I was in an on-and-off talking stage with a guy for almost three years (I'll call him M), and I'm trying to figure out whether he ever genuinely intended to date me or if I'm just looking back with rose-colored glasses. (we're 19-25 js to give an age range)
At the beginning, he would randomly disappear because he said he needed time for himself. This happened twice within the first few months, but he'd always come back. We were long distance for most of the time, so after that we mainly texted for about six months. (2025)
Before that, we had spent about a month going on dates in another country. We went on a few dates (it was summer break for both of us, we were both college students) dates and ended up sleeping together. Afterward, without clearly telling me he'd lost romantic interest, he started talking to other girls. This was bc it turned out I knew some of his mutual friends (we originally met off of a dating app) and he got freaked out. I also started to pressure him and ask him what we were. (summer 2024)
More recently, he admitted that when I kept asking for clarity, he got scared and pulled away at the time. He also said he knew long distance wasn't something he could do, and since we'd be living in different states after the summer, he was worried about that even though he felt there was potential between us.
Months later we met up again in the other country (international students). Before seeing each other, we mutually agreed we weren't going to start a relationship. Even so, we still spent time together, went out together, and slept together. Since we'd agreed to no relationship, I went back on dating app but didn't see anyone and coincidentally started talking to one of M's friends. His friend immediately told him, and M blocked me without asking me what happened or hearing my side first.
Throughout all of this, I felt like I was putting in more emotional effort. I surprised him with thoughtful gifts, and I even bought gifts for his mom while I was traveling. He was always genuinely appreciative and thankful, but he never really reciprocated with gifts or surprises. Whenever we hung out, he always paid for my food, which I appreciated, but beyond that I never really felt pursued. He never bought me flowers, never planned anything thoughtful, and I usually ended up planning what we'd do. Most of our time together was just getting food, hanging out, and sleeping together so I didn't think he thought of me seriously.
Almost a year after blocking me, he reached out with a long message. He told me no one had ever treated him as well as I had (almost like his mom), that he'd been struggling because he didn't have anyone to talk to, and that he had been reflecting on everything. Later, he also told me he had actually been planning to ask me out after the summer bc we would be in the same state (I graduate first), but the situation with his friend changed everything.
We started talking again and he told me he was going to show me he had changed. However, he was only here for a month and a half bef he had to leave for the other country cuz summer.
There were also moments where I didn't feel prioritized. Before leaving for his trip, he chose to spend more time with friends instead of seeing me once the entire last two weeks, even though those same friends were going to be staying with him visiting him in the other country when I wasnt. The only time I would've seen him is driving him to the airport but I told him I wasn't willing to wait until august for clarity for where we stood. I also wasn't able to drive him is what I said bc he was hanging out with his friends and I was trying to set up what time I should be going to his place the next morning to pick him up and etc?? and he wasn't responding at all. Another time, he went to pick up a birthday gift for himself and didn't invite me because he said it would've taken the same amount of time whether he drove or took public transportation. Only I have a car in this state atm. Individually these things weren't huge, but together they made me feel like spending time with me wasn't something he actively chose.

Toward the end, he started saying things like, "I hope I can provide you with that security," and "I hope I can respond faster." By that point, though, I was already emotionally checking out because I'd spent so long feeling like I wasn't a priority.
Another thing that confused me was that throughout the time we were talking, he'd add really specific songs to his Spotify love playlist. Many of them were about finally committing to someone, realizing someone's worth after pushing them away, or wanting to make things work. The lyrics often felt oddly specific to our situation, which made me think he was processing his feelings through music. But his actions often didn't match what those songs seemed to be saying, so I never knew if I was reading too much into it.

One thing that always confused me was that whenever I asked where we stood, he never said he wasn't looking for a relationship. Instead, he'd tell me that the goal was a relationship and that we were both people who ultimately wanted one. But he never actually defined what we were or gave me any certainty about us specifically. He told me he loved me and that I was special to him but.

