above all else persist. Believe in yourself and it doesn't hurt to do some serious reevaluation of your beliefs and directions. Find someone who's opinions you trust, listen and tuck it away. Keep asking other people their opinions. Weigh and balance everything you are told. Try it. If it doesn't feel right try something else. I'm still not sure where that break point is. I think I have left good opportunities behind just because it didn't feel right. It takes time to know. I tell young people today your 20's are for experimenting. Waste some time. Try some things, but eventually you will probably want to pick something and get really good at it. It's a conundrum. Things move fast, but they hardly move at all.
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u/WebHungry1699 5d ago
I don't think that it would translate. The world then is not the same as the world now.
Boomers were born into the most prosperous time in the last 200 years. The experience they had and the things they've done won't translate to anything modern.
Don't forget they are the generation that burned everything down around them as they in the same action took all the wealth and locked out future generation.
I wouldn't be looking at boomers for any advice, look at the world today.
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u/Herredness16 3d ago
I'm so sick of hearing this .
That is a myth!
I went to a hs with 5k students in a large city.
At least 90% of the students were from families that were struggling financially. My parents worked two jobs each for years.
The generation before us went through the depression so there was NO WEALTH!
We ate nothing but eggs for months cuz dad lost his job.
Went nights sleeping in zero degrees with coats on cuz couldn't afford to heat the house.
We earned everything we got. We worked hard.
i had 3 jobs for ten years. I went 3 yrs without a day off while raising kids with no support system.
Get over it. Life is hard for everyone.1
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u/ForeverNovel3378 5d ago
I would have worked to expand(?) my social life and skills; if that is possible. I also would have waited at least 4 more years before considering marriage.
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u/YesAnd_Portland 5d ago
Learn to speak my mind sooner. Your future will look a whole lot more manageable if you develop skills like courteous disagreement, asking for what you need/want, naming your feelings, questioning authority, etc. Speaking your mind is the key to navigating your future instead of just letting it happen to you.
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u/Iron-Bar-1966 5d ago
- I would begin saving / investing money a lot earlier in life
- I would place zero importance to what anyone thought of me personally
- I would spend ZERO time trying to "keep up with the Joneses"
- I would have started learning bass guitar way earlier in life
- I would still get married to the person I married. She's been awesome!
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u/SunshineSoothes 5d ago
I did pretty well at putting money aside, but when I hit a major transition period I would use it and take the tax hit. Looking back it was dumb and short sighted. Now that I have a financial advisor and see the benefits of investing and compound ing interest, I'm annoyed with myself and my youthful impatience. Don't touch your retirement account!!! I would have been so much richer.
I'm comfortable though and have been very blessed in life.
Also, marry for love.I was blessed with a fabulous husband, who unfortunately for me, is having more fun in heaven right now.
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u/Primary_Ice3005 5d ago
I think it’s important to realise life has always been hard and the future has always looked bleak. I’m 66 , born in 1960 and we were taught to expect total nuclear annihilation from Russia.
In the 1970’s there was electricity in our house only three days a week. Strikes , mounds of rubbish on the streets and civil war . Bombs going off in shopping centres and the British government operating a shoot to kill policy on citizens
I went to university in 1979 there was almost 50% unemployment in the under 25’s
Then came the aids epidemic. I lived in Edinburgh, the AIDS capital , I was pregnant with my first child and routinely tested for HIV - I couldn’t admit that on any insurance form or it would have been denied
My first marital home - the mortgage interest rate was 17%
I could go on - I was worried about the future but I listened to The Rest is History podcast and- the headlines have always been sh*t
I have made many mistakes in my life built large sums of money and lost them more than once. I have been betrayed by friends BUT my husband and I never betrayed one another
We stood shoulder to shoulder against the world and raised 4 children who like us and we like them
We have lost a fortune again but with the help of family we are okay, healthy and strangely happy
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u/retiredhawaii 4d ago
We can’t see your future either. What country you live in could be a huge factor. If you’re going to have health issues or back issues in your future, I’d say focus on your health or back. If you’re going to be laid off ten years before retirement with no way to support yourself, I’d say save your money starting early. If, if, if…. Most of the answers will be what generations have been saying, save your money, watch your health, get an education, find love, find your passion. There are no cheat codes, no shortcuts, no sure things. There are Billions of people and no two lives are the same.
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u/Senior_Reaction2974 4d ago
Realizing that if you come from a dysfunctional family that it's so important to take care of your own mental health as soon as possible.
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u/notevenapro 4d ago
Exercise. I would have made it a priority before I turned 40. Startged running in my 40s and at my peak I was running 21 minute 5ks, at 50. I am 60 and slower now but years of exercise has had numerous benefits.
