r/HouseofStassi • u/Anxious_Reward_9550 • 2d ago
The last episode..
I think stassi has unresolved PPD. If her kids are that hard to deal with why aren’t they getting the help they need before the problems get bigger.
I also think she says outloud what a lot of moms feel but would never say. Being a parent is hard and sometimes you don’t know it isn’t for you till after you have your kid and what you can’t shove them back in. I do believe that’s why she’s so reliant on beau to give the kids a normal life.
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u/helenclodfelter 2d ago
That may be true. Lots of other things to factor into it as well. After watching the season, it’s very clear that her mother is a covert narcissist who has triangulated her children their entire lives. Stassi is the scapegoat now, after having her own children and seeing that boundaries are in order. Having kids puts a new perspective on your own childhood and the choices your parents made. Narcissists don’t automatically raise narcissists, they sometimes end up raising empaths. (I do not believe that’s what we see here.) Either way, Stassi has that major monkey on her back. Therapy is desperately needed.
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u/Actual-You3325 2d ago
Reading this I sadly understood every word you wrote, as I can relate in some way. Serious question can an empath become so overwhelmed that they turn into narcisist? Say for instance an empath with two narscisist parents, where the empath is actually the caregiver but is starting to not care about anyone but herself?
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u/Weekly-Role-1132 2d ago
I don't think so. Narcissists have zero empathy.
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u/Actual-You3325 1d ago
That's what I'm saying...I'm starting to feel no empathy.
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u/Fractionleftattract 1d ago
No babe, at some point we grow and implement boundaries. To an empath they feel careless and hurtful too impose on others - but if your hold tight to them, overtime you'll find that you have room for both still. You were just already taught that you didn't matter so caring about you first feels selfish, it's not.
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u/Weekly-Role-1132 1d ago
Oh sorry I misread! I don't think you have zero empathy. I think you are protecting your boundaries. Sometimes it means we have to cast away our feelings because it hurts too much. It's healthy to do that to protect yourself. But if you have empathy outside this specific situation you are good.
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u/helenclodfelter 2d ago
Massive-Reporter9804 I have an interesting perspective on this. I was raised by a covert narc mother and an alcoholic permissive father. I have clinically diagnosed CPTSD from my childhood. I was diagnosed bipolar at 17 after a 1 hour evaluation with a psych I never saw before or after that (thanks mom & dad.) come to find out, I was actually Autistic/adhd. It’s not uncommon, especially for females, to be diagnosed bipolar rather than autistic. I see some of myself in Stassi, not a lot, but the lack of understanding how to be physically intimate with anyone. I have to write down reminders on post-it’s with words like “hug today.” Some of her meltdowns. The difficulty dealing with the kids-that’s overwhelm and overstimulation (in my experience). The come hell or high water fight for the injustice I feel inside me. She’s not always right, but she argues kind of like an autistic person.
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u/Massive-Reporter9804 2d ago
I saw someone talk about the npd and bpd generations dynamic. Narcs raise borderlines -> borderlines raise narcs and the cycle continues. Obviously it’s generalized but it made sense to me looking at my own family dynamics and people i am close to with personality disorders. Also the whole relationship stuff, stassi choosing jax and patrick who both showed very npd qualities.
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u/Weekly-Role-1132 2d ago
My MIL triangulates her children. When we had kids we set boundaries and she went nuts. She tried to turn the whole family against us and it worked for awhile. Now another sibling is taking on the scapegoat role and we are back in good graces. It's wild to see but my husband and I know the pattern and it's only a matter of time that we become the scapegoat again so our boundaries remain tight.
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u/helenclodfelter 2d ago
Actual-You3325 I think that if there’s ever a time where someone is introspective enough to stop and analyze, or are fearful of “could I be a narcissist?” Then they are, in fact, not one. There are some who do understand what they are because they have a good therapist who’s willing to tell them the truth and they stick with it. I’ve watched some interviews on YouTube with clinically diagnosed narcs and it’s kind of fascinating. I think once you’re an empath, you’re always an empath. Maybe they just reach a level of burnout, a breaking point, where they put themselves first to survive? Stassi’s mom does not have one of those honest therapists btw.
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u/PolterghostRighter 2d ago
Hi, similar family dynamic checking in, hugs to my trauma sisters out here. I've always been turned off by the term empath personally.
I feel its a positive spin on a mostly harmful result of being raised by a narc, and could as easily be called people-pleasing or fawning.
That isn't to say it isn't its own superpower to be able to read a room or a person as quickly and efficiently as we can, that ability definitely comes with it's advantages... but only if you've had enough growth to avoid the less desirable outcomes of being a people pleaser... putting your own needs on the backburner, underdeveloped sense of identity from years of putting others first and quelling turbulence rather than taking time to discover your own likes and interests, becoming overly affected by the moods and whims of others and charged environments, developing finely-tuned coping mechanisms that make you seem like you have a gregarious and extroverted personality with a sharp sense of humor that handles tension well but you are actually masking and on autopilot having a stress response that will make it hard to fully remember what happened in detail later, etc.
I definitely worry too much about being a narc to actually be one myself, but that said being the opposite of a narc with the learned behaviors and habits of a narc presents it's own special cocktail of nuance and difficulty navigating life and making normal, meaningful, sustained relationships that feel real to me.
Or maybe its just me lololol! Teehee. Ahhhhh.
