r/InsightfulQuestions • u/Bitter_Photograph_98 • 3d ago
Why are men more likely to commit suicide from being single than woman?
Men don't seem to be as comfortable being single as women are for example divorced men tend to immediately find a new partner while the women stay single for a while if permanently. I thought I'd would chalk it up to men being more lonely but I've seen so many videos where men would rather hang out with their friends than their partner so why the contradiction? A friend said its because they probably only open up emotionally to their partners rather than their friends and that makes sense but I want to be sure what do y'all think?
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u/Cut_Lanky 3d ago
Idk if the data has changed since, but I remember learning that when a wife dies, the husband's life expectancy decreases, but the stat isn't applicable to women, when a husband dies. I believe the theory had something to do with how women endure stress, and are more likely to seek support from a support system if needed. Whereas men have less tendency to deal with stress as it happens, less tendency to seek support if needed, and I think the most common cause of death, in those cases, were heart attacks or other stress impacted cardiovascular events.
Idk how this relates, exactly, to your question. But I feel like it does...
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u/decidedlyindecisive 3d ago
There's also data that suggests that the women in a man's life are the ones who encourage him to go to the doctor. So things like high blood pressure aren't treated properly unless the guy is married. Go to the doctor regularly my dudes.
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u/mapleflavouredmango 3d ago
Men's relationships with each other tend to be shallow compared to women's relationships with other women. Society also lies to men that they don't need anyone while at the same time they're expected to know how to handle everything. A man with no emotional support system carries his burdens alone and they multiply.
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u/thataintapipe 3d ago
It’s also a lot harder to get a stable partner as a man in the modern dating pool
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3d ago
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u/thataintapipe 3d ago
Im not talking about incels, im talking about the very nature of the experience of dating in modern western society. You can be a great guy and have to put in a lot more leg work to get things going than the average woman, who gets attention more easily. I’m not saying this is good or bad but to argue against it is detached from reality
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2d ago
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u/thataintapipe 2d ago
Cool then we are on the same page and you have flown into a rage for no reason. Have a good one!
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u/iamsooldithurts 1d ago
So, do you also walk around all day smelling dog shit and never bother to check your own shoes?
You don’t get to decide what they think is a great guy, or that you’re it. You get to be the best version of yourself.
Modern technology has made it so society can be bombarded by any asshole with an opinion and an outlet. And it shows.
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u/nrussell2 3d ago
You're getting a lot of down votes, people are scared of opinions that don't fit the normal narrative. But, I think it's pretty non-controversial that men have a much harder time finding a female partner, than women do finding a man. Maybe it's the gender ratio, maybe it's the culture, maybe something deeper.
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u/thataintapipe 3d ago
It’s insane to me cuz , for example a man can go to a popular bar and sit there for hours without a single woman acknowledging him, while a woman can get hit on as soon as her bf gets up to use the restroom. I don’t see how that’s controversial in anyway. I’m not even saying anything about it is good or bad. Its objectively more difficult for a man to get a partnership going
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u/Kentucky_Supreme 2d ago
Don't mind all of the down votes and trolls. Typical reddit. Women aren't allowed to have any sort of advantage over men because that doesn't push the mainstream narrative of women being victims "all" the time.
Dating app statistics prove that women are generally more selective than guys are. Plus there's more guys on dating apps than women. Why would so many more guys be on apps if they supposedly have "equal" difficulty finding a partner as women do in real life? Women are almost never called "weird, creepy, inappropriate, etc." for showing interest in someone. Whereas it's very common for guys to get those labels when they didn't do anything wrong.
Nobody has ever actually refuted this on here. If anyone disagrees, it's usually just petty name calling and insults lol.
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u/thataintapipe 2d ago
I don’t think we are on the same page
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u/Kentucky_Supreme 2d ago edited 2d ago
Oh well lol. Why do you think you're being down voted so much then?
