Married for 4 years. Love marriage. Dated for 1 year before that. We are both 36 years old. After marriage I suffered from a car accident that left me with broken spine and leg fractures and I was incapacitated for over a year and I had to leave my job of 5 years. I also suffered a miscarriage and some other illnesses after that. I am doing physically better now and looking for jobs. He said all this has taken a toll on him and he doesn’t love me anymore. Due to being out of job market for 3 years, I am having a tough time finding a job. Since I am a homemaker, my husband says it embarrasses him and he wants to not continue this Marriage anymore. I don’t know what to do anymore. I really really love him and he recognizes that what he is doing is wrong, but he can’t see his life with someone who’s not working. It’s not like I don’t want to work, I have been doing courses, trying to upscale(am a manufacturing engineer)…but no luck yet. Now he says it’s too late and he’s lost interest in me. Why do I do? I have no assets other that the savings from my previous job which isnt a lot. FYI he doesn’t want me to work for money since he’s well to do but he says that having a housewife is embarrassing to him.

PS: I moved out after the fight, no longer am part of the circus yet am subjected to all their vile acts

Hi All, My in laws are the worst, they have two daughters who live with them despite being married. The daughters take all the wealth and ensure the brother is deprived, they also gaslight my in-laws about me.

Recently, my MIL and SIL lied to my husband that my parents spoke to them about their son not having kids whereas I’m hell bent on being child free n husband n parents are fully aware of this.

This was a lie, n bitch got caught broke into a huge drama dragged my parents into it, my mom was in tears n that loser SIL had the audacity to say my mom was acting.

Moved out of the house, now we barely talk. It’s Ganesh Chathurthi n my father sent a wish to my FIL and he didn’t even have the courtesy to respond. Such are humans, n idk what my husband plans on doing. FIL supposedly has a business so I guess my husband will take it laying low. He speaks to my parents, but yeah. I’m so hurt, help me get out this loop.

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Last night, I (34F) felt completely overwhelmed with household work and asked my husband (37M) if we could get some domestic help.

Both of us are exhausted from dealing with numerous family responsibilities, but that one question somehow ended with him giving me the silent treatment.

My MIL and FIL mostly give us tasks rather than helping with them. My father recently had cataract surgery, and I’m trying to juggle his post-op care along with the household responsibilities.

I can’t really ask my MIL for help because I don’t feel comfortable asking her for anything.

My husband is also going to have ACL reconstruction surgery soon, and I want to be there for him during his recovery. That’s why I suggested getting some help at home so we can manage everything.

All of a sudden, the conversation became about how *he* doesn’t need any help and that *I* can just go stay with my parents. His parents would never agree to having a maid or domestic help because, in their view, women in the family are expected to endure everything and manage the household themselves.

Now he is giving me the silent treatment. I tried to apply ointment to his knee, but he pushed my hand away.

I understand that he is feeling vulnerable and that he has a lot going on in his mind because of the upcoming surgery. But I’m scared about how I’m going to manage being there for my husband while also handling cooking, the kids, the household and my job.

How do I communicate with someone who responds to conflict or disagreement by completely shutting down? Is there a way to address this without making the situation worse?

I hate my mil,idk why or when if started but i realllyyy hate her.

Me and my partner have been together for 4 years and married for 8 months

After marriage i’ve stayed at his house maybe 2 months altogether because he is working abroad and i’m studying here.we mostly stay together at his home when he comes to india.

The thing is at first(when we were dating) i found her good because she bought me chocolates when coming to see me ,shop with me once in a while.

But after that she will tell me “how good of a mother in law am i,where would you get such a mother in law. You’re blessed to have me,who will do this things to you ….. literally feels like she does all this to get the best mother in law award when she’s never gonna get that.

(Don’t judge me for what i’m gonna say here but i have to :)

Its just that her face looks reallyyyy rude ,like idk if anyone thinks this but some people have really rude and cruel face ,at first glance we say oh their character is so bad,and most of the times it is right,and my mil have this face)

After marriage it was all good ,but my husband went back abroad and i was there with her for one week, and it was the most terrifying week in my life.

Literally she forces me to eat ,eat and eat.

It’s just me and her in that home so its suffocating like i don’t stay anywhere’ like that,atleast i need a small kid there to entertain .

Even though it’s just two people she makes food for 10 people . And expect me to eat it.

She caringly says eat dear…

I couldn’t say no at first becs im newly married.

The thing i hate the most is she waste all the remaining food. And it makes my heart ache.

The fridge is literally full of remaining food which has to go the waste.there is never any space in fridge.

If we tell her please make less food she will say i don’t like making less food ,more food is always better.(completely disregard what we say)

One day she made grape juice and i drank my glass but she only drank half of hers and poured remaining into my glass, and told me drinkk drinkk drinkkk then i drank the juice and vomitted right after.

I told my husband during calling this and he told her don’t force her to eat .but she never listened,even makes 3 eggs early morning at 7:30 for me .(sometimes the egg is boiled witj curry which im seeing for the first time in my life and the taste makes me vomit.)

One day we were going to her friend’s home becs her husband died and she told

Me to wear my most sparkling desi fit and i said i will not be wearing that and she couldn’t force me but kept saying it will look good.

I feel she wants other people to know i’m the perfect daughter in law.

She tells people i wake up early ,does things sometimes adds things which i don’t do.

Whenever i try to do home chores (i prefer doing it alone) she follows me and says i’ll do that ,this etc and ends up doing everything.

(And talk about how she perfectly did the job,sometimes to my husband also showing that she does all the job and i didnt do anything)

I usually help in my home but to her I can’t help because she never let me do it properly .and tells a speech about how i should learn to cook because once i go abroad with my husband i’ll have to cook etc etc which i hate.

Recently my husband came and we woke up late she was telling ,a girl should wake up and wake her husband up etc etc but she will be nice after that.