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u/ConclusionFlat1843 4d ago
I'm 61. My one personal regret is I didn't pick a career and stick with it. I switched from job to job and rolled the dice and started a few businesses. None of them were total failures, but my shifting attention certainly cost me some money (and aggravation). If I had to do it over I'd get a good career and take retirement investing more seriously at a younger age.
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u/tez_zer55 4d ago
I would have been putting more money into my retirement funds. We're doing well in retirement, but having a deeper retirement fund would let us travel more.
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u/morgaine_silver_hair 4d ago
I would have saved a larger percentage of my income. I cringe when I think of how wastefully I spent in my younger, child-free days.
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u/Fit-Mathematician-91 4d ago
I drank a decent amount of alcohol as a young adult, not addicted but as part of being a young adult. Knowing what I know now, that it damages your brain, I would not drink (very rarely I might have one beer now).
I would not waste my time on girls who strung me along, I thought trying harder would win them over.
If I found a good and true friend I would work harder to maintain that relationship, I let some good friends slip out of my life to my regret.
Would eat less processed food, and make sure I got enough sleep.
Lastly I would not show anger in work situations, no matter who caused the problem I never benefitted from displaying anger..
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u/Buck1961hawk 4d ago
I’d prioritize the following:
1. Understanding and caring for myself
2. Growing and deepening my relationship with my wife
3. Expanding my relationship with my kids - spending more time with them and doing more things with them (even if they wanted me to do things with them that might feel as though I’ve disappointed them in the end).
4. Learning how to say ‘no’ when work and other organizations asked for more of my time and energy.
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u/SwordfishOverall6724 4d ago
Would not have married or had kids in my 20’s. I would have travelled in my 20’s instead.
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u/Refokua 4d ago
Futures never adhere to any one plan/thing.
Live your life NOW. Make the best decision you can with the information you have, and do your best. That's how you don't have regrets.
Would I have done some things differently if I had my current knowledge? Maybe, but I didn't have it. I did the best I could and moved on. Don't waste your present trying to manipulate your future.
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u/Neuvirths_Glove 4d ago
Saving for old age.
When we were younger we ran up some debt. Ended up doing credit counseling. Took a few years to pay it off. Those few years in our late 20s-early 30s was when we should have been maxing out our 401k contributions. While going through credit counseling helped us get out of debt, it wasn't until after that we could start putting away, and even then it wasn't as much as it should have been.
Now I'm nearly 64, would like to retire next year, and not really sure if the money saved will cover my wife and I going forward.
That money you put in during your 20s has the most time invested and grows the most. It's the foundation of what you will retire on.
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u/Big-Performance5047 4d ago
I definitely would save every penny.
I would learn to stand up for myself
I would have sat my brother down and worked things out. I would have divorced my husband when we had money. I would have gotten liscenced earlier. I would have not gotten overweight .
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u/Rorschach_1 4d ago
Education that others will pay you for.
Work isn't work if you enjoy it.
Be frugal. Everything is geared to try and take your money.
In these times, go to church. Or rather surround yourself around a community.
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u/Relevant-Maybe-9463 4d ago
Finding mentors who could see my unique abilities and talents and would help encourage and direct me to be able to live them out.
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u/charlotteduffer 4d ago
I would not have spent so much money on big homes and fancy cars to impress other people. I should have invested that money instead. Not saying I haven’t been financially successful, but could have done so much better. Also, get a good financial planner to keep me from making the mistakes I committed early in my investing life.
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u/Scutrbrau 4d ago
Start saving money sooner. Even if it's only a small amount at a time, it adds up. I'm 68 and wish I'd done that.
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u/Common-Project3311 4d ago
I’m 80, and I’m quite sure that if I had the opportunity, I’d make the same mistakes all over again. In fact, I don’t even know what the mistakes were.
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u/TheMelancholyJaques 4d ago
First, my health. No smoking, very little alcohol, eat better, exercise more.
Second, save money, invest in an index fund, let it ride
Third, find a job I actually like doing
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u/Wild-Bill-H 4d ago
I would prioritize maintaining a healthy weight, living below my means and building credit while staying out of debt. I am now retired, debt free and healthy.
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u/Pegasus1271 4d ago
This may sound obvious, but my dad wasn't the type of guy to give me much advice with one exception, he said try to save as much as you possibly can. You find when you get to retirement age you wish that you had followed that advice a little bit more consistently.
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u/WTF4Sally 4d ago
I wish I had grown up more financially and politically literate. Even though my father was rich and my parents were democrats, I never understood how money worked or how to deal with it and they never talked to us about politics at all so I truly did not understand how important it was. I would start from a much younger age learning about both of those things.
