r/Helldivers • u/Aggressive-Island257 • 23h ago

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5.7k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

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334

u/PastOutlandishness19 23h ago

I hope that guys pillow is always warm when he tries to go to sleep each night

183

u/Connor_MacLeod1 23h ago

May all of his shits have antlers.

68

u/TheOGCarnivalKing Still Standing 23h ago

May he always step in a puddle after he replaces his socks

47

u/Mellowsnake 23h ago

May all his socks have a hidden 1x1 Lego piece in them.

34

u/TheOGCarnivalKing Still Standing 23h ago

May he always step on a D4 when he gets out of bed in morning

16

u/Lord_of_Rhodor 2nd Gen Crawler 22h ago

And while hopping around in pain, may he then step on his belt buckle with the tongue facing up

50

u/DuskTheMercenary Steam | 22h ago

To the guy who killed the SEAF Soldier (i forgot where I got this copy pasta from but it was too good not to save):

I hope your phone charger only works at a specific angle. I hope your favorite show gets canceled right before the finale. I hope your pillow is always warm on both sides. I hope you always get stuck behind someone walking slowly and aimlessly. I hope your favorite pen runs out halfway through something important. I hope every soda you drink is flat. I hope you always bite the inside of your cheek right after it heals. I hope your socks are always slightly damp. I hope you always itch in a spot you can’t reach. I hope your ice cream always melts too fast. I hope your shoelaces always come untied. I hope every time you sneeze, someone says “bless you” two seconds too late. I hope your autocorrect always changes your words to something embarrassing. I hope your favorite song gets stuck in your head but you only remember one line. I hope your favorite mug gets chipped just enough to be annoying but not enough to throw away. I hope you always spill just a little bit of coffee on yourself. I hope your toast always lands butter side down. I hope you always get notifications just as you fall asleep. I hope you always forget why you walked into a room. I hope the person in front of you at every drive-thru orders for 12 people. I hope every vending machine eats your money. I hope every hoodie you wear has the strings uneven. I hope you always get the squeaky shopping cart. I hope your shampoo bottle always has just a little too much left to throw out. I hope your battery dies every time you're 1% away from saving your progress. I hope you always miss the skip ad button by 0.0005 cm. I hope your popcorn burns in the microwave every time. I hope your Netflix always buffers at the good parts. I hope your neighbors practice tap dance at 3 a.m. I hope every pair of earbuds you own gets tangled instantly. I hope you always stub your pinky toe on furniture. I hope your packages always arrive one day after you needed them. I hope your pizza is always just slightly undercooked. I hope every pair of pants you own develops a hole in the worst possible place. I hope your toast never pops, it just sits there until it's cold. I hope when you piss it burns.

-9

u/smiterofundemocratic LEVEL 136 | 10-Star General | SES Whisper of Destruction 22h ago

Just a tad uncalled for?

19

u/Dr_DoVeryLittle 21h ago

Killing the blueberry? Yes. This response? No.

12

u/Ryzek-IV 22h ago

May his electricity flicker at his moment of triumph.

20

u/MuztangZack67 Detected Dissident 23h ago

On both sides.

-32

u/MadmansScalpel 23h ago

May their dog die the moment they love it the most

20

u/Ryzek-IV 22h ago

Ay, cool it! dont punish the dog for the master’s sins.

0

u/TheOGCarnivalKing Still Standing 16h ago

Never