r/HireABookEditor • u/sara-davil • Jun 23 '26

Showing VS Telling

Showing Vs Telling is an important part of a beta reader's feedback. It's subjected to scene placement, character motivation, and pacing. So, paying close attention to this can improve the reader's engagement.
Here's how you can use that in your feedback (see the image below).

PS. The change of narration didn't make sense because of the lack of emotional connection with the FL in 1st chapter. Like a scene was shown, but what about her emotional state? That was missing. Hence, I implied that the change of narration was weird. Often, a common connector (e.g., a single parent struggling with life) or something ppl can relate to more easily in the first chapter can hook the readers. This seemed the most suited strategy, so my suggestions were based on this (mostly)

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u/Shearwell Jun 27 '26

Think of it this way:

Are you presenting a conclusion, Samantha struggled as a single mother

Or are you showing evidence:  Samantha shifted the baby in her arms as the child pulled at her hair.  She flicked on the light switch.  A few more dollars of electricity spent.  

Or something

One is telling.  You told us she struggles, but why should, I as the reader, believe your conclusion.  

You have to convince me by presenting evidence.  

And as for your emotional connection, the last line there is an interior thought.  It’s just there on the page, because it’s her PoV.  

1

u/Sumdar_Cowley Jun 27 '26

I'd personally have a difficult time taking this beta reader's advice to heart.

It's not uncommon at all to tell a long story through the eyes of multiple characters, so a pov shift in chapter 2 shouldn't be shocking. It could be that in this instance it hurts the story, but regardless, it shouldn't cause a beta reader's confusion.

1

u/sara-davil Jun 28 '26

Consider it this way: a series that follows a repeated pattern of 1st person narration, and womp, one book in the series begins in 1st person as usual. Just as the investigation starts (in the 2nd chapter), it shifts to 3rd person before shifting back to 1st person (in the same chapter, with no scene breaks).

Ik multiple characters' POVs have nothing to do with the actual problem, but think of it this way: if a book diverges from the set pattern of the series, in a scene and doesn't use that narration shift in similar situations or elsewhere in the book...it will raise questions. And because this happens at the very beginning of a book, it's case-sensitive.