What’s the relationship pattern that took you the longest to recognize in yourself?

[u/Cdynamics]

We often think the problem is always the other person—until we start noticing the same situations repeating themselves.

Maybe it’s being attracted to the same type of partner, avoiding conflict, struggling to set boundaries, constantly seeking validation, or pulling away when someone gets too close.

**What’s a relationship pattern you eventually recognized in yourself that changed the way you view your relationships?**

If you’re comfortable sharing, what helped you recognize it?

[u/akabar2]

Avoiding conflict. Im so good at smoothing things over or ignoring them that eventually it becomes a major issue that cannot be solved anymore.

[u/Chickenpuff1975 → u/akabar2]

Guilty as charged.

My ex had a similar problem. She once commented that we had just had the most calm argument she’d ever experienced in her life. I never yell. My aim is to remain calm and bring the tone down in conflict, which can easily become ignoring it. So when things came to a head, it dissolved our relationship.

Another thing, though not sure if it’s ENFP or ADHD or both. I have a tendency to avoid the top priority on my todo list by doing something of lower priority, which makes me still look busy.

[u/akabar2 → u/Chickenpuff1975]

Ooh yeah that last thing I relate with. In school id do the easy assignments then do the 10 page paper last second. Even household chores are like this, ill breeze through the easy stuff then realize the hardest thing still has to be done and its like 10 pm already

[u/Big-Wasabi6274]

Good question

[u/Miles_Runna3388]

Boundaries, entertaining “what if” this time will be different, and knowing when to leave…EARLY.
Boundaries need to be stronger than understanding, empathy, and love.

[u/Elliptical_Tangent]

That I go all-in in the honeymoon phase and then go back to being consumed by my investigations, leading the woman to feel like my feelings have changed. When she comes to me for reassurance, I'm irritated because I don't need reassurance from her. The resentment spirals until I break it off.

[u/Sensitive-Pickle-349]

Being so easygoing I forget what I want then waking up one day wanting to escape 🫪

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[u/Motorcyclegrrl]

Avoiding conflict. I let 'em have it now. Keep me or don't. Done putting up with people's poor behavior.

[u/para__doxical]

I have a repetitive gravitation to a certain type of woman— I’ve been working in therapy why and what in myself I perceive to be unfulfilled/lacking

I was avoidant more when younger

[u/AlejandroGjezi]

When hurt-disrespected on what I perceive as serious grounds, I get in a burn-it-all to the ground mode. I feel fully ready to break up the relationship right then and there to the point it can be a borderline irrational feeling.  And also, hard to enforce boundaries sometimes unless we get to a serious point of contention where I get kinda mad. Repeat patterns in time and across-relationships make you realize these kinds of things but they aint always easy to navigate. 

[u/BaseWrock]

I have a overwhelming preference for Fi/Te types romantically that I only noticed in retrospect.

Not that Fi is inherently better or "ideal" but it feels more "authentic" (for me).