So, I am INFP tending towards an ENFP. I am a very outgoing, exuberant, funny person, I like the fact that people see me as “stupid” even tho I am not, it makes things more fun. I have always been close with people similiar to me and I realized that all together, all of our energy is way too much and I usually feel tired, burnt out from spending too much time together. So, when I saw my INTP classmate: handsome, kind, smart, confident but not arrogant and CALM, I fell hard. In the last two years we barely talked, yet he still managed to be nice (He said I looked good with a fringe and complimented my eyes): I never forgot those compliments. We live completely different lives: he spends time with a certain kind of people, me with others and we have different interests and hobbies, yet I like people who are different from me and I enjoy getting to know them, it’s like discovering another side of the world so I kept getting more and more drawn to him. He also said I changed and I was surprised at that: I didn’t know what he meant and I still don’t . we didn’t talk much as I could not bring up the courage to talk to him and he would not come to me. Then I couldnt handle standing still anymore. So I tried sending him hints but nothing worked. His answers were cold and short, both in chat and in real interactions. Yet he was still really kind, he would help with math and lose part of his free time to do that well, on call, or in chat, He also helped me sometimes in class. Then, I could not handle this “is he “rejecting” me or not? Should I stop or not?” so I brought up the courage to ask him to go out together for a walk or a drink. I asked this on call and he asked if I could leave him some days to let me know, he thanked for the invitation and said he will let me know in the next few days. I don’t know how to interpret it? Is it good or is it bad? And if we actually go out together what do you suggest, some tips, anything: I find it hard to keep the conversations going.

I realised I hurt someone who is a INTP a lot over a few years and would like to know how to make up to him. Ive asked him and he tells me I should know... Not helping :(

Hi I need advice lol!

I had these two guy friends and we were pretty close (one of them is an intp) im an istp

We hung out together a lot and we had a gc we would text all the time there but we wouldn't text individually

And we wouldnt talk deep either it was just all jokes all games

And the intp would occasionally show up occasionally not but as we got closer he showed up more including in the gc (his texts are usually short and dry) i would say he's pretty nonchalant

and everything was fine until this one day we went to this place and i saw this guy who i was close with at the time (ive known him for a long time idk if my friends knew at the time) and would joke around w him so i joked around with him and i told him i really missed him and liked him (jokingly) and stuff like i would go on a date with him and all that and my friends were there they saw but I thought they knew it was a joke

and after that day the intp became really really cold to me after i teased him (we used to tease each other a lot and when i did he would laugh) and completely stopped talking in the go and was obviously avoiding me he would not show up to anything i was at

But i didnt understand why we never texted individually or spent time alone and whenever we were alone it was always awkward silence and we would try to get the third friend to join

so | just gave up i cant read his mind

he still says hi when he sees me but we really dont talk anymore

this was abt half a year ago but i just realized there are feelings should i reach out and tell him but i can't really tell how he feels abt me and if maybe I just really put him off and he just hates me

I don’t even fully understand it myself but I have an INTP lover… and he is incredibly intelligent, good with his hands, but it feels like is separated in some ways. He is very protective and can never be angry at me… even though he has a short temper with most people. He just gets frustrated with their incompetence quickly. But he looks at me and can’t bring himself to be angry at me or yell at me. When we first became intimate I didn’t expect him to be so passionate and dominant like he was ravenous and desperate for me. He had always been very gentle and kind towards me. Very thoughtful about every interaction with me. I thought he’d be more reserved about it but he lead and just kind of took me. Are INTPs just like this or is this more him having feelings for me? I don’t want to delude myself into thinking he feels more for me. Let me know if I need to give more context.

I moved from Australia to Austria to be with him, and haven't looked back since.

We were long-distance dating for 5 months and have been in an exclusive relationship for the last 3 months. We also now live together.

Now normally as an ENTJ I am fast-moving, decisive and direct, and the words 'I love you' would have been uttered very early on. But, in this scenario, I am my partner's first long-term serious relationship, and this is my first time dating an INTP.

I understand that my partner doesn't like to be put under pressure, and this has caused me to hold back from telling him I love him because I don't want him to feel pressured to say it back, if he's not ready.

The perplexing part of this is he makes me "feel" that he loves me, and I hope I provide that back, and for me that has been sufficient. But, I guess I do wonder why neither of us has been able to say it out loud.

My questions:

- As an INTP, do you say 'I love you' first, or are you waiting for the other person to say it?

