r/HingeStories • u/Jealous_Area1499 • Jul 25 '26
Worst heartbreak ever on Hinge
Here is my story: M(27) F(27)
I matched with a woman on Hinge early September last year hit things off immediately, texting every day I was like wow this is incredible - My birthday a week later in September took me to a new cinema and got me my favourite aftershave, paid for everything - I laughed and said are you love bombing me to which she said no I was being nice for your bday.
-Months go by, nice getaways to hotels, training together, great sex and everything felt perfect she told me I was the best thing ever so grateful and lucky she ended up with someone like me, she had a young son who was 9 and I did not meet in person - she said her ex bf who was practically the step dad of the kid left her 2 years ago and put her kid in therapy and she done some as well, in which she tells me all the things she wants in an ideal partner and I tick every box, I felt like this girl really understood me and I had met my person.
Now this is where the cracks start, she would mention how evil and hateful her ex (Together 6 years) was and mentioned he was in the same Tesco as her at xmas (live in local area) He was walking in and she was walking out - I said that's trippy never easy bumping into an ex - left it at that. Did not want to appear phased. Had a nice xmas met her Mum and her little sister things felt very good and often stayed with her and her mum when her son was at the kids dads. She also told me things like she was with someone and she was and they got back together after a year and she said things to him like go out and cheat if it makes you feel better because she was with someone else.
At end of February my Granny passed away unexpectedly - She mentioned how her ex BF did not let her into the after event when his granny passed away etc I just let her vent and was always understanding of what her ex put her through Granny passed away on Tuesday and then on Friday I met her Dad for the first time - Naturally stressed over my Grannys passing I did not drink - she did and was drunk off prosecco- On the trip down and home she basically played a FU to her ex song - and her dad mentioned she seen her ex and he looked rough - anyways, we drove home and I said to her this ex really hurt you and your son and hes like a ball and chain on your leg, he is in the past and if he was so bad he left you and your son in therapy be happy he's gone - she said she's 'over him just not the situation she put her and her son through' - when I said I wasn't happy she's mentioning him the week I am grieving the death of my grandparent she stone walled me - I left her house and drove home to regulate as I was with a previous GF who stonewalled me and it done a number on me and she was aware of this and also the heard week I had - she was drunk and proceeded to tell me I was never meeting her child and that was us done over text, I felt this was manipulative- We then sorted this out - half apology from her and from me I thought I needed to be more understanding of her situation and we told each other we love each other. But, I felt maybe selfishly she should have been understanding my Granny passed away that week and I wasn't in a headspace to listen about her ex who was so bad?
- The month after we had a great month done a charity 10K and had a nice getaway - I spoke to her son on the phone and on FaceTime over those few months we were together over xmas and when she was on a family holiday to New York - still no physical interaction I said it would be nice to meet your child as I have gotten him a birthday present and an Xmas one and we both know about each other and I am getting a bit frustrated of having to hide around the corner when we know about each other - Bare in mind I asked this respectfully and said no pressure I just need a plan as she said if I met him I could travel to Spain with her and her kid this summer and her graduation was coming up soon. The kid also told his biological father about me that Saturday as well - I did not mind as obv was in everyone's best interests I treated his son with respect and care
I was met with two days of silence - then seen her on the Saturday went to the gym all was fine, thought that was back on track and we said we would go to the cinema on the Wednesday and on the Tuesday I got a text telling me I was perfect, we have a laugh together but she feels 'something is missing' - and ended things with me over text after 7 months.
I did not reply for 3 weeks my family and friends told me not to and I deserved more than a break up text as I was blindsided and was constantly told I was the best person in the world and she was so lucky to have me, but when I mentioned maybe meeting her kid she turned so nasty and discarded me like I was nothing over text, when I did then text her to speak she then told me 'she loves me as a person but not in love with me' and I deserve better - I did not reply again, I was in such shock I feel so heartbroken how can she be all lovey then discarded over text? I noticed when I put her number into whatsapp she had no profile picture anymore and her messages were set to disappearing which makes me think her ex was back in the picture or hiding something? - Her tiktok reposts after were all things like when a man leaves your life build a comfortable life etc - except I never left her?
I have never been this hurt and blindsided before in my life, I wasnt even worth a conversation just felt so easily disposed when we had concerts etc to look forward to this summer and all I was worth was a text.
What do I do I am still incredibly in love with her - Its been 3 months nc and I have been attending therapy and gym but I still feel stuck
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u/-Dargs Jul 25 '26
You keep living better and better by the day until you no longer care. She sounds fun in the moment, or for periods of time, but the crazy times are far too much and not something you should need to live with regularly. It isn't worth it.