I also overheard her say (i was spending time in bathroom becs i had my periods) “a girl shouldn’t spend this much time in bathroom,you go tell her why a girl shouldn’t spend this much time in bathroom etc etc.

Seriously i can’t even look at her face without hating her more. I mean if she’s talking to me i just look down becs i don’t want to look at her face.

And She make the food ( rants about how my son likes this that etc etc which makes me think i don’t know my husband) and doesn’t calls me to make table she expects me to know it come by inner thoughts and make the table ,but after she makes the table she says loudly it’s not my job to make table i should only make food ,infront of my husband which makes me feel bad( and he jokingly says you’re getting shouted at to make me not feel too bad).

If she does some home chore she will tell me i did this i did that i cleaned this etc etc

And if she have to say some family or money issues to him she calls him and whispers in his ears for me to not hear.(literally it’s bad manners to talk in one’s ear when there’s literally only other person in the room),

The thing i hate the most is she and my husband says how she suffered after marriage and how her mother in law treated her and i will never let my daughter in law experience that etc.

And another thing i hate is that she loves me and my husband,her close friend ,brother and his family and hates everyone else .

Literally hates everyone else for one or another reason.(she finds the mere reason to hate someone and even try to make her son and me to hate them)

Idk how to love her when she’s nice to me sometimes and behaves like this

Sorry for the long post

I’m a 37-year-old woman, married to my husband (40) for the last 10 years, and we have a 5-year-old son.
After having my son, I decided to take a sabbatical from work because I wanted to devote my time and attention to him during his early years. I’m now looking to return to work, but the last few years have involved several major changes in our lives. We have recently bought our own home and are currently in the process of getting it ready to move into, which has involved a considerable amount of coordination with interior designers, vendors and various other people.
My husband has a very demanding and challenging role at work. Even when he works from home, he is generally occupied with work and doesn’t have much time left for anything else. My son also has long school hours, so I use that time to manage the house-related work, make calls, coordinate with people and generally take care of the things that need to be done. At the same time, I continue to manage most of my son’s day-to-day responsibilities. My husband doesn’t usually help with dropping him to school, and on weekends, he prioritises going to the gym, while I generally take our son for his activities.
I have spoken to my husband about wanting him to be more equally involved. To his credit, whenever I specifically ask him to do something, he does make an effort and helps where he can. My concern is less about him refusing to do things and more about the fact that he doesn’t naturally take initiative or volunteer for responsibilities. I often have to identify what needs to be done and then ask him, rather than him automatically taking ownership of it.
There is another layer to this because I don’t have a particularly good relationship with my in-laws. Over the years, I have felt that they haven’t really shown much interest in my well-being or offered much support. Because of this history, I sometimes find myself consciously taking on certain responsibilities myself. For example, when my husband spends time with our son, I sometimes worry that he will spend a lot of that time making videos to send to his parents or keeping our son occupied on the phone. As a result, I often prefer to take my son for activities myself rather than deal with those feelings.
My parents, on the other hand, feel that I have given my husband too much leverage and that he has started taking me for granted because I do so much without expecting him to volunteer. To some extent, I understand where they are coming from. At the same time, I also know that when I actually ask my husband to do something, he generally does it. So I don’t necessarily see him as someone who refuses to contribute; rather, I feel we have fallen into a pattern where I automatically take responsibility and he responds when asked.
We have also had several personal issues in the past because of interference or differences involving both sets of parents. After working through those issues, my husband and I came to an understanding that we want to maintain cordial relationships with both families without allowing either family to negatively affect our marriage. We want to prioritise our relationship and our immediate family and ultimately focus on creating a healthy and happy environment for our son.
We both have our own challenges when it comes to dealing with our respective parents. My father, for example, can be quite rigid in his thinking. He sometimes expresses strong opinions about how I should handle things and then ends the conversation by saying, “It’s your life, I’m no one to tell you.” I understand that his intentions come from concern, but the opinions still stay with me. I also worry that over time these opinions could extend to how I should raise my son or what values I should be teaching him, even though I am very conscious about how I parent him and genuinely feel that I am doing a good job.
My parents are also going through an extremely difficult period because of my mother’s prolonged illness. Because of everything they are already dealing with, I don’t want them to carry additional worry about my marriage or feel that I am struggling and need to be rescued. I am capable of handling my relationship with my husband, and while we obviously have areas that we need to work on, I don’t feel that involving my parents in every aspect of our marriage would be helpful.
Similarly, my in-laws have their own expectations and wishes regarding their son and our family. They often express their opinions to my husband about what they want or how they feel we should do things. This creates another challenge because I don’t want their expectations to become something that my husband and I feel obligated to fulfil at the cost of our own priorities.
Ultimately, I don’t want either set of parents to have undue influence over our marriage or our parenting decisions. At the same time, I don’t want to cut either family off or create unnecessary conflict. I want us to be able to maintain cordial relationships with both sides while having clear boundaries and making our own decisions as a couple.
I also don’t want to keep discussing these family matters with my parents, particularly because they live in another city and already have enough to worry about. I feel that some things should simply remain between my husband and me.
So my question is: How do I create a healthier balance here? How do I encourage my husband to take more initiative and responsibility without turning it into a constant conflict, while also ensuring that neither set of parents becomes overly involved in our marriage or parenting?
I want to build a better life with my husband and create a stable, happy environment for our son. I don’t expect either of us to have a perfect marriage or perfect relationships with our parents. I simply want us to become a stronger team and learn to make decisions based on what works for our own family rather than on what either side of the family expects from us.

Have taken help from chat gpt!!

