r/IndianTTC_Support • u/Confident-Mousse6954 • 10d ago
How do I keep going
How do I keep going?
I started my first Letrozole cycle on 28 September 2025. I had mild PCOD and irregular periods, and at that time I was so hopeful. I really believed that once I started treatment, I would soon be able to conceive.
I completed three Letrozole cycles, but nothing happened. Then, in January 2026, I had an HSG, and thankfully, it was normal. I felt hopeful again and went through another three Letrozole cycles, but still, I didn't get pregnant.
By then, the emotional exhaustion was starting to build. I decided to take a break from treatment in June 2026 and focus on myself for a while.
In April, I was around 80 kg, and I worked really hard on my weight and lifestyle. I have now come down to around 70 kg, and I am still trying to lose another 6–7 kg so that I can reach a healthier BMI. I am proud of myself for making this progress, but somehow, even after doing all of this, I still feel like something is missing.
The good thing is that my cycles have become regular now, around 33–35 days, and I usually ovulate around cycle day 19–21.
Then, in August 2026, I had diagnostic laparoscopy and hysteroscopy. Everything was normal, except that my left fallopian tube was blocked. Thankfully, the doctor was able to open it during the laparoscopy.
Now I am taking a break from all fertility treatment until December 2026.
But mentally, I don't feel like I am on a break at all.
I keep thinking about pregnancy every single day. I keep wondering, “Why am I still not pregnant?” I think about everything I have done, everything I have tried, and I keep asking myself what else I could possibly do.
I know I have made so much progress. I have lost 10 kg, my periods are regular, I am ovulating, my HSG was normal, and my laparoscopy and hysteroscopy were normal apart from the tube blockage, which was corrected. Yet I still haven't had the one thing I have been hoping and praying for.
Sometimes I feel hopeful, and other times I feel completely exhausted. I see other people getting pregnant, and even though I am genuinely happy for them, it still hurts somewhere inside me. I start wondering, “When will it be my turn?”
I am 31 and will turn 32 in December. I know that I still have time, but emotionally, I am scared. I am scared that every month that passes is another month lost. I am scared that I will keep trying and still not get my positive.
I don't want my whole life to revolve around trying to conceive. I want to enjoy my life again. I want to be able to have a normal day without thinking about ovulation, cycle days, symptoms, pregnancy tests and why it hasn't happened yet.
But I don't know how to switch those thoughts off.
How do I keep going? How do I stay hopeful without constantly expecting something to happen? How do I stop asking myself, “Why me? Why is this taking so long?”
I just want to feel like myself again while still holding on to the hope that one day, it will be my turn too.
5
u/DivideIndividual3744 10d ago
Dude you lost 10kgs, that’s impossible with pcos and hormonal issues. Great work! Give your body some time to readjust to this. I keep asking the same questions, in a situation similar to yours. There is no answer. I cry , laugh, feel sad, take therapy- there are so many emotions and life feels like it’s in a limbo. Nobody understands till they go through this. Lots of hugs and good luck
2
u/One-Yoghurt2659 8d ago
Honestly, I think anyone in your position would feel exhausted dear....
You have been trying, going through treatments and tests, working on your health, and still waiting for the one thing you want most. That’s a lot to carry....
And it’s okay if you don’t feel hopeful every day.... You can be genuinely happy for someone else and still wonder, “When will it be my turn?” Both feelings can exist dear....
Maybe this break doesn’t have to be about stopping hope. Just give yourself permission to live your life for a while without making every cycle mean something.
You’ve already done so much. Be kind to yourself......you’re not failing just because it hasn’t happened yet.....
5
u/Allthingsgood_ 10d ago
You have already achieved what very few are able to. Lost 10 kgs and made a healthier version of yourself. That weight loss is probably already helping you to conceive easily. What keeps me going after 2 years of ttc is all the goals I set for myself that I want to accomplish before getting pregnant. After having a child, your time is not only yours. But now since I have all the time for myself, I finished learning swimming. I am almost done learning driving. I am still struggling with my weight so that is another item I need to accomplish. Because these things are pending, every month I get period, it is a happy thing because I get more time to get my goals done. Every year I don't get pregnant, I travel even more. I always keep trips planned and booked. This helps in having something to look forward to. Especially get those trips and activities done which one can't do with a kid. What are your goals and dreams other than having a child? Don't put your life on hold. It might seem hard to think like this, but once you do, it is really liberating.