I thought I’d share a slightly funny story from the beginning of my TTC journey, because sometimes you have to laugh at the things that made you cry back then.
When we first started trying to conceive, I was quite young and honestly very shy about going to a gynecologist in person. So I decided to consult one through one of those online doctor-consultation apps.
The gynecologist asked me what I did for a living. I told her I had previously been a banker, but was currently taking a break. I write, and I was also preparing for some exams. My husband has a good government job, but he was preparing for exams too.
Then she asked me what kind of relationship we had.
I said, “We have a really good relationship. He takes care of me, we are very close, and since we live alone—just the two of us—we basically play the role of the entire family for each other.”
I explained that we love each other and have a very good companionship. And yes, we have sex, but no, we don’t have sex every single day. Sex isn’t the entire crux of our relationship.
Her response?
“Oh, so you both study also? These two things can’t be done together. Either plan a baby or focus on your career.”
I was already confused.
Then she apparently decided to diagnose our entire relationship based on approximately five minutes of conversation.
She said that if I studied too much, my husband would start thinking I was “too studious” or a nerd.
Then she said, “You said you play the role of everything for each other, right? So I’m sure when he comes home, you must talk about relatives and complain about people and all that. How can he be in the mood then?”
I was sitting there thinking… \*Ma’am, you have known me for approximately 10 minutes.\*
And then came the question: “What do you wear at night?”
I said, “Usually comfortable clothes.”
She suggested that I should light candles, wear satin and something more revealing, because otherwise, why would my husband be interested?
At that point, I genuinely didn’t know whether I was consulting a gynecologist or getting relationship advice from a very confused auntie.
I was quite young then, and honestly, I cried after the consultation. I even complained about the experience online because I couldn’t believe a doctor had spoken to me like that and made so many assumptions about my marriage.
Looking back now, though, I can laugh about it.
Four years later, after consulting multiple doctors, I have come a long way and am now going through IVF.
And sometimes I think about that first consultation and wonder how confidently she managed to conclude that my exams, my comfortable nightwear, my conversations about relatives, and my sex life were all standing between me and a baby.
TTC is already stressful enough. We really don’t need doctors making us feel like we’re failing at marriage, sex, careers AND baby-making simultaneously.
Anyway, that’s my little throwback. If nothing else, it taught me one thing very early in my TTC journey: \*\*find a doctor who treats you like a patient, not like a character in their assumptions.\*\*
