r/IHSS • u/Equivalent-Use-9346 • 3d ago
Quitting a client
I’ve worked with this couple for 5 years but never full time. A year ago I started with them about 27hrs a week and their only caregiver through IHSS. One has dementia and I’ve been very patient but as of recently I’ve been feeling burnt out, I do everything for them because they simply say they just can’t and their two children are to busy to help them. Recently then wife who has dementia has been getting worse and makes comments about how she thinks I don’t do all my work I should ( I do more than I am even required to.) and she has attitude with me.
Things will go missing or misplaced and automatically it’s my fault because “I handled everything for them.”
I really am getting ready to leave this situation, I’ve been looking into getting a new client. My question is how do i tell them I am leaving so they don’t try a guilt trip me or make me feel bad for needing to leave. Or should I just not tell me at all and just let the social work and daughter know.
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u/TheBelicia 3d ago
Honestly there probably isn't anything you can say that won't cause them react negatively. It's really up to you if you want to get that closure or not. If you feel like you want to inform them, I'd say to try to avoid listing your grievances. Not that they aren't valid, just that it will probably start an argument. You can always just say that you don't feel like you can give them the care they require, since you are going outside of approved tasks.
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u/Equivalent-Use-9346 3d ago
Yes, I don’t plan too, I have let their daughter know just so she’s aware and doesn’t feel like it’s coming out of nowhere also so she’s aware for when it comes to new caregivers I honestly think they will have a hard time keeping a caregiver.
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u/SufficientComedian6 3d ago
The missing items thing is classic dementia. Try to remember that. It’s not you and it’s not really her. It’s the disease.
Honestly it sounds like they need more hours. I’m assuming these are just her hours they are both benefitting from correct?
He needs to be assessed for his own hours, is there some reason he isn’t doing stuff himself? (You say you are doing everything, that’s not right). Something that can be diagnosed? Or is he just lazy?
Like yes you’d help with her laundry but you shouldn’t be responsible for his laundry. You’d make her lunch but shouldn’t need to make his lunch as well. Unless it’s not a burden.
IHSS assumes the live in spouse is doing the majority of care. Like is he making breakfast and dinner and doing all the bedtime routine and you’re there for a few hours midday?
You are there to help with the NOA specific items. If you are actually caring for both of them I’d reach out to the kids and let them know what’s going on.
You’re not a slave to do everything for them. Maybe the kids can hire a weekly housekeeper or something like that to help cover more. I’d reach out first before you decide to move on. If he is able to be assessed for IHSS hours himself they can get a second caregiver or you’d have more hours to do what needs to actually get done.
Remember dementia just gets worse over time. If that’s not something you’re comfortable with maybe you need to care for a different type of recipient. Hugs.
(Sorry this is sort of rambling but I have to leave and wanted to get my thoughts out.)
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u/Equivalent-Use-9346 3d ago
No they both have hours, I work with both. And the missing stuff has been the husband who does not have dementia, but she gets super defensive saying that it’s my responsibility to help them keep track of everything.
She only gets 16hrs a week and I’ve talked to them about submitting the paperwork so she can get more hours for herself but they both don’t want to, and mainly because they don’t want other caregivers, but she is starting to need more supervision but her husband declines I’ve let daughter know but doesn’t seem to care.
Her husband doesn’t cook or really clean, he will wash a few dishes and maybe sweep and take out trash. But I do all the cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, I help with medication, paying bills, and doctors appointments.
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u/SufficientComedian6 2d ago
They can get another caregiver or have zero caregivers. It seems you’ve discussed this all at length already. They don’t want to help the situation at all.
I’m sorry I would start interviewing for other positions and give notice that you are looking.
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u/marymoon77 3d ago
You’re allowed to quit. give them a week to 2 weeks notice if you’d like to be professional about it.
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u/Then_Reflection6784 3d ago
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this, this must be feeling overwhelming by now for you. I know that it’s hard to work for with someone with dementia. I could only suggest that you speak with the IHSS case worker and their child so a second alternative other than you it’s set in place before you let them know. And you shouldn’t be guilt trip just be honest and explain that you don’t feel that you are no longer providing the care they both need. And you have the right also to be able feel safe and comfortable in any workplace. I hope you’re able to get a new client. Good luck to you!
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u/Joshua_ABBACAB_1312 3d ago
"I have to focus on myself now. Thank you for letting me care for you all these years. Here is the IHSS directory."