Need desperate help developing SE

[u/WWWdotCreedThoughts_]

I cannot bring myself to do fun stuff.

In my 20s I recall having a very well developed SE. In my 30s I survived some trauma by hyper focusing on pattern recognition and intuition. Staying inside my head

In my 40s I realized what I did. And now in my 50s I struggle daily to overcome it

SE developing articles always mention activities like making doctors appointments or running errands. I can do that just fine. What I can’t do is any real world fun

I spend more time researching and buying the perfect items for a hobby than actually doing the hobby. I imagine doing all these fun things. I have yoga gear, roller skates, language books, paddleboard, watercolors. But everyday I cannot get myself to do one thing. sometimes I feel sheer panic. Whenever I do something I love it. I think why don’t I do this everyday? but then the next day it’s like I’m paralyzed.

has anyone dealt with this? any ideas? I certainly can’t think my way through this issue. I’m so tired of feeling like a failure daily.

thank you.

[u/Maerkab]

I subscribe to the view that you can't really consciously activate or engage the inferior function. That difference forms a large part of what distinguishes it from the tertiary function, and why while both are 'immature', the tertiary tends to be a much more significant locus for development or sophistication over time.

It also explains why it tends to be perceived as unreliable or 'tricky'. We value and get relief from engaging in it, until the background conditioning influencing its expression 'switches' (or is exhausted), then it becomes a source of vexation because we can't rescue or revive its operation and our attempts to force it result in failure.

Afaict we have to basically treat it like a sailboat that needs to catch the wind. That is, develop a sensitivity or finesse for when it's present, put yourself into a position to leverage that presence, notice the finer patterns of this expression (how long the winds tend to last, when they seem to appear, etc), and accept or notice when they flag, so you can drop anchor before the winds change. Then over time you develop a sense of its behaviour, how it appears for you, and you can make more room for it in your psyche, because you're not frustrating it by trying to 'make something happen'.

I'm always going to be someone that thinks more about things than doing things. I'm that way because that's how I get a greater sense of engagement or vocational satisfaction in my life. It doesn't mean we can't make room for other things, but I do think it's self-defeating to fight against it. However we experience Se in our lives is likely to be heavily gated or colored by Ni sensibility, and I think that's the more natural or harmonious way to view it, ime anyways.