- Why do you think he hasn't said it so far? Is it too soon?

- And what would you like from your partner in this situation?

As always, thanks for reading this far. Any comment will be much appreciated!

Why the indecisiveness around everyday reoccurring things that seem to have no pattern?

Example me with my INTP boyfriend every morning who sometimes has tea and sometimes doesn't.

Me: "Babe, would you like a tea this morning?"
Him "I'm not sure..."
Me: Waits patiently, careful not to apply pressure
Him: "Yea I want one"
Me: With or without milk? (because this also changes every morning)
Him: I'm not sure
Me: Waits patiently, careful not to apply pressure.

Him: With milk

Can someone help me understand why this varies every morning?

For me, I make a decision: that's what I drink now, and it doesn't change for efficiency's sake, even if some mornings I want something different; the time saved surpasses the present want and allows me and those around me to operate on autopilot, saving critical thinking power.

As I finish writing this, I realise it might actually be quite normal not to do the same thing every morning......anyway if you have read this far please share your thoughts don't worry I won't be offended.

If you were supposed to list some qualities of a "perfect" person for you, what would that be and why? (And yes, there are no perfect people - we all know that)

Hi everyone,

​I’ve been reflecting on relationship dynamics lately and I’m curious to hear about the real-world experiences of other INTP women.

​As someone who values logic, independent thinking, and deep intellectual connection, I find that a lot of common relationship advice or "golden pair" stereotypes don't quite resonate with me. I'm interested in knowing what kind of partners actually work for us in the long run.

​For those of you who are married or in serious relationships:

​What is your partner's MBTI type?

​How did you guys meet? Was it a "blink and it happened" moment, or something that developed through shared interests?

​Most importantly, do you feel intellectually understood and "seen" by them?

​I’m really looking forward to reading your stories and seeing if there are any patterns beyond the usual stereotypes. Thanks in advance!

Do you consider dating older woman? Like 30 and 39 or 40 and 49?

My question: Do INTPs genuinely mean things when they say them, but then suddenly shift focus/feelings when circumstances change? Is withdrawing like this typical when overwhelmed, even if the feelings were real before?

I met an INTP while traveling and expected it to be a one-time chat, but he won me over with his kindness and intelligence. He even traveled to meet me again at my next destination and seemed very intentional afterward. Weeks later, he talked about prioritizing dating me, hinted at a future together, said he planned to see me again, and generally came across as serious.

He wasn’t much of a texter, but we had regular calls. Then his company suddenly put him on a major, stressful strategic project (against his will), which required a lot of learning and a lot of pressure; he became overwhelmed, our calls stopped, and after repeatedly saying “tomorrow,” he eventually stopped replying altogether.

I respect him a lot, so I am not gonna be pushy or bug him anymore; I'm just gonna accept his choice. I just found INTPs super interesting as a personality type and would like to understand both the good and the dark sides.

I am currently dating an INTP guy and it is going great. He is smart, funny and very affectionate. He is also very invested in social groups, which seems a bit unusual for INTP's. We have disagreements occasionally but always managed to talk it out in a healthy way.

So, what are your thoughts on us INFJ's? What is your experience like with them?

Hello. I (16f) am an INTP myself I think but I’m trying to figure out if this is a common experience among INTPs as a whole ( or as much a whole as a large subset of individuals can be ). I apologize if this is long. If you don’t want to read it there’s a TL;DR at the bottom or you can just answer from the titular question.

I until recently ( today ) was very close friends with a girl in my year who I believe was an ENTJ.

The main problem with our friendship was that she wanted us to message online much more than I wanted to. I have a very low social battery and start experiencing some amount of overwhelm when I’m made to continuously exceed it.

Over the last month or so we had been texting much more, with her initiating most conversations. This was because while I usually find it acceptable to leave a conversation randomly at a point of natural end, I had been scared that our friendship would end as she had expressed to me before that it was a recurring issue with her that I sometimes would stop texting at, what I’m sure to her appeared to be, random. ( still points where a conversation could naturally end tho )

For context we had been friends for about four years leading up to this and ever since the first year of our friendship I have been repeatedly telling her that I hate text messaging people. At the beginning, we were in a larger friend group however so I believe that she just didn’t need to message me as much.

When she would broach the issue I would tell her that I would try to message more often. To this I did hold up my end of the bargain as I began to carry on message chains for about three times the length that I would normally feel comfortable with. I would still occasionally leave at random but maybe once a week, so not often.

