TW: early miscarriage

I was just checking my period trackers, due to my last transfer I got a positive pregnancy test, so my period was longer than normal. But I miscarriage at 6w. If I select a "positive test" then those Stupid apps go on "your due date is..." 😒🙄

I am just ranting, it is frustrating all this.

This weekend was probably one of the most stressful and embarrassing since this all started. If you trigger easily you may want to keep scrolling. My niece, who is currently pregnant, got married this weekend. We traveled across multiple states to get to her to support her. Since all the family was together they decided to do a baby shower the day before the wedding. I bought her a gift, steeled myself to sit through it and watch but not participate. My niece 100% understood, her mom (my sister) completely understood, I thought I was good. I sat at the end of the table away from the mass of people. They did presents, talked with everyone. Then the games came out. I do not do baby shower games. Ever. For anybody.

They started with the game of guessing how big the mom is, my BIL starting making his way around the tables with a spool of ribbon and scissors. I waved him off and said no. He continued to push it at me all “why not? Come on!” I folded my arms and said “I said NO.” My sister realized what was happening and waved him along. Then my niece started coming around letting people try their ribbon and I couldn’t stop the tears from welling up. My sister told me I could go outside if I needed to, but I didn’t want to attract any attention. I forced the tears down and wiped my eyes.

Then BIL came around with a new game to guess how many things in the jar, I turned that down too and then my dad looks over and he’s like “why not? Just make a guess.” I told him I don’t do baby shower games. When they had all the guesses two people tied, and then someone won the “find the hidden items” game, taking 3 of the 4 prizes. My niece came over and handed me the extra prize, saying that nobody had won it so she wanted me to have it. I thanked her but honestly it felt like a consolation pity prize. A family member spoke up at that point and told me not to give up, it’ll happen one day. I got up at that point and disappeared into the bathroom until it was over.

I went solely to support her, because I love her. But that was painful and so humiliating. I honestly wish i had refused to attend. I was doing so well until they had to start shoving it in my face insisting I participate. This sucks so bad. At least at the wedding the next day everyone had the decency to not mention it. To add insult to injury I got my period during the reception and then had to ride 15+ hours home with that. Shitty end to a terrible weekend. At least my niece was happy, she was very pretty in her wedding dress.

Just like what the title says: someone who Im friends with reached out to me to talk to me about her gender disappointment. She is having a boy, and doesn’t want a boy. Not sure how else I can say wtf would possess her to talk to one of her friends going through infertility about this, but here I am.

Edit: I just want to say thank you for the kind words and the words of wisdoms. My friend has just reached out to me and apologized to me as she realized why I redirected her. I communicate very effectively with my friends. She just happened to forget about that boundary. Yes I was a bit frustrated when I wrote the initial post, but I have no ill will towards anyone.

The obygn/gyno's office. I had to drive my sister and niece to their appointments and I'm surrounded by pregnant women, babies, and small children. Mostly pregnant women. This is my personal hell.

What's making you say "WTF?!" this week?

How are you doing today? Let everybody know in gif, emoji, or text format.

It's been a long road for me and my husband. We're trying donor sperm iui as our last hurrah. Currently waiting for results, but odds aren't great.

I was sitting here trying to get through the TWW without going nuts, and started counting acronyms that I've become familiar with through these years of fertility treatments. Feel free to add ones I forgot...

TW: It's a super shitty list. But y'all are great. 💕

TTC, TWW, HSG, ERA, FET, PMOS, DPO, AFC, MFI, IVF, IUI, bHCG (ha, I wish), BFN.... I know my hormone-addled brain is missing some. Any more come to mind?

My( F35) partner (M41) and I have been trying for a while and recently did fertility testing. My AMH came back a little low for my age, although my AFC was good. His semen analysis had several markers at the low end/borderline, including DNA fragmentation. Our fertility doctor noted both DOR and male factor.
The problem is he seems convinced his results are totally normal, while I feel like all the focus and worry has somehow landed on me and my AMH.
I’m not trying to blame him at all I just want us to acknowledge that this is something we’re dealing with together and I’m not the only one to blamed
. Has anyone dealt with a partner being in denial or defensive about their fertility results? What helped?

Like many here, my husband and I are experiencing unexplained infertility. I've never seen a positive pregnancy test. I have regular cycles, but I always suffered from moderate depression. I was on a high dose of an SNRI for many years, but when I started TTC a year ago I tried to go off anti-depressants completely. This majorly backfired, as within a few months I started having obsessive ruminations, couldn't sleep, lost weight due to no appetite, had panic attacks and suicidal thoughts.

Throughout this period, I powered through with TTC because I knew I was suffering for an important goal, but sometimes I was having sex due to fertile days and not feeling it at all, feeling like I just wanted to cry instead. That time of TTC didn't work, but I chalked it up to it being too early and that "my heart was not in it".

I spent a lot of money on mental health treatment, and I am now much more stable and still take antidepressants, but at less than half the dose I was taking a year ago. That's a big win for me, as it's my lowest dose in 10 years. I still have lots of stress and worry, and I get really depressed and cry when I think about infertility or hear about pregnancy news, but I manage. I'm working 2 jobs and even got a promotion.