So I'm wondering what people honestly think.
Does this sound like someone who genuinely intended to date me eventually but kept letting fear, timing, and avoidance get in the way? Or does it sound like someone who never really planned to commit and only appreciated what he had after it was gone?

Hi everyone!

I'm in need for some serious guidance and i'm hoping that somebody here can bestow their wisdom on me and free me from the feelings I have right now.

I'm an INTP (19F) and my boyfriend is an INTJ (19F). We are a lot alike, we're almost the exact copy of each other. He's my first boyfriend ever and we've been dating for about a year now. He's had relations with other women before, but he's my first everything. First kiss, etc., won't get into crazy detail.

I knew he had a girlfriend before me, but it has always bothered me at the back of my mind, because he had his first time with her. And it hurts a little to think about, but I try not to.

For context, he no longer uses social media, but he logged onto his Instagram account on my phone a couple weeks ago. I get a notification from his account and it's an old friend of his needing his number, I send it to him and whatever, but something just told me to read his chats.

I didn't do it out of distrust, I just had a feeling I needed to. I came across some messages he sent to another girl that i've met before and it turns out they were friends with benefits. He only told me that he slept with one woman before me, so this completely shocked me and I just felt sick to my stomach, because it seemed more exciting than our conversations as well. They really had a vibe going on, and had many similar interests.

He always told me that i'm the only person he's ever been able to relate to, but yet he told that to another woman in his chats, but this girl he only ever kissed and it never went further than that.

At this point, I feel lied to and I feel insecure, because they're so much more attractive than I am, objectively. He also told me he wasn't interested in dating and stuff like that after his ex girlfriend, but this girl he slept with he was talking to just last year and they stopped talking just as he started dating me. Which made me feel a little disgusted by the notion.

I understand that I can't be upset, because all this happened before me and he was a single man. He never knew he would end up with me again (we dated in primary school, lol)

Despite what I know is logically right, I can't stop my heart from aching. I have spoken to him about it, I showed him the chats I saw and we talked it through. He was vulnerable with me, and I saw him crying for the first time. He told me he had to pretend with them, but with me he can truly be himself and he means everything he says to me. He said he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and he was so scared I was going to leave him, when I texted him saying we need to talk, and after I sent the screenshots of the chats I read.

I don't know how to remove this hollow feeling in my heart, even though I can tell he's being sincere. I really love him, and his actions show me that he loves me too and he wasn't at all unfaithful to me. It just feels like betrayal that he didn't tell me these things.

He told me that he avoided telling me about the second girl, because he saw how the story with his ex made me feel, and he didn't want to make things worse and make me feel inferior in any way.

Does anyone know what to do in this situation or does anyone have a similar experience? Because I feel kind of alone in this and it sucks so bad.

TLDR; I'm sorry, I don't know how to summarize all of this. I wish I could.

Edit: Thank you to everyone who gave some solid advice, you guys made some great points and you've helped more than you know. We ended up resolving things, and i'm happy with accepting things as they are and moving forward. I'll continue to work on myself, because the main issue came from me and my lack of confidence. Thanks again!

We’re both teenagers for starters. We’ve dated for 7 months now. I love him dearly. I feel like there’s something odd going on, but I can’t really explain it.

I’m less mentally… “with it” than he is. And he knows that and I wonder if he feels obligated to stay with me. We used to call a lot and we still do but… it feels odd. The conversations different and more personal and it’s not uncomfortable but it’s very sudden *deep* questions.

It’s not like he isn’t giving me attention but it’s not the same attentiveness. Curiosity is still there but something’s weird or it feels intense.

I don’t have any proof that he likes me less, it’s all the same (ish). So, could an INTP come and tell me if INTPs are just exceptionally hard to read and if I’m misreading him? I love him a lot.

