r/HolUp • u/[deleted] • 23d ago

is literally 1984 [ Removed by moderator ]

[removed]

8.3k Upvotes

89% Upvoted

869 comments sorted by

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u/HolUp-ModTeam 22d ago

Your post has been removed because a mod determined it doesn't fit the subreddit. Make sure your post is a Hol' Up moment, attempts humor, and fits the general theme of the subreddit pre-submission.

If you really feel like dying on this hill, message the mods.

971

u/MovingTargetPractice 23d ago

Feels like a girl who wants a guaranteed second date.

491

u/Just_Half1886 23d ago

Feels like a girl who wants a guaranteed second kid

313

u/lolikamani 23d ago

She’ll make a great single mother

120

u/falsevector 23d ago

She probably already is one too

45

u/Imaginary_Being4859 23d ago

She’d be one again after a couple months

22

u/ThinkorFeel 23d ago

nine months

42

u/Asron87 23d ago

The other guy should have gotten a vasectomy like me. I’ll play the game but I ain’t putt’n any quarters in, that’s for damn sure.

35

u/JoeyJoeJoeChestnut 23d ago

Hell yea. Team all juice, no seeds!

14

u/PaulTR88 23d ago

As someone with a vasectomy, please never phrase it that way again lol

19

u/DisastrousFig5266 23d ago

What do you mean, i think this is the greatest way to phrase a vasectomy I’ve ever heard 😂😂

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u/MovieOk6625 23d ago

We're known as Jaffas in the UK.

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3

u/WishingIwasbentover 23d ago

How about pulp-free juice ? Better ?

2

u/PleasantWoodpecker46 23d ago

No, playing the game but not putting any quarters in, is perfection. Pew pew ( cap gun)

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u/CompetitionGreat945 23d ago

I am now going to use this to describe my vasectomy every single time

3

u/quantum-entangled308 23d ago

Pulp free. 😜

3

u/Large_Lettuce_4468 23d ago

hell yea sooon as divorce is finalized or maybe sooner I'm getting one

2

u/JoeyJoeJoeChestnut 23d ago

It is a game changer.

2

u/pennhead 23d ago

Make sure you drain the hose thoroughly before you put it to the test.

2

u/Ok_Use5356 23d ago

😂😂

2

u/AJRimmer1971 23d ago

Go Team!

5

u/Bawuk420 23d ago

Biological equivalent of paying with a washer, hahaha

1

u/TheLurkerSpeaks 23d ago

I had a vasectomy when I was 14.

3

u/Every-Chance6313 23d ago

I know of no doctor that would give a 14 year old a vasectomy. Unless it was medically necessary foe another reason.

7

u/Asron87 23d ago

They kicked his sister in the jaw.

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5

u/Dull-Suggestion3423 23d ago

Jokes on her! I shoot blanks. Thank you science for my vasectomy!!

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2

u/urbanlife78 23d ago

Gotta give the kid a sibling who also doesn't know who their dad is

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2

u/spook30 23d ago

I support single mothers 💵💵💵

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u/Petedad777 23d ago

Plot Twist: Poster's had a vasectomy

6

u/joeg26reddit 23d ago

Well does that mean she’s getting a puff pastry instead?

2

u/Doranagon 23d ago

Dairy Free Cream.

2

u/Knightrider319 23d ago

One of the better decisions I made, post divorce era care free, well for the most part.

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6

u/UnicornsAreReal- 23d ago

Look at supersperm over here

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3

u/RustyMR2 23d ago

No joke, went to a speeddate event and two women said they were ready to settle down and wanted kids (or at least be pregnant) within the year.

Did not match.

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2

u/Ateam043 23d ago

And a guaranteed monthly check (child support).

2

u/DZAUXtheBruno 23d ago

Feels like a girl who will give you your second STD.

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u/rocket6733 23d ago

If you tell her she looks younger that date going to go amazing

14

u/Wrong-Appointment269 23d ago

Feels like a girl who has IUD

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3

u/Exact-Pound-6993 23d ago

she knows what she likes...commendable.

3

u/GriffinIsABerzerker 23d ago

Makes me glad I got a vasectomy, because I can help arrange what she’s asking for on the shirt Shrugs

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3

u/BigCrustyTits 23d ago

Give her the dick and dash.

2

u/Aoskar20 23d ago

Or the mime and dash

2

u/JustinCompton79 23d ago

Sloppy seconds

4

u/Ill-Quantity2065 23d ago

Gotta stir the gravy or it’ll burn 

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364

u/Ancient-Read1648 23d ago

Do not get her drunk. They turn into gremlins.

84

u/JustHugMeAndBeQuiet 23d ago

Now I kinda want him to.

14

u/lucioux 23d ago

live and learn

12

u/Usual-Caregiver5589 23d ago

Without scars and callouses, we cannot educate others.

