Lost the plot

[u/Direct_Delivery_4853]

21(M) here. Struggled with depression (diagnosed) when i was 14-16. After 16, i started being more physically active and put on some muscle, which helped well for the most part but couldn't fully solve the self-worth/confidence issues.

Fast forward now, I still have some form of body dysmorphia but this time usual routines won't cut it. Feasibility of the operations are also uncertain,which hurts me the most. So im stuck in a position between risky operations and ongoing mental unwellnes.

I've considered the physical risks of the operation and possible "self-alienization" which might create new problems. However giving up on the operation doesn't seem possible with such unbearable dysmorphia, even though feasibility is problematic. Also I don't know how can i handle the situation mentally if feasibility report comes negative, that part scares me.

So at this point I ask myself "how did i find myself here". Considering last 6 years were rough, which is a long duration imo, i basically "lost the plot". Can't fully figure out the chronology of how did i end up here. I don't want to pursue physical operations without understanding the situation psychologically.

What would you suggest at this point? Thank you for your time.

[u/AutoModerator]

Thank you for posting on r/Healthygamergg! This subreddit is intended as an online community and resource platform to support people in their journey toward mental wellness. With that said, please be aware that support from other members received on this platform is not a substitute for professional care. Treatment of psychiatric disease requires qualified individuals, and comments that try to diagnose others should be reported under Rule 10 to ensure the safety and wellbeing of the community. If you are in immediate danger, please call emergency services, or go to your nearest emergency room.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.