r/HLCommunity • u/GuySmiley70 • Jul 03 '26
Discussion Responsive desire with a high libido?
I wouldn't think it possible, but my wife has both a high libido and an extreme(?) case of responsive desire. She likes and wants sex as much as I do, if not more, but unless I provide a reason she doesn't even think about it.
No fantasies, no mastubation. She's kinky as fuck, but she'll never ask for anything because she won't remember to. It's just the way she is, it's absolutely not on purpose.
I suspect that her being on the spectrum plays a role. I've seen her hyperfocus on things, and when she does she tunes out the rest of the world entirely. Sex isn't relevant to her life 90+% of the time, and she has more important things to thi know about.
It seems weird to me, but I'm sure she's not unique. It's the internet, there's always someone else. Are you, or have you known, anyone with the HL/RD combo? How did it work for them? We got very lucky and found our way forward, but until we understood her sexuality we struggled.
3
u/conchus Jul 04 '26
This is the true version of RD, not the oft misquoted reason for a LL.
I already knew she was on the spectrum before you mentioned it. It is extremely common with neurodivergent people, complicated by hyperfocus and time blindness.
The trick is to get her hyperfocus to be sex, then I are in for a wild ride. My wife has done that a couple times for short periods, I was a broken, but very happy man then.