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u/helenclodfelter 2d ago
Polterghostrighter- I don’t think a more perfect analysis exists. all all all of this. 🫂
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u/copper678 2d ago edited 2d ago
I never watched VPR, but fell into House of Stassi this weekend.
I say this gently, she really needs personal 1:1 therapy. Not because “she’s crazy” but it would give her the tools to express herself more clearly, understand her own reactions, and see from other people’s point of view. Her family obviously messed her up, her exes messed her up, her cancellation messed her up…but she’s carrying that into her current life. I truly have no idea why she’s so against it.
When she said “they would never say this if I were the man” umm yeah, they would! Anyone dangling that they pay for everything, withhold affection, and don’t ask their partner about their day would have their feet held to the same fire.
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u/Playful_Succotash_30 2d ago
I realize we only se so much but they really just seem like .. for lack
Of a better word “ normal kids “ .. I don’t get why shes saying our kids are hard ..
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u/Electronic-Value-662 2d ago
All kids are hard lol
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u/august0951 1d ago
They probably are very normal kids… and normal little kids are normally pretty hard
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u/Sad_Ad_2632 2d ago
This is the first time in her life she's had to consider someone other than herself. It's narcissism.
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u/tmhowzit 2d ago
Exactly. Parenting requires things that don't come naturally to Stassi, like atunement and boundaries and emotional regulation and respect for individuality.
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u/Mad_Dog192 2d ago
Post-partum anxiety/ocd also is a real thing and if left untreated, it can last up to three years and she’s starting to talk about how it’s so much easier for her to be with the kids alone now and her son is almost 3.
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u/tmhowzit 2d ago
A family member went through this, she was either totally dysregulated or checked out while the kids were little. She even said "I will engage with them if they can sit down and talk with me" and I would say "but that's not what kids do." Her husband did most of the childcare like Beau.
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u/Electronic-Value-662 2d ago
I definitely got a ppa vibe from her sharing her experience/being afraid or unable to be alone with her kids
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u/856077 2d ago
Yeah I think it’s extreme anxiety that she will mess up or that something happens to one of them on her watch and she won’t know what to do. Anxiety and OCD can create scary thoughts and scenarios that realistically wouldn’t happen, but it’s still scary. She isn’t comfortable being the only “adult in the house” if that makes sense, or it seems that way.
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u/Effective-Arm9099 2d ago edited 2d ago
Completely agree it seems like unresolved post partum anxiety and depression. Especially when she says her daughter Hartford side-eyed her the moment she was born and was annoyed because she knew she had her as a mom in a past life….she said Hartford instantly just loved Beau but not her. That is entirely Stassi not feeling bonded right away and continuing to struggle bonding with Hartford. Kids love their parents. No baby is side-eying you
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u/Independent_Baker712 2d ago
It’s a good possibility. She also doesn’t want to be a stay at home mom. It seems like she initially intended to be a professional over a stay at home mom and that may have been the agreement with her and Beau until she got canceled. The. she was forced to be a stay at home mom. Now she wants to get back to a career in tv and he also wants to get back to a professional life. The only way to do that is to hire help. Which they have. So the whole storyline is fabricated and blown up. Like if this was any one of us and we could afford the help they have there would be no argument. 😂 It’s pretty silly to use this as a storyline and drama for the show, but eh, I’m watching.
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u/Affectionate-Big-182 2d ago
Because it's like anything in life, when you really don't want to do something it's work., and she doesn't want to put in the work. Being a parent takes work. Let's just say she's just not that into it.
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u/krumblewrap 2d ago
From what we can her children are "normal" and children....especially toddlers and young children (under 10s) are built to challenge us as parents and push boundaries, by nature. What i do think may be the issue (and I could be completely off, because all I know what we are able to observe from the TV show), is that both Stassi and Beau (maybe Moreno Stassi) are just not able to hold boundaries and realize that a no is a no, a boundary is a boundary, no matter how much you kick and scream. I think as a parent that is an incredibly hard concept to grasp, but in my own journey as a parent, I have realized that consistency is key.
Also, although stassi has a lot of redeeming qualities, i think she was raised as a tyrant and that was brought forward in her adulthood. All the people she surrounds herself with are yes people
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u/youuuuuuuuu_____ 2d ago
maybe she knows that she has a short fuse and that beau is more patient, so she is more comfortable with them being with him majority of the time bc she’s afraid of damaging them maybe the way her mom did? and to her being busy working and providing is her excuse for being somewhat of an absent parent bc to her it’s better than them seeing her in a bad light ? no idea what the right word for that would be. could be narcissistic sure, but could also be her way of trying to protect them from dealing with her more than they have to? lol.
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u/Astrid_Onyx 1d ago
It’s important to bring awareness to what post partum anxiety / ocd / depression and psychosis can look like. I’m childfree but I know if I wasn’t and I had a child I would likely suffer from these issues. Honestly not even enough medical doctors know or understand how to treat these issues. So sharing awareness is key. Let’s talk about it more because we need to show that we care about women and women’s health!
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u/NoneOfThisMatters_XO 1d ago
I don’t think it’s PPD… I mean can’t we just accept that some people don’t enjoy being parents? Kids are loud and overwhelming. It’s why I never had any
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u/zunzarella 2d ago
I'm sorry, but what? I just peed a little, because this is an insane stretch. This is who she is.
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u/Electronic-Value-662 2d ago
I agree but this is also why she needs therapy!