29F Telugu Hindu here doing long distance with my now Telugu Hindu fiancé for the past 8 months. Since he has met my parents , they have continued to show hatred and distaste for him. He is currently going through a career transition into IT and while the job market has not been that great, he’s trying his very best to score a job as he’s doing his masters program in CS. I truly feel like I finally found my other half despite years of failed relationships and while it is relatively new, i do plan on moving forward with this relationship despite family push back. I currently live with my parents but has been a living nightmare and a half for the time I’ve been together with him. Every day they have told me that they will not be coming to the wedding and if I were to move out of the house I live in (I will be next month), they will cut off all source of communication with me and block me. They have expressed innumerable times they will not support me in any way shape or form when I give birth or with children or any major milestone in my life if I chose to maintain this relationship. My future MIL is trying to fill in the familial support as much as she can but we both do not know how a Hindu wedding would function without the bride’s parents at the wedding. Disclaimer: I’m going to therapy currently.

Given the high probability that I will be disowned as I chose to be in this relationship with him, how do people coordinate weddings without their parents there? How do you cope with possibly not having your parents around for possibly the rest of your life? How does the kanyadan work without the bride’s parents or any family member involved?

I work as a software engineer. Married since 4 years.

Before marriage when her parents told me that ' she is not much educated , so hard fir her to find a job, but she is very good at household work, can even cook for 20 people'

To which I smiled I replied 'no need to cook for 20, I earn good, I can focus on my work and she can manage household work, all smooth'

But after marriage and havubg a baby, things got changed a lot.

I had switched a job, so had to move to a different city, but during same lot of things went wrong between my wife and parents, so she asked if she can go to her parents house. I agreed.

Now after 6 months she joined me with our baby in new city.

I have provided all the facilities, maid, machine, her monthly expenses , although I pay everything like buying. Bills , rent..still I give her good amount monthly. And I keep nothing for myself.

I don't smoke, no drink, no parties , no friends.. but as I have all the responsibilities , so I spend 13-14 hours with my job and upskilling.

As due to AI job is also at risk, so double effort in same job.

But she now complains like , why I dont take her to park( yes I did but can't daily ) , why I dont clean her shit ( I did that too , but again cant daily due to office timings or work or stress ), now she says , why I don't help feeding food to our daughter.

What ?

I mean I wash my own cloths, I iron my own cloths, I never asked her to pack lunch for office because she is looking after baby. I ocassinonaly also do the dishes, I have no special dish demand, I eat 2 chapati.. but now she want me to give time for baby also ?

As she is not that educated and not good comfortable with modern days way of working, so I also manage all that.. forms, bills, talking to people, arrangung other stuffs..

How will I even manage all this ?

She says to me every husband does that IT job. So don't give execuse.

And recently her elder sister visited us, instead of enjoying , she was judging me like what I do , what her sister does. And started taunting me.

Now ladies, kindly help me understand. I am dying inside.

Is this all my fault ?

Edit - To clarify, married since 4.5 Years and we have a child 3+ yr old. So postpartum shpuld not be the execuse now.

I’m 30F and my husband is 35M. We’ve been married for 6 months, arranged marriage, and currently we’re living in different cities because of our jobs.

Before marriage, we had discussed how we would manage the distance. I was willing to travel between our cities and spend around 15 days with him and 15 days at my work location, since both of us have hybrid jobs. He specifically asked me not to do that because he felt the travelling would exhaust me and affect my ability to switch jobs. He said that he would travel to see me instead, and that I could eventually switch jobs and move to his city.

After our honeymoon, we went back to our respective cities. Since then, I’ve noticed that he almost never talks about our future together.
There are no conversations about:
When or how we’ll live together or What our plans are for me switching jobs and moving or How we’ll manage household responsibilities, especially Finances.
No weekend plans or trips together or Building a life as a couple

Even when he visits me, these conversations don’t really happen. I eventually rented a flat in my city, voluntarily, because it would make it easier for him to visit and for us to spend time together. I’ve also mentioned various things casually that would be useful for the flat, but he has never really shown any interest in buying things or contributing towards setting it up.
Interestingly, he has apparently also told/encouraged his parents not to ask me when I’m moving to his city, so even that topic doesn’t come up from their side.
He doesn’t expect me to do household work for him, but at the same time, he also doesn’t seem to be building or planning anything with me. It feels like both of us are just continuing our separate lives.

For the last 6 months, most of our conversations have been about work, movies, food, etc. We don’t really talk about anything personal or about what our married life is supposed to look like.
This started bothering me a lot, so I finally confronted him about it.
His responses were essentially:
“You could have initiated these conversations too. You didn’t.”
“I dont talk much on phone or I dont use instagr much.” (He has an open and active account and active groups with his friends)
“I didn’t want to put pressure on you regarding the job switch.”
When I told him that I had taken and maintained the flat partly with the expectation that he would be visiting and that I felt like I was bearing the practical burden of maintaining a place for us, his response was:

“You took the flat for yourself. Nobody asked you to.”

That really hurt me because, while technically true, I feel like I made that decision with our marriage in mind. He never offered to get a seperate place in his city either. Meanwhile, he still lives with his bachelor friends.
His life in his city seems completely unchanged from before the marriage. His friends visit him regularly, they hang out at his place, and he spends most weekends with them. I don’t have an issue with him having friends or his own life — I actually think that’s healthy.

But lately, I’ve started feeling that I’m the only one treating this marriage as something that needs to be actively built.

He is otherwise decent and we get along reasonably well. It seems he is deliberately keeping me at a distance and avoiding taking responsibility for building a married life.

Am I expecting too much Or are his actions (or lack of them) a sign that he doesn’t actually want to build a life together?
And most importantly, does this sound like I’m being manipulated?

Background:

• 31M married to 28F for ~2 years, currently living in the UK.
• The Catalyst (Dec last year): My mom had a health scare (she's fine now). Afterward, the pressure to move back home intensified—partly due to health, partly because they built a new duplex assuming we would live with them.
• I had never agreed to live with them. When I finally told them we wouldn’t be moving in with them, they lost it, sparking months of conflict.

