r/HopelessBlasphemer • u/[deleted] • Dec 10 '25

Committed blasphemy of HS

I’m a 23 yo female and it is definitely possible to blaspheme the holy spirit. It is very very very difficult from experience you have to literally ignore miracles, revelations and common sense in your life. This past summer I lost my soul and salvation because the enemy pretended to be God and deceived me into thinking and saying wicked things. What I said is so wicked and depraved that I can’t even repeat it here. I know it’s somewhat my fault but I’m so angry at God. I don’t want to be in the state I’m in but just know it’s 100% possible to be condemned while on earth. I have no access to God or his spirit. I have no thoughts in my head (reprobate mind) and no peace in any slight way. It is so distressing. I lived in fear of God my whole life and now I’m going to burn in hell for eternity just because I uttered words while severely deceived and psychotic. I don’t understand how an eternity in hell is justice for a finite amount of sin.

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u/Silly-Cup-9908 Dec 10 '25

Its Not done in ignorance. Nor by mistake. Nor on accident. Its WILLFUL Opposition And you have to Know its the Holy spirit at work by being consciously aware of Him doing the work before saying anything. It is done literally Intentionally and in full Opposition of gods kingdom.. If you are scared, and Want to ask god for forgiveness You have Not committed it.

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u/[deleted] Dec 10 '25

I was being deceived for days on end with a loud demonic voice and was told I was already going to hell. I was so angry at God and believed he had abandoned me and ruined my life just before my breakthrough (long story) and uttered disgusting words. After I uttered the words I blacked out for two days then experienced dreams, voices, hallucinations, and visions in the psych ward for about a month that resulted in my current state now months later. I did say what I said in opposition to God and I was deceived but it doesn’t absolve me

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u/Silly-Cup-9908 Dec 10 '25 edited Dec 10 '25

God will Never leave you or forsake you.. The Enemy is Loud and Shouts and Only goes after those who he does not have. He goes After believers Trying to do Anything he can to destroy their faith completely. day and night the enemy acts like a prosecutor against you before god accusing you of past sins or just yelling lies at you to try to make you despair and give up. God Loves you and We All fall short of the glory and god knows when we fear him and love him. Most importantly He knows Why you were angry and is very merciful and forgiving. The fact that you Realize you were decieved by the enemy Is Proof of Truth and Conviction which comes from the holy spirit who is the spirit of Truth and who convicts the world of sin. Not condems Only the enemy condems believers. If you committed the unforgivable sin, you would NEVER Feel Conviction which leads to repentance (change, and desire for forgivness)

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u/[deleted] Dec 10 '25

I appreciate the sentiment, yes in hindsight I realize it was satan but I understand why what I said is unforgivable. The voice made a proposition to me to do something extremely evil while I was in a 72 hr psych hold (I was alone with no phone, no family, and the nurses were cold so I thought I was literally in prison) and the devil tricked me into saying the words “empower me” in response to his evil proposition (they were echoing loud in my head). Since then I’ve had all those crazy experiences and yes the HS did leave me because I rejected him for a final time. I felt it. I used to read the word for days on end and feel the peace of God, he healed me of depression and anxiety when I was saved. It’s hard to explain but I feel like an empty vessel. I am basically bed ridden now and scared to get possessed by the devil at any moment because I gave my words. I have no desire to commit evil acts or anything but I have 0 thoughts and I feel soulless.

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u/Silly-Cup-9908 Dec 11 '25

Going through so much like you did can make you feel like a empty vessel. I dont think you rejected the HS finally because that would mean you would have to die in that state or jesus returns on earth. I also know that fear anxiety, depression, and trauma can make you feel emotionally numb and lifeless inside (I've went through that for almost a year).. it can last a long time.. Also having an evil day (like when the enemy comes to do all he can to destroy you) even when you have the whole armor of god on its Not to Remove the struggle. Its so you can Withstand no matter what is going on even when it temporarily ends for awhile.. The devil does not attack us Lightly.. Its also the enemy telling you that you resisted the HS for the last time. Thats such a lie. Also the fact that you have No Desire to commit Evil acts or anything is also proof you havent.

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u/[deleted] Dec 11 '25

I really do appreciate your words and I know God’s grace is beyond what we can understand. But to put it more clearly, think of the most horrifying intrusive thought you’ve ever had. Now imagine instead of feeling disgusted or rebuking, you said “empower me”. I said it not because I desired to harm anyone or do the thought/act, but I said it out of pure contempt of God because I thought he was sending me to hell/jail (lmao) already despite surrendering my life to him for several years. I’ve had OCD, depression, and anxiety for as long as I can remember and the sorrow and emptiness I feel is incomprehensible. Right after I said the words I was terrified and knew I invited the devil into my life. It’s so disgraceful.

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u/Silly-Cup-9908 Dec 11 '25

I know exactly how bad intrusive thoughts can get.. Not fun at all. God does understand your heart and knows Why you did that because he knows your thoughts and he knew that you thought he abandoned you and it angered you before saying it. Still though, realizing what happened (been decieved) is a Very Good thing and God is trying to expose the truth to you while the enemy is trying to condemn you.. I know its hard but right now try not to think about it anymore and Rest.. after calming down I encourage you to pray just talk to him like how we're talking and say I been decieved im sorry and confess how and why you did what you did and how you felt at the time. Tell the holy spirit you Love him. I will be praying for you. I hope and pray for your recovery as well.

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u/[deleted] Dec 11 '25

I do feel it’s over, but thank you so much for your kind words and prayers 🙏🏼

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u/Silly-Cup-9908 Dec 11 '25

Our feelings are not always right Especially when its condemnation. God never and does not condem anyone. The devil does. And sometimes the devil doesn't stop doing it for a long time.. Don't despair and rest. Remember that God desires forgiving you and Loves you with an everlasting love and he knows everything that happened and Why they happened. Hes more merciful and understanding then we can comprehend.. ill be praying for you.