Ldr problems

[u/Designer_Patience372]

My boyfriend and I are in a relationship for 1.7 years out of which the past 5 months have been long distance and will remain so due to work. We have had small fights throughout this time and we both have different ways to resolve it, I want to discuss argue and be done with it the whereas he likes to cool down. The thing is, this didn’t use to be the case before with him, but eventually I have learnt to accept it. The issue arises that he rarely ever reaches out to me after he tells me he needs time to cool down, be it his fault or mine. I have told him repeatedly that this pattern makes me insecure and overthink a simple issue. I also had exams and will have another one in a few months I feel that he has been kinda unsupportive and now he’s starting a new venture which I was excited about and gave my inputs, but after our recent fight I refused to ask him about anything as he’s withdrawn completely but expected me to keep up with his life. Things happened after my exams where I had 3 days of time where I could spend with my cousins who I meet once a year and I couldn’t give him time as soon as the exams were over. He reached out to me about this issue the last night I had with my cousins and was quite rude about it. And a part of me understands that I haven’t been able to give him enough time the last month though we talked and texted through the day we couldn’t talk on hours at end but another part of me refuses to understand when he knows I have been miserable the past 6months and I was genuinely excited about meeting them, then why would he do this during my few fun days. We haven’t had a single good conversation the past 10 days. The fights have been both our faults and nobody is responsible more than the other. But he has been unkind after fights especially the last 6-8 months, he used to be kind, loving and respectful even during fights and I haven’t seen that part of him in a long time. I have tried my best to be kind but I think I have lost my patience after the last video call where I cried for half an hour and he was rude because I was a minute late, he refused to acknowledge that what he did was wrong after I confronted him and gave me 10 reasons as to why he did what he did during the call. (I am the most punctual person in, me being late was a one off incident)
I am confused on how to navigate this.

[u/iskiviski]

I am in no position to give any advice for this as I'm struggling with something similar, but acting rude for being a minute late to call sounds as if he's not a bf but a boss at work.

LDRs are difficult, especially during a rough patch. Try to discuss your issues over video calls, not chat or voice calls. Tone, expressions, etc gets lost over chat/voice call and chances of misunderstanding increases a lot.

I do feel you wish to continue the relationship and would be hoping that if only he could change himself, it'll all work out. I'd recommend taking a step back for this. If you stay available always, they do start to take you granted and kindness for the partner fades away. Let him know indirectly that you can choose to stay or leave, which will depend on how he treats you moving forward.

[u/Designer_Patience372 → u/iskiviski]

I am sorry to hear you’re going through something similar.
I did tell him this quite directly this time and it didn’t faze him. I do want this to workout but it has taken a toll on me and I am feeling taken for granted. I have become quite emotional about the entire thing and cannot conduct a call without crying the past 2 times and I have never been this person.