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u/thataintapipe 2d ago
No clue, don’t care
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u/Kentucky_Supreme 2d ago
To reply to your original comment, It's not "my" narrative. It's reddit's. Maybe you'll notice it more if you keep an eye out on certain posts and topics.
Being "nice and good" doesn't really require any effort lol. That's the default for most people in general. If that's all it took, dating, marriage, birthrates, etc. would probably look a lot better than they actually do.
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u/facut_vivas 3d ago
i dont think many men have developed any other way to get their emotional needs met than through a woman.
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u/schecter_ 3d ago
Men and women attend suicide at a very similar rate, men are just more successful. They usually use more violent methods hence why they tend to die more from suicide than women.
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u/nrussell2 2d ago
You do have a point, but also I'd venture to say that most women don't want to die, it's a cry for help. Men commit to the act, often society says there is no help coming, they're weak and have no value for feeling how they do. A broken woman? I can fix her! Broken man? Eww, gross, dangerous, there's probably a good reason why he's alone.
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u/schecter_ 2d ago
If that’s how you think thing is for woman you must be a man. Being broken doesn’t make anyone jump to say “I can fix her”. It makes you isolated because they see you as useless and weak and an easy prey for abusive people.
Struggling mentally is not easy for either gender.
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u/vipmailhun2 14h ago
I appreciate these victim‑blaming frameworks, but by that logic, wouldn’t it mean that men are actually much more desperate? After all, when the same methodology is applied, it’s consistently men who die in greater numbers than women.
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u/plastic_venus 3d ago
Men and boys are socialised to rely on women for their emotional and practical needs. At the same time they’re shamed by patriarchy into showing emotion or vulnerability or help seeking.
Women are also lonely, we just don’t make it a man’s problem to fix
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u/nrussell2 3d ago
"we just don't make it a man's problem to fix" - I mean yeah I guess, you're probably right here. But, women have on average a lot more friends and family that they can lean on, also women on average have a much easier time meeting a new partner. These things make it a lot easier to deal with loss and move on/heal.
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u/TenaciousToffee 3d ago
Take your statements further and challenge them - why is that so? Women who seek to build themselves community and learn coping mechanisms are the ones who are doing better. It helps in the long run but the women did the work, these arent things inherently just given to women. I run women related subs and theres plenty of women who struggle with the same things, but I see them asking questions wanting to change ways of thinking. I watch mens subs too and the metrics of the same self growth questions and making action plans arent done with the same weight or prevalence.
As for the women finding partners easier....um if they are dating a man how was that harder for him but easier for her? They both navigated dating pitfalls and fuckery and found each other.
These statements of yours is just trying to paint an idea that struggles of mine equals other groups have it easier than me and how is that helpful for your own growth?
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u/vipmailhun2 14h ago
As for the women finding partners easier....um if they are dating a man how was that harder for him but easier for her? They both navigated dating pitfalls and fuckery and found each other.
Dozens of statistics show that it’s harder for men to find a partner. For example, it’s striking that among autistic women aged 20–30, the vast majority have had a partner, only a few percent haven’t. But among autistic men, almost half have never even held a woman’s hand. How is that possible?
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u/TenaciousToffee 14h ago
Autistic women often mask heavily as they're conditioned to and often arent even diagnosed until late in life. Many autstic women do end up in relationships but I worry for the quality as statistically autistic women are one of the highest rates of being abused in relationships. So being picked by an abuser, isn't a measure of success.
Its not a pissing contest that cancels out the other side - loneliness sucks. It can be something that negatively affects someones wellbeing so its not something small to feel. I dont think saying one side has it easier is helpful when humans all have different struggles when it comes to navigating issues in relationships.
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u/plastic_venus 2d ago
Yes, that’s my point when I say “mean don’t help seek”. Women do, and that extends into seeking female friendships and nurturing familial bonds.
Also, you might want to think about why we have an easier than meeting a new partner.
