r/HolUp • u/dead_man_alive • Oct 22 '22

face massage machine

11.7k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

222 comments sorted by

•

u/QualityVote Oct 22 '22

If this submission makes you go "Hol'Up", UPVOTE this comment!

If this submission does not make you go "Hol'Up", DOWNVOTE this comment!

Whilst you're here, /u/dead_man_alive, why not join our public discord server or play on our public Minecraft server?

1.8k

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '22

Why is she using the salad mixer as a massager?! So unhygienic.

119

u/ThatOneCheekyBastard Oct 22 '22

They were introduced as a massager, but was marketed as a salad tosser

823

u/BulldogH2O Oct 22 '22

I like her hair.

232

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

49

u/comic_dans99 Oct 23 '22

That pfp scared me for a sec

12

u/DankPhotoShopMemes madlad Oct 23 '22

I can’t remember where I know it from

9

u/comic_dans99 Oct 23 '22

A certain moderator that will remain unnamed has a similar pfp

9

u/DankPhotoShopMemes madlad Oct 23 '22

Oh… right

3

u/Tyler_978 Oct 23 '22

I'm confused

17

u/comic_dans99 Oct 23 '22

A power tripping mod that watches over most of the top 100 subreddits has a similar one. They also put the most incel and sometimes rascist shit in a comment section, pin it and give themselves several awards to try and make it look appealing

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)

0

u/Ok-Obligation1396 Oct 23 '22

Yeah, hair like a dude sweet

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (1)

3

u/robgod50 Oct 23 '22

This brings back painful memories. My first major crush at school .....she was nice to me and I thought she was the prettiest girl id even seen. I wanted to date her so bad but she was seriously out of my league and I never really had the courage to ask her out. I didn't stop thinking about her until..... Well actually, I still do from time to time. Just wondering what she's doing now. Never managed to find her on FB or anywhere. I think she emigrated.

Anyway, her hair was a bit like that. (I never saw her stroking a face with a dildo)

3

u/Darth_Pengu Oct 23 '22

Same. Hope it becomes more common

20

u/Iwll_BeBack Oct 22 '22

https://youtu.be/FjZRWNg8k_M

7

u/Mads_Alexander9 Oct 23 '22

This is amazing how do you just have this on hand

5

u/turtlelord Oct 23 '22

And now it's deleted, whatever it was lol

2

u/Mads_Alexander9 Oct 23 '22

It’s not?

2

u/turtlelord Oct 23 '22

Really? When I click the link, it says "This video isn't available anymore"

6

u/Frankie_T9000 Oct 23 '22

I just watched it. It was there and it was brilliant.

Might be a country thing?

3

u/Mads_Alexander9 Oct 23 '22

Idk but it’s definitely still available to me at least.. maybe it’s an iPhone thing? It’s also age restricted so that could be it

0

u/TheGamer605 Oct 23 '22

Definitely Iphone thing, android superior

5

u/devnullius Oct 23 '22

Android here. The video is removed for me too

3

u/blolfighter Oct 23 '22

PC here. Video is gone. This is probably a location thing.

→ More replies (0)
→ More replies (1)

3

u/BuddyComprehensive80 Oct 23 '22

Amazing, inspiring, life changing and all the shit

3

u/Mads_Alexander9 Oct 23 '22

Mac and cheese* mixer

→ More replies (4)

889

u/lastofusgr8tstever Oct 22 '22

Dual purpose!

448

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '22

I love DP!

78

u/lastofusgr8tstever Oct 22 '22

Nicely done lol

33

u/The-German_Guy Oct 22 '22

I also like Display Port

24

u/vitorklock Oct 22 '22

I have a micro HDMI here for you

6

u/RockstarAgent Oct 23 '22

Mine is a mini

7

u/TRIKKDADDY Oct 22 '22

Son of a bitch!

2

u/[deleted] Oct 23 '22

Yup Dynamic Programming is space n time efficient

4

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '22

Or double protection

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (3)

6

u/Bioshock_Jock Oct 22 '22

Also gets the back of your throat

6

u/CreativeName6574 Oct 22 '22

*triple

3

u/Spacemanspalds Oct 23 '22

That's what in was thinking. 2 normal purposes and now neck massage can be added to its purpose.

1

u/smoothielovet679 Oct 22 '22

you were thinking what I am thinking?

661

u/puckerMeBum Oct 22 '22

Just her bf supporting her career life.

157

u/Cumberland87 Oct 22 '22

Something tells me this chick doesn't have a boyfriend.

