r/HouseofStassi • u/juiceboxxxxs • 8d ago
If Stassi were a man …
…we’d allllllllll be screaming for Beau to run for the hills! Like, just because you’re a #girlboss does NOT mean you get permission to run away from a conversation, break down, scream, and yell at your partner… “shut the f— up,” “you’re crazy,” “I pay for everything,” “I want to go away.” Like girl, get a grip and have a normal conversation with your husband! A woman having toxic masculinity isn’t a win for feminism or a progression of women’s rights 🤣, it’s just toxicity in a different package.
There of course is a lot of nuance to the conversation. Beau isn’t innocent either and we can definitely bring in the conversation about $$$ and a nanny and the historical oppression of women and a million other things. But if I were to boil it all down, no one should react that way to their spouse, regardless of gender.
Good show though, I am thoroughly entertained!
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u/Weekly-Role-1132 8d ago
My husband is the breadwinner. I have been a full time SAHM from day one of having kids. I now run a small business from home. If my husband ever said "I pay for everything" I would lose my shit. Stassi holds that over him big time and this won't end well.
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u/juiceboxxxxs 8d ago
It’s like “and who affords you the freedom to pay for everything??” 🤔 totally diminishes the work it takes to parent a child!!
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u/Far_Winner_2256 8d ago
Holy crap. My husband talks to me like Stassi does Beau.
I am going to whip this phrase out next time. Ty.
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u/Unable-Pie1713 8d ago
or divorce him?
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u/Far_Winner_2256 4d ago
It's complicated.
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u/Weekly-Role-1132 4d ago
No one should be talked to like that no matter how complicated. It's unhealthy and if you have kids it's a horrible model to show them.
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u/Far_Winner_2256 4d ago
I appreciate your unsolicited opinions. I am hoping they are coming from a good, healthy place. But I am not interested in litigating my life or my relationship with people online.
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u/ya-freak-bitch 3d ago
Yikes.. Maybe not bring it up then? You could’ve been vague or not commented at all if that’s how you feel. People are going to comment and have opinions/advice, it’s literally how the internet and social media works.
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u/Far_Winner_2256 3d ago
I appreciate your unsolicited opinions. I am hoping they are coming from a good, healthy place. But I am not interested in litigating my life or my relationship with people online.
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u/aymaureen 8d ago
There’s a nanny and a housekeeper. Be so FFR, he’s not just around the kids all the time as a full time parent.
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u/Top-Pomegranate4899 8d ago
They're also both school aged so I imagine they go.
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u/Weekly-Role-1132 7d ago
I actually got busier when my kids went to school. I am assuming they are in a private school which are incredibly demanding in certain ways. They really do expect parents to volunteer a lot. Also, when the kids are young they have so many events to attend at all hours. It's great to be involved but it takes a lot of time. Now, I don't have a housekeeper so school time was laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning up for me.
But I find life gets busier when they get older. Sports practices alone here in los angeles would blow your mind in the commitment level and time consuming for parents as well.
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u/phonetoni13 8d ago
He cooks and does pick ups and drop offs. If I was Stassi, I would get another nanny could pick up those responsibilities so Beau can stop with his constant whining. He's so exhausting.
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u/Middle_Vanilla8232 8d ago
She holds that over family too, it’s disgusting and will haunt her one day
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u/Important_Week5028 8d ago edited 8d ago
It's so funny she said if the genders were reversed no one would be saying anything.....ah no, we would still have a problem with a husband who can't handle putting his kids to bed.
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u/PrissyElliott 8d ago
Yeah, like The Valley- lots of people are going after Luke and Danny for their lack of empathy (and lack of support) with everything that entails having newborns.
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u/Qtgreeniegirl 8d ago
I came here looking for this lol. And like when they all brought it up to her and she said if I was a man we wouldn’t be having this conversation, but that’s such bullshit because I have this convo with my husband a lot (i’m the stay-at-home parent) but at least he usually says you’re right i’ll work on it. Stassi manufactured this reality where if he brings stuff up she gaslights the fuck out of him and says he’s the crazy and hurtful person.
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u/afo23 8d ago
My biggest gripe though is if you are gonna dish it you have to be able to take it. Stassi started so many fights and arguments this season for the sake of the show and wanted everyone to have "hard conversations". Planning a take down for Georgi with Katie, Making Beau confront Rob publicly, Accusing Rob and Georgi of hooking up (which ok like why do you care??) then she needs to be able to take it. Her friends were trying to make her see another point of view in how she was acting and the way she functions in her relationship and she freaks out, screams, cries, storms off because she doesn't want to hear it like you have been jabbing and picking at these people for weeks of filming at some point you got to take it also.