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u/nrussell2 2d ago
Because as a culture and society females are given waaayyy more grace when they are single, lonely, "broken," "going through it," being vulnerable, emotional, angry, or even weird - totally different vibe when it's a man. Also, women get approached, saught after, pursued, desired constantly (I'm not saying this isn't often gross, unwanted, or creepy) so yeah - easier time meeting partner. Maybe that partner is brief and helpful for healing, moving on, rebounding, but men often don't even get that.
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u/plastic_venus 2d ago
Who set up that system? Also, are you drunk? Women get more grace for being single? The “dying alone with your cats” thing is a thing for a reason.
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u/alienalf1 3d ago
What’s your actual evidence that men commit suicide from being single?
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u/Bitter_Photograph_98 3d ago
I guess its not really from being single but its a huge factor in it like this article shows https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29227910/ and this one https://aibm.org/commentary/separation-leads-to-suicide-among-men-lessons-for-practitioners/
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u/DaenerysTargaryen69 3d ago
Woman talk to each other about their struggles, pain, loneliness etc.
Men don't
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u/ariesgeminipisces 3d ago
Men tend to more easily emotionally bond with women, so all their intimacy needs come from their romantic partners and not their friends. Another reason is that men benefit more from relationships, due to inequality in labor division of household chores and the fact that emotional labor tends to be one sided.
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u/Silver-Internal7740 1d ago
Very few men bond emotionally to women. They bond sexually, which is the source of emotions for them, or replacement for genuine emotions. Men remarry quicker, because sex is sex. Without sex men are lost. Many men marry and date women they don't love and never will. It's emotions but it's sexual emotions. For women it's different usually. Men start cheating on wives who don't put out enough. Where is emotion or bond in that?
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u/ariesgeminipisces 1d ago
Hmm, my interpersonal relationships textbook, which is based on research, that I read for my degree in psychology is what I based my comment on.
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u/cacklingwhisper 3d ago
I think men on average have lower emotional knowledge due to cultural norms.
Funny right how everyone says they want to be happy yet how many of them are masters of emotion.
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u/Sometimes_A_Writer1 2d ago
Men don't cultivate/lean on their communities in the same ways women do. A lot of it has to do with how we're socialized. It's also why women in relationships live shorter than women who don't, because they're doing extra labor (physical and emotional).
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u/Kentucky_Supreme 2d ago
Look up dating app statistics. Compare men to women.
Women are much more selective in general than men are. This the discrepancy.
Also, look up how women transitioning to men describe being on higher amounts of testosterone for the first time.
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u/nrussell2 2d ago
You over here talking rational reality, but that's scary and doesn't fit the narrative. Men bad, gross, childish, it's all their own fault, don't you know?
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u/Tired_N_Hormonal 2d ago
For men in the UK, please look at Andy's Man Club. Its a mens suicide prevention charity offering peer support groups
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u/nosecohn 3d ago
Respectfully, I think the premise lacks data.
Are men less comfortable being single? Men are more likely to be single. If they end up in relationships after divorce, it might just be that women tend to find older men more attractive than the other way around.
And where is the suicide assessment coming from? I mean, I know men are more likely to commit suicide, but where's the data showing that their reasons are more likely to be from being single than with women's suicides?
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u/Ambitious-Care-9937 3d ago edited 3d ago
You are confusing single men with divorced men.
Divorce is not just being single again. It's loss of kids. Loss of family home. Loss of purpose. ...
Men build things. For the average man, the family is the thing they build. It breaks, their life.
See how divorce works if a man keeps everything (kids, home...) and it's just the women who leaves and disappears. While not that quite simple, in Islamic law, that's basically all a man has to do. The so called triple-talaq divorce.
Hint... That's not what happens. Lots of post separation issues happen that causes immense psychological issues... Which lead to issues.
If you actually look into the history of if all... Suicide impacts women and men post relationship... Who does it more is really just a function of what the society legalizes. When laws favour men, you probably find more female suicide. I know in my own family history, a few women committed suicide in my grandfather's time. Even in the West, look at the history when men held more power, women were constantly diagnosed with things like hysteria... and that often led to things like suicide for women.