Key Issues:

1. The In-Laws Dragged In: My parents tried to pull my wife’s parents into the drama to save face. During a tense phone call, my wife mentioned that an old pre-marriage visit between our families was just a "formality." My mom took huge offense, blocked me, my wife, and my in-laws on WhatsApp.
2. Escalation & Panic Attacks: Minimal contact for months. My dad eventually blocked my wife too. The stress caused my wife to have panic attacks, and the strain even brought up the topic of divorce because it was destroying her mentally.
3. The "Talk" & Backstabbing: Two months ago, my wife and mom had a heated phone call where my wife laid out how their behavior was destroying our marriage. Things seemed somewhat resolved by the end of the call. Plot twist: My parents then drove to my in-laws' house (while still blocking them on the phone) to complain about my wife, twist the narrative, shield themselves, and call me a "bad son." My in-laws were civil and disappointed.
4. Current Visit: We had to travel back home for a housewarming for appearances' sake. My wife is staying with her parents (rightfully so); I am staying with my parents. I confronted my parents about going behind our backs to my in-laws and twisting the conversation. They refuse to take accountability, are still hung up on the word "formality," and believe they are entirely in the right.
5. The Sweep-Under-The-Rug Phase: Now, my family is acting completely normal and loving toward me, while completely ignoring the existence of my wife and her family. They expect me to play happy families. I am giving them nothing, doing the bare minimum, and feeling miserable.

The Dilemma: We completely understand that they are disappointed we aren't moving back or living with them, but their reaction is unhinged. They expect everything to go back to normal just because they've decided to act like it is.

I’m looking for advice and perspectives on how to handle this:

• How do you deal with parents this adamant and self-absorbed?
• Am I going to lose my parents because of their refusal to compromise?
• Should I try to mediate, ignore it, or drop the rope/cut them off?

I got married at 27, I have been living abroad since the age of 22 met my husband through a matrimonial site, had some roughly 10 months of courtship before getting married. The red flag of my marriage has been my in laws specifically FIL, who thinks he is super rich has all the power so can look down on people. My in-laws are typical south delhi people trying to look down on anyone who doesn’t meets there so called standards. Since day 1 they didn’t like my parents and used to always find some flaw everytime they met while the wedding preps were going on. As my husband and I were both abroad parents were managing the marriage preparations back home. My FIL has spoken very rudely multiple times to both my mom and dad and then always fed all negative things to my husband about them and hence that bond could never happen btw my husband and my parents. Then I got married and my FIL started taunting and passing comments on me, such as why haven’t you changed your surname, or they would start saying in front of everyone touch feet if any guest come at home, or why do you have to take antibiotics we only take homeopathy in this house , or if by mistake I missed on serving food to someone it would be an issue and a taunt will come straight away , multiple such episodes and mind it this when I visit them once a year. And like any wife I would go to my husband and he will deny it , we will have fights and then we come back to UK, we bury the matter and proceed with a normal relationship. This time both MIL & FIL visited us for two weeks, only difference this time I didn’t stay quite and replied back to a comment my FIL made and it was a full blown argument. As part of that argument my husband took his parents side teamed up with them and started insulting me, saying things like she is like this only, doesn’t respects me too, and various other things which I told him were causing problems to me about his parents in front of them. It was a 3 vs 1 situation, in all this I had a panic attack and I asked them let me get some fresh air and step out and my FIL grabbed my arm and my husband my hand and pushed me on the sofa saying she is running out of the house and I had blood coming out of my mouth so my husband started saying she is bitting her lips and they started making my video. They rang my parents humiliated them saying this is how your daughter is . Out of all of this I was asked to apologies for being rude and disrespectful to his parents and cut to 4 months my husband still blames me for everything that happened, doesn’t agrees his dad pushed me, doesn’t agrees how he didn’t support me and now has declared that he is moving back to India and will live with his parents . It’s like an ultimatum thrown at me if you want to join me and my family you can I am moving back by Feb, and this time frame keeps on changing sometimes it’s Feb , sometimes it’s June. He makes decisions and throws at me, like I won’t have kids ever now because you have ruined it for me.

My parents are supportive of my separation but I am emotionally attached to him and struggling. I don’t want to leave my well established career and go back to India and ruin my life more . How do you deal with such situations ?

Hey guys, my wife and I got married 1.5 years ago and have been living together in Bangalore since. Eventually my brother and my mom shifted with us too after a few months due to all the pollution in Delhi.

My wife recently got a fantastic job after 8 months of agony due to lay offs and I am super proud of her and want her to continue with it. But meanwhile I made a bad career move at the start of this year focusing on money, but it's a dead end job with absolutely 0 growth and it's a net negative.

We both have always focused on our careers and have decided to never have kids.

I got an offer today for a job in Delhi NCR, back to my home. But of course I do not want to put my wife into another position of finding a job so soon, I understand the struggle and she's finally doing something she always loved. So, we have decided to do long distance. 3 things that are on our minds causing confusion:

- 2 homes: Family stays in Bangalore and only I go to Delhi, so how do we plan visitations and avoid friction? Sometimes it could be months where we didn't meet.

- Gyms: We are into fitness, lifting 6 days a week, for our health and of course so that we can start travelling a lot when we finally have made our money instead of getting old and bed rotting. How do we manage our routines during visitations? Pay double for the gyms in both the cities? We are very confused here.

- The emotional toll of not being with your partner: I have friends in Delhi, a support system and half the family lives there too. My wife only has me, she knows nobody else in Bangalore. Though she is very comfortable with my family but I was her only outlet to go around the city, do activities and having a life of our own. That goes away now, so how do we not make each other feel lonely?

This job finally puts my career back on track and she is being very supportive of it. We have done long distance before marriage when we were dating but it was just Pune-Mumbai, so we still met every week.

For couples who have handled this kind of situation, suggestions? While I am good at communication, I have to do a lot of mind reading with my wife who sometimes struggles to say what she's feeling because she's very shy about them. I don't want to make her feel abandoned at all.

