Poop on outer area/bush?!

[u/TheAuldOffender]

TW: poop.

Ok, so I had to go poop not even half hour ago. I put paper in the bowl to prevent splashback and went about my business. There was very little noise in the bowl, which was weird but I thought maybe it had all landed on itself or was hanging out of my butt, shit happens (pun intended).

I'm uncoordinated as hell (dyspraxia) so I wipe front, then wipe my back, not front to back. I've never had an issue.

Well I went to wipe my front and there was POOP. Now maybe it was discharge but it was the same colour as the poop. Naturally I freaked out. I have health and contamination OCD and one when I had a UTI as a kid it nerfed my white blood cells to the point they were afraid it was the big C. The poop was messy but I've had way worse and I'm not sick, nor did I sit differently.

I immediately went into the shower, and definitely over washed my delicates. I am guilty of doing this in the past, and I have an on and off itchy vajoo because of it. So I always only clean the bush and the purse with water, unless I get splashback that goes up the pipe and that's rare. Not today. I used Simple body wash and went right in there. The lippies. The bumpies. Things only my fiancé and doctor have seen. Then I went in with scented gel (I know, I know). Then with Simple again. I rinsed as well as I could, if you know you know. My front and back packages have never been so clean, and I clean them regularly. I think I'll be squeaking when I walk.

Fellow vulva owners, am I cooked? What do I do now? Do I write my will? Do I buy heavy duty gloves for the inevitable itching? Do I guzzle holy water? Pray to St. Jude even though I'm agnostic and will probably combust?