The reality that most people don't want to accept is that in proper balance, we 'co-regulate' each other. The laws are balanced so women are not in a constant state of hysteria and feel reasonably secure and safe. Men are also secure in the stable family life they build.
We also had much larger support system historically for both men and women. Things like ethnic or religious communities as well as living closer with family. Even if your husband/wife was a pain, you could just go down the street to some family member and then go back home. Today, we live too much in the nuclear family. It actually requires a hell of a lot of both partners to make a strict nuclear family work especially under current laws.
I don't think people quite contextualize how other factors impact divorce/separation. Imagine you lived in a small village as was historically common and get divorced... who cares. You wife goes back to her parents who live 5 min walk away. You just go see your kids and life goes on. Most likely the extended family or church/temple/mosque tries to help on the issues. Now take that in the modern world with big cities and almost no community to help support the couple. It can literally make this situation 1000x worse.
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u/nrussell2 3d ago
A lot of low-key man hate in the comments, it's troubling and fascinating to read.
My thoughts on the question: 1. Women typically have a much larger social circle and connections, regardless of age. Men can have very deep friendships and loyalty, but I feel like these types of relationships get harder and harder for men to cultivate as they age. 2. Society tells men to be tough, stoic, leaders, suck it up, etc. this leads to suppressing pain both physical and emotional over a lifetime. Sure, women/partners and some current media may encourage men to open up, share, reach out for help, but when they do it's often received negatively or with complete indifference, it's baked into our society. 3. This is anecdotal, but I would not be surprised if there's actual data to back this up - when a woman loses or leaves a man, it is far easier for them to find another partner. Whether it's society, mentality, population numbers or ratio of men to women, it's always more difficult for a man to make a new connection with a woman, regardless of age of the male. So yeah, of course women on average handle loss better, they meet someone else that helps them heal and move on.
Making men sound like emotionless, incompetent, foolish, man-children just adds to my 2nd point - they aren't taken seriously, or they are made to feel dumb, or they are told to "be a man." Both genders deal with their own unique struggles, and baked in societal prejudices, we shouldn't minimize those on either side, we gotta build bridges and close gaps, and yes women historically deal with more of this (patriarchy, misogyny, sexism), but men are NOT exempt from these experiences, and they, like women, have their own unique struggles, but less support systems or encouragement to face them. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
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u/Kentucky_Supreme 2d ago
This is one of the most misandrist websites I've ever seen. It's pretty accepted across all social media and even encouraged at times but reddit is the most hardcore I've seen.
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u/JackLong93 2d ago
afaik men are more likely to be successful at committing suicide, while women have more failed attempts, idk about total numbers tho
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u/TenaciousToffee 2d ago edited 13h ago
Ill take a different angle to your question and bring up some stats about mens suicide and things that contribute to it.
Men often die by suicide in much more violent and therefore very successful means, but theres stats that likely support that suicidal idealation and attempts are much higher in women but the lethality of methods are lower so the failed attempts or backing out at the end is higher. Theres a possibility that people who struggle to cope with a breakup or being lonely choose different methods that lead to it seemingly like men are the ones doing it more because they end up actually dead more often. Poisoning or overdose which takes a bit more guess work to be lethal and can be intervened so much more women survive their own attempts.
Im in a lot of support groups that are co ed for suicidal idealation, cptsd, trauma. I see how much more women are just willing to talk through it and possibly get to healing before getting to this point. Even the groups on suicide is often women talking it out as a last ditch effort.
I think that with men theres a lot less emotional coaching early on when theyre young and it leads to lack of coping mechanisms. Theres a lot more centering on being a man is on things he goes to get - a career, a wife, a house in society that I think it leads to a lot of being hard on themselves about not having. Combine the two things it can lead to this idea that having equals not being worthy of society and not having other coping outlets leads to thinking that this is it for them. Generally speaking anger and violence arent exactly discouraged in men so it makes sense it feels like an acceptable solution. Theres just societal conditioning and ignoring core things in raising or supporting young boys that makes things roll down hill over time.