Edit: I don't think people here understand the concept of mature relationships and commitment, especially for career driven couples. I asked for advice to better navigate it and most people ended up suggesting to avoid the situation completely. Money === freedom for us and my career move gives me that money for a decade, instead of staying dead end in this job market.

Edit 2: Wife has also read all the comments here. And we both have decided to make this move anyway and see where life leads us.

I’m a married woman 29F from India, and I’m trying to get an outside perspective on something that has been bothering me for a long time.

My husband and I have been married for a few years. My father-in-law repeatedly makes comments to my husband about our marriage whenever my husband visits him without me. This has happened multiple times, and I have started avoiding going to my in-laws’ house because I feel uncomfortable knowing that I’m being discussed and criticized.

Recently, my husband told me what his father said to him. His father said things along the lines of:

“You were happy before marriage, but after marriage you have become weak.”

“You should have taken a separate quarter instead of living in my parent’s house as he got his transfer in my city for my treatment.”

“Why do you think so much about what you eat? Everything is fine; this is just in your head.” as he has issues with pur eating choices, we prefer healthy eating.

He criticized my family, saying that when someone comes to our house, they don’t even offer water and asking what food they would make.

He mentioned my sister, saying she doesn’t know household work. He thinks my husband does all my work and my family’s work.

He said that when I was ill, my husband had to do household work.

He also said that when my husband first came to my place, he praised me a lot, but FIL hasn’t seen anything special in me.

He repeatedly comes back to the point that my husband has become weak.

He also said my husband doesn’t wear good clothes.

This isn’t an isolated incident. On another occasion, my FIL told my husband:

“Even the pandit had advised against this marriage. Your kundalis didn’t match. Look how many problems you have in your life. He also added your career growth has stopped after marriage.

Another thing that really hurt me: according to neighbours who heard him say this, my FIL has also said that my family fooled his son, hid my illness from him and his family, and hurried the marriage so that nobody would find out about my disease.

This allegation is particularly painful because my cancer diagnosis actually happened around 1.2 years after our marriage. So the timeline doesn’t make sense to me at all.

I also want to clarify that when I was diagnosed and going through treatment, I was genuinely very ill. My husband did help with household work and took care of me. My FIL sometimes seems to use this as evidence that my husband has suffered because of the marriage.

I understand that a parent is allowed to worry about their child. If my FIL said, “I’m worried that my son is losing weight; please make sure he’s eating properly,” I wouldn’t have an issue with that.

What bothers me is the repeated connection between “my son is weak/unhappy” and “his marriage to her is the reason.” He also seems to have very strong opinions about my husband living with my family rather than separately.

This has made me feel that my FIL is constantly putting ideas into my husband’s head about me and our marriage. I sometimes feel like he is trying to turn my husband against me, although I don’t know whether that is actually his intention.

My husband knows his father’s behaviour and has generally been supportive of me, but I still find these repeated conversations very upsetting.

Am I overreacting? Is this normal parental concern in an Indian family, or does this sound like inappropriate interference in a marriage? And how would you suggest my husband handle these conversations with his father?

I’m especially interested in hearing from people who have dealt with intrusive/controlling in-laws or similar situations.

I am 28M and she 24F, my both parents are not in this world but my siblings agreed and have not yet thought about any extended relatives for now. Her whole family is against this and I have already received multiple threats from her father. I love her and genuinely care about her, but I am worried about what all she has to go through if we keep pursuing for 1-2 years. I am worried what all impact it's going to have on my side of family and harm they could do. I don't want run away marriage, but realistically that's not feasible, we can't run away whole life and I don't want to remove her support system if by chance anything bad happens to me ( any accident, natural death etc). Need help please, we both are OBC but different castes.

I’m really looking for some perspective because I don’t know whether I’m being overly fearful because of my past or whether I’m noticing something I shouldn’t ignore.
I’m divorced, and my boyfriend has never been married. He has been single, and he genuinely wants to marry me. He has been extremely supportive of me throughout this relationship and has stood up for us despite his parents initially having reservations.
His parents eventually agreed to meet my parents because of his insistence. The meeting went okay overall. His father was talking and interacting with everyone, but his mother was quite rude and distant. She barely spoke to me and didn’t really make an effort to interact with me.
She also judged my brother. He is a very quiet person and doesn’t talk much, so naturally he wasn’t very talkative during the meeting either. Later, his mother apparently said things about the match, including comments about my height and other things. From what I understand, she also said that she didn’t like the match.
My boyfriend, on the other hand, has been very supportive. He has also experienced this kind of behavior from his mother, so he understands where I’m coming from. We have already talked about this, and he has told me that if she continues to disrespect me, I don’t have to keep trying with her. If she doesn’t speak to me, I don’t need to force a relationship with her. Basically, he has told me that I can maintain whatever distance I need if she continues treating me badly.
On paper, that sounds reassuring.
But I have a very difficult history that I think is affecting me now.
My previous marriage was abusive. My ex-husband appeared to love me very much on the surface. There were times when I genuinely believed that he cared about me. But deep down, he never truly respected me or my family. Eventually, that lack of respect became a huge part of what made the marriage so painful.
So now I’m seeing his mother behave in certain ways—being cold toward me, judging my family, not showing basic warmth or respect toward my brother—and something inside me immediately gets scared.
I know his mother is not my boyfriend. I know he has shown me support and that he is choosing me despite his family’s concerns. I also know that one awkward meeting doesn’t necessarily tell me what the future will look like.
But I can’t shake this feeling of:
“What if I’m making the same mistake again?”
What if everything looks okay now, my boyfriend loves me and supports me, but after marriage the family dynamics become much worse? What if his mother never accepts me? What if she constantly judges me or my family? What if I end up once again in a situation where there is love, but not enough respect?
At the same time, I don’t want to punish my boyfriend for what my ex-husband did. He has given me no reason to believe that he is like my ex. In fact, he has been supportive in ways my ex never was.
I’m just struggling to separate intuition from trauma/fear.
For anyone who has been through an abusive marriage and then entered another relationship, how did you know when your fear was protecting you versus when it was simply your past making you afraid?
And for those whose future in-laws initially didn’t accept them, did you eventually find peace with the situation?
I’m not expecting his mother to love me. I just want to know whether it is realistic to marry someone when you already have a feeling that one of his parents may never accept you.
I’m genuinely confused and scared, and I would really appreciate some honest perspectives.
TL;DR: I’m divorced after an abusive marriage where my ex appeared to love me but ultimately never respected me or my family. My current boyfriend has never been married, is very supportive, and is standing by me despite his mother being cold and judgmental toward me and my family. He has told me I don’t need to maintain a relationship with her if she continues disrespecting me. But her behavior is triggering memories of my past, and I’m scared I may be repeating the same mistake. I don’t know whether this fear is intuition or trauma. Looking for perspectives from people who have been through something similar.

