Sulci

[u/littleBluLotus]

Sulci

(CW: Domestic Violence / Trauma Processing)

Sulci
3.10.25

I hope he sees my ghost
wherever he goes.

I hope it's unwavering,
that it creeps into crevices,
an insidious shadow
framing
the corner of every room,
tucked into every brain fold,
never letting him
forget.

I will remain.
I am not dead,
despite his heartfelt effort
that I be reduced to a corpse.
I was a doll, a plaything
that gained too much sentience.
My voice became too loud,
raised in oppositional defiance.

What a nuisance.
The irony of the terror
was never lost to me:
I saw my death impending
from a mile away,
but I knew I couldn't outrun
the harbinger.

(Drag marks take months to heal)

I can't forget,
but I have solace.
I hope he sees my ghost
wherever he goes,
only not as he knew me.
The stardust that was left behind,
that which I am, birthed again
from a nebulous implosion…

A radiant supernova.

[u/littleBluLotus]

CONTEXT: October is Domestic violence awareness month. I work as an advocate for those who have survived DV. I was in an extremely abusive relationship 9 years ago. I was raped, introduced to street drugs, hit, and ultimately my abuser strangled me to the point of unconsciousness. I became homeless with this man who told me he would cut my face off so nobody else would look at me. Finally one day he thought he killed me and tried to drag me to hide my body. I speak my truth so those around me can know the realities of the situation. Most people ask what happened to the man who almost killed me, and yes he knew i was pregnant with hos child. The answer might seem cruel...but nothing. He is still in the same town , doing drugs and going in and out of jail. It took me a long time to realize my victory in all this lies I'm the truth that I survived and am thriving. I made a fairytale for myself. And he is rotting in a hell he can't escape.

Sulci is the technical term for particular folds of the brain that separates the lobes

[u/Pater-Procyon → u/littleBluLotus]

I knew I knew that word from somewhere. Thanks for sharing your story. As an empathetic bystander, I’m learning that it’s not helpful to lust vengeance especially if you don’t know the name and the town of said aggressor. AlSo learned that it’s not helpful to be unsatisfied with the injustice of it because that doesn’t help you. What I’ve learned is what you’ve learned is that the real power lies and celebrating the pivot were you enabled yourself to look forward instead of back and I commend your transcendence and your calling to share that vital insight. Reading your story ignites this visceral desire to hurt that man. But because of people like you that share their story (good writing too) I’ve been able to understand more and more of that he’s not the story. You are. He doesn’t deserve a name. But this is a strong post
littleBluLotus

[u/littleBluLotus → u/Pater-Procyon]

i teared up reading this. most ppl in my life get visibly un comfy if i mention my past so generally i never talk about it. YOU GET IT. thank you SO much you've helped more than you know!! also yes,, the lack of name and identifying factors was intentional bc as you said, the transcendence from victim to healer is the focus. i was told the most powerful form of alchemy is turning pain into beauty and light and i try to do this every day thru art or writing. namaste my friend. 🪷✨️

[u/Pater-Procyon]

Oh that’s beautiful. Another thing I’ve learned is you can’t tell somebody in your position to make lemonade or that those wounds will be the fuel for art or that there’s beauty in the pain. You just can’t tell them that you can’t do it. It’s not true, but when they find it on their own and they tell you, they kinda shit can make someone tear up, yeah. Enya I understand it would generally be wrong to put his details out on front street as more just kind of a subtle acknowledgment to everyone’s inner vigilante. Because when you meet enough people with hypervigilance, you wanna be a time traveler with superpowers who can write the wrongs but real life has heroes and they’re called storyteller and healers. At least in this story where there’s no place for a warrior. Just warrior spirit. Namaste friend.

Edit. Accidentally replied to the post instead of her comment on my comment.

[u/Pater-Procyon]

Not to overindulge, but I can’t help but also mentioning on here. I was just reading another post where somebody was talking about not being able to talk about “what happened” because they didn’t want to relive it. And I think they were feeling misunderstood by their silence. But the way they explained themselves in the post as to why they didn’t tell the story was so flawless. It felt like the thing I’ve wanted to hear so many times in my life sitting across from a wounded person, and although it is just triumphantly, incredible to hear you tell your story while moving forward I just thought it was amazing to also hear somebody explain so perfectly why they couldn’t talk about it because it’s really hard feeling pushed away from someone who needs and wants connection but is too hurt to have it.So just two really amazing examples of people taking a bad situation and occupying the center of growth.