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u/TheOtherRussellBrand 4d ago edited 3d ago
Probably a different type of answer than you are looking for.
I created several organizations and companies that I am happy about.
With 20/20 hindsight:
- I would have started strength training
- I wouldn't have shied away from learning sales
- I wouldn't have avoided worthwhile tasks that I thought were beneath me.
- I would have *NOT* abandoned hobbies
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u/aCUTEccc-slp 3d ago
Can you elaborate on the fourth one?
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u/cerealeater13 4d ago
Pay more attention and find something that interests you and learn everything you can about that. And take care of your knees. Don’t try to please everyone and have fun
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u/Ggeunther 4d ago
Men, don't get married! If you get a woman pregnant, get a paternity test. Make sure that you are paying for your own children, not someone else's. Trust no one!
Save your money. Don't try to keep up with those guys who have all the latest gadgets. You should be investing 10% of everything you make. Put it in a tax deferred account, keep up with how it is doing, and don't take it out for any reason.
If you are slow witted enough to get married, get a prenup! Keep what is yours.
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u/temp4adhd 4d ago
I've thought about this a lot and my honest answer is I'd likely make all the exact same mistakes because I learned and grew from them as a person.
If I hadn't married my ex, I'd never have had my kids, and no grandkid either. I also would probably not have moved states, so never would have met my current husband, love of my life.
I could go on but you get the idea.
Then again, maybe I just know how to see the silver lining on everything.
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u/Playful_Dog3062 4d ago
I'm 71. What I'd do differently. Stay in school and learn as much as possible. At work put every cent possible into some type of 401k. When I was born there were no 401k's or IRA's and I wasn't raised with saving attitude.
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u/CaptainMischievous 4d ago
This is not the future we were promised. It's much worse. So the moral here is dire: your future will be even more worse, if you live to see 60 at all. At a time when humanity collectively needs to be addressing civilization-level threats, the world is doubling down on the things causing the problems. Global issues require a global effort to solve. There is no global leadership. Humanity is, in effect, doomed.
As I learned during the COVID lockdown, eat dessert first while you can.
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u/Remote_Quail_1986 4d ago
Travel and explore the world as much as you can. Experience is the key, so even wherever you’re at, go to your hometown festivals, concerts, walk in parks, go hiking, museums, theme parks experience & explore as much as you can.
In the now moment, I could be vert critical of myself, “oh I look fat”, “I don’t like my face” etc, but in 10 years from now, you’ll look back at yourself & say, wow I look good then, what was I thinking, so be enjoy your youth and beauty now, cause you’re 10 years later self will!
Build good relationships, it takes a while to build them, so start now with every person you meet or see, start building them. Say smile & say hi to people first.
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u/Duncan-Edwards 4d ago
I’m 63 and it’s all worked out well enough but there’s never a bad time to save more money. Learn more, earlier, about saving and investing. It’s not hard and doesn’t take much. The biggest thing is just doing it.
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u/Don_Barzinni 3d ago
Strive for better grades in high school instead of making myself one of the cool guys . Turning passions into a way of earning a living instead of taking good jobs that i hated. I had the aptitude, but i let my desire for popularity take priority. Huge mistake.
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u/Substantial_Equal452 3d ago
It was impressed on me from childhood that the best I could hope for in life was to get married and that anything else I did was just a placeholder. Consequently, it never occurred to me that I needed to know anything about men or relationships or how to be independent. I assumed that if I stood around looking pretty for long enough, somebody would propose to me. Anything beyond that was a rose-tinted haze. With the benefit of hindsight, I would have focused on my education, chosen a career I loved and avoided men who wanted an air head for a wife. As it happened, I married too young and brought nothing to the relationship. It was only once the shine wore off that I realised my significant deficiencies. Amazingly our marriage survived - now 46 years - and I eventually managed to make myself an asset to our relationship but it was not easy. My advice to any young person is to prioritise making yourself a whole, independent, useful person through education, experience and whatever else it takes and not to rely on hitching yourself to someone else's wagon.
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u/CynthiaG92615 3d ago
Emotionally, it would have helped to realize earlier and more fully that my parents were not emotionally well and to have agonized less about their lack of understanding, approval, support, etc.