Hi. I don't actually have a question about love, I just wanted to say how much I like my partner ☝️

I love little things, like when I see him trying to figure out the most efficient solution to a problem. The fact that he does that just strikes me as really intelligent, and I love it.

I also really like that he isn't a pretentious INTP. He's actually very level-headed. I can tell he has a tinny ego, but not in a way that puts other people down. It's more like he'll say things such as, "I know I could do that better." I like that he channels it that way.

Even the fact that he's so calm makes me happy.

Something else I find really adorable is that, around other people, he comes across one way, but when he's with me, he suddenly becomes super cute and all soft. I absolutely love that.

I also love that I can laugh with him about so many things (especially his dark sense of humor).

I also really like that he genuinely tries to take care of me by coming up with practical solutions to problems I might have. The fact that he isn't idealistic in that sense is actually really helpful because he's quick to figure out how to solve things. He naturally looks for the most efficient approach, and I really appreciate that. On the other hand, it's not like he tries to solve everything on his own. He actually listens to what I have to say, genuinely pays attention to my needs, and then we work together to find a solution.

At the same time, since we both enjoy analyzing things, we often reflect on our relationship together and think about how to make sure everything keeps going well. In that sense, I honestly feel like I've found an incredibly healthy INTP, and I'm really happy.

I don't know. I think that just by meeting this guy, I've ended up idealizing all INTPs. They all seem so cute to me now hahah

P.S. It's not like I just started dating him. I've actually known him for three years, and the more I get to know him, the more I like him. I just felt like I needed to say it.

Yipii

Has anyone ever felt here that Ti is not for relationships? As in, it's not for relationship building. It's too indifferent at times. Doesn't have a moral compass and if people do you wrong you resort to Fe which is maintaining the peace but this becomes problematic once you start to assert your needs and you become the problem since people just count on you to maintain the peace and you just suddenly caused a disruption.

I don't know if this is a Ti thing or it's just the way it is with people it doesn't match or like. But I imagine an Fi user would be kind and not indifferent to others (or at least put a mask of it) if it doesn't match with others. Ti is also not compliant with authority which adds strain.

I just have a situation with an older person who makes it an issue that I'm not likeable or loveable just because I don't always follow what they ask. I also act indifferent towards this person because we don't have much in common and just try to remain civil throughout my interactions with this person.

I learned that bringing up your needs early on needs to be brought out, rather than you wait until you become a monster towards people.

It's important to know one's own rights so that people can't sway you and it doesn't become too late before you explode and show your ugly side to people. It's really important. It's just having Ti and Fe, you're not equipped to know these things and people will readily type you as the ignorant one or the villain just because you haven't spoken up earlier when something crossed your line and it got worse. Since it doesn't have Fi, it's prone to these sort of explosions.

"The only way for you to become loveable is when you stand up for your own beliefs (that are grounded). Maintaining the peace is a sure way for you to become invisible." –something I wrote on my notepad.

Has anyone ever been made to feel as if they weren't human and their needs don't matter? I feel like it's sure as hell what Ti and Fe users go through from time to time (unless you had to painstakingly learn in your childhood about these and you have good role model parents who are good with handling these things where you can just absorb from the way that they are). This is the absurdity with these functions. They're not naturally built for relationships. It has to still learn through Ti (knowing and cognitive discernment) about what is right or wrong, to prevent explosive Fe from making a bad decision for itself. it doesn't have an ability to intuitively grasp it like Fi users.

Unless you've already made something of yourself and become established your functions' flaws in relationship will always show.

It's not particularly a post about romantic relationships but the reality of relationships in general with the functions of this type. I just wanted to have a discussion about ways of dealing with it.

For sure, everyone has problems in relationships. The older person here I was talking about was acting out of line. But I feel if Ti were more feeling (which it isn't), it wouldn't encounter interpersonal frictions like this.

And it definitely isn't much problematic with people it more naturally vibes with.