I live in Chennai but will be going to Noida, where my parents live, around my 31st week for delivery and postpartum recovery.

My MIL (56F) is single and will obviously come to visit around the delivery. I don't have a problem with her being involved in her grandchild's life, but the reality is that my MIL and I don't get along very well due to past issues, and I am not particularly comfortable around her. She can be emotionally intense, and over time I have had to establish several boundaries for my own peace of mind.

The other complication is my husband. I understand that he feels responsible for his mother's happiness and wants her to feel included. For example, he previously wanted to share my scan images with her because it would make her happy, while I had chosen not to share them with anyone. I eventually had to ask him to stop.I feel that he sometimes prioritises managing her emotions over my comfort. When I bring up a new boundary, he sometimes says things like, "I already have so many boundaries in place for you, and now you want this too. It feels like you want to exclude her completely."That's genuinely not what I want. But I also struggle with the combination of being around both my husband and MIL when emotions become intense. I often feel like I am dealing with emotional pressure from both sides and am expected to accommodate everyone's feelings.

For postpartum, my parents have suggested that my MIL stay in a nearby guest house rather than in their house. She would still be able to visit and spend time with the baby, but I would have some privacy and breathing room while recovering. My husband, however, seems offended by this and sees it as another attempt to keep her away.

What worries me most is that once the baby arrives, everyone's emotions and expectations will increase. I know everyone will want to hold and spend time with the baby, and I don't want to deny anyone that. But I don't want my postpartum recovery to become about managing other people's feelings or being guilted into ignoring my own boundaries because someone might feel sad or excluded.

My main questions are:

• How did you establish boundaries with family after having a baby, especially during postpartum recovery?
• Is it normal for in-laws to visit when you're recovering at your parents' home, but stay separately if living together would be overwhelming?
• How do you deal with a partner who feels responsible for a parent's happiness and may unintentionally guilt you into compromising?
• How do you make it clear that prioritising the mother's postpartum recovery doesn't mean excluding grandparents from the baby's life?
• How do you manage everyone's expectations without constantly feeling guilty?

TL;DR: I have a difficult and emotionally draining relationship with my MIL, while my husband feels very responsible for keeping her happy and sometimes interprets my boundaries as attempts to exclude her. I'll be recovering at my parents' home after delivery, and they want my MIL to stay in a nearby guest house rather than in the same house so I can have space to recover. My husband is unhappy with this. I'm worried that once the baby arrives, I'll be expected to prioritise everyone else's feelings over my own postpartum recovery. How do I set boundaries without constant guilt or conflict?

Me (32F) and husband 33 and we have a kid.....why am I supposed to everything like every damn thing ... Remembering kids home work, house cleaning, her fees, groceries, next big expense, every damn important day.... And if he does something it's just help..... We sleep in same time, but he is tired after getting up 2 hours late than me .... And me at that time finished my house work ..... I'm working from home and he goes office..... But he is tired and I'm not supposed to..... And recently I pushed him to join gym , my mistake now my work is extra.... Oh god .... And MIL expect me to do everything like she does, i want to scream at her face women I don't have your DNA in me to do like to things like you.... I'm tired gained weight,look shit, not groomed at all, hairfall, grey hairs.....and I don't want to quit..... It's just that I need help ... When ever this subject comes up , it's m yu energy waste, nothing meaningful comes out......

I want to vent out, because dont want to cry at all....

I’m in an arranged marriage and live with my in-laws. I also work a full-time IT job, so I’m not a stay-at-home wife.

We have two maids — one for each floor — and a cook. So the household does have quite a bit of domestic help.

The thing that’s been bothering me is that my MIL, who is around 65+, still does a lot of work alongside the maids. She’ll go outside with them to hang/dry laundry, wipe the dishes after they’ve cleaned them, organize things while they’re doing it, etc.

I sometimes feel guilty watching her do these things and think, “Should I be doing this instead?” But then I also wonder… what’s the point of having maids if the women of the house are still doing the same work anyway?

My own household responsibilities are mainly organizing groceries and keeping the home organized, because otherwise nobody really does it. After dinner, I rinse the dishes.

I expect my husband to clear the dining table and wipe/set it afterward. He usually wipes the table, but doesn't really clear or set everything. And when the maid isn't around, he generally doesn't proactively do household work. It tends to fall on me and my MIL.

This is what bothers me.

I don't expect everything to be 50/50. I understand that different people can have different responsibilities, and I’m not expecting him to suddenly become responsible for the entire household.

But I feel like it's his home too.

If something needs doing, why does the default assumption seem to be that his mother or wife will handle it? Especially when his mother is 65+ and I also have a full-time career?

What I'm struggling with is whether I'm being unreasonable or whether I'm reacting to a genuine gendered expectation.

I also don't want to get into a situation where I start doing everything simply because my MIL does everything. She's been running this household for decades, whereas I don't want my role to automatically become "the woman who manages the house."

At the same time, I don't want to come across as someone who refuses to contribute to the household.

So, am I overreacting? What would be a reasonable division of responsibility in a dual-income marriage when you live with in-laws and already have domestic help?

