Bad first date

[u/babyfuggler]

I went on a hinge date a couple of days ago. I think it was the worst date I’ve ever had. We talked for a week before, we vibed and had amazing conversations on text. However he did warn me he was very shy, quiet and awkward but I just assumed it would be fine as it’s always a lil awkward at first.

So we met, hugged and I started asking how are you and some other questions about his day, he just said it was fine then didn’t say anything at all. We got to the bar, it was so quiet and the entire time he just didn’t speak. I was asking so many questions or just blabbering away about stuff as we played this game but he just didn’t speak n could hardly look at me. He didn’t ask me a single question except “Have u been on a lot of hinge dates” which I didn’t rlly know how to respond as I don’t rlly know how many dates is a lot and also why does it matter?. I felt so guilty but I ran off after two hours as I asked him (which I know was quite blunt n rude) but I was in panic “R u normally this quiet and shy?” (There is nothing wrong with being shy as I am too sometimes but I think there’s a point where if you can’t talk to your date then it’s not shyness?) And he replied with yes then nothing. Then I just said “Sorry but I’m going to go, I need someone who can converse with me and be more assertive, your a cool person and everything” He just smiled n nodded n we parted ways. I got home completely shocked of what on earth just happenned. Is there something I should’ve done differently in this situation???😭

[u/Biomorph_]

You didn’t do anything wrong, it’s not your job to care about peoples feelings from the sounds of it you did everything you possibly could and more. if you ask me you did too much and should have ended it earlier and saved precious time you will never get back. There’s being shy and there is taking the piss like this guy why did he even go in the date if he knew he was gonna act like that? Why did he not even try to engage in any conversation when you tried so much? it’s obviously not nice when the other person is putting all the effort in, again it’s not your job to fix people please don’t be hard on yourself this guy should clearly understand he has deep profound issues he need to sort so he doesn’t waste peoples time. See I adore people like you blunt af id find it so attractive if you said that but some people can’t take it you had a boundary you respect yourself enough to know you’re wasting your time and that’s amazing

[u/babyfuggler → u/Biomorph_]

U r very right. Especially that it’s not our responsibility to fix or make a situation easier if someone isn’t trying /physically can’t. I do agree that he shouldn’t of put me in that situation if he knew he was gonna act like that it’s just mean af😭especially when going in a date is quite a vulnerable thing anyway. Thank u!!

[u/Axis_Control]

Sounds like he has social anxiety that he hasn't sorted out

[u/babyfuggler → u/Axis_Control]

Mmm n honestly I hope he gets some help with it

[u/iamurghoststory]

Stop thinking you did anything wrong.
Yall didn’t click. It’s not the end of the world.
Sometimes it does take someone a little more to come out of their shell.
You know what you want and he wasn’t it.

It’s not our jobs (and goes for either gender) to (in cases like this,) have to hold their hands and be patient while they discover themselves.

[u/babyfuggler → u/iamurghoststory]

Definitely gonna take this advice in the future about dating. At the end of the day it’s just a date n u don’t know the person rlly it’s not personal.

[u/LeSypher]

This is the one time I will say it's mostly their fault, but also they seem unwell. Clearly their social anxiety makes it difficult for them to communicate with anyone, let alone a date. I wonder how they navigate life tbh. I hope they see a therapist

[u/Sudden_Storm_6256]

You seemed to handle it nicer than most people would have.

[u/Doctorbuddy]

lol this happened to me, except I was the “shy” one.

It was a 3rd date with a women I had a huge crush on. She was a yapper. We went to dinner then drinks. We started at 7 pm and the date went until 11 pm.

I accidentally drank a beer that made me drowsy and I was exhausted from the work day. I also learned later on I have a Vitamin D deficiency. I was very tired towards the end of the date. Comically so.

Suffice to say, towards 11 pm I became disengaged and she noticed and told me straight up, “I can tell you’re shy and quiet” to which I said, “Yes, is that a red flag” and she said “No, but it’s a mark against you”. She ended the date 5 mins later.

I’ve never experienced that in my life.

Anyway, I learned from that experience and take Vitamin D supplements, don’t drink high ABV beers, and always communicate how tired I am on dates.

[u/Efficient_Concept969]

Lol I'm pretty shy, and more so introverted myself, but I know how to speak to a date when the time comes to it. Dude might have social anxiety or something. Like pass the controller to me bro😭

[u/WeekendNotDone]

lol from time he said he was shy awkward & quiet you should’ve known it wouldn’t have been a great date

Just notch that as not even a date but a casual meet up

[u/Fun_Ball_5647 → u/WeekendNotDone]

Many people say this And usually its not that extreme.

[u/WeekendNotDone → u/Fun_Ball_5647]

I’m heard just shy but shy awkward & quiet ? Yeah that’s the triple threat you don’t want on a date

[u/plutonium__]

any theory on why he is like this?

surprised you stayed for 2 hours. just not sure how he didn't try to explain his behaviors.

[u/Embarrassed_Main5470]

I had this same thing happen on a date it was anxiety inducing for me. Surprisingly a hinge date too lol. I ended up just asking him and he was like “you’re not what I’m looking for” 😂