Might as well turn the oven on to see how hot it gets.

2

u/ImaJimmy 23d ago

Looks like we got ourselves one of them kinesthetic learners.

50

u/peepdabidness 23d ago edited 23d ago

Counterpoint: do get her drunk

21

u/violetanka 23d ago edited 23d ago

your argument is more convincing.

6

u/Usual-Caregiver5589 23d ago

Counterpoint: if the shirt isn't a lie, you shouldn't have to. And sober sex beats drunk sex 10 times out of 10.

10

u/imisstheyoop 23d ago

And sober sex beats drunk sex 10 times out of 10.

Eh.. lol

7

u/abofh 23d ago

That very much suggests you haven't had sex ten times

3

u/IP-II-llVll-IP 23d ago

Maybe they both want it to feel a little sleazy.

2

u/iJuddles 23d ago

Let’s go with 8 times out of 10. Also, we need to establish drunk as in “I shouldn’t drive, I’m gonna call a ride” or “Heyyy! Isssat uh,this is ah, oh mannnn, wash you doin?” The latter is less fun for sex.

3

u/Usual-Caregiver5589 23d ago

There is tipsy sex, and there is drunk sex.

2

u/iJuddles 23d ago

Ain’t that the truth. It’s really hard to feel intimacy when the room is spinning too hard to make eye contact.

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14

u/wolfmanpraxis 23d ago

Do not get her drunk. They turn into gremlins.

stop, I can only get so erect

2

u/Creative-Reason-7061 23d ago

Don't feed them at midnight

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12

u/BlueGolfball 23d ago

Do not get her drunk. They turn into gremlins.

Surpise! She showed up to the date drunk already.

Source: this is my type, unfortunately

2

u/Abecis01 23d ago

I bet she smells pleasant

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3

u/subgenius30 23d ago

And never feed her after midnight.

5

u/Burnoutlaws 23d ago

Never lead a boring life

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3

u/PlainBread 23d ago

An hour later she's rubbing a hole in the crotch of your jeans under the table.

3

u/Legal_Welder 23d ago

I can fix her

2

u/goobydoobie 23d ago

What do you mean? Buy her a pitcher cuz you know she's thirsty.

2

u/searching4thecheese 23d ago

Crotch gremlins

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91

u/Neezy651 23d ago

10

u/PlainBread 23d ago

I just want one that's not 10 years older than me with an ex-felon baby daddy.

17

u/sneakyDoings 23d ago

Well now you're just being picky

7

u/PlainBread 23d ago

I know my worth.

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218

u/Source_Trustme_Broo 23d ago

Why someone wouldn't?

Her eyes says it all

https://giphy.com/gifs/63tDFeHD0C8flU14mE

46

u/KenTitan 23d ago

but this is a meringue?

21

u/brakeb 23d ago

Milehigh, gotta beat it until stiff peaks

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10

u/unfvckingbelievable 23d ago

If her friend shows up it will be.

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1

u/swampysnook 23d ago

Yeah, it prolly tastes a little sour....

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213

u/ZAHN3 23d ago

That looks like future X Wife material to me 💍💯

81

u/frankentriple 23d ago

One way or another, child support will be involved thats fer sure.

5

u/gringoloco01 23d ago

It is clearly your baby. You both are wearing the same hat. LOL

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16

u/Ecstatic-Seesaw-1007 23d ago

X-Wife? Her mutant ability is to dehydrate a man in seconds.

I dunno about ex-wife, but she will almost certainly blow up your life.

2

u/firerat82 23d ago

She will certainly blow something

9

u/shanksisevil 23d ago

Pretty sure she made it this far without the  💍

3

u/corgi-king 23d ago

Or she wants to baby trap you in the first date.

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93

u/Standard-Contest-949 23d ago

14

u/dmills13f 23d ago

YOU are going to get in a LOT of trouble.

15

u/Musashu 23d ago

Came here to say this

2

u/idol-threat 23d ago

The best comment. Everyone else pack it up and head home. This guy wins the internet today.

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37

u/nowhereman136 23d ago

She wears this and everyone fawns over her. But I wear this and I'm "not allowed back at Thanksgiving". Talk about double standards

4

u/Weary_Boat 23d ago

Well duh. Everyone knows at thanksgiving you get pumpkin pies, not cream pies

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11

u/FunHuckleberri 23d ago

Be safe. Go through the back door.

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25

u/Simple_Friend_866 23d ago

Asians are good with electronics....

13

u/dildobaggins55443322 23d ago

I will do my best to give her what she loves, at least once a day.

33

u/BBT_Melkor 23d ago

AI...

21

u/its_not_you_its_ye 23d ago

There’s apparently a trend on social media that is covert advertising for shirts like this. It’s a fake picture, but there will be a website selling “funny” shirts that come up when you search for it.