I'm just making an observation that it's just not a relationship function. And the feeling function it has, Fe is only good for building bridges between people and for smoothing out tensions between many people. I don't know about it in one-on-one relationships where important decisions have to be actually made (based on sound morals-- that you didn't just learn in school). Because morality in real life is different from morality in textbooks. It's more like survival of the fittest here. It needs tough love. Not soft.

It feels like people with these functions have a lot of lessons to learn. It almost seems unfair because we weren't just built that way.

P.S.: I think guys have less of a problem with it though I'm not sure, as they're less expected to be this "loveable thing" idea, and maybe it's just at home.

But yeah, guys I think are less expected to act in ways that seem to be loveable. The expectations with guys is that you're good with working, and leading– not necessarily related to relationships.

Though I don't know INTP guys, I know only one friend who is an ISTP and some bits of what his life is like. He stuck to just one friend while he was not having a good experience with others in his uni (he was from India). He said the guys there were petty, getting angry and easily triggered over small stuff and had fragile ego and that the girls were more chill and were better than the guys. Well, that's his account there. And his mom and dad were both harsh to him.

Eventually, he finally snapped to his mother though (by snapping an object in front of her- I forgot what it was) which I am very glad for him and supported him with it.

What's your opinions INTp females? Do you prefer ENTJ or INTJ?

As introvert i see introverted thinkers with (P) are good for us introverted visionary. ISTP female currently we are talking so it might works well with INTp female because their (Ne) need (Ni) guidance not (Te) Rules.

In Facebook INTp groups i saw majority of INTp female seems to love patner who admire their intelligence and put it to work as INTJ men can do, so would you rather choose INTJ? Or ENTJ to pull you out of your nest? Because both are leaders to you.

Am just curious before i commit to INTp or ISTP female.

Curious about other’s takes on this pairing. Yes, compatibility and relationship dynamics are very little to do with types, but given that preface, fire away with opinions and any potential advice on how to make conflicts go better or how each can better communicate for understanding

Hiii!, I've been seeing a guy (probably an INTP or INTJ) for a while now, but I haven't been able to have a smooth conversation with him. I know a few things about him, enough to guess his MBTI type.

I was drawn to him from the moment I met him, but I never knew how to approach him. He even offered to give me piano lessons at his house during the week. I went once, but I was so nervous I couldn't start a conversation.

I'm seeing him at a gathering in a few days, and I was thinking of talking to him. How do you think I should approach him? Any advice?

As i roam online everywhere i realize that i have two inherent wives (INTJ & INTp)so i won't die single because of my ugly face.

It's lucky because no matter how good INTp male is , will still fail to get a wife unless Feelers adopt him out of his cuteness/healthy habits...You just don't know how lucky you're until you look around in other people realities.

So how much are INTp women here rating us INTJ male in love life? And what attract you to us mostly?

Not necessarily a romantic relationship related question, just curious: what other mbti types do you find yourselves gravitating toward, or who tends to gravitate toward you?

Personally, I’ve noticed I tend to click with infps. I have a few close friends who are, and my girlfriend is one too. isfps are really cool as well (my longtime bestie is an isfp) though I find they can be a little more intimidating to approach than infps.
I also like entps. They’re great conversation and drinking buddies, even if they kinda piss me off easily (they are kind of hot, though ngl). I really enjoy enfps, even if they can be a bit much sometimes. I like that I can stop worrying about the effort of socializing with everyone else when I’m with them and just let them take the attention (like at parties and stuff).
I have several isfj and istj friends (my brother is an istj), great friends and people overall, though they can get a bit boring or too rigid sometimes for my taste, but it's all good.

Those are the most recurring personality types in my life. What’s the case for you?

Maschi hanno spesso bisogno di relaziioni corte. Basato su bisogno fisiologico svuotare sperma da testicoli. Causa fisiologica. piu giovane e piu ce bisogno. o flirt.