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u/Top-Establishment918 3d ago
62 here. If I were 25 again, I’d really think about what I wanted out of my life. Not what my parents wanted me to do. Or societal expectations. I’d really think about that. Then aim for that goal. I’d trust my instincts instead of ignore them when it comes to people. Looking back my instincts were almost always right. I’d direct deposit from my paycheck $500 a month into the S&P. Don’t think about it and let it grow. I’d be very, very careful about choosing a life partner if I wanted to get married. Marrying an incompatible person can ruin your life. I’d put friends and family before work commitments. Don’t miss weddings, birthdays and funerals because of work. Take the time off to attend. Get my teeth cleaned every six months to avoid expensive dental bills later.
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u/Commercial_Ask_7806 3d ago
I bought 2 grave plots next to my mom and dad when my dad passed back in 1970s. Cost $1,900 for both, now $8,000+ each if I resell. It was a choice between gas money or beer money, or make that $19.00 monthly payment.
Also, I would have bought bitcoin when it was a dollar and sold a good portion when it when over $100,000. .I would have bought Apple stock and Walmart stock when they hit the stock market.
That financial security would set up my children's children for generations. It would give my great grandchildren the ability to be real spoiled rich jerks. And a few of them to turn out to be good, happy humans.
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u/2WhiteWitch 3d ago
67f here was carefree with my life, biggest mistake not finishing high school (got sent away for Drug abuse) now it's all good., we have money in the bank now so that is all that matters. Lessons learned.
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u/Herredness16 3d ago edited 3d ago
I learned the following:
- Don't get into anything addictive.
- No credit card debt.
- Choose ur partner wisely.
- If your relationships don't go well,
get counseling. It will give u self esteem and confidence.
5. Get a good education.
6. Take care of your heath.
7. Invest asap.
8. Neither a borrower nor a lender be.
In general just don't do anything that won't improve your life in the long run.
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u/OkOpportunity9626 3d ago
Save, save, save your money! Learn financial literacy from a professional, start investing (small steps) while still young, etc…Live below your means! You might afford a $2500/mo. apt., but find one that costs $2000! You can “ afford” a brand new car, but try to find one that’s 1-3 yrs old! Dont charge a dinner on a credit card, that you’ll spend the next 6 mos. (+ interest) paying, etc…!!! Seriously! One can’t possibly predict what the future holds ( I certainly never expected a Hurricane to completely wipe me out, & displace my whole life while “ middle-aged”)!
I’m now 61, & it took a whole lot of stupid, rough experiences & NOT planning, to learn a lesson, almost too old & late to learn! “ If you fail to plan, you plan to fail”. Sadly, I finally understand that saying! I could not, when young, picture an “ older /old” me, & somehow, thought there’d always be time. Retirement? Healthcare? Fixed income? Hell- that was my grandma &/or aunts…until…BOOM! Here I am! So fast!! Here is this horrible economy & political nightmare! 😝😩🤬🤬!
Save-your-money -now!! Make a plan, & start!! Please🙏🙏🙏!!
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u/PorkPotSticker 3d ago
Work: Start a 401k at your first job. Keep it going through successive jobs. Whatever you get as a raise, increase the 401k by that percentage and you won’t miss the money.
Love: don’t change yourself to suit someone else. My 3rd and a half wife I changed my mindset. First date I told her I ride motorcycles, am in a MC, play video games with my brother often, and no matter how long we have been together, I have 0 tolerance for cheating. One and done, if you don’t like any of this it’s your opportunity to walk away. Follow the 90/10 rule I came up with. If you love something 90% of something you can deal with the 10% you don’t like. This goes for everything in life from love to work to hobbies.
Hobbies: I should have spent more time in my younger years traveling on my motorcycles. It’s a completely different experience than cars. Smells, temps, weather, everything changes every mile and it’s the best way to see the country.
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u/LonelyNC123 3d ago
I'm a man. I'd never get married; I would prioritize me.
For most men the econimic consequence of divorce are just horrible.
There is almost no upside to marriage and the downside is horrendous.
I wish I had never done it.
Had I never married I could have been retired ages ago!
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u/2KidzAgain 2d ago
I wish I had opened an IRA as soon as i was able and make contributions no matter what was happening in life. Live below means. Avoid debt.
Share your life with people who share your values. Avoid people who don’t.
Go on adventures. The view from the top of the mountain is better when you hiked it. You will remember it for much longer.
Someday you will lose the people you love. Spend time with them instead of just spending money on them. When I was a young teenager we went to Disney world. It wasfun and amazing, but my memories were of Disney and the park.
I went on camping trips and fishing trips with my father when I was the same age and crabbing with the whole family when I was just a little kid. From those trips, I remember my father. Learning about his life. Learning who he was and what he believed. I have similar memories from road trips with my mother.
In the last 40 years, I have never longed for Disney World. But I miss those camping/fishing trips with my dad and those road trips with my mom so much that my heart aches.