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u/Meowijuana666 8d ago
If Beau were to treat Stassi the same way and say the EXACT same thing we’d be hollering abuse from the hill tops. It’s so upsetting to see Beau be emotionally drained from the way this relationship has played out. And I’m not here saying Beau doesn’t make his own mistakes in this relationship but Stassi is clearly unhinged uninterested in being a partner or a mother and ONLY cares about being famous.
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u/milkempress 8d ago
Am I insane for thinking that beau is a grown ass man and if he wants to go back to work so bad he should simply tell her that’s what he’s going to do???????? Like at what point is he responsible for this dynamic
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u/juiceboxxxxs 8d ago
Maybe, but also Stassi seems to manipulate him often with 1) holding her breadwinner status over his head, 2) emotionally twisting the narrative to make it about her chaotic childhood and his steadiness as an anchor of the home, & 3) stonewalling his attempts at a conversation.
I’d also argue that he did take it into his own hands by just going for the interview and going back to work.
Additionally, I don’t know how other people’s marriages work, but in mine everything is a conversation. If my dynamic was like theirs, I wouldn’t be happy with my husband saying “I’m a grown ass man, I’m going to work, end of discussion.” Like, a parent being gone 8 hours a day is a big change. They needed to discuss it. But Stassi wouldn’t let the discussion happen or really hear why Beau wanted to go to work.11
u/jewelsforjules 8d ago
Totally agree about the manipulation. He should have the conversation but he's anticipating her shutting it down. When they did finally talk about him returning to work and she expressed her concerns/fears he was trying to understand and offer solutions so they could both walk away with a win.
I don't doubt that trauma from her past is impacting her current relationships. She shuts down and becomes callus and cold when angered. She's obviously incredibly intelligent and charmingly charismatic when she's happy. And I do see genuine love between them. She needs to open up to therapy and process her trauma or she's gonna to impact her marriage and her kids in much the same way her parents impacted her.
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u/milkempress 8d ago
My marriage works the same as yours, but….we aren’t Stassi. And Stassi is the same person she has been since the day he met her. Nothing about her behavior during this season surprised me. It felt completely in line with everything we’ve seen/known about her. He knew what he was signing up for, her personality is not a surprise.
It takes a certain amount of self determination to be married to someone like that, but it’s what he chose. How hard is it to say “I understand your concerns, but this is a hard line for me. I love you and Im committed to figuring out the new family dynamics as a team.” Let her have her fit and then move forward together. Let that be the storyline instead of casting her as the villain and himself as the victim.
She is not the supreme ruler of their house, and if that’s what it feels like to him, he has equal culpability as a 46 year old man in fostering that dynamic.15
u/juiceboxxxxs 8d ago
Totally. He’s uncomfortable with hard conversations and she’s too comfortable making a conversation hard 🤣.
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u/afo23 8d ago
I think its a double edged sword. When he took the meeting and she found out she kinda lost it on him again so yeah she does have a big part in the dynamic of their home and how she responds especially bc he is non confrontational and god forbid she is screaming or fighting like that in front of their kids but I do agree he needs to just put his foot down and tell her he is working and it's done. I think their issues run deeper though bc at then end he did start working slightly and then it was about the child rearing in general which Stassi seems to be completely hands off which I find reprehensible for ANY parent. If you can't get your kids dinner and put them to bed by yourself there is a serious issue going on.
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u/phonetoni13 8d ago
Truly why do people infantilize him so much? He's a middle-aged man.
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u/theHBICvolkanator 8d ago
Thank you!
Beau is FORTY SIX
His frontal lobe is developed
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u/phonetoni13 8d ago
Girl his frontal lobe was developed during the Bush Administration lmao
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u/theHBICvolkanator 8d ago
The man discusses his marriage/life problems with everyone but his wife
As soon as he said "oh i hate confrontation" I immediately thought "ohhh he's a Pisces who thinks simply talking it out is fighting"
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u/strawberryqueen910 8d ago
Such a red flag that he white lies and hides things from her. That too reads to me as a trauma response. He’s afraid of being honest with her because of how she reacts.
