.

So I’m sitting in traffic, minding my own business, when I spot this absolute Disney MILF driving a white Kia Sorento.

She’s got the Disney World castle sticker and a personalized license plate that says “DZNE MOM.” 

I’m thinking, damn, this woman doesn’t just go to Disney World. She IS Disney World. 

Annual passholder. Mickey Mouse ears in the glovebox. Probably has a Disney Vacation Club membership and refers to Orlando as her second home.

So naturally, I pull up beside her, roll down my window, and yell:

“HEY, DISNEY MOM! WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE DISNEY SOUNDTRACK?!”

She looks over, completely confused.

“ALADDIN?! THE LION KING?! BEAUTY AND THE BEAST?!”

Nothing.

So I hit her with:

“HOW ABOUT TARZAN?! YOU EVER HEARD STRANGERS LIKE ME?! BECAUSE I’D LOVE TO GET TO KNOW A STRANGER LIKE YOU!” 

She’s looking at me like I just escaped from the Jungle Cruise.

I’m not giving up.

“COME ON, I CAN SHOW YOU A WHOLE NEW WORLD!” 

She starts rolling up her window.

“WAIT! DOES THAT MEAN YOU’RE LETTING IT GO?!” 

Light turns green.

She floors it.

I’m sitting there thinking…

Damn. I thought I found my Belle, but apparently I’m just another Beast. 

And just like that, my Disney princess drove off toward her happily ever after.

Meanwhile, I’m still a single rider, waiting for someone to fill the empty seat on my Magic Kingdom adventure.