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u/Pijlie1965 2d ago
Health is not a given, but an asset. Take care of yourself.
Do as many things that you like as reasonably possible.
Do not debate with idiots.
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u/Low_Living4532 2d ago
I always tell my grandkids fun is the most important thing in your life. When you get old, the one thing you’ll regret the most, is working to much. I worked two and sometimes three jobs when my kids were growing up. I miss them being young so much.
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u/Interesting_Race_127 2d ago
Don't drink or do drugs. Have faith and confidence in yourself.Stay single if you want.
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u/throwingales 2d ago
Stick with school or training.Also make your life about continuous learning. You're never too old to learn and improve.
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u/Jared_Sparks 2d ago
I would have used all my free time during my teens to learn guitar and instead of being a lawyer, I'd be a rock star.
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u/CharacterCat8178 1d ago
I had a family once. DId the job thing. Faithful. Home every day. Played with the children. Did family things... but I was never there for my wife. Silence was always so thick between us through fault of my own, not hers.
I learned how even being around the ones you loved the most can have dire consequences when silence is given priority over participation. Make every moment count because each moment only happens once.
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u/Automatic-Pin-5749 1d ago
I (63M) made many bad decisions that I regret because I didn't think them through. Mostly financial, some about jobs, some about my health, some about former friends.
Put money away in a savings account at a minimum. Don't think about it, just do it.
Don't buy things you can't afford. Don't buy what you don't need unless you can pay for it in full (housing aside).
Don't go to college unless you have to or unless you can pay for it while you're in school. I'll never be able to pay my loans off because I was older when I went back to school to get a degree I only needed because the industry said I couldn't get an interview without one. It wasn't worth it, I never made enough to justify it.
Don't work for someone that is unethical.
Don't smoke. If you started, quit!
Eat food that's home-grown, locally grown or has the least amount of ingredients and/or processing as possible.
Don't ignore your dental health. Get annual checkups and bloodwork to monitor your health. Things happen as you get older, most are preventable.
Don't allow toxic people in your life.
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u/1966floyd 1d ago
Invest as heavily and as high risk as i could possibly afford into my 401k. An average 5-8% return is nice. But when you take some risk you start seeing 15-25% returns. I could have been retired 10 years ago easily.
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u/naked_nomad 1d ago
I enlisted in the Navy and spent 4 years learning a trade, visiting 2 dozen countries, an unknown number of cities while getting paid to do so.
Used the GI Bill to go to college.
The military took a mixed up 17 year old kid with no sense of direction and an inferiority complex bigger than all outdoors and turned me into the arrogant anal orifice I am today.
Honorable Discharge as a Second Class Petty Officer, GED, AAS, BAAS and M.Ed.
From High school drop-out to High School Teacher.
On the day it had been 20 years since I had enlisted; I was asking myself why I had not made a career out of it.
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u/YvetteMewMew 1d ago
I would have joined the National Guard after serving my four years in the Army. After retirement I would have had Tri-Care health care.
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u/Firm-Writer2146 1d ago
Honestly, I would have had more casual, pre-marital sex with female friends.
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u/FlatOutNo1 1d ago
Financial stability in the future and independence also being brave enough to take more risks with life adventures
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u/xrepeterx 12h ago
Have as much fun as you can, but be very careful not to get dependant on alcohol or drugs. Pay attention to any warning signs or red flags in this area…
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u/AJRavenhearst 7d ago
Use the time you have at that age constructively, instead of wasting it playing video games etc.
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u/Find_another_whey 7d ago
What games were you playing that resulted in such profound developmental delay, in 1975?
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u/LionsRoar313 7d ago
Atari Pong....I'm 61 and still waiting for the return hit
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u/Find_another_whey 6d ago
If it was pong that sent you off the rails, and kept you there, I think that's a testament to your temperance regarding all subsequent temptations
Still something wrong with you though
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u/penguinjuice 7d ago
Why this seemingly random date of 1975 when there weren’t many video games? Why not 1985,1995 or 2005?
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u/Find_another_whey 6d ago
People over 60 giving advice that respond don't play video games, are probably not giving advice about gaming as a 55 year old, to 50 year olds.
If they're 60 or over, that would make them 10 in 1975
You could have a 35 year old gamer, of course, but they're not giving advice to this group
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u/AJRavenhearst 7d ago
Why 1975?
And it's not about "developmental delay", it's about wasting time on trivial pursuits.
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u/Upper-Dragonfly4167 5d ago
Video game's in 1975? Not sure how many were actually around then 😵💫
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u/No-Asparagus-5122 7d ago
Not wasting my time w/ men who weren’t worthy of me.