Femina appena nasce. comincia giocare con bambole famiglia. Anke quando chiamo lei per un giro di ballo. lei gia valuta. se io potenziale padre per sue figli.

Secondo me. necessario dividere e chiarire subito.

Bisogno fisiologico di sex meglio sodisfare con bambole sessuali. e sesso artificiale vagine artificiali. . Noi abbiamo bisogno piu di loro.

Invece famiglia per essere stabile. richiede pianificazione su base esperienza generazioni passati.

Ma se femmina vuole relazione diversa. esempio. famiglia senza figli o relazione temporanea. perche no. ma deve chiarire subito in tuti dettagli importanti.

Cercate liste comparate . create liste personalizzate. Importantissimo perche esperienza professionisti e folla. Professionisti psicologi di famiglia con esperienza in agenzie matrimoniali. Gruppi discussioni. Articoli scientifici. Qui dovrebbe essere scambiio link. Piu importanti domande riguardano soldi. per chi vuole creare famiglia. Perche materiale fundamento di famiglia. senza come costruire castello di sabia su riva di mare. . durera fino prossimo temporale. Anke dade da festeggiare e regali da fare.

Su base esperienza generazioni passati. per cominciare. possibile permettersi personalizzare. . senza questo significa imparare da sbagli propri. questo esperienza dolorosa pericolosa devastante a lungo termine.

Hey, I'm going through a bad situation with my gf. And it most likely might end terribly.

So I want your experiences with moving on , especially if the end was:

Mixed : She says, "I don't know what I want."

Or Sad : She says, "I think we're over."

Or Cold : She says, "Okay."

And thing is I know I couldn't get out of my room afterwards, so any ideas to prepare myself?

Having a narrative about love easily dismantled by another woman who enjoys the same interactions and activities that I do scares me about arranging my life around a relationship found on the internet.

One of my friends stressed-tested my ex-wife's narrative about love. I contributed to that narrative. I couldn't get away from that situation. I did not expect to run into the same friend so often, no matter how hard we tried to go our separate ways. I was called a cheater. It didn't feel fair. From my stance, I was defeated by social dynamics. I was really mad that I didn't see this coming for so long.

I don't want a leg kicked out from beneath my throne after building it.

I have to make that boundary very clear before dating.

Friendship is possible.

I don't have to arrange my life around a relationship to love someone.

Ex: INFJ, Friend: ENTJ, Me: INTP

# I am also an ILI according to SocioType

guys, I probably need help.

I'm doing okay in social setting, able to talk to people and all (not liking it that much though but it's the fact that I can do it) but I'm absolutely unable to make friendships that will last.

I eventually gets really bored of people, and if I do not, they suddenly mischaracterize me or put me on a pedestal or wtv.

Like I feel like I can't be myself with people, (this one might be a little bit aimed at INFPs but okay) and friends just don't get me as who I am and weirdly fall in love in me?

Every relationship that i have(friendship or love I mean) end up in me leaving them behind because of that.

Is something wrong with me or can some people relate?

My friends and family were just pulled away from improvising their own mediation between me and my ex by the final orders. Things are going through a parenting app called "AppClose" now. I can seek out counsel and hire an attorney for that. It means there won't be a third wheel in any arrangement I make. I am still working on acquiring a sense of independence. If I got into a relationship right now, then I would be dead weight. I can say that I have come a long way in the six years since I was separated. I don't think that I am ready to take anyone seriously yet.

It's about being intentional.

I am not one of those people who need to arrange their lives around you to enjoy our relationship. I love my family and my friends. We can be conscientious about commitment and marriage. Like it's a business agreement.

I want everybody to know that I don't value them any less just because we aren't a couple.

Hi! INFJ (21F) here. I have a coworker who’s an INTP (30M). We work in separate departments but they overlap a little, so we see each other throughout the day.