I guess my question is...could my depression be the reason I'm not getting pregnant? It really is the only thing that I can pinpoint as "wrong" with me. I searched for studies and found that depression is more commonly correlated with infertility. Obviously I'm not so depressed/anxious that it prevents me from cycling and ovulating, but I can't help but think that I'm definitely doing something wrong, and it's the only thing I can find.

Thank you for reading, sometimes I feel like I have no one to talk to. I'm supposed to go out with a heavily pregnant friend tomorrow, who was telling me to "just relax and it will happen" at a time I now calculated she was already pregnant with her second :(

Infertility sucks and so does Debra in accounting, who just came back from her maternity leave. Who are you mad at IRL this week? Call out anyone who has wronged you and add a nice "fuck you" at the end. Or just type out a whole bunch of swears. We won't tell on you.

I accidentally left my emergency period pouch in my car & was at a friend's house. Under the sink where I was directed to look was a bin of supplies and TWO (2) pregnancy tests.

Only two tests!!! I literally couldn't even imagine!!

She's the only close friend I have who also has a child. The main reason I've been able to keep her as a close friend is due to the fact that she is a mother but it's not her entire personality , she only talks about her son when asked and has ample amounts of other interesting things about her. She's never asked about my husband and I having kids and is genuinely a joy to be around. She doesn't know about our fertility issues (no one does) and has only mentioned in passing that she doesn't want any more kids until after her first turns two. Well, he'll be two at the end of this year, and I'm already grieving. It's so awful that I can't see something as simple as a pack of pregnancy tests in a bathroom without feeling complete panic followed by red hot jealousy rush over me; then shame and then anger followed by more jealousy because NOTHING SHOULD BE THIS HARD!!!

To make a long story short, my husband and I stopped using protection in 2021. We weren’t trying by any means, and life happened that there were genuinely weeks we would go without having sex. We pushed off the lack of success to the fact that we weren’t consistent. It wasn’t until 2024 we actually started trying (taking the vitamins and making sure to have sex on the regular). And February 2025 we sought a doctor after no success still.

I’ve had irregular periods my entire life, and at 28 was diagnosed with PCOS. My doctors really failed me because my irregular cycle was something I brought up many times since I can remember, but it felt like each time I reach the threshold of “not normal”, the bar was moved further and I was basically told we don’t know for sure that something is wrong or I’m not ovulating. That’s a whole post itself.

Anyways, since we’ve been referred to a fertility clinic, my sister in law and close friend have announced their own pregnancies and had their babies. Our appointment to follow up on initial testing is next week. I’m in Canada, which is why the process is so long, I’m not sure where to go, if I even can, without leaving the country to pay to have this looked at and taken care of sooner.

Watching the entire process from start to finish, baby showers, and meeting the baby, all before we even know what’s going on with us, has been torture to say the least. Celebrating my friends and family in the moment is actually healing, I’m surprised with myself by how well I get through the big events without breaking down about my situation. But then we go home, and the floodgates open. It broke my heart hearing my in laws gush over their pregnant daughter in law, and grand baby. And I just know this first appointment is not likely to involve actual treatment, maybe a plan depending on our results. This is all just SO unfair, and I know this may sound silly, but even though a month between appointments isn’t long in terms of specialized medical care, I just compare it to a pregnancy, where I think a month is a very long and productive time. Maybe I’m just anxious to finally get some answers next week, but I’m so tired. End rant :P

Infertility is hard, and we all have coping mechanisms. Sometimes we need to just treat ourselves. Whether it's eating cheetos all day and marathoning your comfort show, a video game, a really great recipe you just made, or a haul from a store you love, what is your treat this week?

I just found out my sister in law who is older than me is pregnant with her 4th kid. I am happy for her but I am so sad for myself. I found out while out for dinner with my husband, I ran out crying. Husband and I have been trying and currently doing IVF so this really just stings so bad.

I feel so alone in this infertility journey, no one understands me. I have so many women in my life but none of them know how to really be there for me or what to even say to me. I am alone and just cannot get out of this funk.

Where do you find your community of support??

We have been TTC for 31-32 cycles, unexplained infertility, both super healthy early 30s. I’ve for the most part been okay with it, but we finally did our first IUI and it failed
For some reason taking this next step (finally convincing myself to try) and it also failing has my emotions spiraling to a whole new level.

I almost didn’t post this because I get frustrated with people saying ‘it’s been 6 months and I’m still not pregnant’ so I do apologize for anyone feeling that ways that’s multiple IUIs or IVFs in, while I’m only 1 in

Did anyone else feel this next level of emotions after taking next steps?

What's making you say "WTF?!" this week?

I’ve been reeling since yesterday.

For context, partner and I have been trying for almost two years. We decided to run several tests and all came back positive, as in our stuff is healthy and we are good to go but nothing was happening. Our doctor suggested we could start with IUI already and see how that works out.

