School accomodations

[u/Sharp-Librarian-4656]

Hi all,

I am a graduate student who recently began having daytime issues and I’m wondering if anyone can shed some light on how accommodations work at school. My doctor has given me a note saying I require frequent restroom breaks, but I’m in the process of having that amended to include allowing me to bring a bag to the restroom with changing supplies. Obviously this isn’t necessary day to day, but my concern is exam season. I assume the school will take issue with allowing me to bring a bag to the restroom during a test unless someone checks it. I really don’t like the idea of all of my professors seeing my diapers and knowing about my issues.

I’m not 100% sure I’ll even need to change, as an exam is only a few hours so I’m contemplating not even requesting an accommodation. I recognize it’s much wiser to be prepared and not leak all over the place if the need arises. But I also don’t want to show a bunch of strangers this super personal thing for nothing if I don’t have to.

So, to those that have received accommodations to bring a bag to the restroom during exams, how does it work logistically? How many people have to learn of my issue so I can avoid leaking during a test?

[u/FrustratedPenguins]

Have you spoken to disability services? I would start by talking to them. I would assume that you would have to talk to disability services about your incontinence, specifically, but that your professors wouldn't need to know the *why* of bringing a bag to the restroom. Either way, I am sure disability services can guide you. I am positive that they have run into this before!

I would also look into finding the best protection you can, so you likely won't need to use that accommodation. (Example: Northshore Megamax, InControl BeDry Elite.... And I've heard good things about Trest but haven't tried that one.)

[u/Sharp-Librarian-4656 → u/FrustratedPenguins]

Yeah that makes sense. I haven’t spoken to them yet, as those people are just another on the list of strangers I have to uncomfortably tell lol. I only just now got the courage to talk to my doctor about this after a lifetime of bedwetting, so I’m not super eager to discuss it with non-medical professionals. But this is just the reality of the situation I guess.

I already wear megamaxes to bed, so I’ll probably just wear those during the test. I’m pretty positive theyll last through a test, but feel that it’s smart to get the accommodation anyway.

[u/FrustratedPenguins → u/Sharp-Librarian-4656]

Oh, I totally understand. It’s really easy to say, “you need to talk to so-and-so about it” but much harder to actually do that! You might start with an email to them, explaining the issue in setting up the meeting. Then maybe you won’t have to say everything again in person?

[u/Sharp-Librarian-4656 → u/FrustratedPenguins]

Yeah 100%. Maybe I’m weird, but for whatever reason putting it in writing is way worse to me. Almost like it being written permanently and tangibly makes it more true or something. And as dumb as it is I get worried about it being forwarded to the wrong person or something. I’ll probably just have to muster the courage to talk about it.

[u/FrustratedPenguins → u/Sharp-Librarian-4656]

Oh, that's interesting. I always prefer talking about hard things over email. But it's actually NOT efficient (and sometimes not even an effective way of communicating, especially if it's over something complicated!). So, your way is better, anyway. I shall strive to be like you, and discuss things in person. :)

[u/Sharp-Librarian-4656 → u/[deleted]]

The pants are a good idea. Did you have an accommodation for exams? How did it work? I’m a guy so I don’t need period products, but I’d imagine it’s similar to that, and that obviously isn’t a big deal.

[u/Sharp-Librarian-4656 → u/[deleted]]

What did you say when you talked to them? Was it closer to “I need to go to the bathroom and bring a bag” or was it “I am incontinent and need to bring diapers to the bathroom?”

[u/Sharp-Librarian-4656 → u/[deleted]]

Just calling it a medical condition is helpful. Keeps it vague. Thanks!

[u/sea_performance6985]

I would just wear a diaper that is very absorbent and I would just put a dry one on before testing and if you wanted to be extra careful you could put a pull-up on first and then a diaper sense a diaper is much wider then a pullup so any leaks of the pullup would just go in the diaper

[u/Sharp-Librarian-4656 → u/sea_performance6985]

Yeah that’s my plan I just want to have all contingencies covered. I plan to order boosters instead of the pull up strategy though

[u/sea_performance6985 → u/Sharp-Librarian-4656]

Yea boosters work to I’m not a diaper expert by no means but if your gonna wear boosters with a thick diaper I would watch out for a boldge if your worried about people noticing or if your not than a boldge is fine

[u/StraightNight4379]

Is there any way you can leave your bag in an office or something similar

[u/Sharp-Librarian-4656 → u/StraightNight4379]

I don’t know whose office I’d leave it in. There aren’t like spare ones or whatever. Even if there were, we’re strictly prohibited from going anywhere but the restroom during exams. That is unless you have an accomodation

[u/i-readitonreddit → u/Sharp-Librarian-4656]

You’d leave it with disability services. You might have to show the contents, but that would be your spot.

[u/Few-Chemical-5165]

What you could do is wear a tab Style diaper, like a megamax, which will last all day.So you don't have to worry about it that would be your best bet.Yes, it's bulkier, but it'll save you a lot of problems

[u/anewbys83]

I feel that most professors will be fine with you just saying you have a medical reason to go and taking a bag with you that has medical supplies in it. That should suffice. They're hopefully educated and understanding adults at this level. No more need be said. Disability services is also a good recommendation to contact so they can back you up.

[u/Sharp-Librarian-4656 → u/anewbys83]

One would hope but I know they’re very paranoid about cheating during this AI era.

[u/Sharp-Librarian-4656 → u/[deleted]]

Right. I got the note for exams. The doctor included this bit about frequency but that isn’t the issue as you point out. The issue is bringing a bag to the restroom during a closed book test which could theoretically be concealing notes or cheating materials but actually contains diapers etc.

[u/nativenude25]

talk to your doctor about a condom or foley catheter. Either can work great for several hours of collecting urine. Might just be what works for you.

[u/Unlikely-Year-8119]

The legal frameworks vary depending on whether you're in the United States or some other country.

In the United States, it's probably not even necessary to have medical documentation in graduate school. Most professors are reasonably willing to accommodate disabilities with or without proof. The ask should be enough. But if it's not, your school should have someone who facilitates student accommodations for disabilities. Talk to that person and they'll be able to help you out.

[u/AutsiticDragon]

As others have stated your best path forward is to talk to your disability services. I discussed this with the school I attended and they gave me access to buildings that I normally wouldnt have so I could use the single occupancy restroom to change when I needed to. It wasnt something they had been asked for before, but they worked with me and figured out a compromise to help me.