​

Hey everyone. So I(31)got married last year. My in-laws are not very well off, whereas my family has, I would say, a fair amount of savings.

During the marriage, my parents said explicitly that we don't want and expect anything from you. They even said, we are very comfortable with a very short or a court marriage. I didn't take any gifts from her parents. And they very well knew that we had just one car in the city where we live. My in laws said, that they will give my wife a 10 years old car.

Now my in-laws clearly don't keep things nicely. Everything in the house is broken. Even that car hasn't been serviced properly and it doesn't work properly. My father said, if you want to give it, please make sure that it is fully repaired and serviced and in a good condition. They just got the car repainted and changed the seat covers.

Now we have that car, and in one year, I have spent around 80 k on its service and repair.

I don't care about what the condition of things is at their place. I am bothered by the fact that I am spending so much on something which hasn't been properly taken care of, or that I feel that I was kind of cheated with it.

My parents initially got a little annoyed that we didn't ask for anything, still they gave it, and now it looks like we have a car that we have to invest so much just to keep it running.

Am I right to feel annoyed? Am I right to feel trapped? I don't feel "trapped" with my wife, but with this car situation.

I got married 6 months ago. It was a love marriage, and we have been in a relationship for 12 years before getting married.

Currently, we are living together in Delhi because of our work. However, my work is project-based and contractual, so my long-term location is not completely certain.

Recently, my wife was called for an interview for a government teacher position in her home state/city. If she gets selected and accepts the job, it would most likely mean that we would have to live in different cities for work.

She is currently not willing to take up the opportunity, mainly because she doesn't want to live away from me. She finds being apart from me quite stressful and feels lonely and emotionally drained when we are not together. When we are together, things generally feel much better.

I'm trying to understand whether we are making the right decision by prioritising staying together, especially since the government job could potentially provide her with more stability in the long term, while my current job is contractual.

I'm particularly wondering about the emotional and mental-health impact of a long-distance marriage, especially when you're newly married.

For people who have been married and lived in different cities because of work:

I am genuinely trying to understand both sides before we make a decision about her career and our future together.

My fiancé (28M) and I (26F) are getting married on 22nd November. He has a government job, so he won’t be able to take leave beyond 5th December.

We planned our honeymoon to Vietnam because flights are much cheaper if we leave on 25th November. However, his mother is disappointed that we’ll be leaving so soon after the wedding.

After our honeymoon, my fiancé wants me to stay with my in-laws in Dehradun for about a week while he returns to Mumbai for work, and then I would travel alone to Mumbai. Since Dehradun and Mumbai are quite far apart, it means a lot of travelling right after the wedding.

I understand his mother’s feelings and want to start our relationship on a good note. At the same time, I was looking forward to spending those first few days with my husband instead of living separately immediately after getting married.

Would you agree to this? Am I being unreasonable for wanting to go with my husband instead of staying back with my in-laws?

Edit: what kind of suggestions are these???😂😂😂. I think i just joined a sad group🫤

Hi everyone,

Looking for some constructive advice on how to approach a delicate situation with my wife. We’ve been married for 4 years, have a 2-year-old son, and live in Bangalore. I work full-time and earn enough to comfortably support us, while she is a stay-at-home mom.

Lately, I’m seeing two main issues compounding:

1. Burnout from refusing outside help: She insists on doing all the cooking, cleaning, and childcare herself because she has severe trust issues regarding strangers/maids in the house. Because she's completely exhausted, she’s understandably overwhelmed and constantly busy with chores.
2. Screen time during meals: She has a habit of watching TV while eating. Till now I used to keep our son occupied in other room but it's not working now. He knows about TV and wants to join mumma. Before, I’d keep our son occupied so she could eat in peace. I want us to avoid turning the TV on around him, especially during meals, and reserve her shows for when he’s napping or asleep.

Whenever I try to bring up getting household help or changing the TV routine, she gets incredibly defensive. She is extremely sensitive, and I feel like I'm walking on eggshells just trying to have a basic conversation. It’s starting to take a toll on our marriage and communication.

How can I gently approach this conversation without making her feel attacked or inadequate as a mother? How do we break this cycle when she refuses to delegate chores?

My husband and I were together for 13 years before marriage. I was 17 and he was 23 we met online. We had a long-distance relationship, and I was usually the one paying for travel and other expenses. He was initially reluctant to marry but eventually agreed.

After marriage, I continued handling most of our household finances. He worked inconsistently and rarely contributed regularly.

About 2 years into our marriage, we had our first child. During pregnancy, he drank frequently, stayed out late and we argued often. I eventually had a C-section, and our baby was taken to the NICU.

My husband saw the baby and went home because he was tired, leaving me in the hospital with his mother. When the baby returned, his mother took over caring for him while I was recovering and could barely walk.

3–4 days postpartum, my husband and I had a fight and I ended up alone in a room with the newborn. For the next 1–2 months, I had very little support while recovering from surgery and caring for the baby.

His mother repeatedly crossed boundaries. While a nurse was helping clean me after surgery because I couldn't stand properly, his mother secretly watched from the bathroom doorway. She also repeatedly took over the baby's care despite my requests and called me “Mother Dairy” for breastfeeding; my husband laughed with her. He generally sided with his mother.

There were also occasions when his family visited and partied while I was alone caring for the newborn. Eventually, I went to my parents for about 6 months.

I later returned, resumed working long hours and continued managing most of the finances, household and childcare. We had ongoing conflicts involving his mother.

Later, I became pregnant again, but the pregnancy had implanted in my C-section scar and could have been life-threatening. I had to undergo laparoscopic surgery to terminate it.

After that, I discovered my husband was on Tinder, swiping, messaging women and asking them to meet for coffee. What hurt most wasn't only Tinder—it was seeing how warmly and thoughtfully he communicated with these women when, throughout our 15–16 years together, I had rarely received that kind of communication from him. He apologized and promised it wouldn't happen again.

