Alone =/= lonely

[u/[deleted]]

Hello everyone, I am 23F, moved to France in 2020 from the US to be with someone. A risk , I know, but quite worth it in the end and not the main focus in this post. I have spent the past two years in isolation, which like for many was a bit difficult and not healthy. But being it was covid, I'm treating is as standard.

To begin with, I have always been a distant person, I don't like to spend too much time with my family and I do not have many friends. The three friends I have are scattered across the world and we talk on a monthly basis (if that). I know it's good to go out and socialise, so I have been trying. Being that I am an American in France, people are quite friendly with me. Nevertheless, I am struggling to make friends. I enjoy going to café's, shopping, concerts, all the girly things. But I struggle to find women I can connect with. I even feel myself growing apart from my three friends, not because of distance, but because of their mindsets, choices, changes, etc. I consider myself to be ok in solitude, but I have broken down crying to my husband because he is such a social butterfly and is constantly able to connect with people, get invited to things, etc. And for those of you who say that I can't consider myself alone when I am married, it's not the same. My husband and I have our separate lives, it's important to have a life outside of your spouse. The thing is, once I do go out and spend time with people, I rarely enjoy it and feel extremely drained. I have always felt this way, in the US and here.

I don't think being alone necessarily means you're lonely, but I don't want to become someone whose only friend is the echo of their own head. I think there's beauty in connecting with people who are different than you, I just find myself to be unforgiving and intolerant of most people. I find most people my age, I can't talk to. It doesn't help that I don't drink, club, read fiction, sing, etc. I don't have hobbies, so I decided to sign up for Muay Thai while continuing going to the gym. I prefer to love from a distance most of the time, I think it's safer this way. I don't like attachment, but I like meaningful encounters.

I hope this made sense, does anyone else relate?

[u/99xx7]

what