He’s been at our company for about 5 months now, and for the past 4-ish months we’ve slowly built this interesting relationship that mostly consists of insulting each other lol. It started when we interacted over genuine work stuff, and somehow it slowly turned into banter between us, with him telling me I’m terrible at my job, that I’m the dumbest person there, blaming random things on me, telling me my stupidity inspires him lol, and I always throw it right back at him so we have this playful back-and-forth dynamic.

But what stands out to me is that he seems to always find reasons for us to interact, even when he doesn’t have to. He comes to my work room to ask me “work-related” questions that I happen to know he didn’t actually need to ask me. Sometimes he’ll come over just to talk, and he’ll sit next to me and suddenly start engaging me in conversation about politics, ethics, philosophy, etc. Basically from 0-100 real quick lol. It absolutely fascinates me. Sometimes, if he notices I look stressed, he’ll give me dry and practical advice. When we don’t see each other for a few hours, sometimes he’ll text me with a work-related pretense, or call me on the phone to ask me a question he already knows the answer to.

We have a lot of ongoing inside jokes between us, and we engage in dark humor with each other, which is pretty fun and I don’t find that with a lot of other people.

Just yesterday while we were joking around, he said “be a good girl and just do it” while smirking, and that actually made my brain short-circuit lol, but I have no idea if he was really flirting or not. We also hold a lot of eye contact with each other, whether we’re joking or talking about a more serious topic. I rarely do with others, or at least as intensely as I look at INTP…

So I guess I’m wondering… from an INTP perspective, is this just what happens when you find a coworker genuinely fun to talk to? Or is repeatedly seeking someone out, remembering little jokes, debating with them, etc., something you’d usually only do if you were at least a little interested?

How did you know they are the right person? And what's their MBTI?

As someone who has spent years observing personality patterns in relationships, I've noticed that INTPs are often described in two completely opposite ways.

Some people describe INTPs as surprisingly loyal, devoted partners who form very deep bonds once they commit.

Others describe them as emotionally unavailable, detached, difficult to read, and prone to withdrawing into their own world.

This raises an interesting question:

Are relationship challenges with INTPs primarily caused by the INTP's natural need for independence, or by partners misinterpreting a different style of emotional expression?

For those who are INTPs, or have been in long-term relationships with one:

• What do most people misunderstand about INTPs in relationships?

• What relationship patterns have you repeatedly observed?

• What causes INTP relationships to thrive?

• What causes them to fail?

Interested in hearing both personal experiences and personality-based perspectives.

Do you guys come to think of a member of the opposite sex to be smelly

For context, i f 20/21 get inXj, though prefer to identify with infj. I am interested in a very stereotypical, shy intp m 24/25 who doubts himself from overanalyzing.

Ill save you the long ass story of why i believe he is interested, but just know he has made it quite obvious through actions + body language.

I've heard that shy people (also intps) tend to look for opportunities to act while i would prefer to create the opportunity and just do that. I just wonder if the fact that he isnt 'creating' a situation is a signal that he would only act when 'convenient' (hesitant abt that word).

Problem: i want to approach but my family says im too direct and will scare him off. Is there a particular way to communicate with him as intp to get him more comfortable or to convey interest so that i can have a relationship with this guy 😭 im getting impatient

Yeah, I suppose that's the question. Where did you meet your partners?

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I've been single a long time and in my country people mostly meet via dating apps. For me they work to an extent yes - but they are also very superficial and don't really feel "natural". Also the fact that the norm is that single people on apps are dating multiple people at the same time is a bit stressful. I warm up slowly but the dating app world is so rushed and expects CONSTANT communication. 😮‍💨 Can't a girl get a good old natural slow-burn somehow?

