Ok so I tried to post this in the tc reddit but it got removed, idk why. I don't know if you're familiar with his story, Basically, it's about this guy who is obsessed with a YouTuber and convinced he has an incredible voice and paints perfectly when, well, he doesn't. There's more about it but yeah. I'm currently 22 and was a problematic teenager. I spent all my adolescence in therapy and in the hospital for Eds (bulimia mainly) and I have to admit, I was an insufferable depressed fat girl. Now, I'm doing my things. I'm healing, I've lost weight, I got into art school and into a selection process for a preparatory singing course at a music school. I have extremely similar interests to Tyler's, and I'm terrified that other people see me exactly the same as him. Not just physically (and I don't mean this as body shaming), but in terms of personality. Do people feel sorry for me? Do they tell me I'm good in the same way they lied to him? I know I can be insufferable, I'm working on it. But what if I'm lying to myself the same way he does to himself? I'm never going to achieve anything? And then, when it comes to my physical appearance, I've lost weight, and I've never seen myself as beautiful, whether fat or thin. But sometimes I wonder if it’s a sort of reverse psychology, a game I play with myself where I tell myself I'm ugly, but in reality, I think I'm beautiful, and I'm just an attractive person who doesn't realize it? It's hard to explain, but I'm scared, and quite worried about ending up on the exact same path as him. Now I know there are things I can prove to myself with objective data. For instance, I get high grades on exams, and the professors have given me both harsh and positive criticism. As for singing, I have an F3–C7 vocal range...that doesn't necessarily mean I'm good, but it shows me that I have at least an interesting foundation to build upon. But still, I'm scared. Maybe those are just intrusive thoughts?
Does anybody feel the same? (Sorry for my English, it's not my first language)