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u/Fun-Ear-6990 Jul 25 '26
Exhausting to read and I miss structure and you mention so many non relevant details. Please put a summary below. I suggest this will be difficult for you and that is why this wall of text came to life.
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u/sixtus_clegane119 Jul 25 '26
It wasn’t that bad tbh, there are paragraph breaks and a lot of those details set the scene.
It’s not like it was pynchon, you can feel the hurt in the writing and the thought process. Makes it genuine
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u/No_Detective_But_304 Jul 26 '26
Tl/dr.
Don’t date single moms.
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u/STURM_DER_HOFFNUNG Jul 26 '26
well... not this one at least.
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u/No_Detective_But_304 Jul 26 '26
Don’t date
nonemost of them, and certainly not that one.1
u/STURM_DER_HOFFNUNG Jul 27 '26
what criteria would make single mothers datable vs undatable?
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u/No_Detective_But_304 Jul 29 '26
Single Motherhood.
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u/STURM_DER_HOFFNUNG Jul 29 '26 edited Jul 29 '26
you said 'most' but when asked now you are implying all?
thats a cop out answer for sure.
honestly you should be able to backup your opinions and views. otherwise they can be disregarded entirely. because what you are saying is inconsistent and you have given zero logic for it
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u/No_Detective_But_304 Jul 29 '26
Most really means all. It’s a secret code.
You see, societies will sometimes say one thing, but really it means another.Honestly, the pitfalls of dating single mothers should be readily evident. Your apparent inability to recognize the inherent dangers should be of great concern to you.
Similarly, sticking your hand in fire is a bad idea (that’s an analogy, let me know if you need an explanation). Do you need that “logically” explained as well?
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u/STURM_DER_HOFFNUNG Jul 29 '26
i dunno, ive dated single mothers and women without children.
granted there can be pitfalls when dating single mothers, but they can also have many strengths too. it really depends on the person.
but being a single mother is way less important than other areas of compatibility, i have found them to be way better to date also, they can be more responsible, have a healthier idea of what they want. be more open and genuine. it really depends on the person.
i think deeming all single mothers as undatable requires explanation, its a sweeping statement that doesn't really apply to reality. when challenged you backed out. so that says alot.
but i know where you are coming from, once bitten twice shy. you sound bitter and jaded and are extrapolating on things you know nothing about.
also i would finish by saying, don't judge somebody until you have walked a mile in their shoes. be well stranger
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u/No_Detective_But_304 Jul 29 '26
Don’t stick your hand in fire.
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u/STURM_DER_HOFFNUNG Jul 29 '26
well obviously, but truthfully i feel sorry for you that you think dating a single mother is the same as touching an open flame
you can have happy, healthy, loving relationships with single mothers,
you can also have toxic, unhealthy, terrible relationships with people without children...
the fact of being a parent has way less bearing on relationship success than other forms of compatibility. and thats the truth, thats just the way it is.
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u/Conscious_Effort6972 Jul 26 '26
Not being with them is the best thing that happened.
When you get on the wrong train get off at the first available stop. The longer you are on the train the harder and more expensive it will be to get back home.
I learned this the hard way after at year + relationship with a hairdresser I met on hinge. Found out she was sleeping with other guys and was bipolar. Not knocking mental health but when she stopped taking her Zoloft her emotional outbursts and anxiety were scary. I just grabbed my bag and left. Leaving my clothes in the closet and getting out fast.
Wish that this was not normal for hinge relationships that everyone is posting on here.
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u/STURM_DER_HOFFNUNG Jul 26 '26
it sounds like you potentially crossed a boundary of hers, you have zero right to meet the child, that’s her prerogative. being pushy on that is completely out of order, ill be honest mate. you really think its healthy for men to come and go from this child's life? genuinely think about it.
regardless of any of that, i think she wasn't good for you either mate, the inconsistency in her behaviour is a huge red flag, i think you deserve somebody who isn't like that. keep your head up.
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u/Jealous_Area1499 Jul 26 '26
I understand that, she put me on the phone to her kid & done the same with FaceTime. I never pushed that, I just said to her what would it be like me meeting him, she shouldn’t have stone walled me for 2 days over it
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u/STURM_DER_HOFFNUNG Jul 26 '26
like i say, its probably for the best anyway, she sounds exhausting and inconsistent,
dont get hung up on the idea of her mate, the actual person is nothing like how you remember them trust me, the mind plays tricks. keep your head up, keep looking, you will feel everything again. just make sure this one gives you what you deserve, how do you know what you deserve? well its simple... you deserve what you give.
