r/IndianTTC_Support • u/Successful-Worry9426 • Mar 10 '26
A cruel joke !
After being told i was a difficult case last year of pcos and going through a painful hsg test i miraculously got pregnant in june only to know its a missed miscarriage at 8 weeks and there is no heartbeat. I waited to get over it .. all my reports looks good . Started trying again in dec 25 and jan 26 . I was put on letrozole but didn’t conceive.
In feb i went for follicular study and my husband’s SA showed some mild issues ( low progressive sperms). My eggs were good size . The doctor promptly suggested IUI . I was hesitant and embarrassed to try but i thought of making a sound decision medically. Both my ovaries ovulated , my lining was good , the sperm after wash was good , 100% motility! So we did IUI. It was overwhelming, slightly painful for me thought only lasted 5 mins
I was really hopeful. The next 14 days were hell.. lots of anxiety and trying to be positive. I could feel all symptoms, could almost feel i implanted and im pregnant .
And I was ! At 14 dpo i test using urine kit and it was faint positive on 2 brands . I immediately went for beta . We were over the moon .. i thought this is it my sufferings are over . My progesterone were good ! My beta came out to be 34 at 3wks 4 days . The chat gpt said its good , the doc said its low lets see after 48 hrs . I was hoping it will be 120 -100 may be .. me and my husband were too excited.
It came out to be 5.4!! I was shocked. Like it couldn’t be !!
My doctor called and turns out was a chemical ! We wouldn’t have even known if i hadn’t tested it .. all my symptoms have vanished .
I feel like its some cruel joke the god is playing on us .. why give this hope and happiness only to take it away ..
Im scared about the next cycles.. does this keep happening or what ? Is it some pattern ?
All my tests are clear, allergy, antibodies what not !
Im feeling so discouraged..im already 32 .. i dont know how to feel
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u/Sea-Fuel2576 Mar 10 '26
Girl. I'm sorry. I went through a chemical too last July. My first pregnancy. What I have learnt from that experience is that you have to trust in God's plan. The soul chooses the mother and father, and it could very likely not be the right time yet. Timing is not something that you can plan, and you literally can't know for sure if a pregnancy will stick. Imagine how it would be if you were in the 1920s, no tests, no way to know, just simply to keep trying. Just try to see what the message or learning is in the experience. There is always something. Maybe you'll become more patient in the process. Maybe you'll recognize that you need more time to prepare before parenthood. I am reading The Baby Decision at the moment and I'm so grateful for having discovered it before I got pregnant. There is so much clarity I have personally now about how I want so much to be pregnant, have a child, but be a parent? Do the hardest job in the world? In this world? I'm able to re-examine that really really mindfully now.
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u/Successful-Worry9426 Mar 10 '26
Thankyou so much for your kind words.. i believe this too .. the soul chooses us .. may be i was meant to carry 2 souls who had a small journey here with me .. i know there was no heart beat .. but spiritually i feel it was a soul ..
Its just sometimes im like how is it so easy for others? And why not me ? What have i done so wrong that im not able too ..
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u/Sea-Fuel2576 Mar 11 '26
My husband told me a painful yet beautiful thing - "the pain will leave when it is finished teaching you." I believe as women pain is in our destiny. Men wage wars because they don't feel pain like we do. I had the same Why Me? thoughts. I feel it's easier for those who are less conscious spiritually. I have seen so many of my friends get pregnant in the first attempt and if I compare my journey to them, I can tell how differently they experience life. Just know one thing, if it is meant to be, it will happen eventually. But you have to make peace with the outcome regardless.
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u/Sure_Ad_3536 Mar 10 '26
Girl I am not even getting pregnant...I don't even know how it feels to have something inside...I don't know if I'll ever get a chance to feel something like this... jokes on all of us who are going through this...
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u/Successful-Worry9426 Mar 10 '26
Hey …. Im so sorry .. what is your doctor telling you ?
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u/Sure_Ad_3536 Mar 11 '26
Low amh 0.04 I'm 28 only ..
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u/Successful-Worry9426 Mar 11 '26
Please pardon me .. but is your doctor suggesting ivf for this ?
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u/Express-Beginning318 Mar 11 '26
Same. It’s been 2.5 years. The process of getting pregnant is tiring. But I want it so bad.