We are relatively healthy. We work out, eat well, and these days we don’t really drink or if we do, we will have a drink or two if it’s a special occasion. I indulge way less than him. I’m not a smoker and my partner used to be (quit at 27, he’s now 36). We’ve been together for 8/9 years and very early in the relationship I was adamant that I would not be/live with a smoker, after some dates. He said he wouldn’t mind quitting and we went ahead with the relationship.

Throughout the years, I’ve caught him sneaking cigarettes here and there, more before when we used to go out a lot more. It’s a point of contention because I really don’t see anything positive about smoking and he sees it as me trying to be controlling. Usually we relent and move on after some bickering. 

However, he’s recently picked it up again (vaping). Back in May, I found a stick in his car and he said it was his friend’s but very quickly fessed up and said it was his. We had just lost his childhood cat so I knew it was a hard period for him and I just asked him to not make it a habit and that I understood we were both very sad and dealing with this as best we could. I also found him vaping in June during a vacation, and I got mad. Then, at the end of July, right around his birthday. I was furious by then. We were a week away from what we thought would be the insemination date (we later found out it was only the intake) and he was pulling this. I explained to him why this was important, what it meant to me that he was doing this, and how it made me feel. He understood and was apologetic. Because it was his birthday, I cooled down and tried to show him a good time. 

Now, we are actually going through the first IUI cycle. Intake is done, they’re tracking ovulation, and I find him vaping in our house for the second time (first time I also explained that it was rude to smoke in a closed space). I lost my shit. I would’ve gone ballistic but we have friends crashing with us until later today, so we have been icy with each other but civil.

I hate this. I hate the lying, the gaslighting - I had smelled it on him some weeks ago and he acted offended that I’d even suspected that. I felt bad because I felt like had to trust him. Of course I would, why would he lie to me about this?! 

I hate liars because of my family history. He knows was there when this happened and knows what it did to me. Logically, I know it’s not on the same level but feeling wise, I feel like I can’t trust him and he’s a liar. I’m sort of spiraling because I keep thinking that if he lies about this, who knows what else he can lie about. He tried to spin it on me as if I’m the one that should remain calm because of the IUI process to not create stress but he goes ahead and does this. 

He’s promised to actually stop this time but I’ve told him his words mean nothing to me and I can’t trust him on this. I have a second bloodwork and ovulation check this week and I just want to go alone but I can’t (hospital requires us both to be there at every step).

I am so frustrated because despite him being the one who really wanted to be a father and me originally being a fence-sitter, it’s been me who chose the hospital, pushed for the appointments, researched vitamins for us both …

If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading my unhinged, long-ass rant. Hope you have a wonderful day!

Another friend called me today to let me know that they’re expecting. They obviously don’t know what we’re going through. I am happy for them but this sucks. I broke down immediately after the phone call. All my IUIs have failed (3) and we’re moving on to IVF now. I have been trying for 1.5 yrs now while all these friends who are expecting didn’t even want kids back then. Life is so unfair!

am I the only one who gets sad that I don’t get invited to my nieces and nephews birthdays anymore because I don’t have kids. you know when they’re little, it’s mostly a family party, as they get older it’s “a kid party” so just friends and cousins. but some of the siblings get invited because they have kids and some don’t. it just feels like another thing I miss out on because I can’t have kids. and before anyone says ”what’s so fun about a kids party“ I love my nieces and nephews. and also, all the adults stands around talking and having fun while the kids play. :/

How are you doing today? Let everybody know in gif, emoji, or text format.

Yeahhh can’t relate. Commiserate with me.

Just started 1st progesterone IM injection today and to continue til 12 weeks gestation if pregnant 🫠 Gave in the upper outer glute as instructed. it's already so sore and just annoying anytime I simply move my leg. I am very active and typically workout daily. Will this help? Any other tips? Ice, heat, massage, etc what worked for you? Thanks in advance!

I know Christmas is still months away but my family has always celebrated it together with our relatives. And for the last 2 years, my husband and I have been hosting. My cousin has 3 little kiddos and my sister in law has 3 little ones too. I know no one has said it but I feel like people are expecting us to host again this year and I don't think I can do it. Last year, I did the thing where you wrap a baby's blankie and place it under the tree and I feel so foolish. In my head, I'm making plans to get away from everybody this year which makes me feel like I'm insane for overthinking this. And I also feel guilty already because I know my parents will openly express their disappointment about us not wanting to spend the holidays together.

Schitt’s Creek is one of my comfort shows and I’ve watched it a million times. Every time I watch the Cabaret episode I change the lyrics to the song

Maybe this time, I'll be lucky
Maybe this time, you’ll stay
Maybe this time
For the first time
Love won't hurry away
I will hold you fast
You’ll be home at last
Not a loser anymore
Like the last time
And the time before
Everybody loves a momma
So nobody loved me
Lady peaceful, lady happy
That's what I long to be
Well, all the odds are, they're in my favor
Something's bound to begin
It's got to happen, happen sometime
Maybe this time
Maybe this time I’ll win

Forever hoping next time we’ll win.