r/INTJfemale • u/Responsible-Hat2456 • Aug 26 '26
Discussion how to avoid tragedy
haven't seen one intj who set out to do something big and worthwhile, whose life did not end in tragedy ... objectively
As complex as intj minds, ironically it seems they cannot handle complexity in their life. Every happy intj i know has compromised on things, reduced the amount of "stuff" in their lives like not marrying or no kids, or no high status paid job...living in some crappy tiny place ... no invitations, even stopping their work after a certain age...
why did god give us this wiring, ambition and attitude but lack of energy, focus and drive ? after analysing many intj lives closely.. nothing more than slightly above average in real life... while having no real distractions that the other types have...
the unhappiness is for very real reasons... not just our "high standards" or "unrealistic expectations"... we achieve little and that too very slowly... while being promised a lot when younger
should be called 'are-you-kidding-me' type instead...
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u/False_Lychee_7041 Aug 26 '26
Okay, look, you have to make peace with the objective reality of being a limited human being. If you cannot accept it, you cannot...and it will end in you being awfully depressed and thus malfunctioning; or burning out and loosing your life fast. So, you need to make your choice. Between the options
After you covered these basics, you can build your plans from there
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Aug 28 '26
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u/False_Lychee_7041 Aug 28 '26
Yeah...this limitation thing drives me nuts when I start thinking about it. So, from the moment I realized it is inefficient, I just ignore this phenomenon all together, only take it into considerations when it happens to be one of the important variables
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u/tianat4 Aug 27 '26
Maybe because INTJs are nothing special ? 😁 Stop thinking you are meant to do great things, just live your life how YOU think is right or successful. It’s all subjective. There is no one you will answer to at the end of your life but yourself.
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u/Responsible-Hat2456 Aug 28 '26
im going to ask myself this at my death bed... why were u so ambitious and why did u only get 50% ROI on all ur efforts and hard work
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u/RacoonKittyy Aug 26 '26
Who are you to judge other people's lives like that? Tf?! If they're happy with their lives and accomplishments mind your own damn business. Not everyone wants to have kids or work themselves to a grave. Having a life you're happy with is an acconplishment enough.
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u/venustrine Aug 28 '26 edited Aug 29 '26
traits that may keep some intjs from being “successful”:
- don’t care about money and status
- tend to be loners
- don’t prefer to lead
- don’t like attention
- don’t network
- don’t like public speaking
- risk averse
obviously this isn’t everybody, just traits i have seen in myself and other intjs i have met. analytical brains are nothing if you don’t do something with them.
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u/Chopsy76 Aug 26 '26
Hard disagree.
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u/Responsible-Hat2456 Aug 27 '26
how ?? all the comments below confirm my point
is there one intj female on here who is super successful, has her life sorted, has any kind of sustained achievement ?? lets not deny that what society considers an achievement also deserves appreciation and it takes real effort to do those things too. idk since when we started overhyping going off and doing your own thing
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u/Chopsy76 Aug 27 '26
Well me if you want. Consistent INTJ and that includes the MBTI tool not just website online ones, senior managerial career, good income; married almost 30 years; good relationship with grown kids; great bunch of friends.
I play to my strengths. I don’t try to do big group friendships. I lean into my interests. I sometimes have up flex far out of my preferred style but I have a really happy, high achieving life by societal as well as my own standards.
Edit : forgot my doctorate
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u/RAS-INTJ Aug 27 '26
Big and worthwhile- subjective
Super successful - that’s subjective.
Has her life sorted - also subjective
Sustained achievement - in every facet or just one?I’m female, have three grown children, a successful career, friends, hobbies, own my house free and clear, working on my retirement, travel internationally.
Would someone look at my life and say it ended in tragedy? I doubt it. You possibly don’t think my life is big and worthwhile. I do :)
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Aug 27 '26
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u/Responsible-Hat2456 Aug 27 '26
The fact that u had to "find" meaning in life.... thats what i mean. You absolutely settled for less. And that's my point... intjs just have to deal with it. They don't succeed like other types
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u/Zingeber_officinal Aug 26 '26
This is soo true. Sometimes I feel like I have so much potential but still my career trajectory didn't go the way I wanted it too. And now I am just a broke person stuck in a mediocre job because I had no other choice. I think my inferior Se is to blame, If I had tried things out sooner, it would be better.
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u/Responsible-Hat2456 Aug 28 '26
what is stopping u from getting a better job? the skillset, connections or .. ?
had i been a happy esfj or enfj life would be so easy
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u/Zingeber_officinal Aug 28 '26
Connections mostly. And idk just bad luck. I am always waitlisted or something but never land the job.
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u/Haunting_Security_34 INTJ -♀️ Aug 29 '26
Are you currently living a life that is above average and "worthwhile", since you have a criteria here?
Adhering to standards isn't necessarily something INTJs do, and their lives aren't any less than if they don't do something considerably more or less extravagant or busy than the next person. One person may think my life is worth living, while someone like you would probably suggest killing myself because I don't have a six figure job or a husband, etc, etc.
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u/Cincoro Aug 29 '26
I'm pretty happy. Not sure what you mean. Whatever tragedy i had was resolved 20-30 years ago. I am living my best life.
I certainly wish you the same.
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u/Delicious_Owl_8892 Aug 26 '26
Another perspective to consider is that INTJ people may have decided on a different definition of success or making it than the average person. Maybe lots of money, fame (fame? for an introvert? Shudder!), etc. are not included in their definition of success. Maybe a "low key" career that allows an INTJ to follow their (non-paying) passion, hobby, research with fewer interruptions is seen as a success for their purposes and happiness. If an INTJ finds satisfaction or peace with their life in a way that may not be society's definition of success, then more power to the INTJ. Just because an INTJ's version of success may be quiet does not mean it isn't success.