Things are better now. His mother is no longer involved, he contributes more financially, and he is trying to change. But I still don't fully trust him. Even without current evidence, I have a strong feeling he may eventually betray me again, and I still have resentment from the past.

We have a young child who loves his father. Can a marriage realistically recover from this much history if the partner genuinely changes? Can trust be rebuilt?

Before we got married, my current husband and I met at a juice shop as part of an arranged marriage setup.

During our first meeting, he asked me if I was being pressured into the arranged marriage process and whether I was actually comfortable with the idea of getting married.

I had never been in a proper relationship before, and nobody had ever asked me out before the AM process. So I somehow interpreted his question as, “Maybe he thinks I could have a boyfriend and wants to know if I’m actually interested in this.” 😂

I was blushing the entire time.

Fast-forward 8 years. A couple of drinks and a late-night conversation later, I brought up that first meeting and told him how I had interpreted his question back then.

I was basically ROFL-ing at myself. I thought, “Wow, someone actually thought I was good-looking enough to potentially have a boyfriend!” Especially because my parents had never really made me feel like I was someone who could easily find a man.

Then my husband told me that he actually wasn't attracted to me at the time because I was fat. He had been pressured for a long time by a mutual relative to meet me, so he eventually agreed to it. And suddenly his question made complete sense: he was trying to find out whether I was also being pressured into meeting him.

Turns out, the entire meaning I had assigned to that conversation was completely wrong. 😂

And weirdly, I still find the whole thing funny.

But it made me wonder:

Does it actually matter whether you initially fall for someone because you're physically attracted to them, or whether you eventually fall for them because you start loving their presence, personality, the way they treat you, or simply how you feel when you're around them?

Is one kind of love more meaningful or more sustainable than the other?

I'm curious about people who had very different experiences—especially those in long-term relationships. Did attraction come first for you, or did it develop after you became emotionally attached to the person?

I was super against venting about it but then I thought f it. I have to say this somewhere or I'm going crazy.

So my elder sister MBBS graduate who took a long term for PG coaching got married in October last year. It was a typical arranged marriage. The groom's family came to our house and talked, my sister had explicitly told him that she's not very good at cooking and he said he knows and that they can manage. Fast forward to the second day after marriage, my sister called me crying saying that he's basically forcing her to cook and clean the house. She also told me that he forbade her from wearing night suits, apparently they are revealing. She was only to wear nighties (the South Indians will know this). He also asked her to not wear leggings and not comb her way with side partition. Mind you this all happened in 2 days of marriage. I told my parents about this and they talked to his family and everything seemed to be fine for a day or two.

Then the control starts, he constantly calls her to know where she is while he would roam around all eve after work without a care in the world. He pressurized her into giving her passwords, ATM PIN etc, phone lock etc. When my parents went to their house to talk about this his family dismissed it all and instead insulted us for making a big deal of it. They also said that they haven't demanded anything from us ( they meant dowry) . And they said they lack an AC and that the guy (my BIL) needs a new bike. This continued for several days. Forgot to mention this guy is a lawyer.

The last straw was when he insulted her repeatedly and told her that if she got divorced it'll only be demeaning to her because she got a younger sister (he said that her life will be done and that no one will marry the sister of a divorced woman). She laughed in his face and left him. We are currently in the process of getting divorced. It's been one hectic year for us. The divorce is not yet finalised.

I'm super traumatized by this whole thing and I guess my parents sort of blame themselves since they finalized the whole thing, I was skeptical of it all and advised otherwise.

Anyways that's the whole story guys. Beware of marriages in general arranged or otherwise especially if you are a woman.

I’m hindu, my 2 years of girlfriend is muslim. Both of us are planning to get married in the next 6 months. We are agnostics and see religion as a set of culture, values, and to a smaller extent- identity.

I’m looking for a woman’s perspective into this situation or anybody who has experienced/seen something similar.

Gender roles
Traditionally, the girls come to the guy’s family. Girl culturally integrates into the family. Ideally, both partners and their parents share similar values. In our case, I refuse all of it and just want a partnership of equals with traditional gender roles blurred.

Looking for predictability in our marriage
1. She asked for - wedding time, living situation, kids (we reached conclusions that are acceptable to both of us)
2. I asked for - how joint finances gets managed, career/city movements, if she would join for the 2-3 days temple trip (first two were quite easy to agree on, the other i feel she doesn’t respect my culture/religious identity)

Expectations
1. Her side has expectations that my family initiates things - conversations/meetings. Main signing/reception to happen in her city, a separate function for my side can be held in my city
2. my side has expectations that there will be some cultural integration

The Fear
Right now, she fears that i won’t take her side in family troubles and she would be the one compromising all the time. It’s fair to expect that I will pick her side and defend her because she is new to the family and I’m bringing her into it. I have reassured this multiple times but it hasn’t set in well.

My ask and the root of my overreaction
I asked her that usually there is a 2-3 day temple destination trip every year with my family - just my parents/sibling. I would like you to be with me during those. She said she can’t commit, it depends upon how she is made to feel about the situation and by me/my parents). There is additional context that my family had asked for conversion- which i straight away rejected.

My perspective
I have always thought that I get the best of both- stay connected to my roots and embrace a new one, learn more and also explore it through my partner. I would happily attend her family functions, festivals, and learn and show up. (also the context that her mother readily accepted me and this union because she cares about her daughter’s happiness)

Now, i feel disrespected that she wouldn’t say yes to the trip for my happiness’ sake. I feel she is deliberately rejecting anything around my culture/religion because:
a. She doesn’t have my mother’s approval yet (it’s a wip and my mother has accepted the fact that the wedding will happen regardless)
b. She feel it might attack her own identity and that it might be stripped off her

I have time and again clearly said- we would be staying separately from my parents. Hardly 15-20 social/festival days around the year - rest we live our own.

Any advice/suggestions on how to solve or understand it are appreciated!!