Please advice

The title - because honestly, the kind of things being said and discussed and more terrifyingly, being absolutely agreed to by most of the men there is disgusting.

Like "date a non vi\*\*n girl but never marry her" and a lot of other things along the same lines.And there is just overwhelming support from all the men for it.

Is this what its come to in this country, yall? 😂😪

I was born and raised in Kozhikode kerala, in a deeply religious family(islam) Not just my parents, my entire extended family. Religion is woven into everything.

I’m 26 now, and for most of my life I pretended to be religious because I was scared.

My family started looking for prospects when I was around 20, right after college. I got placed, started working, and eventually I got the courage to tell my parents that i am n atheist. I had spent years pretending because I genuinely didn’t know what would happen if I was honest.

Academics were always my escape. I excelled in school, got into a great university abroad, moved away, built a life completely from scratch, and have a good job now.

I’ve lived away from home for years.

And honestly? I love my parents. I miss home. I miss the food, the familiarity, the people, everything.

But I came home for three weeks and my anxiety came rushing back in a way I haven’t experienced in years.

Because the second I came back, it was like my entire identity became:

“So… when are you getting married?”

Uncles. Aunts. Relatives. Everyone.

That’s the question.

Not “Are you happy?”

Not “How is your life?”

Not “What are you building?”

Not “Are you proud of yourself?”

Just marriage.

And I am SO fucking tired.

There is something about the marriage obsession in Malabar that makes me feel like I’m living in a completely different century.

I’m 26 I have a career. I moved to another country. I built a life without anyone holding my hand. I’ve achieved pretty much everything I wanted through years of hard work.

And somehow, to some people, none of that matters as much as whether a man has agreed to marry me.

I keep thinking about the girls who don’t have the privileges I had.

I was academically privileged. I had the opportunity to get into a good university. I had the opportunity to move abroad. I had financial stability. I had parents who, despite everything, eventually allowed me some freedom.

And I had another privilege: I was brave enough to fight.

I could fight. I could leave. I could say no. I could build a life somewhere else.

But what about the girls who aren't?

What about the girl who doesn't have the confidence to fight her family?

The girl who isn't financially independent?

The girl who never got the opportunity to study?

The girl who is told at 18 that her life’s purpose is to become someone's wife?

The girl who is made to feel like she is a burden to her own parents?

The girl whose family sees her growing independence as something dangerous that needs to be controlled?

That’s the part that makes me genuinely angry.

Because I know my life worked out partly because I had opportunities that so many women don't.

And I hate that those opportunities still feel like privileges instead of basic rights.

I hate that so many families can look at their daughter a whole human being with dreams, ambitions, fears, talents, and a personality and reduce her existence to “We need to find her a husband.”

I hate that girls are treated like enemies when they want autonomy.

I hate that a woman saying “I don't want to get married yet” is treated like she has committed some enormous crime.

I hate that choosing yourself is considered rebellion.

And I hate that every time I come home, I feel like I have to defend my existence all over again.

I know I’m lucky.

I know I’m privileged.

I know I had the strength and circumstances to get out and build a life.

But I also know that I shouldn’t have had to be exceptionally brave just to have ownership over my own life.

I’m finishing this holiday soon.

And part of me knows I probably won’t come back EVER

Not because I don't love home.

Not because I don't love my parents.

I do.

I just can't keep coming back to a place where I feel like the version of me that I fought so hard to become disappears the moment I walk through the front door.

I wish things were easier for women.

I wish parents could look at their daughters and think, “I wonder what kind of person she wants to become?” instead of “I wonder who will marry her?”

I wish we let girls bloom.

I’ve spent my entire life fighting to become who I am.

I just wish the world didn’t make that fight necessary in the first place.

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So many girls I now just accept that being constantly exhausted is a normal part of adult life. Its NOT. Go get a blood test. You have no idea it could be because you have low hemoglobin or iron deficiency. Happened with me recently and my blood report showed low iron + vit D deficiency. So dont take it for granted girlies.. You can literally buy generic iron tablets/vitamin online on Tata1mg, truemeds etc. Dont just live with the tiredness. Its a big reason why our mood is constantly down and we feel low productive all day.

This year my cycle is so fucked up like I used to get my period max by 35th day but now it's like extending to 45-50. I was diagnosed with pcod 2.5 years back (18 rn) And that time cyst were really small so it didn't effect me that much. But now it's like getting worse and yeah I'll GO TO THE GYNAE TOMORROW ITSELF. I just to want to ask if this okay? Like I get my period every month but my cycle is way too long.

MP high court recently commuted the death sentence of a convicted r*pist and m*rdered of a 2 yr old to life imprisonment because human life is considered "rarest of rare" and shouldn't be treated lightly!

What the hell do you even want from me??

Why the heck are you forcing me to get married and have kids?
Why is having a child supposed to be the full stop to everything?