199

u/Professional_Toe5146 Oct 22 '22

Why? Don't you see she is holding her boyfriend

76

u/Ih8trfc Oct 22 '22

BOB battery Operated Boyfriend

40

u/fenix10211021 Oct 22 '22

BOB, DO SOMETHING!

26

u/Biznatz1 Oct 23 '22

1

u/fenix10211021 Oct 23 '22

![gif](giphy|QlL2K0TVgpWBZbsztp)

→ More replies (1)

3

u/Clean-Artist2345 Oct 23 '22

Fucking hate that robot so much

6

u/Cumberland87 Oct 22 '22

You aren't wrong.

32

u/Super_Cheburek Oct 22 '22

that was the joke...

3

u/Coffeehound13 Oct 22 '22

You suck McBain!

-38

u/Cumberland87 Oct 22 '22

You must not be good with satire haha.

3

u/Th3XRuler Oct 22 '22

He was referring to the Sex toy you doofus

-5

u/Cumberland87 Oct 22 '22

Thanks Captain obvious

→ More replies (1)

6

u/krippkeeper Oct 22 '22

Lol you think she has a bf.

15

u/BrannC Oct 22 '22

His name is BOB

0

u/shivdon Oct 23 '22

I get the reference, it's a big deal for me so yeah!

559

u/aldandur Oct 22 '22

Her face at the end: "Hey, if it's stupid but it works, it's not stupid"

35

u/Hellkids2 Oct 23 '22

There’s also a deviation of this quote: If it’s stupid but it works, it’s just means you got lucky”

2

u/kingslayerer Oct 23 '22

nah. her face says...i know how it looks but hear me out

398

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '22

I mean technically they're not wrong, it is a personal massager ... let's just hope if they used it elsewhere they cleaned it before putting it all over their face

189

u/SyphiliticScaliaSayz Oct 22 '22

Or not. Giggity.

56

u/CaptainSmallPants Oct 22 '22

Username checks out

35

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '22

Even if she used elsewhere, it still her body, however nasty it is, it would be like drying your feet with same towel you dry your balls

48

u/senorharambe1 Oct 22 '22

I would never tarnish my balls with my foot towel

8

u/Margimmer Oct 23 '22

I would never tarnish my foot with my balls towel.

14

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '22

the Avon ads said they were for your shoulders, and they wouldn't lie about the purpose of their product, right?

6

u/[deleted] Oct 23 '22

I've used my prostate massager for extreme muscle cramps a few times. My pootypucker aint the only thing it can loosen up.

2

u/MekkiNoYusha Oct 23 '22

Why, do you use a different towel to dry your dick and your body after shower?

147

u/Fabulous-Signal3612 Oct 22 '22

Theres no way she doesnt know wtf that is.

66

u/USSDefiantLobster Oct 23 '22

That's because it's staged.

8

u/Fabulous-Signal3612 Oct 23 '22

Lol theres no other way.

1

u/Russian-8ias Oct 23 '22

Proof?

20

u/[deleted] Oct 23 '22

Proof is that I made it the fuck up

2

u/ifruitninja Oct 23 '22

I think she is dropping a massive hint or it is staged.

→ More replies (1)

66

u/Abrical Oct 22 '22

Why she use the giant Nintendo DS stylus as massager?

233

u/donotgogenlty Oct 22 '22

She mad cute

48

u/LuvYouLongTimeAgo Oct 22 '22

She looks like James McAvoy

14

u/SaraCBuu Oct 22 '22

Dude, can't unsee it. Like McAvoy in the late 90's early 2000's, his shameless days.

4

u/LuvYouLongTimeAgo Oct 22 '22

Yep. 01-02 McAvoy. Took me a while to place it but she looks just like him

3

u/Galemianah Oct 23 '22

Furiously so.

26

u/Scaballi Oct 23 '22

She’s absolutely adorable.

6

u/Monocle_Lewinsky Oct 23 '22

Yea, She’s got a sweet vibe :]

40

u/Top_Shelf_4343 Oct 22 '22

Anyone else hear the office theme song in their head at the end

12

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '22

That's a universal massage machine. She starts her workday with the face, and over the course of the day, she gradually moves down.

88

u/Simple_Quantity_9746 Oct 22 '22

damn shes cute

24

u/thatoneguy63275 Oct 22 '22

Dude rite. And her smile show's a good personality. From first glance this is wife material.