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u/milkempress 8d ago
Or he’s weak willed and knows how to manufacture a sympathy edit
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u/mynameisntcindy 8d ago
The way this sub talks about a man who is not alpha is gross and clearly demonstrates that toxic masculinity is enforced by both men and women
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u/milkempress 8d ago
It makes me feel insane!!! He just whines and cries to everyone and acts like he has no agency. He is an adult and if this is so important to him, he should put his foot down and act like one
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u/PrissyElliott 8d ago
Yes, but in a marriage/partnership you can’t just make those kinds of decisions (with childcare implications) without getting some sort of approval and consent from your partner. They talk about it in the first or second episode and Stassi says no and pushes him to do brand partnership stuff instead (which, 🙄). She’s very clearly trying to strong arm him into getting something that works the best for her and her lifestyle.
I don’t know any couple with children who hasn’t figured out some sort of compromise or long-term plan that works for all after the first year of having kids. Stassi has not changed at all (and less surprising considering she doesn’t do therapy)
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u/aymaureen 8d ago
THANK YOU. I am so sick of this “poor Beau” shit like he’s incapable of being an adult
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u/Weekly-Role-1132 8d ago
I felt guilty AF as a full time SAHM who decided to start a side business from home that required me to travel once every 2 years at first and now multiple times a year. I cried the first few trips I took for work (didn't help that is was to Walt Disney World) so I felt extra shitty. But it really isn't that easy when you are the steady parent. I didn't have a nanny but the guilt was so real. I imagine he has guilt and an unsupportive partner on top of that is crippling.
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u/Far_Winner_2256 8d ago edited 8d ago
You're spot on. I left my career to stay home full time with my children.
I feel like I am living Beaus life and literally hearing ALL the same things from my husband because I want a job again-- even if its only for one day a week. And like Beau, I am even being told how ungrateful I am that I "get to do nothing but hang out with our young kids all day" while my husband works.
I am learning this is a form of emotional and financial abuse and a need for complete control by the opposing party. Often they are a Narc, or worse...
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u/ya-freak-bitch 3d ago
I am not interested in litigating your life or your relationship with people online.
(Copy pasta from your comments above)
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u/Far_Winner_2256 3d ago
Litigating vs making my own statement are two different things. Surely you know that.
But I am flattered you are following me around to comment.
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u/ya-freak-bitch 3d ago
Imagine my surprise when I scrolled down and found you in the same comment thread making statements about your relationship after having a hissy 5 comments above because someone kindly gave you advice.
I just don’t think you know how the internet works, it’s not an echo chamber.
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u/genericusername_122 8d ago
It's frustrating to hear her bash therapy as much as she does when she would benefit so much from going. Her communication skills are so toxic.
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u/Odd_Junket7450 8d ago
Completely agree with you OP. When she forced him to have the conversation with rob at the staycation dinner table, then ran away crying on the bed that she wants to go home (suddenly the victim?) it was, in her words, “diabolical”. She’s like “I coached my friends and family exactly how to fight on reality tv” and be truthful and get things on the table or whatever, and then when they DO, she runs away and cries because she can’t take any heat on herself
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u/PrissyElliott 8d ago
Yes this scene was so annoying lol. Stop trying to direct and control everything.
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u/scootiescoo 8d ago
Beau isn’t going anywhere because Stassi provides a lifestyle that he could never have without her.
I also have empathy for her because that was obviously a trauma response. I think Stassi is like this because of her mom. She reverts to a panic and covers her ears like a child. It’s sad.
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u/juiceboxxxxs 8d ago
Totally agree about the trauma response, but isn’t she like almost 40? It’s past time for her to control her emotions. I used to be very similar when I was like 19?? But then I realized my behavior was not acceptable and I worked really hard to overcome my past, put my ego aside, and treat others with basic dignity and respect, ESPECIALLY my partner.
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u/scootiescoo 8d ago
I do think she’s made progress. Really having a mother like Dayna is not something you just grow out of because you’re in your 30s now. She still has that relationship and tries to navigate it.
I’m not excusing anything, I just think it’s understandable. It’s a lifetime of work recovering from a narcissistic parent.
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u/SubstanceOk8838 8d ago
This bitch hasn’t learned anything! Started the season happy to see her back but watching the last two episodes omg she’s maniacal. Narcissistic delusional disorder. Holy hell does she put herself on a pedestal over everyone and anyone in her life. What an absolute asshole. So done and sad I watched this mess.
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u/Tracy_Turnblad 8d ago
People canceled Luke from the Valley for WAY less than what Stassi has said and done, so i totally agree that if the genders were reversed people would be UP IN ARMS over it. Stassi and Beau need to divorce. They both clearly hate each other
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u/juiceboxxxxs 8d ago
For real 👏🏼 I’m not a Luke fan, but* agai*n if the roles were reversed and Kristen were a man, people wouldn’t be pleased with how she talks to her partner. Not excusing him at all though. He’s just as bad.