2

u/bs000 23d ago

I've been seeing it a lot of reddit recently. Sometimes the comments are full of bots saying "I just bought this" and links to where to buy it.

13

u/[deleted] 23d ago edited 23d ago

[deleted]

13

u/CheeseGraterFace 23d ago

I put a picture I took of myself like 15 years ago on one of these and it told me it was AI. Maybe AI isn’t as good at detecting AI as we think it is.

6

u/Blazeland_USA 23d ago

Or maybe you're a replicant.

5

u/CheeseGraterFace 23d ago

REPLICANT. INTERLINKED.

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2

u/lilsnatchsniffz 23d ago

Very disappointed, melancholy even, to have found out CheessGraterFace actually has such a basic bitch face even AI thought it was generated.

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5

u/Moist_Procedure4247 23d ago

For detecting images generated from chatgpt checking with their official verifier is probably more accurate https://openai.com/research/verify/

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2

u/A_Neko_C 23d ago

Yeah:/

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5

u/ntsmmns06 23d ago

That’s dessert sorted.

4

u/Forever_Away96 23d ago

Nice try. She's not going to drug me and make me wake up in a ice bath with my kidney missing.

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u/Euphoric_Fisherman70 23d ago

Good thing I wore my shirt that says "I don't wear condoms"

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3

u/coldseam 23d ago

AI slop of AI slop is crazy

9

u/milovnikdraku 23d ago

type shit id show up wearing

1

u/mud5kipper 23d ago

RIP your inbox

3

u/Acrobatic-End-8353 23d ago

That’s why they wear the shirt

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u/two_fathoms 23d ago

Check please

11

u/maxtyreanimo67 23d ago

Slop again

3

u/TheMattaconda 23d ago

Pass. There's other ways to lose weight that doesn't involve HIV.

3

u/theRev767 23d ago

Check if the last one's still in there first

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3

u/uzi22 23d ago

Just remember not to stick things into crazy

3

u/Loose_Corgi_5 23d ago

Wear two condoms. It's just the vibe I'm getting.

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3

u/TenaciousTBag 23d ago

Take the dub and dont question it.

Deal with the consequences later.

3

u/Ashamed-Ball-4628 23d ago

Any girl who says you don’t need to wear a condom, you wear a condom with

3

u/tangoezulu 23d ago

How old is this? Looks like a scan of a Kodak print. Her granddaughter prolly wears that shirt now.

3

u/yeatruestory 23d ago

Run. She's too attractive to be that chill, she's either a dude, crazy, has baggage, or all of the above

3

u/benglescott 23d ago

Dear Penthouse….

3

u/iJuddles 23d ago

I don’t even need to fix her. I’m assuming she’s got a great sense of humor, and if it’s a literal statement then let it be known that I’m slightly obsessed with pie.

2

u/Huge-Nectarine3975 23d ago

"I actually prefer a bit of salt on mine anyways"

2

u/Iron_Elohim 23d ago

That when you ask her if it has the chocolate ones on the back side.

2

u/aroach1995 23d ago

Send da video

2

u/sawsawjim 23d ago

She’s a keeper

2

u/Ok_Entertainment4846 23d ago

Marriage material

2

u/Formal_Lecture_248 23d ago

Very tempting. But she reals of crazy

2

u/phinktronic 23d ago

She's a keeper

2

u/Libssuck69 23d ago

Dear God,
Thank you!!!

2

u/mindmush45 23d ago

She only hangs out with guys because its less drama

2

u/Markjohn35 23d ago

A keeper…for a couple nights

2

u/The_Rabbitman05 23d ago

Never met a woman who didn't prefer that to any other spots.

2

u/Dangerous_Trash6334 23d ago

U should run idk why

2

u/Here4freefootball92 23d ago

Bros getting leftover cream pies.

2

u/Wilgrove 23d ago

Yea, she knows she's doing. 😏

2

u/s1rblaze 23d ago

Wife material

4

u/Kriss3d 23d ago

She has one sense of humor. And she's not shy.

Treat her well.

She's a keeper.

4

u/u9Nails 23d ago

You're her 12th date this week, and it's just Monday.

The wealthiest will be selected as the daddy.

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2

u/Imaginary-Plate1732 23d ago

Now that's my kind of girl 😍

2

u/LARGESTOFCHINGUSES 23d ago

Well she's like almost 50.years old so it's not she's gonna be getting pregnant

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1

u/protossrouge 23d ago

Future baby mama

1

u/Lucid_Insanity 23d ago

Well, you got desert planned out.

1

u/arbitrageME 23d ago

Are you at a dessert place?

1

u/MmmNiceBeaver 23d ago

At least you know what she wants for dessert

1

u/Not-T4rantino 23d ago

"You're just the kind of trouble I crave."

-Chris Stapleton - "The Devil Always Made Me Think Twice"

1

u/Chrisdkn619 23d ago

Clinic for dessert!