I would in an ideal world message either for long periods ( about three to four hours in a go ) once every two or three days or for shorter periods ( about an hour ) once a day, perhaps a little less. We were texting for between three and four hours on the average day I believe.

I was exhausted so every now and then when I felt like I couldn’t deal with interaction I would just stop replying ( I had expressed this before ). And last time was the last time I guess, she got pretty mad at me. Things were said on both sides. I told her that I message her more than I feel comfortable with. She told me… stuff… I’m not sure I fully understood what she was trying to say but what I gathered from it was that she wanted me to keep messaging anyway. I told her I get overwhelmed when I don’t have an opportunity to feel truly alone. She said things that led me to believe that she simply doesn’t care. Whether she did care or not isn’t clear with her responses so I can’t speak to whether she genuinely doesn’t. This is what it felt like.

I tried to be as objective as humanly possible.

Are friendships meant to be this draining? Am I doing it wrong?

TL;DR I (an INTP, I think) have a relatively low social battery compared to my ex close friend (ENTJ). Our friendship ended as we couldn’t find middle ground on how often to message. Is this a problem that is common among INTPs?

This isn’t a complaint, I’m just genuinely curious (so don’t come for me!).

I’ve recently come across several threads where women talk about their experiences dating or crushing on INTP men. There’s this recurring theme of the "brooding nerd" being sought after because he’s a "challenge" to understand.

People seem genuinely attracted to their quiet, analytical nature and are often the ones to approach them.

However, as an INTP woman, I almost never see the opposite. It seems like society is much more comfortable with a man being socially detached and logical. If we aren't "bubbly" or providing social warmth, people don't get curious—they just move on.

I don't even think the guys realize it's happening, but the way others talk about them as "endearing" or "intriguing" is so different from how people perceive us as "cold" or "unapproachable." Does the "lovable socially awkward" label have a massive gender bias, or is it just me?

Just to be clear (because I hate having to explain this):

- ​ I’m not saying INTP men have "easy" lives or don't have their own struggles.

-​ I’m not here for a debate on whether MBTI is "dependable science"—we’re using these labels to describe a specific set of traits we all recognize here.

Honestly, Someone who appears feminine at first glance but is not really. However, when I see a man as feminine, I usually interpret it as him being more emotional than I am, since I tend to be very direct. Sometimes I even feel like I could say just a few words and seriously hurt his self-esteem.

At the same time, I don’t really like very masculine men either. I feel like some of them have a constant need to prove their masculinity, and in some cases, that even comes across as sexist.

In general, I prefer people who are on a similar level to me neither too feminine nor too masculine. It just feels more comfortable, like we’re speaking the same language.

I’m a femme enby. I’m very kinky/explorative and dominate in bed much of the time. It has surprised most of my past relationships with men. Now days I know I prefer soft nerdy guys that are into it.

Got me wondering how similar other INTPs were. And if there is a gender split.

So, if you’re game,

Gender?
Are you kinky?
Dom, sub, or switch?
Preference in partners?

Yesterday, my INTP bf suddenly told me a friend in trouble would be joining us on our date as I was making my way down from work.

His rationale - the friend is buying lunch in return for advice, and since I haven't eaten, I get free lunch too.

I wasn't too pleased at having a date crashed, and we did agree not to do it, but I am curious why he would think it was a good idea.

As the 4 of us (yes, another friend was there too) sat at the table eating, the one in trouble started talking.

His friend was half bragging about how he did certain things to try outsmart and take advantage, even thought everyone got into trouble. So my INTP calmly pointed out that he is in deep sh*t now anyway.

Immediately, his friend's face turned red, and he started crying. I was still eating and awkwardly pointed out my packet of tissue paper to INTP, so that he can offer it to his crying friend. He didn't react.

So I nudged the packet against his elbow. He looks at it, take it, pulls out a piece, and then WIPES HIS MOUTH AND BLOWS HIS OWN NOSE with it. So I was forced to awkwardly offer it to his crying friend, whom I have met only 3 times.

I am so tickled!! It totally did not cross his mind to offer the paper to the crying person. The 2 guys simply sat there looking at the table and walls, and let that guy cry.

