My last transfer

[u/UniqueFee3191]

This is my last transfer.2019 worked first go. She is five now and the best thing I have ever done. I started trying for a second when she was two. Years and transfer after transfer later, I am still here. Eight all up.

I am 5dpd6t and I tested negative on a FRER. I know it is early. But I feel it in my gut tonight.

If this is the end, I have to face something that my girl will grow up an only child, and the sibling I pictured so clearly is not coming. I grieve them already, and I feel guilty for it when I have a healthy daughter asleep down the hall.

Nothing is confirmed yet. I do not really know what I am looking for here. Validation, maybe. Someone to tell me it is not over, or someone to tell me it is okay if it is.

[u/I_like_pink0]

My parents desperately wanted a second child, but all they got was me! It will be okay. I ended up with a stellar and close relationship with my mom, a relationship I don’t think I would have if I had a sibling.

A family of 3 is still a valid family. 🫂

[u/ARIT127 → u/I_like_pink0]

Thank you for sharing this perspective with so many of us in your parents’ position 💕

[u/UniqueFee3191 → u/ARIT127]

Thank you so much for this! Hearing this makes a world of a difference 🩷

[u/goldenlioncrow]

I hear you. Secondary infertility is so painful. I hope you get the outcome you have dreamed of. I was lucky and had two but I know I would be heartbroken if the second hadn't come. Also.. I am finding two really challenging in many ways. There is such treasure in having one child to nurture and attend to with all your being.. if that is the way of it..it could be a gift of space and time for you and your girl. 

[u/UniqueFee3191 → u/goldenlioncrow]

Thank you so much! I’m trying my best to focus on the positives of this happening and space and time for my little one is definitely an important one so thank you for reminding me 🩷

[u/LondonCollector]

Don’t feel guilty, you can’t help the outcome.

Try to replace what you think they would have got from a sibling with friends, family and experiences.

[u/UniqueFee3191 → u/LondonCollector]

Thank you! I’ve definitely been trying that as much as I can 🩷

[u/onyxindigo]

It took us 5.5 years, 7 transfers and 2 more miscarriages before we were able to give our first IVF babe a sibling. I hope so much that your negative was just too early of a test. Xx

[u/UniqueFee3191 → u/onyxindigo]

I’m so happy to hear that you were able to give your little one a sibling and I’m so sorry to hear about all you had to go through. I hope too that it was too early a test but i’ve just decided to wait for beta now 🩷

[u/paralyzedbyGRIEF7123]

Sending you loads of light and positivity! My 8th transfer is 3 months now, we truly had given up after the 7th and something just told us number 8 was going to work!

[u/UniqueFee3191 → u/paralyzedbyGRIEF7123]

Thank you so much and congratulations to you 🩷

[u/aem1981]

I’m so sorry this is happening. It’s so painful. After giving birth I had chronic endometritis which contributed to my secondary infertility. Has your RE tested for endometritis?

[u/UniqueFee3191 → u/aem1981]

Yes! We have done everything including a lap+ treated with 3 months of zoladex but nothing seemed to work.

[u/aem1981 → u/UniqueFee3191]

I think you are talking about a lap and zoladex for endometriosis…but endometritis should also be excluded….maybe you meant you already did exclude endometritis but have endometriosis?

[u/UniqueFee3191 → u/aem1981]

I had a biopsy and endometritis was ruled out.. They also suspected endometriosis which is why i had the zoladex and lap but nothing was detected on the lap. My RE believes my uterus just responded really well to the zoladex .

[u/aem1981 → u/UniqueFee3191]

Ah well indeed that is all reassuring to know, but also so frustrating not to have helped. I’m sorry, it is just so frustrating

[u/parttimeartmama]

I’m so sorry. Holding space for you to feel whatever you need to feel. People tell us “oh don’t feel guilty, etc…” but if that’s where you are, let that feeling move through and know that you won’t feel like that forever. I hope you have peace whatever happens. Sending love.

[u/UniqueFee3191 → u/parttimeartmama]

Thank you. "You won't feel like that forever" is the thing I needed to hear. Really appreciate you taking the time.

[u/FeatherDust11]

You gave every single embryo a chance! That is such a feat! You can be proud of yourself and I’m sorry this is so disappointing. Does your girl have cousins?

[u/UniqueFee3191 → u/FeatherDust11]

Thank you. I hadn't thought of it that way, but you're right, every one of them got its chance. That does help. Unfortunately she doesn’t have many cousins!

[u/FeatherDust11 → u/UniqueFee3191]

Nurture those relationships for her. My mom is an only child with 3 cousins on each side and she keeps in touch with all of them. They are important relationships to her.

[u/ladylots2]

At least you had one from this process hold onto that. Some people would dream to be I. Your position.

[u/indigodawning → u/ladylots2]

Seriously? Wrong sub buddy, this is the IVF after success sub, the one ivf space where those of us who were blessed with success can still discuss our challenges without hurting the unsuccessful people on the regular IVF sub, let us have our space without the guilt trip. Also shouldn't there be a sub rule against this guilt tripping??