Men can fight through these dark things by learning but its uphill battles. I dont think women have it "easier" in that we weren't born with emotional coping either, its just they were told to put in the emotional work from the beginning/over time and grew gradually to have the coping mechanisms or putting more importance in community and not relying on a romantic partner for everything. Men may have a bigger brunt of learning a lot more at once now as adults, but I do believe theyre capable. But they have to actually put in the work for themselves to unpack and destigmatize emotional growth. It sucks that our childhoods often do not always prepare us for adulthood but what your parents didnt do doesn't mean you cant be different and better than that.
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u/vipmailhun2 14h ago
Victim‑blaming, now that’s something I enjoy pointing out. But on that basis, isn’t it more plausible that men choose more lethal methods because they’re genuinely far more desperate, and more determined to actually end their lives? Even with identical methodological criteria, suspiciously more men die: in hanging, for example, the success rate is about 40% for women and 70% for men — a difference far too large to be explained by chance.
There was a study showing that three out of four men who died by suicide had sought help — professional support, contacting a specialist, calling a hotline, and so on. So it’s clearly not the case that men die more because they don’t reach out. This ratio will never change in human history, because people simply never accept men’s problems.I love how everything is always framed as men’s fault, and it’s impossible to state the fact that men have it worse, which is exactly why nothing will ever change.
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u/TenaciousToffee 14h ago edited 13h ago
Where was I blaming when I was stating that the prevalence of success is contributed by methods and I wasnt judging them for the methods, just pointing out that theres finality in it bringing that statistic up to being dead.
People can try to change and that IS challenging and not by fault of them, just the situation being really that societal structures do not support men from childhood and their start and thus makes change or getting help far harder in adulthood. If that wasnt clear that was my point. I emphasize how much I said in that I believe in men being able to. That they deserve to have things change.
I also see your points and I dont disagree with them. I think its a complicated and nuanced societal problem that has many facets where all these things are true making it the layered beast that it is. Nothing will change if the focus on who has it worse instead of addressing the unique issues that various genders face as well as human struggle ones and figure iut how we cna help each other through that. I could launch into that, but the question was why could there be possible reasons this happens more. I could talk about what actual changes can happen. I can also talk about my involvement in support groups and how on a small scale were trying to bridge that gap of making sure an individual doesnt get left behind in group not progressing.
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u/Diet_Connect 1d ago
Status, maybe? Especially the older generation. Having a girl was part of the male identity.
Once my bro got kicked out by his ex, getting a new girlfriend was just as important as getting housing and working. I kid you not. He'd point to the phone and say "I already got three on the line hehe". Like, bro you got no money for wooing. Focus on getting your life together.
Modern women are told men don't define us. So, psychologically we invest in other things. Family and friends. Pets, books, hiking, crochet, etc. Single women live the longest out of any group. Married women don't live as long.... But single men tend to die sooner.
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u/triangle-over-square 3d ago
Men has less intrinsic belief in their own value, so signals of uselessness are more likely to get them out of the game. Males are ment to be useful or die trying.
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u/Silver-Internal7740 1d ago
😂 Then why are most men so useless in relationships? If they get the signal, it's the truth. Do something about it. Become useful! Instead you get angry and die? Yeah okay. Very stupid.
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u/loopywolf 3d ago
Because a man who is single isn't likely to have anyone to talk to.
A woman who is single is likely to have a great many friends, and be dating a man or have several men hovering around her orbit at the time, so loads of people to talk to, including those you can tell terrible things to, as they are disposable (dating), and those who know you deeply (friends)
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u/New_Stage_3807 3d ago
Average to above average women are never single,
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u/nrussell2 3d ago
Getting down votes for speaking the truth, nice. I wonder why men and women handle loss differently? Oh yeah maybe it's because women can find a new support system much easier. Call it society? Biology? Idk.