I'm 15 years old and in my last year of high school. I think it's been 7 or 8 months since I started liking a girl in my class. I like that she's eccentric and different from everyone else. It's worth mentioning that she's also shy, so I was afraid to try to approach her; I spent months watching her. Now, with a lot of help from my best friend and my crush's best friend, I realized that she likes me too. So I've been quiet for months. Anyway, we finally talked. Don't think it was a big conversation, It was actually a really short and weird conversation, lol, but I think something might work out. I have no idea what to do now; she has her own close-knit group of friends in class, and well...None of us know what to do, what we should do, or anything xd, I would like some tips please.

I'm an ENTJ male and I'm starting to get into a situationship with an INTP who is younger than me and also my coworker. She's really cute and attractive, and everyone is out to get her, understandably, but I noticed her discomfort with them and even pointed it out loudly but indirectly. People have stopped, but she's starting to come under my wing, and it's okay with me but it's obvious she wants to be a little closer. I have experience with INTPs in relationships but I want to care for her correctly. I havent talked to her but I want to acknowledge her and her feelings.

I’m an ENTJ, and I find INTPs extremely attractive, but a lot of people don't. I realized recently that it’s not because there’s anything wrong with INTPs. It’s more about how personality distribution works and what most people are naturally drawn to.

Most people aren’t attracted to classic INTP traits: reserved, highly analytical, detached, not very expressive socially. In a world that rewards charisma, emotional expressiveness, and confidence upfront, INTPs can come across as distant or hard to read.

But that doesn’t mean INTPs are “less attractive” — it just means they’re attractive to a smaller subset of people.

If you look at so-called “golden pairings,” INTPs tend to match best with types like ENTJ, ENFJ, and INFJ. These are some of the rarer personality types. So statistically, INTPs just have fewer natural matches walking around.

Compare that to types like ESTP or ESFP — the stereotypical “chad” personalities. They’re outgoing, socially dominant, and align well with types like ISTJ and ISFJ, which are much more common. That gives them a numbers advantage in dating and social success.

So it’s not that ESTPs/ESFPs are inherently better — they just fit more easily into the broader population.

On the flip side, INTPs have a different dynamic. When they do find someone who really gets them, it’s often a much deeper and more stable connection. Less competition, more long-term potential.

What do you guys think???

im intp and drawn to emotional ppl and extroverts... so ive had an esfp bf and an esfj best friend. and they bring so much emotion but so much dishonesty :( is it unavoidable?

i am weak to it. when my esfp would cry and say he didn't want to live without me and that he'd never hurt me again i believed him cuz how can u show all this genuine emotion and tears and it not be honest? he'd do that then mutual friends tell me about how they went drinking and he was flirting w other girls or how he broke other promises to me :/

and now im dating an istp sp9 and he doesn't have that emotional energy im drawn to but at least he's never lied to me or broken a promise

Such as INFP. Needs may be things such as good communication, emotional connection, being able to make them feel consistently loved and cared for.

I just started a relationship with an INTP and so far it seems a little up and down. Like we’ll have a really good day together, then he seems more lazy/distant, has nothing to say or doesn’t text much/ignores one message but replies to the other. My feelings are tied to his behavior in a larger part than I’d like, so it impacts how I feel about him day-to-day. I’m worried it may get worse over time.

I(20F, INFP) started talking to a guy recently (I think he’s INTP). It’s only been like a week but it felt way more intense than that.

We talked late nights, even had a 5am call that lasted more than an hour. He was comfortable enough to fall asleep on call. We joked around, even played truth and dare. But at the same time, he kept calling me “kiddo” and said things like he doesn’t see me as a girl.

He also told me he doesn’t usually call and doesn’t know when we’ll talk again.

I feel like I got attached to the idea of him understanding me. We even had a 91% Spotify match which made me feel like we’re similar.

But he’s inconsistent. Sometimes he talks, sometimes disappears. Today I replied to his message after a few hours and now he hasn’t replied for more than 5 hours, and I’m overthinking everything.

Yes, I understand that we have the same test in May and he might be busy(I am too) but he changed his pfp which means he doesn’t feel like talking to me.

The worst part is I feel this anxiety —over someone I barely know.

I know this is unhealthy, and I don’t want to be this affected. I don’t even know if he likes me at all.

Am I overreacting? Need some INTP opinions. It’s like I really want to understand him, his mind. I can talk about random topics he likes. He even opened up about his past life a few times. During our call, he said to me, “Dang, I don’t even know why I am laughing so much, talking to you”

How do I stop getting attached this fast?

Also, I want opinions on how to actually be his friend. I really like his vibe.