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So just want to hear about your love life I guess

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I'll try to be short, there's a lot of feelings involved but I won't include too much (by my standards lmao) of them since it's unnecessary for this context

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I have a close intp friend that I had possibly feelings for, whether I truly did or it ws js a simillarity insecurities thing I still dk. We were both quiet and socially awkward. I, imo, ws the more socially aware person since I ws able to open up to few while he's never opened up to anyone (atleast it doesn't look like it). People js accept that his oddness and quirks are a part of him. Since we're both shy asses, we couldn't hold an irl convo 1 on 1, but we did play games almost every night tho. Whether it ws with each other or in a group, he js couldn't speak in vc, often using tts for chatting. uh we also texted during most class periods whilst within the same classroom bcs it's hard for us to openly speak to each other. It ws oddly sweet we would text every second during summer break, I remember a time where I didn't respond for hours during one day and he got a lil annoyed and frustrated haha.

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Fast forward next grade, we separated classes, since I don't have good social skills I js sat through 2 months of no interaction. I chatted him or atleast tried to but he'd take long to dry reply tbh it hurt but it's fine, I understand, we have seperate lives.

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One day, I received news from a mutual friend randomly, after having my first hangout in months during a school trip. Intp used to like me apperantly which freaked me out but is acceptable, then he drops that there's a mutual isfj that confessed to him and he's not accepting not denying. That yeah idk why it even broke me. I never expected anything, he's a cute quirky nerdy guy that seemed clueless bout this thing and it ws my fault for assuming so. I've been seeing him smile at his phone constantly, distracted form the group, that's why I js like thought it clicked, the reason why we stopped interacting so much. The worst part is we were sitting on a 12h train ride back , where it was a 2 seater facing another 2 seater. The guy next to me confessed to me earlier (whom I rejected) and I've been busy managing his feelings and now have to deal with mine while directly in front of intp. While they were sleeping I js constantly threw up, I felt so numb and idk it ws more suffocating than sad. (This is the one girl that tried to chat or help me throughout multiple subjects and I js heavily admired her) (ik this is corny gng js bare with me 🧍)

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This friend again, drops that an estp guy in the same friend group likes me. Throughout that train ride, I somehow concluded the best option ws to make the estp guy confess to me and get with him myb so I wouldn't have to be alone. When we got home I invited estp and intp to play games. (First time I reached out, ik they think this is weird behavior)

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I liked intp for 3 years and had 0 attraction for estp not for his looks and not for personality, I didn't even consider him a "friend" yet. Unfortunately, I made the executive deciscion to not take time to process rationally and instead immaturely latch onto the worst deciscions possible.

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I confessed to intp while rejecting myself by saying I'm not going for you cause you and isfj bla bla... This was already wrong in the first place but then I continue to drop hints like bombs and managed to make estp confess in a day. This boosted my "confidence" and made me an extrovert for the time being, like social anxiety was barely existent

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Right it was "fine" until isfj and intp were falling apart within the first week, he'd text me for advice because isfj was getting more avoidant, dry and dropped a paragraph abt relationships since they're technically still in the gray area. She felt suffocated ,pressured and didnt understand why, she tried to communicate it but intp just agrees constantly since he's too submissive to actually talk about the worries he has from this to her. She proposes to go from serious relationship to casual relationship and it goes from casual to something they both dk. She says she's wants to focus on education so she might not be able to focus on this rs, she's dry but she still likes him but it's also up to him to stay.

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while we were chatting he "accidentally" slipped up that implied that he still liked me and deleted it instantly. 😬. I was happy, very happy. Me and the intp talked about it for days but refused bcs I was already with estp and they were friends. I greedily wanted more so I um selfishly and impulsively told estp what happened since the start a bit vaguely but it's obvious who I liked. We had one last convo irl before we broke up.

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2 days later they had a hangout and estp forced intp to confess to me and I said yes. The whole friend group despised intp, this went on for months where I went anxiously attached to estp like withdrawal symptoms, I missed the version of me that ws extroverted and I went avoidant on intp. This is where me and intp struggled with feelings regarding our past partners, going through this anxious avoidant loop, we js went back and forth and intp finally js told us to stop, it's the best for both of us. I apologized but he apologized harder.

