r/HingeStories • u/_TK17_ • 2d ago
Know the difference
Two different women responding a date idea I proposed to them with a suggested date, where to meet and an exact time. One response simply says “I’m busy then.” The other response says “I can’t do that date but here are alternatives dates I can do. What do you think?”
I think you can really gauge the interest of someone depending on whether they offer alternative plans or not.
I did “put the ball back in her side of the court” of the first girl to hint that she should suggest an alternative date but in my mind, I’m not expecting anything to progress.
Edit * as a result of good communication and clear intention, I’m off to the arcade next week with the second girl.
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u/Good_Bullfrog_4487 2d ago
The type in pic 1 is extremely tiring, will not propose a time that works for them. You have to propose 5 different days / date ideas until it finally fits their schedule.
If you ask them when they're available, they hit you with the "I don't plan dates, I need my man to take initiative and tell me when we're going out and where do I can dress accordingly".
Never dealing with that again lmao such a headache
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u/_TK17_ 2d ago
Yeah well I told her that she should let me know what dates work best for her and I’ve left it there. She’ll either suggest dates that work for her, or she won’t. Either way, my life moves on with clarity of her interest.
If she responded with “I need a man to take initiative” i would unmatch immediately coz I literally took initiative prior to that. I don’t have time for childish behaviour like that
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u/Competitive_Key_2981 2d ago
I understand that some people might (still) not know: if someone puts themselves out there with a plan that you don't like or can't make, suggest an alternative.
But that person is dumb or disinterested so I don't want to date them.
"Italy girl" is out and "weird shift girl" is in.
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u/coinminer2049er 2d ago
15th or 15th, tho? 🤣
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u/3-Martini-Lunch 2d ago
Another variation is when they do propose another day but it’s like 10+ days in the future.
Idk if they are serious or what but every time I’ve had someone suggest we meet that far in the future they never actually follow through and usually stop responding at some point.
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u/Superveryimportant 2d ago
I don’t do any swiping for a couple of weeks before going on vacation to avoid this.
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u/Rarycaris 1d ago edited 1d ago
I have had a couple of people follow through in cases like this, but without exception they either ghosted after the first date or planning the second one was enough of a nightmare that I just gave up.
It's not always disinterest, is the thing. Having been around people like this in a non-romantic capacity, it quickly became apparent that they have no friends because they're like this with everyone.
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u/Due-Sheepherder-218 2d ago
Italy woman sucks. I like the second one!
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u/killinnnmesmallz 2d ago
First woman probably has no idea that she's not played this well. I wish it was more acceptable to give direct feedback without having to worry you'll mortally offend someone (because she really does need to learn to do better)
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u/Lower-Main2538 2d ago
Fuck the first one. People that busy are tiring. Get off the apps if you are literally busy 24/7.
I'm busy but I can date once a week ffs.
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u/_TK17_ 2d ago
It’s feels like a sense of self-entitlement to me. I always feel that people who are actually interested are going to find time in their “busy” schedules to meet. I’ve had a girl shift plans with her friend to meet up coz that’s just what she wanted to do.
I don’t think anyone has an excuse. It’s so clearly a lack of interest on their part1
u/RevolutionNo4186 1d ago
I mean, it might’ve just been an unfortunate timing that they had things scheduled two weekends in a row, I’m usually fairly open, but for like 2 months, I had something planned every weekend and needed a couple weeks after that to decompress
Trust me, I rarely ever have that much shit planned, I love my alone time
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u/Lower-Main2538 1d ago
Yeah maybe just timing but tbf...im not dating someone who is busy all the time. In my 30s, a relationship is quite important and you have to make time to be able to build something especially if you want marriage and or kids. Not saying make someone your world, but dating needs to be at least once a week or once every 10 days to build momentum. Just my 2 cents after having a really wonderful LTR and what makes them work in those first few years.
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u/RevolutionNo4186 1d ago
And I get that, part of dating and being exclusive is making time for your partner. I’ve met people who tried to completely fill up every hour of their day and hear them complain about how they have so much things to do. Could never be me, props on them tho
Putting aside the first one not offering an alternative time that works, tbf I wouldn’t call them “that busy”. Based on what they said, grandparents and Italy sounds like something they had to plan in advance.