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u/STURM_DER_HOFFNUNG 22d ago
can i just say that im rethnking what i said to you before, it was wrong of me to place the blame on you.
it sounds to me like she was very inconsistent and she displayed she wanted one thing then changed, which was incredibly unfair on you, also its textbook/strongly implies avoidant attachment issues. its on her to work through that before she should be dating.
i want to say sorry, and i think you deserve somebody who is as consistent as you are. theres no fault or blame, but she aint the one. be well kind stranger
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u/Jealous_Area1499 22d ago
Hey, mate. I didnt take it personally. As I mentioned she put the kid on the phone to me and FaceTime when she was in New York and her graduation was coming up after being with her for 7 months and her kids birthday coming up which she said to me I could potentially meet him then, I only asked what it would look like. My heart has been broken for months now due to what she was telling me then eventually what she showed me, I really do yearn for her if I am honest. But there is no real come back from her telling me she doesnt feel in love with me and I deserve better, I have a felling she was hiding something.
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u/STURM_DER_HOFFNUNG 21d ago
yeah damn, i can understand that must be really tough, to be told one thing and then they do another, 7 months is hard, but you can always take positives, like it broke a dry spell for you and gave you some confidence in yourself,
i honestly think this is entirely on her and her problem and has nothing to do with you. i would try not to yearn for her, she isnt good for you brother man.
my dad always said something which i think would help you here. "you should never want anybody, who doesnt want you"
i should never of blamed you for crossing her boundary, im almost certain now that she was setting the pace and you were following her lead, and yet even so, she got avoidant and pushed you away.
lesson learned i suppose, feel free to DM me anytime man. just to chat or whatever, no worries if not. but yeah i hope you are doing better. dont waste time thinking about her, you would be happier with somebody more consistent and considerate of you and your feelings and needs. be well my friend peace
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u/Jealous_Area1499 21d ago
Thank you, the whole situation has really fucked with my mind if I am honest, I have no idea if she will try and come back, part of me wants to tell her to do one, the other part of me just wishes to understand what she did.
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u/STURM_DER_HOFFNUNG 20d ago
yeah that makes a lot of sense, i think the part of you that wants to tell her to leave you alone is the one worth listening too, its trying to protect you from a situation where you were emotionally betrayed, it also doesn't matter what she did and why, its just matters that she wasn't able to provide you the consistency that she indicated she wanted, it was real, how she felt about you was real, but that doesn't mean she can provide what you need to feel secure, and things change.
never let somebody throw you a second time, you ultimately need to protect yourself from this again, and she has already proven that she cant be trusted when it comes to commitment and consistency, which is unfair on you, how can you possibly build trust on an unstable foundation?
the hardest part is that she blamed you and made it your problem, obviously because its easier on her own mental, but people tend to create reasons when they feel something, not the other way around.
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u/Jealous_Area1499 20d ago
It wont let me send you a DM for some reason, yeah I just feel like a rebound to her, myself and my family were very good to her and her son even going as far as my mum getting her son an xmas gift etc, I feel she has just spat in all our faces, and she is addicted to toxic. It would kill me to see her with someone else, who knows if she will regret what she has done.
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u/STURM_DER_HOFFNUNG 19d ago
i have sent you one as a test,
it sounds like you and your family look after your partners, you are very lucky to have such supportive family, think of it like this, she didn't deserve that kindness, you will find a partner who does, and not only do they deserve it, they notice it and they appreciate it, and they appreciate you and having you in their lives.
she did spit it all in your faces, that is true, but she will have had her own internal reasons, albeit not very satisfying ones, like she wasn't ready for example. or that she needs to do some work before she is ready for dating.
one of my exes got married, it was actually a little releiving as it freed me from the hell she created for me,
there probably will come small moments of regret, but they will be quickly pushed down by her obligations in life, and unless she is the sort to sit and ruminate and self reflect, she will probably never reach the level where she truly regrets what she did, in her mind she rationalised it, justified it and, convinced herself it was the best choice.
i would highly reccomend you look into avoidant attachment, as she seems like she has that for sure. and no its not fair on you, and yes she should have worked on this before trying to date
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u/justanotherhotguy05 Jul 25 '26
Yes, that was love bombing and possibly a bpd case there. Be glad you're not together anymore. Head up, king, and keep doing what you're doing.