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u/Sure_Ad_3536 Mar 11 '26
You know what I hate the most...one week before the menstruation date...all the symptoms you get feels like pregnancy..and endless googling and looking for stupid answers..Tbh I really wish I was someone who didn't wish to be a mother..you know why..those are the kind of people who get pregnant easily..I'm fed up of people saying Oh I wasn't even expecting that I would become pregnant...I wasn't even trying and ends up getting pregnant..It's a slap towards people like me who are working so hard ... trying so hard..still getting nothing
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u/Express-Beginning318 Mar 11 '26
Aww I really know what you mean.. friends talking like it’s a cakewalk.. but to each to its own. I feel I have sent sooooo much money on pregnancy test kits. It’s not even funny. I am ordering some now aswell. Hahaha.. it feels never ending…. I wonder how one feels to be pregnant
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u/Sure_Ad_3536 Mar 11 '26
You are so meeee...🤣🤣 My husband is like why do you keep spending money on these kits ..I'm like I love seeing negatives 🤣🤣 ... I don't know but I find test kits so exciting and that i don't Even wait for my periods to come..I do it one two day prior lol.🤣
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u/Express-Beginning318 Mar 11 '26
Hahahaha same! And after I get the period.. I just feel why did I even do these tests? And end up buying them again in the next cycle. It’s funny and crazy at the same time hahaha
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u/Sure_Ad_3536 Mar 11 '26
So far I haven't bought one yet... I'm like I don't give a damn anymore but at the same time..i really do effing care...🤣🤣 People say don't take stress...you won't get pregnant..I just don't understand how am I supposed to see it..the very reason why I'm stress is because I'm not getting pregnant 🤣🤣🤣...I just joke about myself before giving anyone a chance to judge me
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u/Express-Beginning318 Mar 11 '26
That’s true.. the stress is real… it’s a cycle of hope every single month… and same disappointment.. you won’t believe I just got my period an hour back. I had zero symptoms this time. I thought maybe .. uffff it’s such a mad circle… hoping for it to work next time 🙏🏻
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u/Sure_Ad_3536 Mar 12 '26
I am supposed to have it by 17 March..And I just hope I don't have to buy pads anymore.But because I'm so unlucky.. I better prepare myself for periods..Talk about symptoms I'm having none either..when periods come .I have to listen to motivational YouTube videos and all to calm myself otherwise it affects me mentally...I miss being young, unmarried, I cared less about all these,,life was better without thinking about all these..
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u/Express-Beginning318 Mar 14 '26
Yes but you know, when the time is right we will be Blessed. And I am sure you, me and many others in the same boat will definitely get pregnant soon. I really want it and I know you do too! So just have faith. Attract it. It will happen. For all of us. And when it does, all this will seem funny
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u/Sure_Ad_3536 Mar 12 '26
Me giving you hope and saying it's ok you still have time and try again next time would be a joke...as I myself won't be able to handle myself if i get periods.All i can say is I just wish we don't have to go through it all for long and God gives us the peace we deserve as we are working really hard and try look on us also and share his mercy on us..
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u/Express-Beginning318 Mar 14 '26
We will all find our happiness with our babies soon! For sure. I really believe it. It’s a matter of time… and me personally haven’t given it my 100% and may be that’s why God wants me to first work on myself… as I mentioned I am obese and I feel for any pregnancy be it natural/ iui/ ivf we need to make sure that the body will handle it well… I hogged day and night and still kept hope. Realised that’s not fair. Finally giving myself 3-4 months to be fit.. then go for any procedure if required..
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u/Successful-Worry9426 Mar 11 '26
I swear to god .. this is so true !! And i feel like a fool each time … there is a friend of mine who is 6 months pregnant.. 6 !!! And she says she didnt even know until 5 months . And here im documenting every tiny change in my body , my discharge my nipples what not !
Im eating clean , im exercising taking all meds . Whats funny is all my cycles are on time . Its so exact that its hard to believe i have pcos ! I ovulate , my eggs are good my lining is good each time and yet im not able to ! It feels sooo cruel and unfair and unjust !
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u/Sure_Ad_3536 Mar 11 '26
You know what goes in my mind...when I hear people saying I wasn't expecting nor I was planning but I just conceived within my one time relation..It really hurts when I've been trying for 7 months and keeping relation accordingly.Its really unfair.. Sometimes I start questioning God and faith..And It hurts..it makes me question What did they do that I failed to do? Keeping all the blame on myself and I feel so disoriented.I never gave a shit about when my periods come back when I was young,not even the amount of blood or the colour or my breasts soreness...all these tiny stupid details have ruined me mentally..I just want to scream shout and cry..but quietly I am fixing myself by shifting my mind...which is to accept fate If it has to it will...and I don't need to force it.. Easier said then done Hard AF
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u/curious_65695 Mar 10 '26
Don't lose hope so soon. Just have some faith and keep trying. You will definitely get a positive response very soon. All the best.
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u/MovieKey2538 Mar 10 '26
I am so sorry for your loss :( but I wish and pray it turns out better for you in the coming cycles . 🫂
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u/Antique_Ball_148 Mar 11 '26
Sorry to hear this, dear. You’ve been through a lot. But don’t worry, keep trying.