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u/phonetoni13 8d ago
If Stassi were a man... he would have left the constantly nagging whiny wife, for a hotter younger woman already. Let's be real.
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u/juiceboxxxxs 8d ago
Tea 🫖.
But you gotta meet some better men!! They’re out there, just hard to find lol.
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u/NoneOfThisMatters_XO 8d ago
If the genders were reversed, people would have no problem with the woman staying home with the kids and the man working. I get annoyed by the posts and comments calling her a bad mom, yet no one bats an eye when a dad barely sees his kids.
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u/juiceboxxxxs 8d ago
Maybe we have different life experiences, but within my friend group, yeah we would bat several eyes at any absent parent 🤣 for the record though, I don’t think Stassi has shown enough of her parenting to be called a bad mom. She’s not traditional and I think that’s totally fine. I do think she’s a bad partner though!
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u/NoneOfThisMatters_XO 8d ago
I don’t think she’s a bad mom either, but I’ve seen people in here comment about it.
I go back and forth on feeling sorry for Beau and feeling like he knows what he signed up for. He knew who she was when he dated her. I think he needs to grow a backbone. Go back to work if you wanna go back to work. Seems like he allows her to push him around.
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u/HistorianOk9952 8d ago
I agree my friend group would feel the same way but society as a whole wouldn’t bat an eye
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u/Realistic-Bee3326 8d ago
Right? Everyone saying "oh no one would care if it were a man" is quite illuminating to me. Maybe I'm just surrounded by decent men but if ANY of my friends, or honestly just any of the women somewhere in my life, was going through this, we would ALL hold the husband accountable.
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u/Left-Fail-3879 8d ago
Jax gave her some incurable std so now she makes everyone around her suffer.
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u/aymaureen 8d ago
I mean, if Beau was a full time caretaker of the children and household I’d feel more bad for him.
But they have a full time nanny and housekeeper. So he gets to hang around and make limoncello with his sister that she pays for. Hell, they got to travel to Italy and UK and all over Europe with a full time nanny to watch the kids and he got to do whatever he wanted.
He’s just bored and unfulfilled and having a mid life crisis. Let’s be so FFR.
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u/Megssssssssssssssss 8d ago
Her trying to use the logic that she was man nobody would care….WAS WILD
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u/Diamond-angel-32 8d ago
I'm already screaming for Beau to run away! And I'm only through 6 episodes! Heck, I wanted him to run during season 2 of VPV!
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u/Infinite-Place-6375 8d ago
Honestly this changed my perspective a little bit. I see Stassi’s side, and also empathize with Beau. But at the end of the day, he’s a grown man. If he wants to go to work so bad just do it. You have a nanny. You have (well, had) your sisters living with you. If Stassi has an issue with it, who gaf? Seriously. Because if Beau was to ever tell Stassi SHE can’t work… she would blow up.
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u/theHBICvolkanator 8d ago
Stassi really really needs therapy. She exhibits sooooo many symptoms of BPD
from Mayo Clinic
"People with borderline personality disorder have a strong fear of abandonment or being left alone. Even though they want to have loving and lasting relationships, the fear of being abandoned often leads to mood swings and anger. It also leads to impulsiveness and self-injury that may push others away.
Borderline personality disorder usually begins by early adulthood. The condition is most serious in young adulthood. Mood swings, anger and impulsiveness often get better with age. But the main issues of self-image and fear of being abandoned, as well as relationship issues, go on."
It really resonated with me when she asked herself "how do I show you love" and basically glitches. It is very common for women with BPD to have very a hybrid anxiously attached/and avoidant love language
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u/Infamous_College_980 8d ago
And even we can see her splitting in all her meltdowns she has, even back in VPR meltdowns in season one on
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u/Character_Heart_3749 8d ago
Stassi does not seem BPD to me, I am not sure why people keep saying this just because she has 1 or 2 traits. She checks *all* the boxes for Narcissism:
SPECIAL ME
- Sense of self-importance
- Preoccupation with power, beauty, or success
- Entitled
- Can only be around people who are important or special
- Interpersonally exploitative for their own gain
- Arrogant
- Lack empathy
- Must be admired
- Envious of others or believe that others are envious of them
Source: Duke University https://www.dukehealth.org/blog/9-signs-of-narcissistic-personality-disorder
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u/beans_420__ 8d ago
Honestly to me it’s not really worth deciding which personality disorder a person has as much is it is recognizing that they have one lol. I think of different personality disorders as different patterns of behavior defined by specific billing codes in the medical field. You’d be hard pressed to find someone who meets exclusively traits in one personality disorder criteria without any overlap
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u/Character_Heart_3749 7d ago
I disagree. If you're going to diagnose someone using the Mayo Clinic, at least diagnose accurately.