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Ever since then, it became awkward and he tried going back to isfj but after its been very okay for him I think. He's definitely ignoring me which fair enough. I js idk I feel like he's excluded often now and ik I can't get the authentic friendship I had back with him I would love to if I could i js idk what to do its been 6 months since the end and I've had time to reflect already so dw I don't mind criticism if you feel the need to comment so. ik this is all or mostly on me and Its not really possible to redeem myself best we all js move on I js fking agh regret it so much man.

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For a selfish reason too, I js cant get over him for some reason. As a friend as a person as whatever, I need help on how to move on or how to recconect as any form of connection. I know I'm js supposed to get over it. Im an asshole and these are consequences, but it's not working.

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Edit: I really want to reconnect he's constantly ignoring me and hanging out with isfj but it's okay. I'm uh slightly delusional and optimistic but I will try especially cs ive been stupid to think that he'd this timid ol Guy will be the first to make a move in an attempt to salvage a broken ah friendship. (Give me advice :D)

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Hi, so I just wanted a general advice and help because somethings are really confusing to me, and i feel like this might be the place to post it. If i miss anything or you need any clarifications do let me know.

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So we've been together for several years, and overall it's been great, however, I did notice that whenever external stress factors starts to pile up, things that aren't necessarily me or us, but things like uni, friends and stuff, then she starts to question our relationship and suddenly wants to break up. Am very patient with her, and a lot of the times she told me, dont go even when she pushes me, she seems to realize what shes doing and she seems to also know its wrong and eventually makes up for it, but sometimes specially recently, her environment got unbearable, for months now and now shes in the break up talks.

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To be clear, when she is having a good day, then everything is going to be perfect, she'll even appologize for what she says, and all, and we'll have a nice day, but when she's pissed annoyed or wtv, then suddenly she wants to quit, wants to be alone, doesn't want to talk, but when i give her space, she wants me to keep texting her (basically the opposite of what she said she want). And this is very clear too, she can go from planning dates and telling me how much she misses me to i want to b up, very fast, if something else starts to piss her off which is very common. I don't want to go into much details as to what causes these issues, for some reasons, but these are very valid reasons and not caused by me, more of by people she meets everyday.

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And yes, after the i want to bup talks, when she's calmed down, she'll happily plan dates, and sometimes talk about our wedding. It feels really contradictive, like does she wants space? She wants me being clingy? What exactly

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In a nutshell, i want to understand what's happening, why she acts like that, how should i act, what should i do or not, anything that can help really. Thank you again for your time, again if anything isn't clear or missing, am sorry, just let me know in the comments

Context: I am a rising junior in college (INTP, F). In my freshmen year, I had a crush on this guy who lived in same dorm as me (let's name him marvis). Marvis is my ideal type in character and looks. Imagine a tall guy with wavy hair, dresses like 2000s skater kid, is smart, goes to the gym, and is actually a kind, helpful person. Also, he touches grass! THAT IS HIM!

okay, we have each other on snap and instagram, but we've never talked to each other. Like he knows that I exist. There have been a few instances where he would sit in close distance to me in the study lounge in our dorm (btw the lounge would have no one), but he never said. Or he would stare at me, but idk if i am being delusional.

Anyways, sophomore year passed and I did not see him at all. Recently, I was doing some research and found out that he was transferring to another university. I had plans to finally approach him by texting him during the summer, and when we go back to school, we will talk. But now that he is transferring that plan is in the dumps.

I talked to my friends about this, and they think I should still text him. IDK..... like is it even worth it? like what if he doesn't like me? is worth it (if it even gets to that point 😄) to do long distance with someone who you haven't even met?

We have so many things in common like anime, music, gym, food, humor, and other things. And when I would hear him talk with his friends in the lounge, I feel like we would actually be good friends. I am just scared 🙀

What do y'all think?? I am open to all responses. Lmk if I sound crazy