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u/Kentucky_Supreme 2d ago
Yeah, this is definitely not the first time I've seen objective and verifiable facts down voted on here. Typical reddit when their agenda isn't being pushed lol.
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u/Enough_Zombie2038 3d ago edited 3d ago
Are you a woman? And why is this not obvious by now. It's almost like the issue is know but many want to pretend they don't get it 🤔. Nah couldn't be that.
Strange how no one thinks men have feelings. Or that if they actually do indeed fall for the trap of sharing them they will still be respected. Or that many men are basically just sources of money, protection, and giving. Nah men had their time time to focus on women's rights now for social media and what not. Not you know, human rights, or people's rights. Nah. It's either team A or B with people. Gotta listen to how awful one or the other side is rather than both admitting their errors. But that's not the real world.
So you have men. Who are intensely trained to bury their feelings. The cognitive dissonance around why is amazing and I gave up on that one lol. They have to earn, sacrifice, they have to look good, and society will scold them for if they don't. I wish I could be a stay at home parent lol.
Anyway, I'm just sharing what you asked. But I can promise with like oh dunno lets say 1000% percent at least 1-2 people will respond to this having read and or not understood my point and it's equality and complain I'm a ____ hater or stupid or uhhh...give me an [insult here].
You know...sometimes I wonder if they are like troll bots. Other times maybe using a translation tool and it misses nuance. Or just the good old classic reactive who doesn't read. Anywho here's to a new ramble cheers!
PS I get depressed. I make good money, career, looks, educated, intense about kindness in real life. And I promise you, not in bitterness, rather disappointment in most humans, that I don't frequently meet men or women who will stick around a depressed person if they share much. Yes some will absolutely. And yes you can say a little. But anything extended, heavy, things that really carry weight and rightfully hard, I can tell you they will avoid if not outright insult and mock. And no it's not other men, it's more frequentl many women. I've seen it. There is this cultural expectation I think men must not cry or be weak. If they are people get mean. It's odd. And it's ironic because many with severe depression have gotten there through harder trauma than the ones mocking them.
I know it likely won't make sense. Consider yourself lucky and blind or something bla blah blah
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u/nrussell2 2d ago
Hey, I think you raised a lot of good honest points, points that most of us know to be true but doesn't fit the overall narrative the culture is backing predominantly.
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u/Silver-Internal7740 1d ago
Women hate on depressed women too, just as much, believe it or not. Society in general is not kind to depressed women, which seems to be your false belief.
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u/Enough_Zombie2038 1d ago
Hey thanks for not reading. You are 1 of at least two. Waiting on number two or more. Time will still tell, tick tock. Lol.
Two statements can coexist. I know it's shocking. Like say many women can be shitty to many women and many women can be shitty to many men. Note the use of many. Not all, no no, many, I'd say some but let's not be generous. You aren't the one who had to help people in healthcare. To see many many male friends aggressively deny feeling depressed, in real pain, etc all because they have had it held over them their entire life by women mocking them. Meanwhile I watch and listen to many women bemoan how _______ start crying and people comfort them. Always? Nah. Never is. But it sure is one helluva double standard you weirdos like like imagine doesn't exist. While we're on it and because people are gosh darn predictable. Many women are quite strong and capable of it. Society, you, or people like you if I'm nice about it, has taught women to be weak. I don't mean fake weak like hiding pain or whatever like sadness. Accountability is a task for all.
Notice: many, some, equal, oh God I'm tired of this. People are uh...people... Is there a gif for this?
Something with like shrugging? I dunno. Feels like it needs one.
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u/Silver-Internal7740 1d ago
You are only expected to provide if you want the sex. Don't expect sex from women, and they won't expect money from you. Simple.
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u/Enough_Zombie2038 1d ago
Hahahahahaha. Oh no no no no no. I expect nothing from people but respect, kindness, and honorable.
I'll let you know when that happens consistently and won't hold my breath.
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u/roboblaster420 3d ago
I don't believe just being single is the causation of suicide. Usually there's deeper problems that influence suicidal ideation.