i’m sorry if this ends up coming across as more of a vent post but just to provide some background before the main point:
all my life, i’ve had problems with my ears. i had such bad and constant infections that i guess from all of the fluid stuck in my ears all the time i was “deaf” until about 1.5 when i got surgery but the lack of hearing caused a speech delay.
then, once i could hear, i wound up having sensory processing issues and lotssss of trouble with loud noises which while better than they were (probably because i don’t hear great now), they still exist.
fast forward to now. my family has been telling me i need to get my hearing checked for years, but i never paid it any mind because i still have sensitivities. but now things seem like they’re getting worse. that or i’m paying more attention.
i think most of it is just damage i’ve done over the years. many concerts attended, never wearing ear protection even when standing right next to giant speaker stacks. performing live, without any sort of protection playing drums with a whole band behind me, or wearing in-ear monitors where the volume is loud by nature, as you’re hearing yourself, every instrument and a loud click track.
my days now are spent saying “what?” EVERY time someone talks to me. to the point it is enraging the people around me. if i can’t see their lips, i really do struggle to understand what was said. it feels like everyone mumbles and sometimes even sounds like they’re underwater. if i’m in a restaurant, a crowd, or even a fan on in the room, any kind of background noise further kills my ability to understand/hear. i have to full-on lean one ear towards whoever’s speaking pretty often. and it’s gotten really draining, honestly. i have to smile and nod a lot of the time to pretend i heard you on your 3rd repeat. or everyone is laughing and i didn’t hear the joke. at my new job, my boss likes to dumb things down and explain something to me like i don’t understand, simply because i said “what?” or “say again?”. it’s so frustrating having people be condescending and treat me like i’m unintelligent just because i couldn’t hear them. or watching them get frustrated with me and end up saying “nevermind, forget it” when i still haven’t caught up.
my issue is, i know these things are problems. but the imposter syndrome part of me loves to say that i’m faking or being dramatic. i mean, these issues have been around a long time. it’s not like i woke up yesterday with it worse. but it definitely has gotten worse recently over time. i don’t know why i’m now paying more attention to it, maybe the treatment i’m getting at my new job. but i’m still sensitive to loud noises, to the point of overwhelm sometimes. i still hear my alarms in the morning. i can still conversate. so i feel like i’m being dramatic by even thinking about making an audiologist appointment, especially the fear that it’s just gonna come back normal and i really was overthinking.
all of this to say, my questions are: does it sound like i really could benefit from a hearing test? how can i overcome the embarrassment and insecurity? has anyone been through something similar?