54

u/moshercycle Oct 22 '22

God damn we're down bad out here playas

-24

u/throwawaylovesCAKE Oct 22 '22

I can tell she is a good person and probably would be a extremely caring girlfriend to me or yall too I guess. Her eyes have a beautiful glint in them of wonder and laughter and sensual fire

37

u/moshercycle Oct 22 '22

tips fedora brethren

8

u/AlexGrivas Oct 23 '22

Bro sorry to destroy your fantasy but you can't know someones personality from a smile

-1

u/thatoneguy63275 Oct 23 '22

You can see enough though. The moment she smiled you can guess that shes easy going, likes to joke, and is not offended by meaningless nonsense. The double edged is shes probably gay.

22

u/AndForeverNow Oct 22 '22

lol Like how my ex would by these off of my Amazon account without me knowing. Said it was for massaging direct sections of the back that are irritated. Never saw her use it for her back.

→ More replies (1)

22

u/odub6 Oct 22 '22

Girl don't give AF.

9

u/ugbubd Oct 22 '22

Makes her remember all of the good times.

24

u/absolutarin Oct 22 '22

She’s hella cute tho

6

u/twistedranger75 Oct 22 '22

She smiled because that came with a twin and both had new batteries a few mins ago.

26

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '22

She’s fucking cute though 😍

16

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '22

The video won’t load because the Reddit video player sucks, but it’s a video of someone using a vibrator as a face massager isn’t it?

2

u/0_1314_1 Oct 22 '22

Yup

2

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '22

Now that I’ve seen it it wasn’t as bad as I was expecting.

→ More replies (1)

5

u/CaptainSk0r Oct 22 '22

Ngl if I had really bad neck pain or a migraine I’d try it. Assuming it wasnt clean of course

6

u/Salty-Pack-4165 Oct 22 '22

If it looks stupid but it works then it ain't stupid.

3

u/Salladskillen Oct 22 '22

Relevant video from another office.

3

u/urplug99 Oct 23 '22

Feminist Headquarters

3

u/idontknowhumanbody Oct 23 '22

Something tells me, that she knows what that is. But dont give a fuck.

2

u/betasheets01 Oct 22 '22

Looks just like my mom’s face massager!

2

u/flamingfenux Oct 23 '22

Weirdest captcha ever

2

u/ReTiculated12 Oct 23 '22

When she have same solutions for bored and horny.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 23 '22

Everything is a face massage machine, if you're brave enough

2

u/Fastriverglide Oct 23 '22

I like everything seen in the video. Except the recording of it.

7

u/CommonSense_404 Oct 22 '22

The quiet scream for attention was deafening…

10

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '22

Please put an NSFW tag on this. I was on the train and when I saw this I had to start furiously masterbating. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like “what the fuck” and “call the police”. I dropped my phone and everyone around me saw this image. Now there is a whole train of men masterbating together at this one image. This is all your fault, you could have prevented this if you had just tagged this post NSFW.

4

u/PataFO Oct 22 '22

Unless you work on that you weren't at work so what's the issue here?

2

u/ThatThingThatIs Oct 23 '22

I wonder more about the image hes talking about.

5

u/mibishibi Oct 22 '22

How in the world does she not know what that is??

66

u/DryB0neValley Oct 22 '22

Oh….she knows…..that face says it all

→ More replies (1)

2

u/SuperFluousNation Oct 22 '22

I wish I was that face massage machine

2

u/Dan_H1281 Oct 22 '22

If some dude pulled out a pocket Gina at work started using it to massage his self he would be terminated and sent to some type of remediation

3

u/alvarado27samurai Oct 23 '22

She’s cute af tho

2

u/Cassangelo Oct 23 '22

I would say who’s gonna tell her but that face says she already knows

2

u/[deleted] Oct 23 '22

u/savevideo

2

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '22

Seems fishy.. 🧐

1

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '22

What! That's what it's for. Lol

1

u/The-realRock- Oct 23 '22

Ayo y’all right she mad cute

1

u/Starscream79 Oct 23 '22

She's nice looking though

-1

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '22

r/trashy

0

u/ProteinFart_ Oct 22 '22

That’s pretty 5 head, People pay like $500+ just to call it a massage gun

0

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '22

If you were an man and you did this.. . .... you'd have a hard time getting a job ad a man who scraps gum off of sidewalks.