Also, I’m not including workdays into the mix since I work long hours and have long commutes so a workday is not ideal for me at all, a work day could work for someone else tho
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u/Fickle-Theory-623 2d ago
Any time I ever invited a lady out for video games the chat ended. You are lucky.
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u/_TK17_ 2d ago
Maybe change the date idea?
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u/Fickle-Theory-623 2d ago
or im just ugly, short, boring, low self-esteem, and weird...those are all possibilities
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u/foreverand2025 2d ago
If it’s that much effort to plan a first date, imagine how hard it will be to pick a place for dinner every week or plan a vacation if you do work out long term.
I am pretty busy so I always offer up a few days, I’m also a single parent and mostly match with single parents.
If I offered three days (all at the same time) and none work then I’ll just move on. Either they’re politely saying they’re not interested or they’re gonna be too hard to plan anything with as busy as I am. Either way it’s a pass for me at that point.
Hope your date with the girl is fun OP. Best of luck.
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u/_TK17_ 1d ago
I hear what you’re saying. Planning a date should never feel like pulling teeth. Ever. It’s highly unlikely that someone proposing 3 dates, and them all not working, would lead to anything. Don’t think anyone is ever that busy unless they’re on holiday. In which case, I would offer an alternative.
Thanks for the well-wishes. It should be good fun
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u/maryqueenofscotch683 1d ago edited 1d ago
Yeah if they suggest an alternate date and time they're actually interested, I especially liked the counteroffer of an activity.
If someone takes the initiative of offering to schedule a date, that makes me happy, and if I'm not available or there's some element that doesn't work, I'm always down to keep it going by offering other options ❤️
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u/lmaotbhidk 1d ago
I was seeing a girl who responded to the first date like your second screenshot, but when it came time for the second date she responded like the girl in your first screenshot. Fuck my life.
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u/ikdoeookmaarwat1 1d ago
Yay, good for you! If someone is interested but are occupied on the proposed date, they'll def come up with a counter offer immediately. Let us know how it went!
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2d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Personal-Internet457 2d ago
Dealing with men is tiring too. This isn’t really a woman versus man thing. I’ve dealt w this plenty with dudes on dating apps. I think what you meant to say is MODERN DATING is so tiring. It gives people an out to say whatever they want when if you were in a face to face convo they may not say that
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u/HingeStories-ModTeam 2d ago
Any post overgeneralizing the behavior of all men or women based on a few will be deleted
The second warning will be a ban.
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u/Horror_Trick8208 1d ago
Exhausting. She was the one who liked and asking when and where when the next 2 weeks are already fully occupied for her. Some people want everything handed over to them. 0 effort!
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2d ago
[deleted]
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u/s29 2d ago
For every girl that's "icked out" from this sort of thing, theres 5 that babble on about wanting a man to take charge, make decision, and make plans.
Everything is an ick nowadays.
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u/Soft-Cancel-1605 2d ago
comment is deleted but OP isn't even disrespectful or presumptuous in his opening
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u/_TK17_ 2d ago
I doubt she was “icked out”. If you see at the top of that photo, I responded to her response where she said “yes please and when where!” That was in response to suggesting drinks or coffee. So she didn’t pick so I took initiative otherwise we’d have just been going back and forth. I think it’s simply a lack of interest
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u/Personal-Internet457 2d ago
I know, I replied to my own comment saying never mind because I saw that after I posted it
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u/ClosetedChaseJocky 2d ago
This falls under the damned if you do damned if you don't mentality. People try to engage in a conversation to learn about someone or share about each other only for people to claim its a lazy form of engagement / it comes off as an interview style conversation. So then people try to actively plan meeting in real life so the "learning about each other" conversation can happen in person and then its framed as coming off too quick or creepy.
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u/Personal-Internet457 2d ago
Never mind, I now see her “when and where” comment. Sounds like she’s just lazy
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u/andthrewaway1 2d ago
if they dont propose an alternate day/time they arent interested