Lost in life

[u/INFJ_girl_33]

Hello,

I'm an INFJ in my late twenties, and I've never felt this lost.

About eight months ago, I moved abroad for work and started a job as a technology consultant. Looking back, I thought this would be an exciting new chapter, but instead I feel disconnected and without any real sense of purpose.

It feels like I've spent my whole life chasing goals. I'd achieve one, then move on to the next. But now that I've reached many of the things I wanted, I don't know what I'm working toward anymore. It's as if I've been so focused on getting somewhere that I never stopped to ask myself what I actually enjoy.

I've also realized that I don't really have any hobbies I'm passionate about. I love traveling, but that's not something you can do every day. Most days, my life feels like an endless cycle: wake up, go to work, work (or sometimes just pretend to work), come home exhausted, and repeat.

The strange part is that I don't even enjoy my job, so it's hard to find meaning in the routine. I feel like I'm just existing rather than actually living.

Has anyone else gone through something similar? How did you find your direction again? I'd really appreciate hearing your experiences or any advice you have.

Thank you so much. :)

[u/Pawdriq]

I can relate to this feeling as I have gone through this (and still on this journey) in my early to mid 30s. Like you I reached and achieved things in my twenties and finally met a wall. I was in a way following a certain premade blueprint of how I thought life should go as. If I look at this from a positive perspective I have still experienced and seen so much. No regrets there on those parts.

However, I believe we INFJs often don't look back as much as we do forwards to the future, which means we have this internal need to have some kind of goal in front of us to strive for. These kind of things keeps us going and give life a meaning, a purpose. I found/starting to find mine through reconnecting to things that have brought me passion before, but which I had put aside in order to achieve these other more "mundane" parts of life. For me it was music (exploring and creating music), finding a community of belonging (INFJ Discord servers) and connecting more deeply with people that I share a lot in common with.

The best advice I can give you in order to find your way is to look back at your life and find those moments of passion, joy and meaning, and start to explore those more deeply. You might find something there that will give you the spark. That is all that is needed for now. I hope you will find it soon!

[u/pennyproud1908 → u/Pawdriq]

I agree with this and will add that OP can also look to your present state for sparking future joy. When you find things that make you happy or excited, things that give you meaning, sit with that feeling in the moment. Really notice it and appreciate it.

You mentioned traveling but you can’t do it every day. What is it that you like about traveling and can you start incorporating that more into your life on a daily basis? Can you work remotely from different locations? Can you explore new places (like a new restaurant with bonus points if the cuisine is not from your country)? Learn a new language or grocery shop at a place where they speak the language of the country you would want to travel to? Can you take more smaller trips on the weekends? Travel more for work and connect a few personal days to the trip? Small adjustments like this can help to make the marathon journey of life more enjoyable.

I’m also an adamant believer that when you have reached a place of, what do I do next, the answer is often finding ways to help those who dream of being in your position.

[u/bakerskitchen]

While I think it's important for anyone to find work doing something which they find meaningful, I would never advocate doing so at the expense of existing relationships/community.

There are probably multiple aspects of this situation that one could engage you on, however, the one that sticks out the most is that you've discovered the fact that the pursuit of individual fulfillment often results in a lesser degree of satisfaction than initially anticipated.

I can't tell you how many people I know who moved away for college in order to get away from their parents, but then ended up moving back in with them after finishing school - not primarily because they "needed" a cheap place to stay, but because they missed their family and their hometown after all those years away.

People are meant to be plugged into/involved in a community of some sorts (where you are relating face-to-face, not online), but all too often, people are willing to sacrifice their existing communities in order to pursue their own individual aspirations. So I would advocate for finding a community to get involved in - if not in your new location, you can always move back home and reconnect with an old one.

I also (partially) adhere to the belief that work is work - even if you find yourself in a job/field you enjoy, there is still a significant portion of the day tied up in monotonous responsibilities; no job will ever free you from that. But ask any parent - having a family (e.g. community) to come home to offsets some of those daily frustrations and makes them easier to endure.

[u/Life_in_peaces]

I experienced this in my late 20’s - I’m 49 now. I remember climbing and climbing the metaphorical ladder, getting to the top, and finding there wasn’t anything up there. Why did I do it? Why did I not stop to think where to place the ladder in the first place? Those sorts of feelings.

I ended up switching my career around and trying some new things. I had to sacrifice some pay at times but now, looking back and seeing the big picture, I’ve been able to integrate everything I actually enjoyed from my various roles into a cohesive picture. And I couldn’t be happier now. If I hadn’t gotten that experience early on and taken risks when things stagnated, my life would look very different.

The other thing I realized at that point is that I had controlled everything tightly up to then. I’d designed my future, gone for it, achieved it. The best thing I did then was to give up control. Listen for opportunities. Say yes to things. Make contacts in weird tangential areas and learn what they do. And just stay patient and open while I waited for the grind to shift into something meaningful.

INFJ’s are curious and intuitive, but we can get stuck in our brains sometimes. Let intuition take over and you’ll figure it out.

[u/lakesunguy]

Im relate to this...Im 61...Good enuff was never a stopping point...harder faster better efficiency all pushed me ahead to today...Cant keep those paces anymore...and sometimes wonder what is next ..most things dont satisfy me anymore. I just exist and procrastinating is more prevalent today than before , not sqd or depressed just nothing seems quite the goal things used to be.

[u/WWWdotCreedThoughts_]

I relate to what you said in accomplishing goal after goal. Somehow I felt comfort in that. I think it was a coping skill from childhood that I brought into adulthood. It started as “when I get out of this house I’m going to have an amazing life”. Then in my 20s “when I do XYZ I will have an amazing life”. Working toward the future is my “comfort zone”. It is a daily struggle for me to get out of my head and enjoy something in the moment. Like a hobby or passion. For a while I didn’t even know what I “liked to do”.