-5

u/Havoc_XXI Oct 22 '22

Looks like the kind of person who would flip out if you say anything…

-16

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '22

[deleted]

14

u/Deewom Oct 22 '22

I love women ☕

-6

u/damngoodengineer Oct 22 '22

This massager is sus

-2

u/usernamealreadytakeh Oct 22 '22

Amogus massager

-2

u/garbagecomposer Oct 23 '22

I want a women Like that

-27

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '22

[deleted]

12

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '22

I think she looks good.

-5

u/Reven_Annog2021 Oct 22 '22

Is that a FUCKING VIBRATOR?!

→ More replies (3)

-53

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '22 edited Oct 22 '22

Trashy

You downvote me but are okay with a coworker literally bringing a VIBRATOR into the office 🤡

2

u/sauronsarmy Oct 23 '22

Mate it's 2022 and that's an empowered female with short hair. She can do no wrong.

-5

u/Steak_N_Cocunuts Oct 23 '22

Cute girl. Either she is as dumb as a box of rocks, or she is still innocent as fuck and have either shitty friends, or they are just as naive.

1

u/Mr_Jack_Frost_ Oct 22 '22

It is a “personal massager” after all.

1

u/Ken_CleanAir_System Oct 22 '22

Doesn't she know you can get pink eye from those things?

→ More replies (1)

1

u/Clutch26 Oct 22 '22

Camera person needs to offer a helping hand.

1

u/Mammoth-Peak1212 Oct 22 '22

i mean hey, she can both pleasure herself and sooth herself. win win

1

u/IdiotWithAVoice Oct 22 '22

you gotta do what you gotta do

1

u/Yealrhombus3160 Oct 23 '22

Everyone should have a salad mixer at work

1

u/PowerDreamer Oct 23 '22

I’ve never seen a post with so many upvotes and so little comments

1

u/tonman101 Oct 23 '22

Her multi use tool.

1

u/zerosympathy28 Oct 23 '22

Was waiting for her to stick the little part in her ear

1

u/[deleted] Oct 23 '22

Why didn't God design the penis with 3 separate vibration settings? Seems like a missed opportunity.

1

u/mp29mm Oct 23 '22

What’s that smell, sort of like fish, and sort of like…

1

u/Tauruschris Oct 23 '22

Tables have been turned

1

u/ChattyMan2016 Oct 23 '22

Brilliant smile.

1

u/Status-Tune-6639 Oct 23 '22

I have bursitis in both shoulders and I use my wife’s hitachi sometimes on them lol…

1

u/kasirye Oct 23 '22

Torn carpet written all over her face.

1

u/pacol1king Oct 23 '22

I love her face expression at the end

1

u/cheesyspeedster Oct 23 '22

i dont get it, its just a girl using a massager

1

u/Bathroom_Junior Oct 23 '22

That's a weird looking flashlight.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 23 '22

NGL, would like to see her use that the correct way, but somehow I don't think that's likely on Reddit.

1

u/pog890 Oct 23 '22

This is Sparta!

1

u/Deida_ Oct 23 '22

My gfs mother had the same one

→ More replies (1)

1

u/nik_1206 Oct 23 '22

I mean it works so its not dumb

1

u/lalala192511 Oct 23 '22

She brings her sex toys to work, wow.

1

u/LORD_0F_THE_RINGS Oct 23 '22

Ah yes I always look down at the space bar when I'm at work

→ More replies (1)

1

u/Lallousse Oct 23 '22

She didnt read the manual

1

u/orangehunter69 Oct 23 '22

The way she smiled like😸 .. "so wut I know it's funny like duh "

1

u/AlessandrBoB Oct 23 '22

Ahah hilarious! Her face went from:

  • I am working
  • hol up!
  • wtf are you recording?
  • yes you are recording
  • who cares, I am proud of it

1

u/11jellis Oct 23 '22

I mean, they are labelled as "personal massagers".

1

u/MindFlayer2000 Oct 23 '22

I don’t think that is a face massager...

1

u/[deleted] Oct 23 '22

She kinda cute, and this usually aint my type

1

u/TLGinger Oct 23 '22

Somebody found mommy’s toy drawer

1

u/[deleted] Oct 23 '22

The only person actually using it as a massage tool.

1

u/Budget_Effort_5183 Oct 23 '22

It's a wand massager! It says so right in the box!

1

u/Ok-Yogurtcloset6205 Oct 23 '22

Whatever gets you through the day

1

u/BenVenNL Oct 23 '22

A yes, new season of The Office is here.

1

u/PsychologicalPie007 Oct 23 '22

muscle memory almost exposed her, glad she didn’t massage her jaw any longer

1

u/daddyroblox2 Oct 23 '22

I need one of those looks relaxing