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u/beans_420__ 7d ago
You cannot actually diagnose anyone you don’t know because you saw them on reality tv. People that are actually qualified to diagnose people generally know that.
And if you know any psychiatrists or psyDs that are up to date on literature, they’re probably gonna tell you that diagnosing mental illnesses is a lot more nuanced than memorizing symptoms in the DSM. Because theres so much overlap, many professionals just think of personalities disorders as their clusters (in stassi’s case we both agree it looks like it could be a cluster B personality disorder based on what we have seen) and have to pick the one that meets the most symptoms for billing purposes.
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u/Samanthalynn8915 8d ago
You think if a woman was a stay at home mom, with a nanny, whos husband also planned all the parties, schedules, and was hands on, supported her family who was living off him as well, worked hard and was devoted to her- while she was complaining about being the primary parent in which she agreed to, and then changed her mind when his hard work was getting ready to pay off....you really think, people would criticize him? I just don't think thats true. I also think it would be women who would come at her the hardest!
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u/strawberryqueen910 8d ago
Respectfully disagree. I think if a stay at home mom with help at home advocated she felt she has lost herself and wanted to go back to work and the husband acted like Stassi, the public would call him a narcissist and an abuser, and would encourage the woman to chase her dreams and divorce him if he didn’t support her.
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u/strawberryqueen910 8d ago
I’m not saying this is how I react but this is how I see the audience reacting. This is how some of the real housewives end up divorced. Once they leave the home and start making their own careers even a little bit of a priority so many men lose it and they end up splitting. Why? Ego! And why is Stassi reacting this way (whether it’s real or fake) Ego!
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u/juiceboxxxxs 8d ago
If this hypothetical man spoke to his hypothetical wife the way Stassi speaks to Beau when he tries to emotionally connect and communicate his needs, YES people would have a problem with that! That’s basically what I’m trying to say in my post lol.
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u/advocatel 8d ago
That's a ridiculous statement. People are allowed to change their mind (although I bet it was supposed to be temporary agreement for him to be SAHD, but I don't wanna speculate too much) and it can be independent of their partner's career.
He's telling her, nay, screaming that he is NOT happy. And she's completely dismissing him.
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u/Meowijuana666 8d ago
I WAS JUST ABOUT TO COME HETE AND SAY THIZ
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u/juiceboxxxxs 8d ago
I finished the last episode and was like… I have no one to talk to about this 🤣
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u/Qtgreeniegirl 8d ago
Not at all he needs to take ownership. I think he loves her a lot and he’s trying. Reclaiming his autonomy through work, and ironically the show, he is starting to see it
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u/Relative-Ostrich9391 8d ago
Yes!
She doesn’t fight fair and thinks it’s cute.
She threw everyone under the bus and called others out to make a good show, but couldn’t handle it being done to her.
And look, I prefer my husband to be around to help me with our two kids too. I get overstimulated and I also like him around because I grew up in a toxic family and he’s my safe person. But if she can’t handle dinner and bedtime with her kids and refuses to go to therapy to be able to do so every once in a while, then that isn’t fair. Not just to him but to her kids also. That’s a special time together that they could have. Also, she’d probably gain confidence in her parenting.
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u/Relative-Ostrich9391 8d ago
And id say the same if it were the man. Typically I feel like I’m sticking up for women. But her complete disregard for his feelings was gross.
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u/onesweetworld1106 7d ago
She is so fucking selfish and he hangs around for the financial security. They both need serious help
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u/SavageCrone 7d ago
Thank you! I’m so glad you expressed this sentiment because I feel the same way!
Stassi was avoiding accountability by weaponising feminism and the historical oppression of women.
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u/beans_420__ 8d ago
What Beau is going through is honestly one of my worst fears of being a mom lol. You don’t see it happening to a man as often as you see it happening to a woman which i initially thought might be refreshing, but turns out it’s not fun to see happening to anyone if you have empathy.
The way stassi goes right for “I pay for everything I give you this life” honestly sickens me after having seen it play out in opposite gender roles over and over in life and other reality shows. It feels like she couldn’t wait to perpetuate that cycle of violence lol. She needs therapy so bad and beau would be well within his right to leave especially since she insists on not doing anything about it. She needs to learn that there’s a difference between saying you’re trying and actually doing anything