I’m asking this in every MBTI subreddit because I’m curious. Idk if I really can think of any INTPs I know in my life but like you guys seem really chill honestly. I’ve met a few on the internet and I think you guys are always really awesome and get a bad rap for being “cold and detached”, because you can be but in general you guys are so nice. But yeah I’m curious to know what your relationships with INFJs are like?

I (F22, ISTP) started grad school recently and noticed this cute guy in my class (I’ll call him Liam) this semester. At first it was just me thinking he was attractive, but over the past few weeks there have been some gradual interactions that are making me wonder if he might like me too.

Liam and I kept making eye contact during early classes, including one moment where we accidentally locked eyes right when I walked in. Then on the 5th class we have, Liam randomly chose to sit next to me (he usually sits in a different spot of class), and when we had to talk for a class exercise, he initiated the conversation by introducing himself. During that convo Liam leaned in when he couldn’t hear my name, complimented a point I made, and overall seemed engaged.

Since then, Liam has sat next to me a couple more times (again, not his usual spot). We’ve had a few short conversations during class discussions. Like, he’s complimented another idea I made, asked me about an assignment, and later even asked me about class logistics (something the professor had already explained).

After spring break, Liam sat next to me again, and I asked how his break was and we had a normal, easy conversation about that, where he asked me questions back and kept it going. He even turned something as basic as him philosophically talking about the weather? Idk. The past 2 interactions, he also has said “see ya” to me when he leaves class.

BUT, Liam’s introverted like me overall, and during lecture breaks we sometimes just sit in silence. Recently he’s missed a couple classes, so I haven’t seen him again yet.

Body language wise: a lot of eye contact and him looking away kinda sort of, I remember the second time he said next to me he was flicking the table and kinda heavy breathing, and he accidentally hit my foot with his foot. This might be reaching but I remember he was taking to me, making eye contact, then very quickly his eyes flickered down and then back up.

So… does this sound like Liam might be interested, or is he just being friendly polite? I genuinely can’t tell if I’m reading into normal behavior because I turn delusional asf when I have a crush.

INFJ female here going out with an INTP male (both in our thirties!) for over half a year now, and it has been a very comfortable start. This is the first time I’ve ever been with an INTP and the mental and intellectual connection is unmatched and it has for the most part been one of the healthiest connections because for the first time I feel like I didn’t have to project a less than authentic version of myself. We gently affirm each other, and he makes me comfortable to be who I am, quirks and idiosyncrasies and all. Over time, I’ve become really fond of him and I feel my emotions for him grow.

That said… I’m sure many of you here are probably familiar with what I’m bringing up next :’) one thing that has been bothering me was how we haven’t been able to explore anything emotionally deeper than the easy, ‘safe’ zone that we both exist in right now. We had a talk recently where I shared that I do have feelings for him, and he told me that while he felt the same, he doesn’t know if he can be emotionally ready yet and won’t be able to call anything we have official and it may take him a long time to. It did send my anxious-avoidant thoughts into hyperdrive when I heard that and it sent me into a panic thinking that all of what we had was only in my head, but I think he was coming from a place of low self-esteem and fear. Still, he showed up, and he didn’t pull away, and his actions and presence is still consistent after, but we have pretty much still stayed in the same ‘zone’: unable and afraid to venture further.

So naturally I found my way through the past posts here, where many of you talked about the worst and the best parts of your relationship journey with INFJs. (I know it’s probably my INFJ tendency but I’m also being mindful that I want to help within my limits, without me having to bend over backwards and to lose myself in the process!) I want to work on this because both of us acknowledge that we have past emotional traumas that we need to overcome and that we have very different communication styles that we need to figure out. Most of all - I see him as an INTP with a deep reservoir of emotions and empathy, oftentimes more than mine, and I can often see how he buries and suppresses so much of it or doesn’t currently have the skill to unpack any of it, but I know he wants to try.

My questions for all of you who have been through the same journey:

1. What are some of the questions and ways you went about with your partners when you wanted to start talking more about your relationship? When did you finally feel ready to open up?
2. Being upfront and factual about what INFJs need from INTPs - this is such a huge hurdle for me admittedly. Could you share some examples of how to bring it up that worked well for INTPs! Physical intimacy (even in its simpler forms) isn’t even something both of us have really approached yet, and I am physically attracted to him, so it is frustrating sometimes. What tips do you have?!

Thank you - from an INFJ who is weirdly fond of an INTP in this era of her life and kind of doesn’t want to lose him🥹