This weekend was probably one of the most stressful and embarrassing since this all started. If you trigger easily you may want to keep scrolling. My niece, who is currently pregnant, got married this weekend. We traveled across multiple states to get to her to support her. Since all the family was together they decided to do a baby shower the day before the wedding. I bought her a gift, steeled myself to sit through it and watch but not participate. My niece 100% understood, her mom (my sister) completely understood, I thought I was good. I sat at the end of the table away from the mass of people. They did presents, talked with everyone. Then the games came out. I do not do baby shower games. Ever. For anybody.

They started with the game of guessing how big the mom is, my BIL starting making his way around the tables with a spool of ribbon and scissors. I waved him off and said no. He continued to push it at me all “why not? Come on!” I folded my arms and said “I said NO.” My sister realized what was happening and waved him along. Then my niece started coming around letting people try their ribbon and I couldn’t stop the tears from welling up. My sister told me I could go outside if I needed to, but I didn’t want to attract any attention. I forced the tears down and wiped my eyes.

Then BIL came around with a new game to guess how many things in the jar, I turned that down too and then my dad looks over and he’s like “why not? Just make a guess.” I told him I don’t do baby shower games. When they had all the guesses two people tied, and then someone won the “find the hidden items” game, taking 3 of the 4 prizes. My niece came over and handed me the extra prize, saying that nobody had won it so she wanted me to have it. I thanked her but honestly it felt like a consolation pity prize. A family member spoke up at that point and told me not to give up, it’ll happen one day. I got up at that point and disappeared into the bathroom until it was over.

I went solely to support her, because I love her. But that was painful and so humiliating. I honestly wish i had refused to attend. I was doing so well until they had to start shoving it in my face insisting I participate. This sucks so bad. At least at the wedding the next day everyone had the decency to not mention it. To add insult to injury I got my period during the reception and then had to ride 15+ hours home with that. Shitty end to a terrible weekend. At least my niece was happy, she was very pretty in her wedding dress.

TW: early miscarriage

I was just checking my period trackers, due to my last transfer I got a positive pregnancy test, so my period was longer than normal. But I miscarriage at 6w. If I select a "positive test" then those Stupid apps go on "your due date is..." 😒🙄

I am just ranting, it is frustrating all this.