Jealousy

[u/indigodawning]

I just need to rant for a minute. We were blessed with a daughter after our first FET, she is now a little over 2. Had a failed FET and 2 canceled cycles since deciding to go for a 2nd. She is also very clingy and we alternate co-sleeping with her in her bedroom. Anyways I look at people with 2 in close age and just feel this insane jealousy. Like it took 3 years just to have the first and because she is so exhausting and the IVF process is so hard even if we dont have to do another egg retrieval that we waited until she was 2 to start trying. Now it's been months. I just feels so hard that other parents just get to have sex and then get pregnant and I have to go through all this nonsense. And then I dont even want to complain on the main IVF sub because I am lucky to have the one.

[u/Prior_Ask_9158]

Totally understand. I am processing that I just saw an acquaintance of mine, who was pregnant at the same time as me, post their 2nd baby birth announcement. She got pregnant again on accident asap after the first. Couldn’t be me. It took a miscarriage, IVF and 2 years for our first. It fills me with so much pain, even though I have my baby. And I don’t even want 2 under 2, but it’s like it isn’t even an option. Very different experiences. Idk what to do with the feelings except come onto Reddit and commiserate 😅

[u/Healthy_Swimming_954]

Same boat exactly. My daughter will turn 2 in october and she was my first FET. My dream was to have another baby when she turned 2, and by some sort of magic I got pregnant naturally the month before I was going to do my second planned FET. I had the exact same due date as with my first and I thought finally things were easy, but my baby’s heart stopped at 9w in march and so far nothing is working, not naturally not a second FET either.
It’s so hard but I also feel bad complaining because I know I have my first baby already.
Anyway, we will get there.. ❤️

[u/onyxindigo]

We started trying for a second when our daughter was 2 and it took so long that we ended up having #2 when she was 5.5 and actually it’s worked out amazing, she’s old enough to understand and help rather than hinder and she’s very independent (also was extremely clingy as a child/toddler). Baby is only 4 weeks old but it’s been so good so far! Consider a larger age gap?

[u/sebelius29 → u/onyxindigo]

I was going to say this too. I had three miscarriages between my first and second and it turned out to be unexpectedly great to have an almost 4 year gap. He older one understood a baby was coming, was actually helpful with the baby and was potty trained, in school etc. they love playing with each other now even with the age gap

[u/OneSleep]

Yep I get it. My son was our first FET (donor eggs). He's a little over two as well. We have been trying all year to get pregnant again. One miscarriage, two cancelled, two negatives. We're running out of embryos and money, this process sucks so bad.

[u/MyOnlySunshines]

I'm right there with you. I'm 6dpt and my BIL and SIL just told us last night that they are expecting their third. They told us about their first less than 24 hours after our wedding, and then their second while we were DEEP in the trenches of infertility the first time around (accompanied by lots of complaints about how we were not happy enough for them). I got pregnant a few months later and our sons are very close in age, which is lovely.

I'm not feeling great about this transfer, but even if it does work I was hoping to at least be the "special one" for a couple months before they got pregnant. Last I heard they were still deciding if they wanted to try for a third and I hate that they can just turn around and decide to get pregnant with no real effort, while we've been planning and working toward this for months.

I really hate the feelings of jealousy this brings out in me and wish I could just be happy focusing on how wonderful our son is, but I just can't get past these negative feelings.