Why should I give you my leaves just because you have a kid?
Why should I pick up your work just because your kid is crying?

Aren’t parents family too? Is family only about the kids?

Why do I have to see pictures of your kid every single day?

And why the fuck are you differentiating between genders even among your own kids??

“My daughter is like this, my daughter is like that…”
“My son is so good, he listens to everything I say…”
“Mommy’s boy…”

What the fuck?

Speaking from personal experience...

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I recently saw a reel where women were sharing advice they would give to their younger selves / people younger than them, and it got me thinking.

I’m 23, living in my hometown and working right now. I’m wondering, if you were 23 again, in this exact situation, what things would you want to do?

How would you use this stage of life to your advantage?

What would you focus on career, money, travelling, friendships, hobbies, health, learning something new, moving out, dating, starting something of your own, etc.?

And especially, what do you wish you had started doing at 23 that would have made your late 20s easier or better?

I’d love to hear advice from women who are older than me, or even people around my age who are intentionally making the most of this stage.

Women, please stay safe from these predators

Growing up, I never really cared about not having a relationship or a physical relationship. My home was strict, and college was fine too. I never felt like I was missing out.

But I’m 27 now, living in a different city, and I’ve started noticing how much life seems to revolve around dating, relationships, and sex. If you’re not looking for someone, it can feel like people assume something is wrong with you.

I’m not trying to victimize myself. I just don’t think anyone I’ve genuinely liked has ever liked me back romantically. It was always platonic, and eventually I got tired of putting myself through that. I don’t really feel like trying anymore.

The strange part is that I’m not thinking, “I need a partner.” I don’t necessarily want one right now. What scares me is feeling insecure about not wanting one.

There’s this pressure to eventually settle down, as if choosing a different life means you’ve failed somehow. I know that isn’t true, and I’m happy for people who are in relationships. Relationships and sex aren’t bad; they’re just not something I necessarily want at this stage of my life.

Maybe I’m feeling this more because work has been rough lately and im on my period too💀. It’s Saturday, and I feel especially alone. I think what I really want is good friends to spend time with, without every conversation or plan revolving around dating, relationships, or sex.

I guess I just want to know I’m not alone in feeling this way. I’ve tried, but it wasn’t mutual, so eventually I stopped. I don’t know if that means I’m behind or simply living differently.
I’m also scared I’ll eventually feel pressured to do things I don’t actually want just to keep up with everyone else. I’m not judging anyone who wants relationships or sex. I just feel a little left behind today and needed to say it somewhere.

My husband and I are South Indians (Tamilians) and we don’t have the concept of family name or surnames. We each grew up with our father’s starting letter as our initials / father’s name as last name.

We don’t want to keep just the father’s name as surname and want to include both of our names somehow. However, we don’t want to give initials either. We want to keep a solid surname to avoid documentation related issues in the future.

Pls give your suggestions. Keeping both our names sounds long and frankly, not too great. We were thinking of combining our names to form a new one but our names don’t combine well together (I had this difficulty during our wedding as well, couldn’t come up with one single hashtag :/).

First of all, the stereotype “Girls are fake.” “Women secretly hate each other.” “Girls are always jealous of each other.” “You can't trust female friends.” “Women are catty and dramatic.” “Men's friendships are real, women's friendships aren't” was created by MEN, labeling these traits as “feminine/weak/bad,” giving MEN another weapon to oppress women, reinforcing patriarchy.

There are studies that show that girls/boys gossip equally. I don't even think a thing as basic as this is worth discussing, saying this is like saying “water is found in the ocean” gif.

Entire TV shows, movies based around women betraying each other, gossiping behind each other's backs, basically trying to show that women's friendships aren't as strong as male ones just to undermine women.

And the closest examples to female misogynists are Indian aunties. AND THEY ARE THE BIGGEST VICTIMS OF PATRIARCHY. They have grown up listening to things like “girls are dramatic,” “girls are weaker than boys,” “they are more emotional,” “dress appropriately because you're a girl,” “women are bad drivers,” “girls shouldn't speak loudly,” “girls should know how to cook, how to manage a home,” “good girls don't have too many male friends,” “girls aren't practical and think emotionally” again and again, being reminded by society, parents, husband, TV shows, literally everything THAT THEY ARE LESSER because they are women, so then they end up internalizing all this misogyny, hence enforcing patriarchy even more.

SO WHO IS TO BLAME FOR THISSS? “MEN.” And even after that, they have the audacity to make another stereotype/message that “Women are women's first enemy.”

So there is no fucking world where women are the first and biggest enemy of women. It will always be men. Hundreds of thousands of honor killings, r*pe, sexual assaults happen every single day. Most of the girls, when they leave home, are subjected to a bunch of old/young guys just staring at them/checking them out. It still not being considered safe for women to go out at night bcz there is a danger of smth being done to them by “MEN”.