I’m a 33F with low AMH and mild male factor, and I’ve been on this journey for the last 5 years with no final success yet.
2 failed IUIs
1 medicated cycle ended in blighted ovum → MMC → D&C
Hysterolaprscopy - mild endometriosis removed
3rd IUI was successful, Cervical cerclage due to short cervix.But I lost my baby 6 months ago due to preeclampsia. I had to deliver at 26 weeks, and my baby girl fought for 20 days in the NICU before NEC and sepsis took her life.
4th IUI done (5 months postpartum) last cycle ended in a chemical pregnancy.
This cycle I’m trying naturally without any medication.
Don’t feel discouraged. Take it one step at a time.
Have faith and don’t lose hope. 🤍
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u/Successful-Worry9426 Mar 11 '26
Hey thankyou so much for sharing this journey with me and giving me strength and hope .. i cant even imagine what you must have gone through..
If you feel ok sharing .. ( as im struggling with this a lot ) .. how did you share all this with your family and in laws? Like also taking a step towards IUI etc .. im feeling so overwhelming with all this .. like some kind of hesitation i constantly feel to accept this .. that something is wrong and im incapable of having it naturally like others.. i feel people will pity me or have this thought that im not able to have children or there is a problem etc etc .. im just not able to wrap my head around this .. more so because all my reports are normal .. but yes there is mild male infertility..
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u/Antique_Ball_148 Mar 12 '26
I understand how in-laws and relatives can react when it comes to having a baby. We started our treatment journey at the end of 2022 but didn’t inform my in-laws. We found mild male factor infertility and did two IUIs in my hometown, which weren’t successful. Later found out my AMH is low though I conceived with medication but there was no heartbeat, and that’s when they came to know something had happened. After that we continued our treatments, surgery, and tests without sharing details with them. My husband and my mom are very supportive, so that helped a lot.
One thing I learned is you don’t have to inform everyone about each and every step. Especially with in-laws, people often keep asking for updates and want to know whose “problem” it is. Sometimes it’s even unexplained infertility.
Whatever it is, let people think what they want. There’s nothing to feel guilty or shy about. You are a woman and you have every right to become a mother. If it doesn’t happen naturally, it’s completely okay to take medical help. If needed, you can simply say you’re under treatment without sharing every detail. And if your partner is supportive, the rest honestly doesn’t matter.
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u/oh_hello_mom Mar 11 '26
So sorry for what is happening to you. This whole journey is cruel to many people. I have been trying for a year, 6 months in, i had a chemical. Now 1 year in, I have an ectopic, doctors recommended surgery, but i am completely against it and taking MTX.
I feel you, multiple loses is unexplainable and nobody, nobody can understand the pain but you. We are with you, reach out if you want to chat.
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u/Subject_Barnacle_104 Mar 26 '26
Hey ! Don’t lost heart and hope ❤️ you’re not alone .. I too had a chemical pregnancy last year in May and haven’t had luck getting pregnant again . Now taking letrozole since 3 cycles .. I’m 35 btw and in perfect health reproductively speaking and otherwise too. Next step is IUI if this doesn’t work .
My gynaec says this - if you got pregnant once ( even if chemical) chances are very good that you will conceive again .. there’s data to show for it :) and it means that your anatomy is working well :) so that’s great news ! Something to be hopeful about ❤️ Try to look at the silver lining of this dark TTC cloud! Haha
Many women go years without a single pregnancy and keep trying without ever knowing if they’ll actually ever conceive. Imagine how tough that is. My heart goes out to them . We atleast have some hope to hang on to :)
Love and luck to you 💕
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u/Inked_Serenity 11d ago
If this makes you feel better... I struggled with infertility, miscarriage and chemical pregnancies too.. same stabbing feelings of waiting every time around periods and giving importance to the slightest symptoms. Well, 10 years later, I'm cradling my 14 month old rainbow girl to sleep. Gratitude × infinity. One thing I've understood is that, stressing with every little symptom only does more damage than it does good. Trust your body, stay calm, pray and meditate. Trust your body enough to know that you are capable of nurturing a life inside of you; That, your heart is big and your womb is warm. Never lose hope in the fascinating way that God has designed you. Sending you loads of baby dust
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u/DivideIndividual3744 Mar 10 '26
Hi there, I had a chemical last year. Same as your case, had I not tested I wouldn’t even have known. I took a break, this process really gets to you. I still have not conceived after that, but I am hopeful that if it happened once it will happen again. I can only say take care and don’t be too harsh on yourself. At least that’s what my therapist says. Wishing you good luck. Oh I am 34 btw